Life scenarios: who am I and whose life am I living? How to change the script of your life: solving problems through metaphor

Can you describe your idea of ​​life in one metaphorical phrase? Try to fit in a couple of winged lines views on the world, yourself and the people in it? For example: “My life is a continuous struggle for the right to be first.” Or: “I’m sitting on a park bench, hoping something will happen.” As we can see, a life metaphor is a symbolic reflection of a person’s reality, inside which is hidden a whole layer of information about his character, habitual lifestyle and problem situations. Through metaphor, you can solve any problematic situation and even completely change your life scenario.

How to change your life scenario yourself

Working with a metaphor, you can determine a person’s position in the world (an active fighter, a wanderer or a victim of circumstances), as well as his reserve internal energy, is it in decline or at the limit of its capabilities? In addition, metaphors reveal a person’s inner fears, his understanding of the meaning of his life, the presence or absence of awareness (“I am a creator,” “everything that happens is a dream”). Not only is a person’s life embodied in metaphor, but metaphor itself influences his perception of life. This means that if something doesn’t suit you, you can change your position to a more flexible and life-affirming one. How to do it? First you have to get acquainted with your own motto in life.

Metaphor as a life scenario. Find your philosophy!

• "Life is an endless struggle"

Such a person perceives life as a challenge, and people as rivals who need to be attacked or defended against. There is a fierce struggle for survival, ideals, goals or one's own freedom. A person constantly experiences difficulties, does not know how to trust the world, lives in anxiety and according to the principle “either victory or defeat”!

The main questions to ask yourself are: what is the goal of the struggle; Do you play openly or partisan; Are you an experienced fighter or just started on this path? And what happens if you put the weapon aside and relax?

• "Life is like a school lesson"

If you came into the world to gain experience and learn something, most likely you perceive the world as a big school that has its own classes ( preparatory group, average students, graduates), teachers, grades and exams. Your life is divided into hard lessons, short periods of happiness and trials to move to a new level.

Think about what stage you are at now? Are you taking exams, failed the retake and are left for the second year, or are you poring over boring cramming? What skills do you want to gain?

• "Life is eternal suffering"

Such people perceive life as a punishment for past sins, a source of pain and dubious joys. They feel driven and unable to write their own script, in other words, tragic victims who drag out a miserable existence awaiting death as a savior.

If you recognize yourself in this metaphor, think about what was the turning point when life turned into hell? Isn't it time to take the reins into your own hands?

• "Life is a big game"

Are you a gambler or a sedate one? Do you know how to enjoy the game process or are you too caught up in the idea of ​​profit, which does not allow you to feel the taste of life? Is it possible to play a game back in your game, who writes the rules - you or others? Finally, what about the role you have assigned to yourself, can you change it?

• "Life is a long journey"

Consider whether your trip has final goal or do you consider yourself a wanderer without a name? Do you like to travel alone or do you prefer to go with a partner? And also look at the road, what is it like: straight, winding, full of obstacles, or covered with outlandish gifts?

Perhaps you are at a crossroads and painfully choosing where to move next? Or did they even turn off the avenue to pave their own path?

• "Life is like a dance"

If you are accustomed to the perception of life in comparison with dance, most likely you are not looking for any sacred meanings and do not think about where you are going. Your heart says that there is only music and rhythm to follow. The more beautiful the dance, the more flexible the body, the more the legs are in time, the better. The main thing is not to stop and not to give in to fatigue; stopping is death for you. But who chooses the music?

• “Life is a symbol of movement”

Do you keep up with the movement of life or are you forced to chase, trailing behind? Do you know exactly where you are going, do you take rest breaks, or do you move quickly while you have the strength? Do you tend to follow traffic rules or break them? Do you follow the crowd or against the crowd, or maybe you have been floating with the flow for a long time without straining? If your path is only uphill, what do you expect to get at the top? Finally, how dangerous is your path?

• "Life is like a waking dream"

Do you like this dream, or does it resemble a bad nightmare that makes you feel hot? Why did you decide to escape from reality into a fantasy world, what suppressed you, did not suit you? real life What difficulties were you unable to overcome? And what will happen if you decide to wake up?

Working with metaphor: how to change the life scenario?

If your picture of the world does not suit you, it seems as if failures are following on your heels, and difficulties do not allow you to breathe, it makes sense to change your perception of life by adjusting the metaphor. And we will teach you how to do this by asking yourself guiding questions.

