Aggression is an attack motivated by destructive behavior that contradicts all norms of human coexistence and harms the targets of the attack, causing moral and physical harm to people, causing psychological discomfort. From the perspective of psychiatry, aggression in humans is considered a method of psychological defense against a traumatic and unfavorable situation. It can also be a way of psychological release, as well as self-affirmation.

Aggression causes damage not only to an individual, an animal, but also to an inanimate object. Aggressive behavior in humans is considered in the following sections: physical - verbal, direct - indirect, active - passive, benign - malignant.

Causes of aggression

Aggressive behavior in humans can be caused by a variety of reasons.

The main causes of aggression in humans:

- abuse of alcohol, as well as drugs that weaken nervous system, which provokes the development of an aggressive, inadequate reaction to minor situations;

- problems of a personal nature, unsettled personal life (lack of a life partner, a feeling of loneliness, intimate problems that cause, and later turn into an aggressive state and manifest themselves at every mention of the problem);

- mental trauma received in childhood (neurosis received in childhood due to bad relationship parents);

- strict upbringing provokes future manifestations of aggressiveness towards children;

- passion for watching quest games and thrillers;

- overwork, refusal to rest.

Aggressive behavior is observed in a number of mental and nervous disorders. This condition is observed in patients with epilepsy, schizophrenia, due to injuries and organic lesions of the brain, meningitis, encephalitis, psychosomatic disorders, neurasthenia, epileptoid psychopathy.

The causes of aggression are subjective factors (customs, revenge, historical memory, extremism, fanaticism of some religious movements, image strong man introduced through the media, and even the psychological individual traits of politicians).

There is a misconception that aggressive behavior is more characteristic of people with mental illness. There is evidence that only 12% of people who committed aggressive acts and were referred for a forensic psychiatric examination were diagnosed with mental illness. In half of the cases, aggressive behavior was a manifestation, and in the rest, inappropriate aggressive reactions were noted. In fact, in all cases there is an exaggerated reaction to circumstances.

Observation of teenagers has shown that television perpetuates an aggressive state through crime programs, which further enhances the effect. Sociologists, such as Carolyn Wood Sheriff, challenge the popular belief that sports act as ersatz war without bloodshed. Long-term observations of adolescents at a summer camp showed that sport competitions They not only do not reduce mutual aggressiveness, but only increase it. An interesting fact was discovered regarding the removal of aggressiveness in adolescents. Working together in the camp not only united the teenagers, but also helped relieve mutual aggressive tension.

Types of aggression

A. Bass, as well as A. Darkey, identified the following types of aggression in humans:

- physical, when direct force is used to inflict physical and moral damage on the enemy;

- irritation manifests itself in readiness for negative feelings; indirect aggression is characterized in a roundabout way and is directed at another person;

- negativism is an oppositional manner of behavior, marked by passive resistance to active struggle, directed against established laws and customs;

— verbal aggression is expressed in negative feelings through such forms as screeching, screaming, through verbal responses (threats, curses);

Growing up is a difficult stage in the life of every teenager. The child wants independence, but is often afraid of it and is not ready for it. Because of this, the teenager has contradictions that he is not able to sort out on his own. At such moments, the main thing is not to distance yourself from the children, to show tolerance, not to criticize, to talk only as equals, to try to calm them down, to understand them, to understand the problem.

Aggression in adolescents manifests itself in the following types:

- hyperactive - a motor-disinhibited teenager who is brought up in a family in an atmosphere of permissiveness of the “idol” type. To correct behavior, it is necessary to build a system of restrictions using game situations with mandatory rules;

- an exhausted and touchy teenager who is characterized by increased sensitivity, irritability, touchiness, and vulnerability. Behavior correction includes relieving mental stress (hitting something, noisy play);

- an oppositional-defiant teenager who shows rudeness towards people he knows and parents who are not role models. The teenager transfers his mood and problems onto these people. Behavior modification involves problem solving in collaboration;

- an aggressive-fearful teenager who is hostile and suspicious. Correction includes working with fears, modeling a dangerous situation with the child, overcoming it;

- an aggressively insensitive child who is not characterized by emotional responsiveness, sympathy, and empathy. Correction includes stimulating humane feelings and developing children's responsibility for their actions.

