Jewish phrases. The best Jewish proverbs and aphorisms
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: A Jew will never believe in the divinity of another Jew.
Anne Frank:
For everything a Christian does, he is personally responsible. All Jews are responsible for what a Jew does.Mikhail Turovsky:
History repeats itself. It happens more often with Jews!Mark Twain :
All nations dislike each other, but all together they hate only Jews.A.I. Kuprin:
Every Jew is born into the light of God with the destined mission of being a Russian poet.Oliver Stone:
Jews dominate the funds mass media and use the tragedy of the Holocaust for base purposes. They made Hitler a historical scapegoat, even though he brought more evil to the Russians.Zeev (Vladimir) Jabotinsky:
I find that the Jews have not yet given anything to Russian literature, but whether they will give much in the future, I don’t know.Zeev (Vladimir) Jabotinsky:
When Jews rushed en masse to create Russian politics, we predicted to them that nothing good would come from this either for Russian politics or for Jewry, and life proved us right. Now the Jews rushed to create Russian literature, the press and the theater, and from the very beginning we predicted with mathematical accuracy the collapse in this field as well.Alexander Rosenbaum:
For example, I always find it funny to fellow tribesmen who suffer from an inferiority complex and perceive the word “Jew” as obscenity.Anatoly Wasserman:
According to my passport, I am listed as a Jew. Therefore, I need peace and tranquility in a country that, since the time of Bogdan, during any unrest, also slaughtered Jews.Mikhail Zadornov:
When Russian people blame Jews for all their troubles, I want to tell them: “Don’t judge Zhvanetsky by Berezovsky!”Sergey Lozunko:
What is the main problem of the Jews? Among them there is too large, I would even say an abnormal percentage of talented people.Babel:
Odessa is a very nasty city. Everyone knows this. Instead of “a big difference” they say “two big differences” and also: “this way and that.” It seems to me that a lot of good things can be said about this significant and charming city in Russian Empire. Think - a city in which it is easy to live, in which it is clear to live. Half of its population are Jews, and Jews are a people who have mastered several very simple things very well. They marry in order not to be lonely, they love in order to live for centuries, they save money in order to have houses and give their wives astrakhan jackets, they are child-loving because it is very good and necessary to love their children. The poor Jews from Odessa are very confused by governors and circulars, but it is not easy to dislodge them from their position, it is a very old position. They will not be shot down and they will learn a lot from them. To a large extent, their efforts created the atmosphere of lightness and clarity that surrounds Odessa.Have you ever thought about what real Jewish humor is? What is its highlight and where did it come from? This article describes in detail all the features and history of the development of the comic type of jokes about Jews.
A little history and a few facts
The very concept of humor is not difficult to define; it is a certain category of jokes, stories and anecdotes in which several characters find themselves in a comical situation. However, Jewish humor is more than just ordinary jokes. Russian word"Chochma" in Hebrew means "wisdom". This is not a mere coincidence, because true Jewish humor is meaningful and presupposes a good knowledge of Judaism. Many Jewish jokes make fun of stupid rabbis, and in order to understand the joke, you need to know many biblical stories.
The main characters are the legendary Jewish jokers: Hershele, Motke Chabad, Ephraim Greidinger. The prototype of Herschele actually existed; he lived in the 18th century and was known as a poor drinker and a caustic wit.
Nowadays, the concept of Jewish humor has changed a lot. The original meaning of humor has almost lost its essence. Now this type of humor is perceived as something very light, understandable and almost always ridiculing the lack of education and naivety of ordinary Jews.
What is special about Jewish jokes?
A distinctive feature of Jewish humor is self-irony and complete ridicule of all weaknesses, not only Jewish people, but also of all humanity. Many Jewish jokes require the listener to have a certain knowledge of the history of the Jewish people. And its history is full of tragedy (after all, it was Jews who very often became victims during world history), therefore, in many jokes, in addition to the main funny and ridiculous load, a certain second meaning appears, in which the representatives of this nationality themselves find accurate and witty answers and solutions to many life difficulties.