To get started, find your metaphor or choose a suitable description from the list above. For example: “My life feels like a swamp, I’m stuck in a rut and I feel like I can’t get out.” Check with your subconscious mind about what specific things we're talking about– about banal boredom, about piled-up problems behind which you can’t see life, or about something else? Ask yourself what feelings are boiling in your body when you are in this state - irritation, loneliness, fear or depression? The feeling itself can lead to an understanding of the roots of the problem. Think about how long ago you got into this swamp, has life always been like this, or did something serve as a trigger, marking a turning point? What was this event? Why do you continue to sit in the swamp without making any attempts to get out: is something holding you back, what benefits do you get from the current situation? Can you change something now?

By analyzing the metaphor of life, it is easy to evaluate your picture of the world and the place that you have assigned to yourself. Prepare for the fact that changing your usual life scenario is not easy; the subconscious can turn on defense mechanisms, trying to look for benefits even in a swamp. But do you need this, because this path is already known and has not brought joy. Are you looking for a blocked need in yourself, what do you really want, but forbid yourself to have? What unfulfilled desire prevents you from feeling joy?

Having finished analyzing the metaphor, try to change your life scenario, replacing it with an adjusted life model that will allow you to achieve your desired goal. Instead of the idea “my life is a boring swamp,” instill in yourself the image that you are going to interesting trip and before you is an ocean of possibilities. Repeat the new life scenario as often as possible until you feel that you have come to terms with it. Remember, nothing is impossible if the subconscious program is configured for maximum self-realization of you as an individual!

Each of us makes hundreds of choices every day. We choose what to wear today, whether to call yesterday’s stranger or wait for a call from him, whether to send our child to kindergarten or wait, whether to change jobs, homes, lives?.. And the more complex, global the choice, the more difficult it is not only for us to do - the burden of responsibility weighs on us, but the more unfree we are in our choice. It seems to us that we choose our husbands, jobs, lifestyle, but most often we simply follow an invisible script, and then we say - fate. Is it fate? Who is writing this script? Is it possible to change it - to change your destiny? And is it necessary?

1.Birth of the script

Life scenario begins to be written long before we are born. Sometimes when our mother, while still very young, decides that her daughter will definitely become a ballerina, or our father has been dreaming since childhood of a family business that will be passed on from generation to generation. Sometimes when at birth we are named in honor of grandmothers, great events or great compatriots, the burden of this name will accompany the child all his life. But most likely the brightest pages of our life script will be written in the first five years of life. It is at this age that the notorious “can and should” and “bad, impossible” are imprinted in children’s memory. Already from these young years, the child subconsciously knows at what age he will start a family, how many children he will have, what kind of husband she will have, and what his wife will be like, he knows that he needs (or doesn’t need to) study a lot, work hard, trust or not trust people how a man should treat a woman, a woman should treat a man, both should treat children, and it happens that he forever finds a love for classical music or football. And all this is not so much from the words and especially the moral teachings of their elders, but from their actual behavior. And therefore, no matter how much you explain to the child that girls cannot be offended if dad beats mom, the result is predictable. Another source of absorption of life roles is the attitude of elders and peers towards the child. Those children who were loved, trusted, and believed in as children usually become successful in life. adult life. But mom’s “it’s always the same with you”, “walking trouble”, dad’s “lazy person”, “slacker” or an offensive childhood nickname can leave an unfavorable psychological brand for life. It especially often goes to unwanted children and children from single-parent families.

What's next? And then more and more new pages are added to our script. In the lower grades, we master the roles of excellent and poor students and determine our professional competence, in adolescence - one’s role in society: leader or follower, in adolescence - one’s ability to love, to be close to another person. By the age of 21, the script had already been completed. What does it mean? Can we change it? Before answering these questions, let's once again emphasize its “authors”:

• parental behavior- one of the most powerful factors that determines the family model (relationships with people of the opposite sex, raising children) and attitude towards society, operates on a black-and-white principle: if the parental model is very negative, then “I will never be like that” (which is true easier said than done), in other cases the similarity in the behavior of children and parents is striking (the so-called parental curse or blessing);
• parental attitudes towards the child– the second very important factor, to which a child is extremely sensitive in the first years of life, often determines success in adulthood according to the principle “I am as capable as my parents believe in me,” often the position of a loser has its roots precisely in these attitudes;
• peer attitude– affects throughout childhood and adolescence, but in early childhood is defined as “Who are they – other children? Am I interested in being with them?”, in adolescence – “my friend or someone else’s? Am I leading or am I being led?”, in youth – “how close can I be with another person?”, in accordance with this, we answer the question “Who am I?”;
• personal experience– these are all our successes and failures, by which we determine our capabilities and our place in life.