Aggression in adolescents has the following causes: learning difficulties, shortcomings in upbringing, characteristics of the maturation of the nervous system, lack of cohesion in the family, lack of closeness between the child and parents, the negative nature of relationships between sisters and brothers, family leadership style. Children from families where there is discord, alienation, and coldness are most prone to aggression. Communication with peers and imitation of older schoolchildren also contributes to the development of this condition.

Some psychologists believe that teenage aggressiveness can be suppressed as childish, but there are nuances here. IN childhood the social circle is limited only by parents who independently correct aggressive behavior, and in adolescence the social circle becomes wider. This circle expands to include other teenagers with whom the child communicates as equals, which is not the case at home. Hence the problems in families. A group of peers considers him an independent, separate and unique person, where his opinion is taken into account, but at home the teenager is classified as an unreasonable child and his opinion is not taken into account.

How to respond to aggression? To extinguish aggression, parents need to try to understand their child, accept his position if possible, listen, and help without criticism.

It is important to eliminate aggression from the family, where it is the norm between adults. Even as a child grows up, parents act as role models. For parents of brawlers, the child will grow up to be the same in the future, even if the adults do not clearly express aggression in front of the teenager. The feeling of aggressiveness occurs on a sensory level. It is possible that a teenager grows up quiet and downtrodden, but the consequences of family aggression will be as follows: a cruel, aggressive tyrant will grow up. To prevent such an outcome, it is necessary to consult a psychologist to correct aggressive behavior.

Prevention of aggression in adolescents includes: the formation of a certain range of interests, involvement in positive activities (music, reading, sports), involvement in socially recognized activities (sports, work, art, organization), avoiding manifestations of force in relation to the teenager, discussing problems together, listening to feelings of children, lack of criticism, reproaches.

Parents must always remain tolerant, loving, gentle, communicate on equal terms with teenagers and remember that if you move away from your child now, it will be very difficult to get closer later.

Aggression in men

Male aggression is strikingly different from female aggression in its attitudes. Men resort mainly to an open form of aggression. They often experience much less anxiety, as well as feelings of guilt during periods of aggression. For them, aggression is a means of achieving their goals or a unique model of behavior.

Most scientists who have studied social behavior people have suggested that aggression in men is determined by genetic reasons. This behavior made it possible to pass on one’s genes from generation to generation, defeat rivals and find a partner for procreation. Scientists Kenrick, Sadalla, Vershour, as a result of research, found that women consider leadership and dominance of men to be attractive qualities for themselves.

Increased aggression in men occurs due to social as well as cultural factors, or more precisely, in the absence of a culture of behavior and the need to demonstrate confidence, strength and independence.

Women's aggression

Women often use psychological implicit aggression; they are worried about what kind of resistance the victim may give them. Women resort to aggression during outbursts of anger, to relieve mental and nervous tension. Women, being social creatures, have emotional sensitivity, friendliness and empathy, and their aggressive behavior is not as pronounced as that of men.

Aggression in older women baffles loving relatives. Often this type disorders are classified as signs if there are no obvious reasons for such behavior. Attacks of aggression in women are characterized by a change in character and an increase in negative traits.

Aggression in women is often provoked by the following factors:

- congenital hormonal deficiency caused by pathology early development, which leads to mental disorders;

- emotional negative experiences of childhood (sexual violence, abuse), victimization of intrafamily aggression, as well as the pronounced role of the victim (husband);

- hostile relationship with mother, childhood mental trauma.

Aggression in the elderly

The most common disorder in older people is aggression. The reason is a narrowing of the circle of perception, as well as a false interpretation of the events of an elderly person who is gradually losing touch with society. This is caused by a decrease in memory for current events. For example, stolen items or missing money. Such situations cause problems in family relationships. It is very difficult to convey to an elderly person with memory impairment that the missing item will be found because it was placed in another place.

Aggression in the elderly manifests itself in emotional disturbances - grumpiness, irritability, protest reactions to everything new, a tendency to conflict, groundless insults and accusations.

The state of aggression is often caused by atrophic processes, vascular diseases brain (). These changes often go unnoticed by relatives and others, being attributed to “bad character.” A competent assessment of the condition and the correct selection of therapy allows one to achieve good results in establishing peace in the family.

