An unhappy man: how Lincoln, Tsvetaeva, Goebbels, Kafka and Freud dealt with depression. How are unhappy people different from happy people?
Happy people don't chase happiness. They become happy because they want to be and live their lives as well as they can. Chronically unhappy people constantly try to correct this state of affairs, but that is why they fail. Happiness cannot be pursued. It cannot be found or captured. It happens when everything falls into place.
You cannot fight adversity until you find inner peace. To do this, something needs to change. Happiness is directly related to our actions, choices and thoughts. You can only feel happy when your mind allows you to. Follow your thoughts. Expand your mind and your ability to feel better.
Here are 10 things chronically unhappy people do. It is they who prevent them from improving their lives.
1. Their outlook on life is fatalistic
An unhappy person very quickly concludes that something is impossible and does not even leave a chance for hope. "People don't change", "It can't be changed", "It's over". This type of belief is self-limiting. And the main reason is fear. They keep you from trying to find an alternative, try something new, find another way to solve a problem. This type of thinking keeps people from reaching their true potential.
A closed mind won't tell effective solution Problems. So to be happy, drop all your fatalistic beliefs, be open and think positively.
2. They're stuck and can't change.
Sometimes people need a break from the hustle and bustle. They drop everything, start, for example, eating more and exercising less. This is the time when they practically do not participate in their own lives. Change means work, and that can be quite painful. Change is getting out of your comfort zone and losing control.
However, it is very important to practice change, feel the fear and conquer it - after all, this is where happiness begins. This will happen when you focus on overcoming fear rather than seeking happiness. evolution and personal growth a person bring him satisfaction, and it is this that generates happiness. Without personal development and work done, it cannot come. Unhappiness is a symptom of developmental delay. So get active and take own life into hands.
3. They don't try hard enough.
Being miserable and giving up are the same thing. To try something or not is a choice you make every day. You must try new habits, relationships, activities, foods, and new knowledge. It takes a lot of effort to find yourself at every stage of life. You must try to be the best.
Happiness is finding your passion. Your passion is what you love so much that it even hurts. Unhappy people give up too soon. They do not give themselves time and leave before they achieve results. Knowing what you're worth will give you the confidence to try again and again.
4. They judge themselves
It is quite common to hear from unhappy people: “I am such an idiot” or “I horrible man". You have to be good to yourself, and a good place to start is to stop verbally abusing yourself. Happiness comes when you are confident in yourself and your abilities. You cannot be happy if you do not love yourself. People feel this very well and treat you the same way. Design outside what you want to design inside.
Your position is a product of your thoughts, the way you feel about yourself. Treat yourself the way you would for someone you truly love.
5. They read, listen and watch dark and scary things.
Even something as simple as news can be depressing. It is very easy to find a place where you will hear about pessimism in the world and in other people. We program ourselves to believe that our lives are far better than all the creepy stories we hear every day. The problem is that when we think about something, we thereby attract these events into our lives. Sad love songs are good, but perhaps you carry them into your relationship with your loved one? What happens if we surround ourselves with funny, happy things?
Change your thinking. Decide how you want to feel and enter a happier world.
6. They care what others think
It is impossible to be happy if you spend hours thinking that someone might judge you. Find out what you personally think, and only care about that. Feel the strength in your beliefs, this will help you stand your ground when others start to judge. It takes a lot of introspection to understand the real you, so don't waste time on what others have to say.
7. They are defensive
Instead of controlling life, unhappy people are themselves controlled by it. If you live in a defensive position, you will never feel happy. Don't take anything personally. Accept the truth. And learn to live with it.
Be open to risk, get creative and work on something. Small achievements are part of big ones.
8. They are passionate, proud and stubborn
Unhappy people like to do things their own way. When making assumptions, they are always sure that they are right. But pride is another barrier to happiness. It must be tested and conquered. Pride is selfish, but happiness is disinterested. You must be open to alternative ideas and solutions. If something doesn't work, find another approach.
Being humble has a lot to do with being happy. Do something different if you want to change the result.
9. They find it difficult to part with anything.
Bad relationships, sad memories, the past material values, unfinished projects, unfinished assignments, mess, feelings, resentment... the list is endless. Whether it's changing priorities or clearing the mind, there should always be room for effort to let go of the old and make room for the new.
By holding on to the past and looking back, you are preventing happiness from creeping into your life. The best things happen to those who hold on to nothing. Let go of control and just watch everything fall into place without any effort on your part. Have faith in what is above you.