2. Consequences and continuation.

So, by about the age of 21, each of us has a full-fledged idea of ​​who we are, where we come from and where we are going. But that is not all. Until the age of 28, the scenario will be modified under the influence of significant surrounding events - marriage, birth of children, dramatic changes in career. However, not everyone is lucky with such significant events. Of course, it is possible that the wind of change that has burst into life will change the direction of the threads of fate, but most of us have to be fatalists and periodically repeat the notorious: “I knew it,” when divorcing our husbands or watching less worthy colleagues climb the career ladder , while you all mark time. But at this age, an important event occurs from the point of view of formation - the script becomes “yours”.

Occasionally modern science amazes us with amazing data on the discovery of more and more new genes. It turns out, according to genetic scientists, there are special genes responsible for the tendency to theft, alcoholism, and even the number of divorces. Without arguing with their scientific colleagues, psychologists put forward their own version of such an inheritance. This version is based precisely on the presence of life scenarios.

The topic of life scenarios was first developed by the famous psychologist Alfred Adler. He believed that the script is laid down during the first five years of life and then is not subject to transformation, with the exception of specially targeted psychotherapeutic work on it. He viewed the scenario as a certain way of life, which is based on one or more basic postulates, such as “I am a loser” or “the most important thing in life is a career.” In an adult, information about the basic postulate of his life is stored as the first childhood memory. Therefore, Adler developed a method for studying early childhood memories. The method is as follows:

1.Remember your earliest childhood memory. It may not be possible to remember right away, allow yourself to walk backwards through your childhood memories until you get to the very first one. If you are not sure of the truth of this memory, it seems to you that it may be your fantasy, then this is not scary. Another thing is important - it should be exactly your memory, what you remember, and not what they told you about your childhood.

2.Now that the memory is certain, focus on it. Roll it over in your head several times, try to pay attention to small parts, on all his characters. Determine, at least approximately, how old you were and where the action takes place.

3. Answer, you can even write, the following questions: Who is the main adult in your memory and what is his role? What are your desires (needs) for this memory and how satisfied are they? Do you have a goal and what (who) helps you achieve it? What is the leading emotion (mood) in your memory?

The transcript of the memory is as follows. An adult is the person who had the greatest influence on shaping your life scenario. In other words, the one whose attitudes you perceived as dogma, whose opinion about you was the main thing for forming your own opinion about yourself. Most often this is mom, dad, grandma. But sometimes a person you barely know plays the role of an adult. Then it is possible that people of this profession, social status or appearance have had a special impact on your life. Desire, emotion, goal are, respectively, your leading need in life, what you will strive for and what emotions to saturate your life with. For example, if in a memory you are sitting at a table in kindergarten and eat semolina porridge with appetite, then in adulthood you have a tendency to be an optimist, strive to satisfy life’s needs (food, sex, money, having children) and live with specific goals for today.

So, if you are losing everything all the time, it is most likely because they decided on their own that you are a confused Masha, if men leave you all the time, then perhaps you yourself don’t believe that you can be happy V family life- either because your mother was never happy, or because you have known since childhood that you are a bad girl and unworthy of happiness. There are as many problems as there are scenarios, there are as many scenarios as there are individual destinies, destinies that we write ourselves. So, don't despair. Below is not a recipe. quick solution all your problems, but a way to break the script where it leads you into a dead end, and write your own continuation. The main thing is to trust yourself and remember that the author of your life - whether you change something in it or just go with the flow - is always you.

Steps to overcome the unwanted scenario:

1. Think about whether there are events or situations in your life that are constantly repeated or have been observed in your life for a long time and do not suit you. For example: you are never offered leadership position, you are in the role of a housewife in the family, you cannot build a serious relationship with a man - at a certain stage they will inevitably collapse, all your husbands are assholes, there is a conflict with a teenage child, at the most crucial moment something will definitely happen to you, in life you – victim, etc. and so on.

2. Try to understand what this situation gives you. Even then, if what happens to you makes you unhappy or tragic, in any case why do you need this. In psychology there is the concept of secondary benefit - this is the invisible benefit of a certain, often negative situation. This benefit is most often not realized by a person, but it is precisely this that does not give the strength to break the circle. For example, a wife is constantly beaten by her husband, but she does not leave him - perhaps because such quarrels are the only opportunity to achieve intimacy between them, and the rest of the time the spouses are cold to each other. There are more complex things, for example, in the company of friends you are always the scapegoat. But perhaps this is the only role that you know how to perform, and if at some point you forgot how (I say precisely forgot how, because for one reason or another you introduce yourself into the role of a scapegoat, and others are already using what you have created way), then they would simply become unnecessary, lost in the crowd? Accepting that you benefit from something negative is always very difficult, so here are some questions to help you:

• What's good about this happening to you?
• What's wrong with this happening to you?
• What good things would happen in your life if this did not happen?
• What bad things would happen in your life if this did not happen?

