Human life scenarios. How to change your life scenario

What is a life script? What impact do parenting programs have on a person’s life plan? Keys of fate - we find our main scenarios. The article “Correcting the Life Scenario” continues the posts “Freedom or Predestination?”, “How are people programmed? ”and thematically intersects with “Map of life - algorithms of fate”, “Our killers are “cockroaches” in the head”.

With this article I am opening a practical course on changing your destiny. In the materials on the topic published before there are many useful information, but there are no step-by-step practices. Over the years of work, an effective and efficient system has developed, which I will introduce you to.

Life Scenario - Basic Programs

Psychology, psychoanalysis and psychosynthesis, as well as all applied areas with the prefix psycho, agree that the child develops initial ideas that subsequently determine values ​​and life position. In many ways, they determine fate. Some schools call them basic settings, others - by frameworks or programs.

These are the first programs that form attitudes to events. All subsequent ones, as a rule, fit within these frameworks and never violate their boundaries.

It turns out that basic programs build the boundaries of our attitude and, accordingly, behavior. It is these programs that determine the scenario of fate. The last point is worth clarifying.

Our conscious behavior can run counter to our unconscious programs. However, it will contain sabotaging elements that we most often will not even notice. These are aberrations of behavior or state, which, most likely, will cross out the opportunity to achieve the result desired by consciousness, but contrary to unconscious programs. A lot has been written and filmed about this, I don’t see the point in giving examples.

What forms the basic programs?

The framework within which we develop is a consequence of imprinting. First of all, it is a reaction to the trauma of birth and childhood physical and mental trauma. The second most important is direct and indirect suggestion at the moment of imprint vulnerability. Take a look at the diagram:

The size of the circle determines the significance of the factor.

Types of basic programs

Basic programs formed in the first years of life are aimed at survival. Psychologists identify the main group associated with human well-being in the world. These are existential positions that form all the basic values ​​and, accordingly, the worldview of the individual. A program for the well-being of yourself, your environment and the world as a whole. It can have four forms, schematically it is a matrix:

People with a position in the green and yellow square claim and achieve. In gray - they claim, but do not achieve. In red - they don’t even pretend to be. For all people, except those in the green square, fear and violence permeate the mental organization and, accordingly, fate.

Attitudes are unconscious beliefs. Accordingly, our thoughts, dreams, expectations and behavior bear the imprint of these beliefs. Sometimes obvious, but most often implicit.

The bottom two squares are for people with chronic basal anxiety. Yellow square - paranoid fears, similar to the search for conspiracies and intrigues in the environment and the world as a whole. The people in the green square make up less than 3% of the world's population.

Belief Clarification Practice

Theory must contribute to the implementation of applied tasks, otherwise it is fruitless. I also talk about basic programs for a reason. The exercise below is mandatory. If you skip it, working through further material is a waste of time.

Exercise “Your beliefs about people”

Step-by-step instruction:

1. Take a piece of paper and a pen.
2. Relax. The main thing is to relieve fatigue from your back and eyes, stretch, bend over, massage your eyelids. If some thoughts haunt you, remember a silly song or rhyme. Repeat it for a few minutes or focus on your breathing.

I block of questions

1. When you think about people, what is the first thought that comes to your mind?

It is necessary to write down a negative thought, and not a thought in general.

2. Second?

3. Third?

4. Fourth?

6. Sixth?

8. At what point did the negative end? Why? What came to mind?

This must be stated in detail, even if the answers are like “I can’t find the words,” “I said everything,” and the like.

II block of questions

1. Which thoughts from those written out in the first block came from childhood?

Write them down, indicate whether they were generated by your own sad experience or copied from peers, parents or relatives. We need to be clear on this issue.

2. What do you think your mother has the most negative thought about people?

Write what comes to mind. What matters is not what she thought or really thinks, but your thoughts.

3. What do you think your dad has the most negative thought about people?

4. What about your friend?

5. Let me down common denominator– write down a sentence made up of phrases that come to mind.

The next step in our program is to find out what you think about yourself.