The most popular topics of Jewish jokes and anecdotes
There are several main topics on which many different jokes have been invented. Perhaps one of the most popular are everyday jokes. They describe small stories that occur in the everyday life of an ordinary Jew. Such Jewish jokes sparkle with wit, are full of all sorts of tricks and show the attitude of Jews to their history. The Jew appears to us to be self-critical and is often the object of ridicule, which in itself makes jokes absurd.
There are other topics, but they are more specific and require knowledge of biblical texts and many other characteristics and traditions of the Jewish people. For example, Jews often ridicule the stupidity of uneducated rabbis, but without crossing the boundaries of blasphemy and the Talmud. This is the essence of subtle Jewish humor; it is full of wit, originality and contains the wisdom and traditions of the Jewish people.
And winged sayings
Let's figure it out. Many Jewish jokes were very popular during the Soviet era, some of them were transformed, and quotes from the jokes are still used by us today. Here are sayings that everyone has heard at least once in their life.
- Do you think I'm silent? I just don't say anything!
- God protects us from bad women, but we must protect ourselves from good ones!
- If life doesn't improve, it means it's getting worse.
- - Do you have Jews in your family? - No, I am alone!
Varieties of Jewish humor
Like any joke, a Jewish one has the ability to change and adapt to the rules of a particular country or place, as well as the people who live in it. Due to some historical factors, it so happened that in Odessa there lived a large number of Jews And, of course, they were the founders of the so-called Odessa humor. The peculiarity of Odessa jokes is that they make fun of the greed of Jews. Almost every joke very wittily emphasizes the fact that all representatives of a given nationality love money, that they are all cunning and greedy.
Here are striking examples of Odessa humor:
Why do Jews have such big noses? - Because the air is free!
What does love at first sight mean? It's like buying shares without looking at the stock price!
The customs officer asks the Jew: “Where did they come from?”, to which the Jew answers him, “Where are the profits, what are you talking about?! Only losses...”.
Cosmetics made from Dead Sea mud. Finally, the centuries-old dream of the Jews - to make money from dirt - has come true!
Odessa humor
Odessa Jewish humor very often praises the resourcefulness and special worldview of Odessa Jews. Due to the fact that Odessa has a special dialect (a very rich, colorful and colorful language), all jokes seem even funnier, and quotes and many phrases have already become popular. Odessa residents carefully preserve their culture and pass on everything from generation to generation famous aphorisms and jokes. The phrases “Humor for Odessa!”, “We have something to say” also appeared here.
Let's read the best Odessa jokes, in which Rabinovich, Solomon Markovich, Sara Abramovna, Moisha and others often appear as the main characters.
- A visitor asks an Odessa resident:
- You don’t know how to go to Privoz?
- Ha! And he also asks... How to go to Privoz? With money! - Roza Moiseevna believes that no husband can spoil a real Odessa woman!
- - Oh, Sarah, today I slipped and fell on the stairs, breaking my chin.
- Don’t be upset, Monya, you still have two more! - - I do apologize, but where did they send you so much that you came here?
- - Sarah, can you imagine - this scoundrel left me, and I was left alone with my husband.
- - Monya, how is life?
- I think the flies would like it. - - Hello Itzik, how are you?
- Yes, I’m going on vacation.
- With Sarah or on vacation? - - Sorry for calling so late, Solomon Avraamovich.
- You’re not too late, Sofochka, but you’re in vain! - - Monya, turn on the TV. What if they say that life is good here, but we don’t know...
Modern Jewish humor
Nowadays, many Jews joke about topics that were previously taboo. For example, for another 50 years it was not customary to joke in a dark way. Black humor involves making jokes about death, illness and suffering. Here is one of the most bright examples this harsh kind of humor:
As you can see, ordinary humor presupposes the absence of suffering, but behind black humor there is fear and horror. In general, black humor contains a certain secret meaning, as well as sinister forms of jokes generated by the question of the presence of evil in the world created by God.
