Unfounded fears: how not to be afraid of losing your loved one. Overcoming the fear of losing loved ones

The fear of losing loved ones may appear empty space, or may be the result of some actions. If you want to understand how not to be afraid of losing a loved one, first find the source of this fear and block it, then your worries will evaporate, allowing you to enjoy the relationship without looking back.

Habit of worrying

Anxiety is a character trait that is inherent in some women. They find a reason to worry about literally anything. In this case, you need to learn to distinguish objectively arising problems from your own conjectures. When a mother worries that her daughter does not come to sleep for the first time, it is not at all necessary that something terrible has happened to her. But the mother had already dreamed up terrible pictures. The same may be true in your case.

Your loved one didn’t pick up the phone when you called, was late coming home from work a few minutes longer than usual, and didn’t say the words you expected. And you are already nervous, you can’t find a place for yourself about what could happen. Try to filter out such thoughts from those that actually make sense. Find something to do that you can immediately switch to as soon as negative thoughts start swirling in your head. For example, keep a book of poetry, handicrafts, or your favorite game on hand. Of course, you should do this only if you know for yourself that the whole point is in suspiciousness.

Self confidence

Doubts about whether your husband still loves you arise due to self-doubt. You don't believe that a guy can love a girl like you. Then you list many of your negative traits. Stop. You need to look at yourself through the eyes of another person, and then love yourself as my own daughter.Pamper yourself more often, put your mind and body in order. This will free you from the habit of worrying about trifles. Well, a man will never leave a woman who is confident in herself, constantly works on her character, takes care of herself and at the same time loves herself with the same strength with which he loves her.

Unexplained fears

The opinion is deeply rooted in people that there is no good without evil, just as there is no happiness without sorrow. That's why they sometimes don't allow themselves to enjoy the moment. It's like it was stolen from someone. It is no coincidence that the fear of loss arises against the background of well-being. Trying to establish a balance between good and bad, the subconscious creates this causeless anxiety.

Also, groundless anxiety may be due to a completely normal change in your relationship. If a year ago you were at the peak of love, today the euphoria has subsided, but this is absolutely natural. This doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It’s just that now you have to adapt to new conditions, which is why the fear of the unknown appears, because you have never been in such a situation before. If you understand that among the reasons mentioned is yours, relax and enjoy what you have without looking back.

The fear of losing someone close can arise at any time. Initially, the child is afraid of losing his parents. Being already at a conscious age, the fear of losing a loved one appears. Various obsessive thoughts are formed that do not allow you to live, work, or relax in peace.

The fear of losing loved ones develops in childhood

Loss phobia loved one is the result of the death of someone very significant. It is difficult to survive such an event. Having a phobic disorder, the patient can no longer control his emotions and actions, which arose due to strong fear. But thanks to the development of psychology, such fears are curable.

Causes

Fear of loss loved one may appear in early childhood. It is a consequence of childhood trauma. It is important for the baby that the mother is nearby around the clock. The baby has a special connection with his mother, which is important not to break. If mom is not around for a long time, he will start to worry and get nervous. If this happens several times, fear will gradually form. The child will have a certain association and developed reaction to separation from his dearest person. This will be accompanied by hysterics and prolonged crying. If this fear is not addressed initially, it will actually develop into a phobia. And related phobic disorders will also begin to develop - fear of loneliness, death.

The fear of losing a loved one, of being unprotected, appears due to childhood traumas, such as sexual or moral abuse, constant humiliation from peers or parents, attacks from classmates, etc.

Other reasons due to which the fear of losing loved ones develops: divorce of parents, death of a relative, long-term absence of a father.

It happens that a child is frightened by older brothers or sisters. They claim that at night some monster will steal the baby and take him away from his mother. As a result, the child experiences panic, horror and hysteria. If the mother is gone for a long time, a panic attack may begin.

Another reason is observing severe depression after a breakup. Typically the targets are older siblings who are experiencing the loss of a loved one. They are aggressive against everyone. Any reproaches are responded to with anger. The child sees this and remembers the reaction of a loved one. In the future, he may avoid any love contacts that he associates with pain, disappointment and fear of loss.

When a person is in adolescence or adolescence, it is possible personal experience painful separation. He becomes fixated on one person and experiences the loss of a loved one very hard.

Another situation is when people date or live together for several years. They become attached to each other and can no longer imagine life separately. They feel good together for some time, but at one point everything collapses and the time comes to part.