Your beliefs about yourself

Step-by-step instruction:

1. Take the upcoming exercise with full responsibility.
2. Find at least 20 minutes of time for quiet inner work.
3. Mute your phone or turn it off.
4. Take a piece of paper and a pen.
5. Relax. Relieve back and eye fatigue - stretch, bend, massage your eyelids. If some thoughts haunt you, remember a silly song or rhyme. Repeat it for a few minutes or focus on your breathing.
6. Answer questions honestly and impartially. When a person deceives others, it’s theater, when he deceives himself, it’s a clinic.
7. Don’t construct the answer, it will come on its own, almost instantly. All answers are blanks that we have used many, many times.
8. Not only thoughts are important, but also their order. Therefore, write it down immediately and clearly number it.

Questions:

1. What is the first negative thought about yourself that comes to your mind?

2. Second thought?

3. Third?

4. What did/does dad think about you?

These can be both his thoughts and your guesses about them. The degree of compliance does not matter, what matters is what you think about it.

5. What did/does your mother think about you?

6. What do your friends think of you?

7. What do your ill-wishers think of you?

These can be not only enemies, but also simply envious people, grumpy neighbors and the like.

8. What did your classmates think of you?

Be specific in at least two paragraphs.

When you write it down, switch to another activity. The answers should be left to rest. We will analyze it later.

Parental messages and life scenarios

A few words about scripts

At all times there have been people inclined to analyze reality. Some of them had extraordinary intelligence and insight. The latter became recognized sages and philosophers. These people, long before psychologists and psychotherapists, noticed that the life of every person is subject to a certain plan. It is full of patterns, which, once identified, can successfully predict the course of further events.

Nowadays, researchers have given this definition. The psychological script is the unconscious life plan, prescribing what the outcome will be and how we will get there.

A scenario in psychology is a person’s life plan, created by him in childhood under the significant influence of his parents or loved ones.

Repeated events and therefore repeated results indicate a scenario.

Eric Berne's script analysis revealed the basic scripts passed on to us by our parents and developed before the age of 12. Most schools of psychology agree that such scripts are implemented in the life of every person, whether he realizes it or not.

The degree of subordination to the script depends on the strength of the individual, his intelligence, independence and criticality of judgment. There are people whose movement through life is no different from the movement of a robot. Blind implementation of programs laid down in childhood. Other people experiment and go beyond their predefined role. Those who completely erase old scripts and write new ones on their own are few out of millions. This is impossible without knowledge and application of special psychotechniques.

The form in which scripts are placed is the basic position. We have reviewed them. The scripts themselves are statements that become commands. They become so in moments of imprint vulnerability, psychological dependence or from frequent recurrence over several years. Call a man a pig a hundred times and he will grunt.

Parents, deliberately and unconsciously, impose their expectations on the child. Learn to be such and such, work there, be friends with so and so, live like that. When such directives are insistently expressed in moments of imprint vulnerability, they become commands. The child, accordingly, becomes hostage to the parents’ models. Models that are most often inadequate to reality.

Scripts are stitched in four ways - by repeating directives and pointing to events that confirm the logic of the script, and by influencing significant information from the outside.

The first option is “Don’t imitate Vasya. His parents are rich and thieves. We are poor, but we are honest.”

An example of the second option is “I told you he was a scumbag.”

The third option is fairy tales that the child believes in.

The fourth option is cultural programming. These are national, subcultural and family scenarios:

Programming scenarios in time corresponds to this scale:

By the age of three, the cores of all life scenarios have been formed. From 3 to 7 years old, they acquire details, stick together and balance. Then we implement these scripts throughout life.

A person with a weak mental constitution will not be able to break the embedded script without outside help. A strong person is able to implement an anti-scenario. On the one hand, this is a victory, on the other hand, he is forced to adhere to the reverse side of the script. If we act contrary, we are still not free.

A person with a strongly expressed script acts adequately in the rarest of cases. His unconscious is based on the decisions laid down in the scenario plan. For example, no matter how much effort the poor guy makes towards financial growth, this is not included in the script. Therefore, his worldview will be distorted in such a way as to reject the right decisions, even if they lie on the surface. Moreover, he will constantly seek confirmation of the dishonesty of partners, bribery of officials, unreliability of colleagues, and so on. Naturally, he will find them in abundance.