3.If you have decided on the previous point, it’s time to think about whether you are ready to change something. To do this, just imagine that until today you somehow lived in this life, fulfilled some social roles. And whether you like it or not, you are accustomed to this life, accustomed to the fact that you and your family, friends, and acquaintances live this way, so you know how. Is the repair worth the trouble?

4. Even if the previous point made you think a lot, try to take the next step - to understand why this is happening, in other words, who, when and how wrote this page into your script. Try to remember when this circle first closed, or when this chain of events began. When you made this decision- or someone mistook it for you - not to be successful, happy, beautiful (or to be a loser, a victim, a bitch, eternal child...). The beginning of the article will help you with this, where the main sources of such solutions are described. Once you have decided, try to understand What is this a decision in your life? The decision “I’m not worthy of happiness” and “I’m raising the way my mother did” are different fields. You most likely will not be able to completely change your life and your scenario (especially if it is a parental scenario - that is, very early), and whether you should - after all, this is already your way of life. But you can always correct it.

5. Answer the question - what are you personally doing to ensure that this situation continues (repeats). No matter what happens, but this you allow it to happen. Try to understand - how? You can act or not act, but in any case you make some kind of choice (remember, at the beginning of the article it was said that the scenario is a predetermined choice, i.e. we make a choice without making it, this means that You can break the script only by seeing that there really is a choice and consciously making it).

6. The last step is to understand what needs to be done or not done in order for life to go in a new circle, the direction of which you will set consciously, consciously. It is in consciousness that the whole secret essentially lies. In fact, your life script will not go anywhere - it was laid down before you turned 21. But having understood it, you will take the reins of your life into your own hands, you will be able to manage it. It’s not for nothing that they say: “Whoever owns the information, owns the world.” Good luck to you on your path to self-mastery

Our life sometimes seems strange and unpredictable to us.

“Apparently, it’s not fate...”, we sometimes say, complaining about this or that episode.

But if you think about it, what is fate? Why does everything happen this way in our lives and not differently?

What scenario do we live by and who wrote it?

Our life scenario - the key to understanding what, how, when and why happens to us. Accidents are not accidental. And indeed it is. And having realized why it happens this way and not otherwise, seeing the cause-and-effect relationships, we can change our scenario.

And, therefore, change your Life...

I suggest you do practical work to identify your scenario and change it.

Scenario Tree of Your Life.

Prepare large leaf paper (at least A4) and draw a silhouette of a tree on it.

This is your Life.

And right on this sheet you make your notes.

Roots- These are attitudes received from parents in childhood. We absorb them at the very beginning of our life journey. They begin to be recognized by the child in the womb and form the basis for the formation of his existential scenario.

It could be installation type: Don't, Don't be, Don't get close, Don't be significant, Don't be healthy, Don't be yourself, Don't grow up. May relate to thoughts: Don’t think like that, Don’t think differently than me; about feelings: Don’t feel, Don’t feel otherwise, etc.

Are there any positive attitudes? Yes, sure. One of the most important: Just live and be happy. More options (reverse from negative): You are important, Love, Be loved, Achieve success, Be independent, etc.

For example.

As a child, people only paid attention to you when you misbehaved. Then everyone began to take an active interest in your affairs, needs, and actively help. And when everything stabilized, it was as if they forgot about you... It is very possible that one of the attitudes is: “Don’t be good.” Those. when I'm bad, I'm needed, when I'm good, no one cares about me.

There may be several such settings.

Think about what message your parents gave you during your upbringing? It is perceived by the child both from the words of the parents and from his actions in relation to him, another person, and the outside world.

It could be some strong family phrases like “Money is given only hard work».

Find 5-6 such messages and write them on the roots of your Scenario tree.

The soil– psychological environment.

Remember when you were growing up (and the life script is formed before the age of 7 and is “edited” again in adolescence) what environment surrounded you? What was the most important thing about it? You can take both childhood and teenage periods.

Perhaps you were the “ugly duckling” in class and the environment around you was overwhelming, you were scared and felt a sense of self-doubt constant companion? Or maybe it’s the other way around, parents always said: “You should be...”, “Have you already done your homework?” etc. And have you always felt like someone was watching you, controlling your every move? Or maybe your parents tried to make your world as interesting as possible, allowing you to be yourself. Or they constantly convinced you that you are much better than others, and the rest are just that... misunderstandings, and only you are the center of the Universe.

Think and write it down where the soil of your scenario tree is. The environment could be different, because the soil is heterogeneous in its composition.