Witty Anecdotes About Rabbinic Wisdom
Many are dedicated to Talmud teachers and rabbis. If earlier jokes were mainly about difficult things, which can only be understood if you know the biblical texts. Now there is a huge number of heretical jokes that are easily accessible and generally understandable, but they do not carry much semantic load and are at a low level of vulgarity. Let's look at examples to see exactly how these anecdotes reflect the Jewish worldview on many religious topics.
- - Rebbe, is it possible to talk to the dead?
- Of course, but they won’t answer. - Rabbi Shamesu during the service:
"Someone is snoring there. Wake him up!"
Shames: “Is it so fair? You put him to sleep, you have to wake him up!” - - Rebbe! - Moishe asks. - Save my wife, she is dying!
The Rebbe goes into the room, then returns and says:
- She's saved! I snatched the sword from the angel of death.
Happy and grateful, Moishe returns home, but then comes back. “My wife died,” he says. - What an angel of death! - the rebbe is indignant. - He strangled her with his bare hands!
Jokes about famous Jews
Epic anecdotes about the most famous Jews add a special flavor to Jewish humor. The main characters of such jokes are famous personalities, academicians, composers, writers, pianists and even doctors. By the way, it should be noted that Jews are a very talented people, possessing inexhaustible mental power and a great ability to study hard. Jews have always been a very educated, disciplined and wealthy nation, so jokes about famous Jews They do not make them an object of ridicule, but on the contrary, these anecdotes reveal the wit and resourcefulness of the Jews.
- One writer says to his colleague:
- Since the last time we met, the number of my fans has doubled!
- Congratulations! I didn’t even think that you would ever get married! - A certain lady, ordering her portrait from a famous artist, anxiously asks whether the painting will be similar to the original.
- Don't worry, I'll write you more similar than you are! - Lieberman reassured her. - The famous Viennese Bovian Bela Haas complains:
- I have neither a wife nor children - and what do I get from life other than pure pleasures?
“And it will come to pass at the end of days: the mountain of the Temple of the Lord will be at the head of all the mountains... and all nations will flock to it.”
Prophet Yeshayahu 2, 2
"Love your neighbor as yourself"
Torah, book Vayikra 19, 18
“Enjoy life with the wife you love all the days of your busy life, given to you by Him.”
King Shlomo, Kohelet 9, 9
“Although selfishness is a passive and not an active evil, it can lead to dire consequences. Therefore, the Talmud calls selfishness one of the most serious sins."
Rabbi Shimshon Refael Hirsch, "Thoughts and Aphorisms"
“If not me for myself, then who for me? If I am only for myself, then what am I? If not now, then when?”
Pirkei Avot 1, 14
“If you feel that you are seething with indignation and are ready to express your grievances with anger to the one who caused this indignation, know that doing so is prohibited. No matter how righteous your anger may be! »
Rabbi Zelig Pliskin, from the book “Take Care of Your Speech”
“Even the one who has already paid the victim what is due must ask for his forgiveness. Even one who has offended his neighbor only with words is obliged to ask to be forgiven."
Rambam, Mishneh Torah, Laws on the basic principles of the Torah 2, 9
“He who desires life, who loves longevity to see good, guard your tongue from evil.”
Tehillim 34, 14
“Who is the righteous? The one who finds an excuse for every person."
Rabbi Levi Yitzchak of Berdichev
“You need to think carefully about every thing that you are going to say to a person: can you say it or not? Won't this cause quarrels? Will it be understood?
Rabbi Yitzchak Zilber
“Every person, whether Jew or non-Jew, man or woman, servant or maid, can bring the Divine Presence closer to himself, each according to his own deeds.”
Tana Dvei Eliyahu Raba 9
"Secret happy life is that each spouse tries to make the other happy. But when one constantly demands something from the other, they will never see happiness.”
Rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer Desler
“He who feels secure in this world is a stranger in heaven. And vice versa"
Rabbi Yechiel Mihl of Zlochev
“He who causes another to turn pale with shame in public has no share in the Hereafter.”
Pirkei Avot 3, 15
“The heart of the wise is in the house of mourners, and the heart of fools is in the house of gladness.”
King Shlomo, Kohelet 7, 4
“Man is given two eyes. One is to see your shortcomings, and the second is to see the virtues of your neighbors."
Rabbi Meir of Premyshlan
“Slander kills three people: the one who speaks, the one who believes the speaker, and the one about whom it is spoken.”
V. Talmud, Erhin 15b
“If a person tells things that, if made public, could cause physical or moral harm to his neighbor, or simply cause him inconvenience, or frighten him, this is slander.”
Rambam, Laws of Deot, chapter 7, law 5
“Parental self-improvement is the essence of preparing for successful parenting”
Rav Noach Orlovek
“Everything that Heaven does is for good”
V. Talmud, Berachot 60b
“Love those who reproach and hate those who praise, for these will lead you to life in the world to come, and those will kill you from the world.”
Avot de-Rabi Nathan 29, 1
“Charity and justice are the gates of the Torah. The reward for charity is wealth, and the reward for justice is power."
Vilna Gaon, Perfect Measure, 10
“Do not rebuke a scoffer, for he will hate you.”
King Shlomo, Mishlei 9, 8
“All service to the Almighty depends on correcting the qualities of character. These qualities are like vestments for the commandments, and they are the basis of the Torah, and all sins have their root in qualities of character."
Vilna Gaon, Even Shlema 1, 1
“A person is known in three things: in intoxication, in relation to money and in a moment of anger”
V. Talmud, Eruvin 65b
“Even someone who denied the existence of G-d all his life but repented of last minute, is awarded a portion in the world to come, as it is said: “Peace, peace to him that is far and near, said the Lord, I will heal him.”
(Yeshayahu 57, 19) » Rambam, Mishneh Torah, Laws of Repentance 3, 14
“If a person respects his father and mother, the Creator, blessed be He, says: This means that he honors Me.”
Babylonian Talmud, Tractate Nida 31a
“A person should not show cruelty by refusing to forgive the offender; you should be easy-going and not angry"
Rambam, Mishneh Torah, Laws on the basic principles of the Torah 2, 10
“Whoever gives a gift to a sage is as if he brings the first fruits to the Temple.”
V. Talmud, Ketubot 105b
“Look not at the jug, but at what is in it: it happens that a new vessel is full of old wine, and it happens that there is no new wine in an old jug.”
Treatise “Avot” 4, 27
“When your enemy falters, do not rejoice, and when he stumbles, do not allow your heart to rejoice.”
Pirkei Avot 4, 9
« Better man to do work that is foreign to him, but not to need the mercy of others.”
V. Talmud, Bava Batra 110a
“The rule of wisdom is silence. The price of a word is gold, silence is two.”
Rabbi Yehuda Ha-Chassid, Sefer Ha-Chassidim 86
“Silence is good for a wise man. And even more so - stupid"
V. Talmud, Psakhim 99
“He who loves money will not be satisfied with money”
King Shlomo, Kohelet 5, 9
"A man of many words will not escape sin"
King Shlomo, Mishlei 10, 19
“Nothing and no one here on earth will frighten me: not an angel, not even an angel of fear. But the beggar's complaints make me shudder."
Rabbi Huneh of Koloshitsy
“What has been is what will be, and what has happened is what will happen, and there is nothing new under the sun.”
King Shlomo, Kohelet 1, 9
“To be afraid of sin is to be afraid of sin, not of punishment”
Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Kotzk
“Why do fingers look like pegs? So that a person, having heard something unworthy, would plug his ears with them.”