10. They take themselves too seriously.
If you can't humor your own efforts or circumstances, then you're taking yourself too seriously. Learn to laugh at yourself and others. Don't be the person who overdoes it. Narcissism appears when you believe that only your efforts can lead to a result. But it's a lot of pressure. Learn to be humble and accept help from others.
Life is too short to be taken too seriously.
Don't feel sorry for the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and especially those who live without love
J. Rowling "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows"
My story will be different from most answers to this question: there are no deaths, no disability, no what we used to consider a tragedy. I write as IMHO, if you like.
This guy was introduced to me by my best friend in the spring of the past year: he said that he good man, he has known him for a long time, etc. etc. Then we went to barbecues together, although even then something alarmed me.
What exactly was worrying me, I realized after a month or two, when I came to a meeting in the very center of the city, where many of my friends hung out. At first, we talked quite calmly with him, but then it was as if he had been replaced: he began to almost throw his fists at me, being unable to explain what exactly I had done to him (and did).
Then in conf in one of social networks, where the participants of the above-mentioned gatherings were, he continued to express threats against me, but not only: it seems as if he took up arms against the whole world; like everyone he knows owes him something. In general, in none of his messages, in any of the phrases he uttered, I saw something sincere, something positive; it seemed as if the snow queen had pierced his heart, brain and other organs and was waiting for him to form the word "Eternity" from the pieces of ice. At first, I was trying to declare his threats in the right place (because it draws on one of the articles of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation), but something stopped me.
Just the other day, I removed him from the black list and decided to make peace, because it’s still unsuitable to enter into New Year with conflict and resentment. At first, he seemed to treat me favorably, but then we again touched on those episodes of six months ago, after which it became clear what it was about me that infuriated him: you see, my voice is too loud, it "makes him angry" and he "gets rid of what you don't like." I tried to explain to him that the peculiarities of my speech are my nature and the result of the profession that I am mastering; after all, I don't have to meet the needs of every person I meet. But he did not give up: being 3-4 years younger than me, he continues to think that he can manage my life (I immediately recall Woland's monologue about lung sarcoma and the tram from The Master and Margarita). As a result, we pampered yes on the same ass and sat down.
I understand: there are thugs like the gang that attacked me about two years ago in the south-west of Moscow in order to rob me; there are weak-minded people who need the help of a doctor; there are teenagers who have been involved in crime almost from childhood on the basis of the "theory of broken windows"But this guy... He doesn't look like any marginal, gopnik or redneck at all.
At the XIX World Festival of Youth and Students, I saw thousands of bright, talented young people and girls. I still want to believe that our youth will really be able to make a worthy contribution to the development of our country. That is why I feel sorry for this guy: his abilities, his energy can be directed to a peaceful direction, and he is fighting people like me - people who do not harm him in any way and do not intend to do so. If his world comes down to just this, then he really is unhappy.
Incredible Facts
We all strive for happiness. So we need to remember two things: life is short, and misfortune makes life difficult for us.
Our habits largely influence how we life we live.
It has long been known that not happy people get sick more often and live less. Unhappy people are more difficult to communicate and work with.
Sometimes we ourselves do not notice that we are unhappy, trying to put a good face on a bad game.
Do not deny the obvious, but it is better to talk with a close friend or ask for help.
unlucky man
1. Wait for developments.
The phrase "I will be happy when..." is one of the most common traps that unhappy people fall into. The end of the sentence can be anything: when I find Good work, I will receive a high salary, I will find a soul mate and so on.
With this attitude, we can live our whole lives chasing illusions.
All these events that we are waiting for give only a temporary feeling of happiness, but very quickly turn into ordinary ones, and we, as before, feel unhappy. Instead, learn to feel happy in the present, as no one guarantees the future.
2. Spend a lot of energy and effort on acquiring material things.
An interesting fact: people who lived in poverty experienced a noticeable increase in happiness when their financial situation improved. However, this feeling quickly disappeared after incomes reached a certain point.
Research confirms that material things do not bring happiness. When we dedicate our lives to chasing things, we very often become unhappy, because when we get them, we feel disappointed and realize that we gained them at the expense of real values, such as friends, family, and our hobbies.
3. Stay home all the time.
When we are unhappy, we try to avoid people. But at the same time we do big mistake because communication, even if we do not like it, has a positive effect on our mood.
We all have days when we don't feel like getting out of bed and talking to someone. But if this is repeated from time to time, such behavior begins to destroy our mental state.
Try to go out and at least occasionally communicate with people, and you will notice the difference.
4. Consider yourself a victim.
Unhappy people tend to live with the mindset that life is difficult and out of their control. The problem is that with this way of thinking, a person has a feeling of helplessness, and in such a situation, he is unlikely to take any action to correct the situation.