Now pay attention to trunk is your main script process.

There are four main existential scenarios.

“I am good - the world is good”- well-being scenario. In real life, unfortunately, it is very rare.

“I am good - the world is bad”- I am the best, the rest are not smart enough, beautiful, rich, educated, etc. True, sometimes they themselves do not notice it. But what will you take from them?

"I'm bad - the world is good"- I'm not worthy of anything good. In no case can I just be lucky in life, everything needs to be achieved through hard work. Others may have happiness, luck, money, family, etc. But my destiny is to suffer. Or punish yourself by feeling guilty.

"I'm bad - the world is bad"- here I think comments are unnecessary...

Please take a detached look at which one is yours. Of course, everyone wants to say: “Oh! I have the first one! But... be honest with yourself. The main thing is to see. Don’t forget that this “grows out” of children’s attitudes (horses) and psychological environment(soil).

We write the script on the trunk of your tree.

More information about life scenarios can be found here (one of the open webinars) .

Branches- these are smaller scenarios, something that concerns some processes in your life. Regarding work, relationships, money, health, etc.

For example, the main Life Scenario “I’m bad - the world is good.” And from it can grow:

In the sphere of relationships: “Everyone good men already sorted out... so a happy marriage is not for me"

In the field of money: " High paying job- not for me. I don’t have enough experience/education/savvy/etc.”

Kidneys(from which new branches will grow) – these are your scenarios that can be. They are still in their infancy. Look into perspective what exactly can grow from these buds if you don’t change your life.

Leaves, flowers and fruits – realized goals, your achievements.

You can conditionally “divide” - the leaves are yours emotional states, flowers are your projects and plans for the future, fruits are direct achievements, what has been realized.

This work is not as simple as it might seem at first glance. Of course, it’s better to do it with a specialist, because there is a lot in our lives that we don’t see or don’t want to see. It all depends on what we want to be true.

If you do the work yourself, then it is very important to do it as if for another person, not for yourself. Emotionally you need to detach. Then you will be able to see the situation impartially, as if from the outside. And that means it’s more realistic.

It seems to me that you already understand that the most important element is the tree trunk - your existential scenario.

Is it possible to change it?

Of course you can. It's best to do this in individual work, but we would work with him during the training.

Schedule open meetings located .

I will be glad to see everyone there.

Recording of the first meeting:

But, if you decide not to go to the training, is it possible to do something about it yourself? Yes.

For example, you can draw a basket next to a tree with fruits collected from another scenario tree. These fruits will represent what you would like to receive in this life, the results of your activities. Label each fruit with what it means. What is your desire, your goal, your dream.

Now take a close look at your tree. What belief or script process prevents this fruit from growing in your life, on your tree?

Have you determined? If not, then think about what belief will help you. Draw a bud on the branch that relates to the area in which you want your goal to be fulfilled and write down this belief next to it.

Now think about how you can integrate this belief into your life? What will change? What will go differently? How important is it to you that this happens? How much does this agree/disagree with the main scenario (tree trunk). What can help you? What situations from the past tell you that this is possible?

Successful practice to you!!!

With love and gratitude

What is a life script? What impact do parenting programs have on a person’s life plan? Keys of fate - we find our main scenarios. The article “Correcting the Life Scenario” continues the posts “Freedom or Predestination?”, “How are people programmed? ”and thematically intersects with “Map of life - algorithms of fate”, “Our killers are “cockroaches” in the head”.

With this article I am opening a practical course on changing your destiny. In the materials on the topic published before there are many useful information, but there are no step-by-step practices. Over the years of work, an effective and efficient system, which I will introduce you to.

Life Scenario - Basic Programs

Psychology, psychoanalysis and psychosynthesis, as well as all applied areas with the prefix psycho, agree that the child develops initial ideas that subsequently determine values ​​and life position. In many ways, they determine fate. Some schools call them basic settings, others - by frameworks or programs.

These are the first programs that form attitudes to events. All subsequent ones, as a rule, fit within these frameworks and never violate their boundaries.

It turns out that basic programs build the boundaries of our attitude and, accordingly, behavior. It is these programs that determine the scenario of fate. The last point is worth clarifying.

Our conscious behavior can run counter to our unconscious programs. However, it will contain sabotaging elements that we most often will not even notice. These are aberrations of behavior or state, which, most likely, will cross out the opportunity to achieve the result desired by consciousness, but contrary to unconscious programs. A lot has been written and filmed about this, I don’t see the point in giving examples.

What forms the basic programs?

The framework within which we develop is a consequence of imprinting. First of all, it is a reaction to the trauma of birth and childhood physical and mental trauma. The second most important is direct and indirect suggestion at the moment of imprint vulnerability. Take a look at the diagram:

The size of the circle determines the significance of the factor.