Other causes of fear:

1. Fixing attention on the negative. Internal trembling is no longer normal and a person begins to panic for any reason. In any action he sees only a bad, negative outcome.
2. Low self-esteem. The girl begins to be jealous of the guy and believes that he will soon have a mistress. She begins to feel guilty before her loved one. As a result, obsessive thoughts develop. She tries to keep her husband by any manipulation, causing herself a feeling of pity. If a man suffers from fear of loss, he begins to overly control his beloved. Forbids you to leave the house late, forces you to change your clothing style to a very discreet one, and often calls or writes SMS.
3. News in the media. Recently, reports of deaths or missing people are appearing more and more often. Very emotional people begin to worry about loved ones and relatives. They are trying to control their every step in order to protect them from danger, but because of this, the situation can only worsen and contact can be disrupted.

Some reasons are related to the characteristics and personal qualities of a person. The fear of losing a person arises in people with excessive emotionality and suspiciousness. It also often manifests itself in people who have difficulties with trust. They are afraid that the person will deceive them and begin to worry for no reason.

Signs

Fear develops gradually due to frequent and intense experiences. Initially, a person is often visited by obsessive and disturbing thoughts. He often begins to get nervous and afraid of something.

Then he becomes very intrusive. Every day he makes several calls to loved ones, constantly asking if everything is okay and if anything bad has happened.

Any news about missing children or adults in the news causes panic and hysteria. After such news, the patient cries for a long time. The disease develops gradually. May become more frequent panic attacks. They have the following manifestations:

• cardiopalmus;
• bad feeling;
• dizziness;
• difficulty breathing;
• high or low blood pressure;
• slight trembling;
• increased sweating;
• frequent headaches, etc.

The patient begins to have problems sleeping. He may fall asleep, and if he does, he often wakes up in a cold sweat. I have nightmares.

If the disease progresses, nervous breakdowns may occur. For example, for parents when their child is at a distance and for some reason stops answering calls. This could become initial stage a disease called mental neurosis.

The patient compulsively calls relatives several times a day

Consequences

The result of the formation of fear of loss is the fear of harming loved ones or oneself. Most often it develops in people with vegetative-vascular dystonia (VSD). In psychology it refers to obsessive-compulsive disorder.

It manifests itself as a panicky fear of harming others. Various inappropriate thoughts arise. The patient may begin to hallucinate. It seems to him that he did something terrible, although in reality this did not happen. The result is that he constantly lives in fear for his life. Tries to isolate himself from others. In a fit of anger, he is afraid of harming others or even killing someone.

The fear of harming someone close to them often appears in sleepwalkers. While in a sleepy state, they cannot control their actions. Being under the impression of a dream, they may begin to crawl on the floor with a knife or other piercing object.

Such behavior causes panic among household members and interferes with the patient’s life. Some send the patient to a priest, explaining sleepwalking as obsession. But since sleepwalking is a psychological and neurological deviation, the help of a qualified psychologist is necessary.

Often the mother develops a fear of harm. She worries that someone will hurt her child. This is how overprotection gradually develops. The mother does not allow the child to make his own choice, which spoils the relationship with him. You need to learn to control yourself.

Fear arises for almost the same reasons as fear of loss. Only the reaction to these reasons is different. The fear of losing a beloved man or woman is replaced by the fact that a person is afraid of becoming unprotected.

Sleepwalkers are often afraid of harming loved ones

Effective techniques

If the patient is still initial stage If you notice something strange in your behavior and discover that you have a fear of loss or harming yourself, you can try self-treatment. Usually it gives a good result, but short-term.

Main methods:

1. Breathing techniques. Take a deep breath, exhale slowly - the basic rule of any breathing exercise. Inhale and hold your breath for 3-4 seconds. Exhalation lasts 2–3 s. The interval between breaths is 2–3 s. The number of repetitions is no more than 7 times. It is appropriate to use breathing techniques when fear has just begun to appear. This will help you overcome it quickly.
2. Affirmations. Every time you feel a panic attack coming on, remember positive affirmations. Repeat that everything will be fine, fear will subside, and nothing bad will happen to your loved ones. Think that life is beautiful and trouble will not affect your loved ones. The technique works through self-hypnosis. Since thoughts are material, the technique really helps a person calm down and come to his senses.
3. Have a positive attitude. Reading interesting books or watching films with a good, optimistic ending will help drive away obsessive thoughts. This will make it clear that life is filled with positive events. It is advisable to limit your viewing of news.