Talmud Ketubot 5
“For he who is in the shadow of wisdom is also in the shadow of wealth, and the advantage of the knowledge of wisdom is that it brings life to those who have it
»King Shlomo, Kohelet 7, 12
“Train yourself to speak softly with all people and at any time, and by this you will avoid anger - a bad trait that leads a person to sin.”
Rabbi Moshe ben Nachman, Letter to his son
"Purity of speech and good qualities character require long-term work on oneself and should become a habit, because habit guides a person.”
Chafetz Chaim, Laws of Evil Speech, 9, note to paragraph 6
“Whoever gives to the poor will not lack”
King Shlomo, Mishlei 28, 27
“When a person wants, he can get out of any mud”
Rabbi Yitzchak Zilber
“When a person’s ways are desired by Hashem, even his enemies will make peace with him”
Yalkut Mishley 16
“He who refrains from punishing his son and protects him in situations where the son deserves punishment hates his son, because in the end he will become corrupted.”
Vilna Gaon, Perfect Measure, 6
“Do not reveal to someone who loves you any secret that you are hiding from a hater, unless you have experienced the fidelity of his love many times.”
Rabbi Yehuda Ha-Chassid, Sefer Ha-Chassidim 85
“He who does not feel the pain of a woman in labor suffering on the other side of the earth as his own pain is not worthy of the name “righteous””
Rabbi Mordechai of Nesvizh
“If someone commits a crime and is ashamed of it, his sins are forgiven.”
V. Talmud, Berachot 12b
“Who do people respect? Someone who respects others"
Pirkei Avot 4, 1
37 magnificent sayings brought to us through the centuries.
"Love your neighbor as yourself"
Torah, book Vayikra 19, 18
“Enjoy life with the wife you love all the days of your busy life, given to you by Him.”
King Shlomo, Kohelet 9, 9
“If not me for myself, then who for me? If I am only for myself, then what am I? If not now, then when?”
Pirkei Avot 1, 14
“If you feel that you are seething with indignation and are ready to express your grievances with anger to the one who caused this indignation, know that doing so is prohibited. No matter how righteous your anger may be!”
Rabbi Zelig Pliskin, from the book “Take Care of Your Speech”
“Even the one who has already paid the victim what is due must ask for his forgiveness. Even one who has offended his neighbor only with words is obliged to ask to be forgiven.”
Rambam, Mishneh Torah, Laws on the basic principles of the Torah 2, 9
“He who desires life, who loves longevity to see good, guard your tongue from evil.”
Tehillim 34, 14
“You need to think carefully about every thing that you are going to say to a person: can you say it or not? Won't this cause quarrels? Will it be understood?
Rabbi Yitzchak Zilber
“The secret to a happy life is for each spouse to try to make the other happy. But when one constantly demands something from the other, they will never see happiness.”
Rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer Desler
“He who feels secure in this world is a stranger in heaven. And vice versa"
Rabbi Yechiel Mihl of Zlochev
“He who causes another to turn pale with shame in public has no share in the Hereafter.”
Pirkei Avot 3, 15
“The heart of the wise is in the house of mourners, and the heart of fools is in the house of gladness.”
King Shlomo, Kohelet 7, 4
“Man is given two eyes. One is to see your shortcomings, and the second is to see the virtues of your neighbors."
Rabbi Meir of Premyshlan
“Slander kills three people: the one who speaks, the one who believes the speaker, and the one about whom it is spoken.”
Talmud, Erhin 15b
“Parental self-improvement is the essence of preparing for successful parenting.”
Rav Noach Orlovek
“Love those who reproach and hate those who praise, for these will lead you to life in the world to come, and those will kill you from the world.”
Avot de-Rabi Nathan 29, 1
“Charity and justice are the gates of the Torah. The reward for charity is wealth, and the reward for justice is power."
Vilna Gaon, Perfect Measure, 10
“A person is known in three things: in intoxication, in relation to money and in a moment of anger”
Talmud, Eruvin 65b
“A person should not show cruelty by refusing to forgive the offender; you should be easy-going and not angry"
Rambam, Mishneh Torah, Laws on the basic principles of the Torah 2, 10
“Look not at the jug, but at what is in it: it happens that a new vessel is full of old wine, and it happens that there is no new wine in an old jug.”