Types of basic programs

Basic programs formed in the first years of life are aimed at survival. Psychologists identify the main group associated with human well-being in the world. These are existential positions that form all the basic values ​​and, accordingly, the worldview of the individual. A program for the well-being of yourself, your environment and the world as a whole. It can have four forms, schematically it is a matrix:

People with a position in the green and yellow square claim and achieve. In gray - they claim, but do not achieve. In red - they don’t even pretend to be. For all people, except those in the green square, fear and violence permeate the mental organization and, accordingly, fate.

Attitudes are unconscious beliefs. Accordingly, our thoughts, dreams, expectations and behavior bear the imprint of these beliefs. Sometimes obvious, but most often implicit.

The bottom two squares are for people with chronic basal anxiety. Yellow square - paranoid fears, similar to the search for conspiracies and intrigues in the environment and the world as a whole. The people in the green square make up less than 3% of the world's population.

Belief Clarification Practice

Theory must contribute to the implementation of applied tasks, otherwise it is fruitless. I'm talking about basic programs also for a reason. The exercise below is mandatory. If you skip it, working through further material is a waste of time.

Exercise “Your beliefs about people”

Step-by-step instruction:

1. Take a piece of paper and a pen.
2. Relax. The main thing is to relieve fatigue from your back and eyes, stretch, bend over, massage your eyelids. If some thoughts haunt you, remember a silly song or rhyme. Repeat it for a few minutes or focus on your breathing.

I block of questions

1. When you think about people, what is the first thought that comes to your mind?

It is necessary to write down a negative thought, and not a thought in general.

2. Second?

3. Third?

4. Fourth?

6. Sixth?

8. At what point did the negative end? Why? What came to mind?

This must be stated in detail, even if the answers are like “I can’t find the words,” “I said everything,” and the like.

II block of questions

1. Which thoughts from those written out in the first block came from childhood?

Write them down, indicate whether they were generated by your own sad experience or copied from peers, parents or relatives. We need to be clear on this issue.

2. What do you think your mother has the most negative thought about people?

Write what comes to mind. What matters is not what she thought or really thinks, but your thoughts.

3. What do you think your dad has the most negative thought about people?

4. What about your friend?

5. Let me down common denominator– write down a sentence made up of phrases that come to mind.

The next step in our program is to find out what you think about yourself.

Your beliefs about yourself

Step-by-step instruction:

1. Take the upcoming exercise with full responsibility.
2. Find at least 20 minutes of quiet time internal work.
3. Mute your phone or turn it off.
4. Take a piece of paper and a pen.
5. Relax. Relieve back and eye fatigue - stretch, bend, massage your eyelids. If some thoughts haunt you, remember a silly song or rhyme. Repeat it for a few minutes or focus on your breathing.
6. Answer questions honestly and impartially. When a person deceives others, it’s theater, when he deceives himself, it’s a clinic.
7. Don’t construct the answer, it will come on its own, almost instantly. All answers are blanks that we have used many, many times.
8. Not only thoughts are important, but also their order. Therefore, write it down immediately and clearly number it.

Questions:

1. What is the first negative thought about yourself that comes to your mind?

2. Second thought?

3. Third?

4. What did/does dad think about you?

These can be both his thoughts and your guesses about them. The degree of compliance does not matter, what matters is what you think about it.

5. What did/does your mother think about you?

6. What do your friends think of you?

7. What do your ill-wishers think of you?

These can be not only enemies, but also simply envious people, grumpy neighbors and the like.

8. What did your classmates think of you?

Be specific in at least two paragraphs.

When you write it down, switch to another activity. The answers should be left to rest. We will analyze it later.

Parental messages and life scenarios

A few words about scripts

At all times there have been people inclined to analyze reality. Some of them had extraordinary intelligence and insight. The latter became recognized sages and philosophers. These people, long before psychologists and psychotherapists, noticed that the life of every person is subject to a certain plan. It is full of patterns, which, once identified, can successfully predict the course of further events.

Nowadays, researchers have given this definition. The psychological script is the unconscious life plan, prescribing what the outcome will be and how we will get there.

A scenario in psychology is a person’s life plan, created by him in childhood under the significant influence of his parents or loved ones.

Repeated events and therefore repeated results indicate a scenario.

Eric Berne's script analysis revealed the basic scripts passed on to us by our parents and developed before the age of 12. Most schools of psychology agree that such scripts are implemented in the life of every person, whether he realizes it or not.