Now we will carry out practical work on catching “cockroaches” in the head. You will think about the phrases below and write down those that are typical for you.

Exercise “My Scenarios”

Write down what you agree with. What constitutes your beliefs.

I'll never get what I really want.

I can rejoice today, but tomorrow I will have to pay for it.

Every cricket knows its nest. I know mine.

Nothing or something good will happen until I... (do this and that, for example: graduate from university, start receiving such and such an amount, meet the woman/man of my dreams, and so on).

The next article will detailed analysis your scenario depending on the answers you gave to the exercise questions. In addition to diagnostics, methods for erasing negative scenarios will be given, weak sides popular methods. Naturally, I’ll introduce you to an alternative.

Let's not get lost!

With respect and gratitude, Vladimir Darov.

Every person, even in childhood, most often unconsciously, thinks about his future life, as if replaying his life scenarios in his head. A person’s daily behavior is determined by his mind, and he can only plan his future, for example, what kind of person his spouse will be, how many children there will be in their family, etc. “A scenario is considered to be what a person plans to do in the future in childhood (E. Berne). A scenario is a gradually unfolding life plan that is formed in early childhood, mainly under the influence of parents.

This psychological impulse pushes great strength a person forward, towards his destiny, and very often regardless of his resistance or free choice.

Life scripts are based in most cases on parental programming, which the child perceives for three reasons: firstly, it gives life a purpose that he would otherwise have to find on his own; everything that a child does, most often he does for other people, usually for parents. Second, parental programming gives him a way to structure his time (that is, acceptable to his parents). Thirdly, the child must be told how to act and do certain things. It's interesting to learn on your own, but it's not very practical to learn from your mistakes. Parents, programming the lives of their children, pass on to them their experience, everything that they have learned (or think that they have learned). If the parents are losers, then they pass on their loser program. If they are winners, then they program the fate of their child accordingly. The long-term model always assumes storyline. And although the result is predetermined by parental programming for good or bad, the child can choose his own plot.

According to the concept of transactional analysis by E. Berne, the scenario assumes:
1)parental instructions;
2) suitable personal development;
3)solution in childhood;
4) actual “involvement” in some special method that brings success or failure.