Treatise “Avot” 4, 27
“When your enemy falters, do not rejoice, and when he stumbles, do not allow your heart to rejoice.”
Pirkei Avot 4, 9
“It is better for a man to do work that is foreign to him, but not to need the mercy of others.”
V. Talmud, Bava Batra 110a
“The rule of wisdom is silence. The price of a word is gold, silence is two.”
Rabbi Yehuda Ha-Chassid, Sefer Ha-Chassidim 86
“Silence is good for a wise man. And even more so - stupid"
V. Talmud, Psakhim 99
“He who loves money will not be satisfied with money”
King Shlomo, Kohelet 5, 9
"A man of many words will not escape sin"
King Shlomo, Mishlei 10, 19
“What has been is what will be, and what has happened is what will happen, and there is nothing new under the sun.”
King Shlomo, Kohelet 1, 9
“To be afraid of sin is to be afraid of sin, not of punishment”
Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Kotzk
“Why do fingers look like pegs? So that a person, having heard something unworthy, would plug his ears with them.”
Talmud Ketubot 5
“For he who is in the shadow of wisdom is also in the shadow of wealth, and the advantage of the knowledge of wisdom is that it brings life to those who have it.”
King Shlomo, Kohelet 7, 12
“Train yourself to speak softly with all people and at any time, and by this you will avoid anger - a bad trait that leads a person to sin.”
Rabbi Moshe ben Nachman, Letter to his son
“Purity of speech and good character qualities require long-term work on oneself and should become a habit, because habit guides a person.”
Chafetz Chaim, Laws of Evil Speech, 9, note to paragraph 6
“Whoever gives to the poor will not lack”
King Shlomo, Mishlei 28, 27
“When a person wants, he can get out of any mud”
Rabbi Yitzchak Zilber
“He who refrains from punishing his son and protects him in situations where the son deserves punishment hates his son, because in the end he will become corrupted.”
Vilna Gaon, Perfect Measure, 6
“Do not reveal to someone who loves you any secret that you are hiding from a hater, unless you have experienced the fidelity of his love many times.”
Rabbi Yehuda Ha-Chassid, Sefer Ha-Chassidim 85
“Who do people respect? Someone who respects others"
Pirkei Avot 4, 1
All peoples have their own special worldview, and this is best reflected in sayings and proverbs. There are many legends about the wisdom of the Jewish people, and this is all for a reason! Here are some witty Jewish proverbs on different topics, which reflect its entire essence:
Intelligence and stupidity
God gave man two ears and one mouth so that he would listen more and talk less.
Everyone complains about the lack of money, but no one complains about the lack of intelligence.
It is more difficult to remain silent well than to speak well.
Don't be sweet - otherwise they will eat you. Don't be bitter, otherwise you'll be spat out.
The deaf man heard the dumb man say that the blind man saw the lame man run very quickly.
Age
Gray hair is a sign of old age, not wisdom.
As a person ages, he sees worse, but more.
Experience is the word people use to describe their mistakes.
When spinster gets married, she immediately turns into a young wife.
If life doesn't change for the better, wait - it will change for the worse.
Money
It's not as good with money as it is bad without it.
If a problem can be solved with money, it's not a problem, it's an expense.
If charity cost nothing, everyone would be a philanthropist.
God protects the poor at least from costly sins.
When there is no money, they take on great things.
Family
Parents teach children to talk, children teach parents to be silent.
God can't be everywhere at once - that's why he created mothers
Those who do not have children raise them well.
Eggs may be much smarter than chickens, but they quickly go rotten.
Men would do more if women talked less.
Optimism
It's better to die of laughter than of fear.
God! Help me get on my feet - I can fall myself.
A person should live at least for the sake of curiosity.