The degree of subordination to the script depends on the strength of the individual, his intelligence, independence and criticality of judgment. There are people whose movement through life is no different from the movement of a robot. Blind implementation of programs laid down in childhood. Other people experiment and go beyond their predefined role. Those who completely erase old scripts and write new ones on their own are few out of millions. This is impossible without knowledge and application of special psychotechniques.

The form in which scripts are placed is the basic position. We have reviewed them. The scripts themselves are statements that become commands. They become so in moments of imprint vulnerability, psychological dependence or from frequent recurrence over several years. Call a man a pig a hundred times and he will grunt.

Parents, deliberately and unconsciously, impose their expectations on the child. Learn to be such and such, work there, be friends with so and so, live like that. When such directives are insistently expressed in moments of imprint vulnerability, they become commands. The child, accordingly, becomes hostage to the parents’ models. Models that are most often inadequate to reality.

Scripts are stitched in four ways - by repeating directives and pointing to events that confirm the logic of the script, and by influencing significant information from the outside.

The first option is “Don’t imitate Vasya. His parents are rich and thieves. We are poor, but we are honest.”

An example of the second option is “I told you he was a scumbag.”

The third option is fairy tales that the child believes in.

The fourth option is cultural programming. These are national, subcultural and family scenarios:

Programming scenarios in time corresponds to this scale:

By the age of three, the cores of all life scenarios have been formed. From 3 to 7 years old, they acquire details, stick together and balance. Then we implement these scripts throughout life.

A person with a weak mental constitution will not be able to break the embedded script without outside help. Strong man capable of implementing an anti-scenario. On the one hand, this is a victory, on the other, he is forced to back side script. If we act contrary, we are still not free.

A person with a strongly expressed script acts adequately in the rarest of cases. His unconscious is based on the decisions laid down in the scenario plan. For example, no matter how much effort the poor guy makes towards financial growth, this is not included in the script. Therefore, his worldview will be distorted in such a way as to reject the right decisions, even if they lie on the surface. Moreover, he will constantly seek confirmation of the dishonesty of partners, bribery of officials, unreliability of colleagues, and so on. Naturally, he will find them in abundance.

Now we will carry out practical work on catching “cockroaches” in the head. You will think about the phrases below and write down those that are typical for you.

Exercise “My Scenarios”

Write down what you agree with. What constitutes your beliefs.

I'll never get what I really want.

I can rejoice today, but tomorrow I will have to pay for it.

Every cricket knows its nest. I know mine.

Nothing or something good will happen until I... (do this and that, for example: graduate from university, start receiving such and such an amount, meet the woman/man of my dreams, and so on).

The next article will detailed analysis your scenario depending on the answers you gave to the exercise questions. In addition to diagnostics, methods for erasing negative scenarios will be given, weak sides popular methods. Naturally, I’ll introduce you to an alternative.

Let's not get lost!

With respect and gratitude, Vladimir Darov.

Why do some people succeed in everything, while others are haunted by failures, why is the life of one a heroic epic, another a love story, and the third a pulp fiction? If you look closely at the events that happen to us, you can notice certain patterns.

Repeating events are a sign of the presence of a script in our lives, that is, a life plan that exists in the subconscious, which is formed in early childhood and gradually unfolds over many years, often against our will.

How to identify trends that indicate the presence of a scenario? I would offer several options for scenario analysis that anyone can conduct on their own, without the help of a psychotherapist or consultant.

Analyze repetitions

Let's analyze recurring events in our personal or business lives. Which of them occur against our will? Let's make a list of similar situations and try to understand what unites them. At the same time, we will try to be as objective as possible, we will focus not on assessing the behavior, intentions or character of other participants in the events (“envious”, “slanderers”, etc.), but on own actions. This will help you see certain patterns and, perhaps, understand the reason for the failures.

Take a closer look at yourself

Let's pay attention to our manner of speech, vocabulary, facial expressions, gestures. For example, a loser is usually extremely surprised by his achievements. Even if he succeeds in something, he repeats: “No, there’s something wrong here, it can’t be...” It’s as if he’s programmed to expect trouble, some kind of catch.

Winners are calm, self-confident, and love to repeat: “Victory is ours, success is guaranteed for us, next time I will do better.” The very appearance of the winner suggests that he is a successful person, and failures only mobilize him.

Remember your favorite fairy tale

The “program” laid down in childhood can be brought to light by analyzing fairy tales. Having “discovered” a scripted fairy tale, one can determine the program by which an adult lives.

The fairy tale “helps” the emerging scenario to take shape. Let's remember who was our favorite hero in childhood, what books we read until we read them. Let us remember how they tortured parents, forcing them to re-read the same thing several times. Perhaps we will find amazing similarities between ourselves - an adult, serious person - and some favorite hero. Maybe he controls our lives unnoticed by us?..