Theater scripts are mostly intuitively derived from life scripts. The best way This is to make sense of considering the connections and similarities between them.
1. Both scenarios are based, oddly enough, on a limited number of topics.
2. A certain course of life generally has a predictable result, unless, of course, there are obstacles and obstacles on the path of life. But for a dialogue to be delivered in a certain way, it is necessary that a motivation corresponding to this dialogue be developed. Both in the theater and in real life replicas are pronounced in such a way that the reaction justifies them and further develops the action. If the hero replaces the text and the “I” state, then the partners will react differently. For example, if during a performance Hamlet suddenly starts reading lines from another play, then Ophelia will also have to change her text to make sense of what is happening. But then the whole show will go differently.
3. The script must be finalized and rehearsed before it is ready for dramatic performance. In the theater there are readings, auditions, rehearsals and a run-through before the premiere. And the life scenario starts in childhood in that primitive form called a “protocol”. There are already other performers here. They are limited in the family to a circle of parents, brothers, sisters, and in a boarding school or orphanage - to a circle of comrades and educators. They all play their roles, for each family (or Orphanage) is an institution in which the child most often does not receive lessons in special flexibility. During adolescence, a child meets a large number of people. He intuitively looks for those partners who would play the roles required by his script (they do this, because the child plays the role assumed by their script). At this time, the teenager refines his script taking into account his environment. The intrigue remains the same, but the action changes slightly. In most cases this is something of a trial run. Thanks to a number of such adaptations, the script acquires a certain form, he is already, as it were, ready for the “big stage” itself - the final act. If this was a so-called good scenario, then everything ends happily with a “farewell dinner.” If it was a bad scenario, then the “goodbye” can be heard from a hospital bed, from the threshold of a prison cell, or from a psychiatric hospital.
4. Almost every life and theater scenario has roles good people and villains, lucky ones and losers. Who is considered good or bad, who is lucky and who is unlucky, is determined very specifically for each scenario. But it is absolutely clear that in each of them these four types are present, sometimes combined into two roles. For example, in cowboy scenario the good guy is almost always the winner and the villain is the loser. The winner usually survives, while the loser dies or is punished. In scenario analysis, psychotherapists call the winners Princes and Princesses, and the losers are called Frogs. The task of the analysis is to transform Frogs into Princes and Princesses. To do this, the therapist must figure out whether the patient's script represents good people or bad guys. Next, we need to find out what kind of winner the patient can be. He may resist becoming a winner because that is probably not why he is going to the therapist. Maybe he wants to be a brave loser. This is quite acceptable, because by becoming a brave loser, he will feel more comfortable in his script, while by becoming a winner, he will have to abandon the script partially or completely and start all over again. This is what people usually fear.
5. Scenes in a person’s life script are determined and motivated in advance, just like theater scenes. The simplest example: a situation when the gas tank of a car runs out. Its owner always determines this a day or two in advance based on the meter readings; he thinks: “We need to refuel,” but... he doesn’t do it. In fact, it does not happen that gasoline will run out instantly if everything in the car is working properly. However, in an underdog scenario, it is almost always a gradual event and a sort of planned scene. Many Winners go through their entire life journey without ever “running out of gas.” If a scenario is considered to be what a person plans to do in the future as a child, then a life path is what happens in reality. The path of life is to some extent predetermined genetically (remember the concept of victimology by Ch. Teutsch), as well as the position created by the parents, and various external circumstances. Illnesses, accidents, war can derail even the most careful, comprehensively substantiated life plan. The same can happen if the “hero” suddenly enters the scenario of some stranger, for example, a hooligan, a murderer, or a reckless driver. A combination of such factors can close the way for the implementation of a certain line and even predetermine tragedy life path. There are many forces influencing human destiny: parental programming supported by the “inner voice” that the ancients called the “demon”; constructive parental programming, supported and pushed by the flow of life; family genetic code, predisposition to certain life problems and behaviors; external forces, still called fate; free aspirations of the person himself. The product of the action of these forces turns out to be different types of life paths, which can mix and lead to one or another type of fate: scripted, non-scripted, violent or independent. But ultimately, the fate of each person is determined by himself, his ability to think and have a reasonable attitude towards everything that happens in the world around him. The man plans himself own life. Only then does freedom give him the strength to carry out his plans, and strength gives him the freedom to comprehend them, and if necessary, defend them or fight the plans of others. Even if a person's life plan is determined by other people or is to some extent conditioned genetic code, then even then his whole life will testify to a constant struggle.

There are four main life scenarios:
1) “I” - good, “THEY ALL are good, life is good” - the “winner” scenario;
2) “I” is bad, “THEY” are bad, life is bad” - the scenario of the “defeated”, loser;
3) “I” am good, but “THEY” are bad, life is bad” - the scenario of an “angry pessimist”;
4) “I” are bad, and “THEY” are good - the scenario of an “inferiority complex.”
The life scenario influences the life positions that a person exhibits in his career, work, marriage, and in the sphere of human relationships. Life positions, or a person’s attitude towards a certain life, can be positive, negative; seven options for life positions can be distinguished.

1. Idealization of reality 7. Conviction
2. Failure of hopes 6. Determination
3. Challenge everything 5. Awareness (disobedience)
4. Quitting

Rice. 6.8. Types of life positions

Idealization of reality is the position of a beginner, it is characterized by expectation, enthusiasm, and the belief that literally everything will go well for them (typical of the initial stage of a career, when getting married).

When a person becomes aware of the deepening gap between exaggerated expectations and desires, on the one hand, and real circumstances, on the other, he begins to experience feelings of restlessness and anxiety, he begins to ask himself questions: “What is happening in the end? Where am I going?” ?" - these are typical signs of the “Failure of Hopes” attitude.