Husband's aggression

Family disagreements and strong husband aggression are the most discussed topics in consultations with psychologists. Conflicts and disagreements that provoke mutual aggression among spouses are as follows:

- uncoordinated, unfair division of labor in the family;

- different understanding of rights and responsibilities;

- insufficient contribution of one of the family members to household work;

— chronic dissatisfaction of needs;

- shortcomings, defects in upbringing, discrepancies in mental worlds.

All family conflicts arise for the following reasons:

- dissatisfaction with the intimate needs of one of the spouses;

— dissatisfaction with the need for the significance and value of one’s “I” (violation of self-esteem, dismissive and disrespectful attitude, insults, resentments, incessant criticism);

— dissatisfaction with positive emotions (lack of tenderness, affection, care, understanding, attention, psychological alienation of spouses);

- addiction to gambling, alcoholic beverages of one of the spouses, as well as hobbies that lead to unreasonable waste of money;

— financial disagreements between spouses (issues of family support, mutual budget, each person’s contribution to material support);

- dissatisfaction with the need for mutual support, mutual assistance, the need for cooperation and cooperation associated with the division of labor, management household, child care;

— dissatisfaction with needs and interests in leisure and recreation.

As you can see, there are many reasons for conflict, and each family can identify its own pain points from this list.

Sociological studies have found that men are most sensitive to material and everyday problems and difficulties of adaptation at the beginning of family life. If a husband has male problems, then often the whole family suffers from this, but the wife suffers the most. Feeling his powerlessness, a man looks for the culprit and in this case it turns out to be a woman. The accusations are based on the fact that the wife is no longer arousing as before, she has gained weight, and has stopped taking care of herself.

The husband's aggression is expressed in petty nagging, dictatorship, provocations, and family quarrels. Often this is a consequence of dissatisfaction, as well as lack of self-confidence.

The reason for the husband’s aggression lies in his complexes and in no case are the wife’s shortcomings and behavior to blame. Having analyzed the form of manifestation of the husband’s aggression, one can find that it can be verbal, in which there is a demonstration of negative emotions (insults, rudeness). This behavior is typical of domestic tyrants.

A husband's aggression can be indirect and expressed in malicious remarks, offensive jokes, jokes, and pettiness. Lies, threats and refusal to help are also expressions of indirect aggression. Lying and avoiding husbands from any business with the help of hysterics and threats achieve their goal. This behavior is typical of despots, psychopaths, brawlers, and torturers. Men with personality disorders are very difficult, both for communication and for family life. Some husbands show cruelty (physical and moral).

Most women try to improve relations with their aggressor husband, but all attempts to improve the relationship and the desire to learn to understand the aggressor, as well as to become happier with him, come to a dead end.

The main mistakes made by a woman with an aggressor husband:

- often shares her fears and hopes, counting on understanding, giving her husband the opportunity to once again be convinced that she is weak and defenseless;

- constantly share your plans and interests with the aggressor, giving your husband another opportunity to criticize and condemn her;

- often the victim wife tries to find common topics for conversations, but in response receives silence, coldness;

— the woman mistakenly believes that the aggressor will rejoice at her successes in life.

These paradoxes indicate that all a woman’s aspirations for internal growth and improvement of relationships with her aggressor husband only worsen the situation. An interesting fact is that the aggressor, scolding a woman, describes exactly himself in the accusations that he attributes to her.

Fighting aggression

What to do when you feel aggression? You should not put up with the tyranny of your spouse, because you cause great damage to yourself and your self-esteem. You do not have to endure attacks, bad temper, supposedly from a stranger. You are an independent person with the same rights as your husband. You have the right to emotional peace, rest, and respect for yourself.

How to treat aggression?

It is important for the aggressor himself to understand the reason that prompted him to such behavior. If you persuade your husband to consult a psychologist, you will receive recommendations from a specialist on eliminating aggression from your life. However, if the husband’s personality anomaly is pronounced and further cohabitation is unbearable, then the best option would be divorce. Husbands of the tyrant category do not understand well, so you should not indulge them. The more you give in to them, the more brazenly they behave.

Why is it necessary to fight aggression? Because nothing passes without a trace, and every painful injection causes certain damage to the female psyche, even if the woman finds excuses for her tyrant, forgives and forgets the insult. After some time, the husband will again find a reason to offend his wife. And a woman will try to maintain peace at any cost.