GO ANOTHER WAY

Scenario analysis is one of the ways to help a person look at his life from the outside. Then everyone decides for himself whether he needs to change something or not. You can continue to play the same role if the script is quite satisfactory, or you can take on directorial functions - rearrange the mise-en-scène, or even stage new performance with a different plot.

Getting rid of a bad scenario is not so easy. Here, according to Eric Berne, “war, love and psychotherapy” help. But we can recall other statements, for example, “saving drowning people is the work of the drowning people themselves” and “go the other way” (by the way, both of these slogans are undoubtedly scenario ones). It makes sense for a person who decides to rewrite his program to take the following steps independently.

Understand your script

Sometimes this alone makes a very strong impression on a person. He experiences an emotional shock, a flurry of emotions turns everything upside down not only in his soul, but also in his life. One day I accidentally got into a conversation with a successful businessman. He said that he always achieves his goals, but only on the third try - this was the case both when he was studying and when he was engaged in science and business. This pattern clearly irritated him. Word for word - it turned out that since childhood he liked the fairy tale “Glass Mountain”, where the hero tries to get to the princess and succeeds - but only for the third time. I explained to him the meaning of his script fairy tale, he was amazed, laughed for a long time and at that moment, apparently, parted with his script. At our next meeting, a year later, he said that he was no longer wasting time on rehearsals.

Part with unambiguous attitudes

It is important to learn to hear yourself. Let's pay attention to what and how we repeat to our child or subordinates. For example, we like to say: “You won’t succeed until...” These words carry a strong negative charge, doubt about the possibility of success. A strict condition is set: “You won’t get an A until you learn the theorems...” or “You won’t get promoted until you get an MBA.”

Such statements themselves are quite controversial. After all, you don’t have to cram theorems, but understand how they are proven, and career advancement is not necessarily related to an MBA. But the essence of scenario programming, its strength, lies in its peremptory, unambiguous nature. To understand that in fact there are many options is to find the path to freedom.

Let's try to modify and rewrite this program phrase like this: “You will do better if...” This is also the so-called “scenario with a condition,” but it is much softer. Now we can say to ourselves: “My life will become more successful when I part with the unambiguous attitudes that interfere with me.”

Deal with your “provocateurs”

Let's try to mentally review the same type, repeated against our will. unpleasant situations and evaluate your role in this horror film. What actions of ours provoke these twists of fate? Who acts as provocateurs - what words, actions? Having identified the provocateurs, you can try to change the situation and do something fundamentally new in familiar situations, at least as an experiment. After all, if we do what we have always done, then we will receive what we have always received.

Create your own set of restrictions

After analyzing recurring situations and understanding where we constantly stumble, we can draw up a certain set of rules and prohibit ourselves from participating in certain situations. For example, I know that it is difficult for me to communicate with people of a manipulative and moralizing type. By coming into contact with them, I doom myself to defeat in advance, and if I still want to achieve victory, it will come at too high a price. This means that I must make it a rule to avoid such a situation by any means or modify it so as not to step on the same rake every time.

Enter into dialogue and get “permission”

Resolution is a special procedure used by a psychotherapist during scenario analysis. When a person is freed from the script, it is like a miracle, they say: “It’s as if he was bewitched.”

Not only a therapist, but also someone from significant people, in terms of influence not inferior to the parental figure who created this program. For example, a coach, telling a timid youth: “You can do it!” But if a person is ready for transformation, even the words of a random fellow traveler can influence him. Many can remember a case when one phrase or meeting turned out to be fateful and changed their whole life.

YOURSELF A DIRECTOR?

You should not perceive the life scenario as something necessarily negative and immediately try to get rid of it.

Without scripts, our lives would turn into complete improvisation. But not everyone wants, and not everyone is given the ability to improvise; for some, it is more convenient and calmer to “play by notes.” There are people who are not given the ability to write at all - if their parents don’t write a script for them, it is unknown how they will live their lives. Therefore, for many, the script is the anchor that holds them.

A proven, tested script is a kind of panacea for surprises and troubles. And trying to break out of the script is not always successful: external world may turn out to be unfriendly, and most importantly - unpredictable. Therefore, some people feel comfortable even in unsuccessful scenarios, benefiting from them in their own way. And this is not surprising - unconsciously following the script allows you to save energy and time.

Our life path- the result of many forces. But scenario analysis is interesting because it makes it possible to look at the events of our lives from a new, unusual angle, to find an explanation for actions that are inexplicable at first glance, to break out of vicious circle recurring events.