A period of anxiety and indecision sets in, caused by a growing fear that things will go further from worse than expected. The ongoing destruction of hopes (which, by the way, often occurs simply because of false fears and one’s own indecision) brings an increasing feeling of anxiety, irritation, anger, a desire for active rebellion, protest, the essence of which can be expressed approximately in the following words: “I think I’ll have to force them to change everything here, since no one dares to do it.” At the heart of this position of defiance is anger and defiance.

There are two levels of manifestation of an attitude of disobedience: hidden and overt. Neither is constructive, but covert disobedience is especially counterproductive in the long run. Retirement - this life position is formed when a person begins to feel that it no longer makes sense to even try to somehow change the course of things. Often people retire from work or in their family, physically continuing to supposedly take part in the activities of the team or family. People who take this position, as a rule, become grouchy, vindictive, prefer loneliness, begin to experience an increasing interest in alcohol, are easily irritated, and diligently look for the shortcomings of others. The described life position is fraught with serious consequences not only for the one who professes it, but also for those around him: the fact is that it can become a contagious disease, and in this case only the next life position in order can help.

People take a life position of Awareness when they see that they must want to change, when a feeling of responsibility arises and a desire to change something in themselves. You should give yourself a real account of who you really are and realize that there is a very real opportunity that things will go very badly if we don’t change something in ourselves.
Determination is an active life position, you decide to take real actions in the chosen direction, an invigorating, refreshing feeling arises in your soul, relieving stress, you feel a surge of strength and energy. Confidence comes to us when we stop expecting perfection from our work, our family relationships, from relationships with others and nevertheless want our affairs to go well. An active, constant desire to improve the current state of affairs appears. The work becomes doable and human relations- productive when we consciously abandon the “sky in diamonds”, stand shoulder to shoulder and together move towards our goals.

The sequence in which life positions are objectified in different people, is not established once and for all. However, one way or another, these life positions have a very definite influence on everything that this or that person does.
Life positions and life values(what is most important and valuable in life, what is necessary for satisfaction with life) are different for people, and therefore their lives are different. To take control of your life, a person needs to analyze his life position and life goals.

Answer these questions for yourself:

1) What position is typical for me at the moment (for every area of ​​life: at work, in the family, in informal communication)?
2) What has been my position in life in each of these three areas over the past twelve months?

Discuss the answers to these questions with someone who knows you well and is in a position to openly disagree with you. This way you will more accurately assess the real state of things. Then show with an arrow what position in life you would like to take in the future.

My life position

1) at work
2) in the family
3) in informal communication

1. Idealization of reality 7. Conviction

2. Failure of hopes 6. Determination

3.Challenge everything 5.Awareness

4. Quitting

Analyze the discrepancies between previous expectations, today's reality and hopes for the future:

1. List all your previous expectations (everything you hoped for before).
2. Assess your current situation.
3. Indicate point by point what you expect (what you would like) from the future.
4. Determine for yourself what changes you can make in your hopes for the future, in your current situation, and also in your future. Make special note of those that you really can handle.
5.Discuss these proposed changes with a good friend.
6. Count down 30 days in your business calendar and write down day by day what goals you set for yourself:
a) write to yourself opposite tomorrow’s date: “Work with full effort”;
b) write to yourself opposite the day after tomorrow “Selflessly believe in the achievability of your goal”;
c) write opposite yourself next date“Instantly identify the necessary components of success”;
d) write opposite to yourself fourth day: “Act decisively and creatively”;
d) write the same words in the order in which it seems most reasonable to you, opposite all the other days of this month.
7. Implement your plans. If you need, as it seems to you, even additional strength and resources to accomplish what you have planned, contact a psychologist, he can help you mobilize the conscious and unconscious resources of your psyche (special techniques have been developed for this in psychology).

Etc. Let's look into this topic a little deeper.

Despite the fact that everyone's life scenarios are different, Eric Byrne identified 6 common ways to live these scenarios. They are called script patterns or script processes, or simply scripts. We'll talk about them today.

Each of the 6 scenarios corresponds to a specific ancient Greek myth.