While we all experience sadness from time to time, don't let it affect your outlook on life. You are not the only one who has bad luck, and you can control your future if you take action.
5. Pessimistic.
Nothing generates a sense of unhappiness more than a pessimistic outlook on life. Often negative attitude affects not only our mood, but can also turn into a fulfilled prophecy.
If we expect something bad, that bad thing may eventually come true. It is difficult to get rid of pessimistic thoughts until a person realizes how illogical they are. Look at the facts and you will understand that everything is not as bad as you think.
6. Complain often.
The complaint itself is problematic, as is the behavior that precedes it.
When we talk and think about the bad, we unwittingly confirm negative attitudes. Of course, it is important to talk about what worries us, but there is a fine line between productive complaints and those that create a feeling of unhappiness.
In addition to feeling unhappy, the habit of complaining often pushes people away from you.
Why is a person unhappy?
7. Making a big deal out of problems.
Bad things happen to everyone. The only difference is that happy people try to perceive them as temporary bad luck, while unhappy people see all failures as yet another confirmation that life is cruel to them.
If on the way to work happy man got into a light accident, he will be upset, but he will say: "It's good that something more serious did not happen." The unfortunate person will consider that this case is proof that the whole week, and maybe his whole life, did not work out.
8. Brush off problems.
Happy people are responsible for their actions. When they make mistakes, they admit them. Unhappy people are afraid of problems and mistakes and try to hide them.
But problems have one property: when we avoid them, they tend to snowball. The more you put off solving the problem without trying to do anything, the more you feel like a victim.
9. Don't try to be better.
Because unhappy people are often pessimistic and don't feel like they have control over their lives, they tend to sit back and wait for things to get better.
Instead of setting themselves goals, learning and improving themselves, they just stay in one place and wonder why nothing changes.
Happiness comes in different forms and sometimes it is difficult to feel right away. On the other hand, misfortune is always easy to identify.
Misfortune is deadly for everyone. And for the unfortunate, and for the people around him. Terman's famous Stanford study lasted eight years and found that being around unhappy people was associated with poorer health and shorter life expectancy.
Life circumstances have little to do with happiness, because happiness is the result of habits and outlook on life. Psychologists at the University of California who study happiness have found that genetics and life circumstances determine only about 50% of a person's happiness. The rest depends on the person himself.
“The constitution gives people the right to happiness. But you have to catch it yourself." - Benjamin Franklin
10 habits of chronically unhappy people
When people are unhappy, it's much harder to be around them, let alone joint work. The feeling of unhappiness causes a person to fall into a vicious circle that keeps him from achieving everything that he is capable of.
And happiness is determined by habits (in thoughts and deeds), so you need to carefully monitor them to make sure that they do not drag you into the abyss.
Some habits lead to more unhappiness than others. There are ten habits to be especially wary of.
1. Expect the future
Convincing yourself: “I will be happy when …” is one of the most destructive habits. The way the statement ends doesn't matter of great importance(this could be an encouragement, big wage or new relationships). Because of this, a person begins to pay too much attention to circumstances, and the improvement of circumstances does not lead to happiness.
Don't waste time waiting for something that seems to affect your mood. Instead, focus on being happy right now, in the present moment.
2. Spending Too Much Time and Effort Buying “Things”
People living in extreme poverty experience happiness when their financial situation improves. There is a large number of research that shows that material things don't make you happy. The habit of chasing things eventually leads to dissatisfaction with life, disappointments.
Friends, family and hobbies can make you happy.
3. Avoid people
When a person feels unhappy, there is a temptation to avoid the company of other people. This is a huge mistake as communication is great for lifting the mood.
Each of us has days when we want to be alone and not talk to anyone. When this behavior becomes a trend, it destroys the mood.
4. Feel like a victim
Unhappy people tend to think that life is both difficult and uncontrollable. In other words, "Life is hard for me and there's nothing I can do about it." The problem with such a philosophy is that it reinforces the feeling of helplessness, and people who feel helpless are unlikely to take action to improve things.
Remember: You are not only person to which bad things happen and everyone has the ability to take control of their future. You just need to take action.
5. Pessimism
Nothing feeds unhappiness better than pessimism. The problem with a pessimistic attitude, besides the fact that it is highly dependent on mood, is that it is realized in life: if a person expects bad events, then most likely bad events will happen.
Pessimistic thoughts are difficult to discard until you realize for yourself how illogical they are. Force yourself to look at the facts and you will see that things are not as bad as they seem.