Every day you need to drink herbal infusions and teas. Especially before bed. This will help you calm down.

Conduct aromatherapy sessions. This is convenient to do at home. Fill the aroma lamp with lavender, chamomile, lemon balm, mint or other floral aroma oil. Turn on calm music, take a comfortable position, close your eyes and imagine something good.

Remember that such procedures will not help to completely get rid of the disease. It is better to seek help from a specialist in order to heal as quickly as possible.

Watching funny movies will help you stay positive

Help from a psychologist

You need to consult a psychologist if the illness does not allow a person to live in peace, and the feeling of anxiety has not left for a long time. Initially, the doctor will determine the stage of development of fear in order to correctly prescribe treatment. It is usually implemented through a combination of cognitive behavioral and exposure therapy. Additionally, medications may be prescribed. Most often these are antidepressants.

At the first session, the psychologist wants the patient to answer the following questions:

• what happens if I lose a loved one;
• what is this fear associated with;
• what I experience when I can’t connect with a person;
• what happens if a loved one bumps or hurts himself in some other way;
• what happens if I hurt someone;
• why do I worry so much about my loved ones;
• who said that something would happen to my family, etc.

This will help a person understand the essence of his problem and understand what is causing his feelings. The patient will see himself from the outside. This stage also involves describing the sensations that arise when the fear of loss or harm is activated.

In subsequent sessions, the doctor helps the patient get rid of fear by immersing himself in dangerous situation. He asks the patient to close his eyes and imagine something that really frightens him. This could be the loss of loved ones, harm to yourself or family. It is important that the main signs of fear appear.

After which the terrifying picture in the subconscious changes to something pleasant. This could be the visualization of dreams or the idea of ​​something that gives a feeling of joy and happiness.

This is how a sharp change in thoughts and behavior occurs. This exposure therapy lasts about 20 minutes. The goal is to teach a person to cope with their fears and be able to switch to something positive when the phobia is sharply activated.

According to doctors, manifestations of fear in women are more pronounced. Therefore, treatment takes longer than in men. On average, the number of sessions is 7–8. But girls often need 10–12 sessions to completely heal and stop worrying about their family over trifles.

Conclusion

Fear of losing a loved one is the result of childhood trauma, parental divorce, and frequent scandals in the family. The child is afraid of losing his parents, which is why mental disorders develop. The disease can develop at a conscious age due to negative influence Media, low self-esteem and personal qualities of a person.

The main signs are dizziness, hysteria, rapid heartbeat. Sometimes panic attacks occur. You can try to get rid of fear on your own, but this will only give a temporary effect. It is better to seek help from a psychotherapist in order to forget about this problem forever.

Sometimes phobias are confused with fear, without thinking that these words are not synonyms of the same concept. And the reasons for their appearance are completely different. The basis for the appearance of a phobia is laid deep in the subconscious and it is difficult for a person to get rid of it. He understands that he sometimes experiences unreasonable fear, but does not realize why.

In other words, human phobias are strongly expressed obsessive fears. They appear in certain situations and a person is not able to logically justify them; they are irrational. Phobias are quite common in modern society. People are afraid of snakes public speaking, dogs, closed or open spaces. There is even euphobia, that is, the fear of receiving good news.

Signs of a phobia include those when a person actively avoids certain situations or objects, in contact with which he experiences discomfort, excitement or fear. The symptom of obsessive fear manifests itself almost instantly, often immediately turning into panic, the pulse quickens, the blood and arterial pressure, the head may begin to spin, in some cases the person may even lose consciousness.

Other symptoms of phobias may also include the following:

• the appearance of spasms in the throat, all signs of suffocation may appear;
• the body seems alien, the person seems to cease to own it, uncontrollable reactions are possible;
• physical stress;
• vomit;
• loss of control over the situation and over oneself, hysteria.

What are phobias?

Phobias are divided into types depending on the subject, the object of a person’s fear:

1. Fear of space. This type of phobia includes claustrophobia (fear confined space), agoraphobia (on the contrary, fear of open space).
2. Social phobias– fears associated with social and public life, such as fear of people, fear of blushing, fear of public speaking and others. This also includes a type of phobia such as the fear of losing a loved one.
3. Third group - nosophobia - different types fears associated with illness, for example, fear oncological diseases Psychophobia is the fear of developing a mental disorder.
4. Contrast phobias. These include, for example, the fear of swearing loudly in a public place.
5. Thanatophobia- fear of death.
6. Phobias associated with the fear of harming yourself or loved ones.
7. Various animal fears.
8. And finally, phobophobia- fear of fear itself.