“Never” scenario or Tantalus scenario

In the story of Tantalus, the hero suffered from hunger and thirst, but, despite the proximity of water and food, he could not satisfy these needs. People living with this scenario believe that they will not be able to achieve their goals or get what they want.

They often talk about how difficult the path to a goal is, but at the same time they do not do anything concrete to achieve this goal, because they are absolutely sure that they will never succeed.

The basic attitude of people with this pattern is “I can never get what I want most.”

“Until” scenario (“Until”) or Hercules scenario

Surely everyone knows the myth of Hercules, where the hero could not receive forgiveness until he completed 12 labors. In the same way, people living according to this scenario are convinced that they will not be able to get what they want until they fulfill a number of conditions.

You can often hear them think about how many things they need to do in order to achieve their goal. Here is a recent client example of such a scenario belief from a girl who completed an eyebrow master course and completed an internship: “I can’t take money for eyebrow shaping and coloring until I work for free with 10 clients.”

The basic attitude of people with the Hercules script is “I can’t have what I want unless I pay for it.”

Scenario "After" ("After") or Scenario of Damocles

Yes, this is about the same sword of Damocles that hung by a thread over the unfortunate Damocles, and forced him to constantly expect retribution.

Surely, you have heard many times phrases like “Now you laugh - then you will cry”, “You have to pay for everything in this world” and others, the main message of which is the inevitable onset of an unpleasant retribution for any joys of life.

The main attitude of people with the Damocles scenario is “Today I can be happy, but tomorrow I will definitely have to pay for it (disappointment).”

"Always" scenario or Arachne scenario

In this myth, the goddess Athena turned a skilled weaver named Arachne into a spider so that she could weave forever. People who exhibit this script pattern are confident that something will always haunt them. They are so sure of this that they do not even allow the thought that one day this might change. For example, “Yes, I’m always unlucky with men. This is who I am. And there’s nothing to be done about it.”

The basic attitude of people with this scenario is “I must always remain in the same situation.”

The “Almost” scenario or the Sisyphus scenario

Remember the Sisyphean task? When Sisyphus was forced to roll a heavy stone up a mountain, but as soon as the stone was almost at the top of the mountain, it rolled down, and Sisyphus had to start all over again.

This scenario process has two varieties.

“Almost” type 1 are people who quit when they are almost done. For example, I almost finished reading a book and threw it away, or “I almost finished knitting the blouse, all that remains is to sew on the buttons,” and this blouse has been lying there for years, almost finished knitting. A very common scenario.

Basic attitude: “I’m almost successful”

“Almost” type 2 are people who complete things, but every time it seems to them that this is not enough and they urgently come up with a new, more complex task. If we speak metaphorically, this is Sisyphus, who lifted a stone up a mountain and saw that there was a new mountain ahead, higher than the previous one.

Everything would be fine, but the problem is that people with the “Almost” type 2 scenario pattern do not know how to enjoy their achievements and successes. They skillfully devalue them, saying, “Is this really a success? Is this a mountain? There's a mountain ahead! I’ll put my stone on it and then I’ll be happy.” But after this mountain they will see the next one, even larger. And this will continue until a person is freed from this scenario.

The basic attitude of people with this pattern is “I still haven’t achieved success.”

Open-Ended Scenario or Philemon and Baucis Scenario

Philemon and Baucis were a virtuous husband and wife; as a reward for this, the gods gave them the opportunity to never separate, turning them into two trees standing next to each other.

In practice, this is the scenario of people who do not know what to do after achieving a goal. People with this scenario are confident that if they live by the rules, without breaking anything, observing norms and boundaries, then a reward will definitely await them in the end.

The problem is that there may not be a reward. Often this scenario can be observed in families where parents tried to raise their children correctly, the children grew up, moved away, and the parents do not know what to do next (the very well-known empty nest syndrome).

The main attitude of people with this scenario is “After achieving a certain goal, I don’t know what to do next.”

The same person can have several scenario patterns that manifest themselves in different areas of life. Of course, the script is not something given once and for all. You can free yourself from it and begin to build your life according to your own scenario. As always, it's all up to you.