6. Complain
Complaining is a self-reinforcing behavior. Constantly talking - and therefore thinking about how bad things are - confirms one's negative beliefs.
Talking about things that bother you can make you feel better, but there is a fine line between complaining and trying to pinpoint the source of the problem.
7. Exaggerate
Bad things happen to everyone. The difference is that happy people see them as a temporary failure, while unhappy people see it as yet another proof that their lives are a complete nightmare.
8. Avoid problem solving
Happy people are responsible for their actions. When they make a mistake, they continue to be in control of themselves and the situation. On the other hand, unhappy people find problems and mistakes threatening, so they try to hide them. Problems tend to get bigger when they are ignored.
The more you do nothing to solve the problem, the stronger the feeling of helplessness and inability to determine your life.
9. Sitting difficult hands
Because unhappy people are pessimists and lack control over their lives, they tend to sit back and wait for life to happen to them. Instead of setting goals, learning and improving themselves, they just keep waiting and then wonder why nothing in life is changing.
10. Compare yourself to others
Jealousy and envy are incompatible with happiness, so if you're constantly comparing yourself to others, then it's time to stop. In one study, most subjects said they would do well with less affluence, but only if everyone else's affluence also declined.
Beware of this kind of thinking as it will not make you happy and more often than not has the opposite effect.
Happy people don't seek or achieve happiness, they just become happy. And chronically unhappy people manage to create an aura of negativity around themselves and experience 33 unhappiness at the same time. You will not be able to “fix” your failures if you do not expel your apathy, weak will, pessimism and inaction from yourself. Happiness is very powerfully connected precisely with our actions, thoughts and choices. Happiness is in the head. Fix your good thoughts. Reboot your head - or better yet, tear down the old system and install a new one. And check yourself for the following symptoms, which are unique to chronically unhappy people.
1. They have an absolutely fatalistic outlook on life.
Unhappy people give up quickly, not even giving themselves a chance: “I'm powerless”, “this can't be fixed”, “boss, everything is lost”. This kind of thinking limits and man goes through life, driven only by fear. Fear keeps him from looking for alternatives, new paths, new solutions. And fear kills all his potential.
2. They are stuck in a routine and resist any thought of change.
People should be distracted from the hustle and bustle of life. Sometimes you need to step aside and become a spectator, not a participant. Change means effort, effort means pain and discomfort. Yes, this is the most painful way out of your comfort zone. This is the very first stage where you are not focused on finding happiness, but on overcoming fear. But it's critical.
3. They don't try at all
The state of eternal unhappiness is tantamount to surrendering one's positions and complete surrender. And this choice you make every day instead of discovering something new for yourself: new habits, new relationships, new activities, new products, new knowledge. Why not try to find yourself at every stage of your life?
4. They self-deprecate
"I'm such an idiot." "I can't do anything!" Can't you be good at least for yourself? Happiness is born from inner faith in one's own strength. Your attitude towards yourself is a product of your thoughts, and negativity turns you into a truly worthless and incapable person. Does that suit you?
5. They surround themselves with depressing things.
Chronically unhappy people literally revel in all the gloomy and depressing things in the world around them. They read sad books, watch scary shows and collect bad news. In fact, they convince themselves that everything around is bad, very bad. And, of course, they program themselves to attract all this bad stuff into their lives.
6. They care a lot about what others think.
It is impossible to be happy all the time tormented by questions about what others think and say about you, although only you yourself should think and take care of yourself, not at all worrying about the opinions of others. Low self-esteem and lack of confidence is the main diagnosis.
7. They always have a defensive, protective reaction to everything.
Instead of guiding their lives, unhappy people let life dictate them. It is hardly possible to live happily ever after being on the defensive, so don't take anything too personally, but respond appropriately to the truth. Be open, learn to take risks, take chances and break all your inner barriers.
8. They are characterized by pride and reckless stubbornness.
Chronically unhappy people want to do things their own way, and stand up for being right even when they're wrong. Pride and stubbornness is another barrier that, fortunately, can be destroyed. Open yourself up to alternative ideas and solutions. If something doesn't work, don't be afraid to try a new approach.
9. They cling too tightly to the past and the obsolete.
Toxic relationships, sad memories, past hurts wealth, unfinished projects and tasks - the list is endless. In order to make room for the new, you need to let go of the old and conduct a complete audit, inventory, and, if necessary, disinfection and detoxification.
10. They take themselves way too seriously.
If you do not know how to laugh at yourself or circumstances, then you do not feel real life. Again take a step to the side, look at the picture from the side and understand that a too serious, pompous person, creating the appearance of being very busy and incredibly important, looks funny.