Treatment of phobias

In fact, about 10% of the world's population suffers from phobias. For example, in the United States, they mainly affect women, not men. It is almost impossible to cope with such a problem alone, so if symptoms of obsessive fears appear, you need to consult a specialist. Typically, the main treatment options for phobias are medication and psychotherapy.

When talking about any type of fear, it is worth understanding that fear is not just one feeling, without shades. Fear has a whole gradation of feelings, from mild anxiety to severe panic.

All people face difficulties and sorrows of loss in life. The loss may concern the loss of property, an important thing, separation from a loved one - this is painful and strong feeling, which takes time to accept and transition to next stage life. A particularly severe form of loss is the death of a loved one. It seems almost impossible to survive this, only other close people keep you from madness, and it’s as if a huge gaping hole is forming in your chest. Having experienced this once, you can face very strong fear - you may develop a fear of losing a loved one or a phobia of losing loved ones. And the fear of waiting is in no way easier than the loss itself.

Fears and phobias: where is the line?

When talking about any type of fear, it is worth understanding that fear is not just one feeling, without shades. Fear has a whole gradation of feelings, from mild anxiety to severe anxiety. What is the name of the strongest fear that cannot be rationally corrected? .

Fear and phobia are slightly different things, this needs to be understood. There is usually some very real reason for fear. If we're talking about about phobia - we are talking about a strong, uncontrollable and sometimes unmotivated fear. A phobia not only causes anxiety, which can be rationalized, it prevents a person from sometimes performing the simplest everyday operations.

Fortunately, phobias are treatable. Yes, the path is long, long and hard. But at the end of the path, healing usually awaits, and qualitatively new life. For treatment, a combination of professional assistance from a psychotherapist and psychiatrist is used. The first is needed to find the cause of healing the mental trauma that gave rise to the phobia, as well as to develop an alternative plan for living your life. A psychiatrist is needed in order to normalize the condition during psychotherapy and adapt the person to life. Medical reinforcements (tranquilizers, etc.) are also usually used.

Phobia of losing a loved one

First, it’s worth understanding what is meant by loss. If we are talking about loss, as parting, one of the types is implied - fear of loneliness. And only you yourself can understand how to get rid of the fear of loneliness, because this is, first of all, your choice, when a person realizes this, it becomes easier. If a person is terrified of the death of a loved one, then it is worth talking about one of the vital fears - thanatophobia. To understand the characteristics of a phobia, it is worth considering them separately.

Fear of losing loved ones through separation

It’s worth starting with what social phobia is and why the fear of losing a person is a phobia. After all, this is an intense experience.

Social phobia is a strong, persistent and seemingly unreasonable fear and anxiety of uncomfortable situations in society. For example, fear of condemnation, loneliness, public speaking.

Fear of separation from a loved one can be considered a phobia if the following symptoms are present:

• fear of being judged by others in response to loneliness, fear of being left alone after breaking up;
• intense fear that is not accompanied by actual this moment situation;
• when thinking about parting with a loved one, increased heartbeat, shortness of breath, tremors, sweating of the palms begin;
• fear does not pass under the influence of rational arguments, evidence, facts;
• inappropriate behavior when there is a discrepancy in views, strong emotional reactions even to short-term separations.

The reasons for such a person’s phobia may be the following:

1. Observation of severe depression after separation of loved ones (for example, parental divorce).
2. The experience of an extremely painful separation with serious consequences (experience through illness, suicide attempts, severe depression).
3. Intense sensitivity, suspiciousness, difficulties with trust and separation trauma.

This phobia responds well to treatment through attachment therapy and the search for emotional dependence.

Fear of death of a loved one

A much more severe loss in fact is the death of a loved one. However, it is not much more difficult to experience. previous version. A phobia is a phobia.

Usually, if there is no phobic disorder, grief trauma is experienced according to a well-known pattern:

1. Shock is the first reaction, a reaction of lack of contact with the brutal truth.
2. Denial is a fact before the eyes, but the brain cannot accept it.
3. Aggression is righteous anger at cruel reality and everyone6 who is in it.
4. Trading is an attempt to “negotiate with death”, a desperate desire to change everything at any cost.
5. Depression is an awareness of reality and the cessation of trying not to feel pain and change something.
6. Acceptance is the renewal of the moral resource for life, taking into account the experience of grief.

Fear of losing loved ones can develop for a number of reasons:

• already experienced experience of losing a loved one (child, parents);
• monitoring severe depression in a loved one;
• observation of a long-term severe and incurable illness of someone close to you.

The fear of death is a completely natural fear that is inherent in all living things. It is he who is the engine of life. You can turn a phobia into a natural, safe fear using the same methods - psychotherapy and, if necessary, medications.

In the life of almost any woman, there are times when she is afraid of losing a loved one. For some these are fleeting moments, because any person has the inherent fear of losing what is dear to him, what he loves, but for some it becomes an obsessive thought that prevents them from living and correctly perceiving the world and people’s actions, including your own, and generally adequately assess the situation. But the paradox is that the more afraid you are, the more chances you will have of actually losing what is so dear to you. The only way to change the situation is to stop being afraid. This does not mean that you will stop loving, you will simply be confident in yourself and your loved one, because when you are confident, you are not afraid. How to stop being afraid of losing a loved one?

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Most often, insecurity arises due to low self-esteem. Next, I will give some tips on how to increase it.

Firstly, always try to learn something new, learn something. You can start studying Japanese, you can learn to roller skate or master the secrets of culinary art, but you need to do this not for someone else, but for yourself. The man who lives interesting life, interesting to others.

Love yourself. Play sports, sign up for a swimming pool, go for walks to keep your body in good shape. And it doesn’t matter whether you are a slender blonde or a plump brunette, everyone can find an acceptable option for an active lifestyle. You can change your hairstyle, update your wardrobe, get a manicure. Like yourself and others will like you too.

Notice all the good things that happen to you. You can even start keeping a diary good events. Don’t criticize yourself too often, we all make mistakes, the main thing is to draw the right conclusions from them. Do not feel sorry for yourself, do not consider yourself weak, then you will not evoke feelings of pity among those around you. You should be respected, not pitied.

Be positive. Life is beautiful and amazing, it is full of surprises. Think about the good things that can happen to you and your thoughts will work and guide your life along a good path.

There is no need to compare yourself with someone. Each person is individual and another may have shortcomings that you are not even aware of. You can only compare yourself with yourself, what you were and what you have become. If you don’t like this comparison, then something needs to be changed.

You can get a dog or a cat. They will love you regardless of your flaws. And when someone loves you simply for being you, it’s easier to be confident in the love of others.

Don't be afraid of difficulties. By overcoming them, we overcome ourselves. And thereby we increase our self-esteem. Every task you undertake, complete it. And if you have decided to do something, don’t put it off.

If you think in advance what you should do if your loved one leaves you, you will stop being afraid of this, because you will see that life does not end there.

But for this you need to have your own life, your own interests and hobbies. Just because you love each other doesn't mean you have to be together twenty-four hours a day. Allow yourself to go to a cafe with your friends for a cup of coffee, without your young man, give yourself some freedom.

They say that you shouldn’t keep your loved one on a short leash if you don’t want to lose him, because if he wants to, he’ll still leave. At the same time, they forget to clarify that with this leash you are tying yourself to it and the shorter the leash, the more difficult it will be for you if the relationship does not work out.

Always remain a mystery to him, an unread book, and he will want to get to know you better. Surprise him, and he won't be bored with you. Be diverse, and he will be interested in you. The more complete and self-sufficient person you are, the more attractive you will be to others, including your loved one.

A person must first love himself. This does not mean that he should be selfish, but if you do not know how to love yourself, you will not be able to love someone else. Trust yourself, trust your loved one. After all, they are often afraid because they do not trust. What kind of love can there be if you doubt each other?

So, what conclusions can we draw?

How to stop being afraid of losing a loved one? Fear arises from mistrust and lack of confidence. Distrust is only a matter of faith; if it is not there and you doubt your chosen one, then perhaps you do not need this relationship. And you need to fight uncertainty, first of all, by increasing your self-esteem. Believe in yourself, that you are unique, wonderful and have something to love. Love yourself, love yourself for who you are, with all your strengths and weaknesses, and those around you will love you. Don't bind yourself with fear, it can only destroy your relationship. Be a complete person, confident in yourself and you will not be afraid tomorrow, and you will look into the future with confidence.