Constant insults, as well as humiliation, negatively affect women’s self-esteem, and, in the end, a woman begins to admit that she doesn’t know how to do much. Thus, he develops an inferiority complex.

An adequate normal man should help a woman, support her in everything, and not constantly humiliate her and poke her nose at her shortcomings. Constant nagging and reproaches will affect the general tone and mood and disrupt a woman’s peace of mind, which will have to be restored with the help of specialists.

Good afternoon A child (son) 1 year 10 months shows aggression, endless tantrums with or without cause. If we are in the company of children, then he bites, pushes, hits, hugs everyone with such force that he almost strangles them, and takes away all the toys. He reacts to the word “can’t” with hysterics, lies down on the floor and yells, freaks out. I try to calm him down and explain that this is impossible, and he starts hitting and biting me. Yes, sometimes he just lies down next to me and starts kicking me. He doesn't offend anyone else in the family except me. I don’t know how to behave with him anymore...

• Good afternoon, Anastasia. The development of children from 1 to 2 years of life is complicated by a number of crises associated with growing up. At this stage of development, the child begins to feel himself as an individual separate from the mother and to get to know himself, to look for his own “I”. Each new children's achievement is a kind of leap. Often, in some children, such mini-crises provoke so-called behavioral failures. For example, some children become capricious or have trouble sleeping.
  Most psychologists are convinced that the only period in which hysterics are acceptable is when a toddler is one year old. Because he doesn't have enough vocabulary to explain his desires and behavior, as well as hysterics are his usual way of behaving. He simply doesn’t know any other way. Just a couple of months ago, all he had to do was whine, and his parents would immediately run to him, calm him down, console him, and fulfill his wishes. And today, although he has matured a little, he still does not know any other way to attract attention. You need to understand that the toddler himself will not be able to cope with hysteria, he simply will not be able to calm down on his own, so you should pick up the child and hold him close. But shouting, slapping the butt, swearing is wrong and harmful for the further development of the child.

Good afternoon.
I have self-aggression. I know for sure because I have been suffering from this for a long time. I have a five-year-old son and I try to restrain myself...I try very hard.... however, sometimes I can’t resist and my son hears... and comes from the other room and asks “Mom, why are you beating yourself?”... we need to do something about it...
Is there any over-the-counter medication I can take to take the course?
I don’t want to go to specialists - I’m afraid that they’ll lock me up in a mental hospital and take my son away. The long period of restraint is 7-10 days, then I still have a breakdown... and PMS has nothing to do with it.
Thank you

• Hello Tatiana. We recommend that you contact a private specialist regarding your problem. The paid clinic ensures anonymity, the psychiatrist will help you understand yourself and your personality problems.
  Understanding why you harm yourself is the first step towards recovery. If you identify the reason why you physically harm yourself, you can find new ways to cope with your feelings, which in turn will reduce the desire to harm yourself.

  • thanks for the answer!
    Do I need a psychiatrist or psychologist or neurologist?

    • Tatyana, in your case, a psychotherapist is the best option.

Good afternoon. I probably won’t be original in my problem, but I would like to hear an assessment and advice regarding my specific situation.
Married for over 20 years. The relationship with my husband is good, except for the outbursts of anger that occur regularly, once every few months. The same scenario always happens. It begins with his irritability, which manifests itself from several days to a week. He’s the one who’s accumulating anger, that’s what I think. Moreover, he gets irritated at any word, but it is clear that he is trying to restrain himself. Then there comes a moment when this any word becomes the starting point for his scandal. Here is the last case in particular. We live outside the city. I came from the city and brought my child from school. Saturday. He is sitting preparing lunch. He loves to cook. He does it with pleasure. Released the dogs from the enclosures. We have 5 Central Asian Shepherds. A neighbor arrived. They ran to the fence and barked at the neighbor. I'm nervous. I say that you can’t let everyone out into the yard at once. God forbid anything happens. The husband says he will drive them out soon. And if I need it, I can do it myself. I say that I can’t do it myself, because I’m sick (chondrosis has broken, it hurts to turn), and it started. Potatoes flew into the wall, and accusations that I sent food, ruined everything, a bastard and last man all over the world. I turned around, told my son to start the car, and went to round up the dogs myself. I took two of them away, put the third one on a leash, my husband came out and started shouting that I was taking this dog to the wrong place. I got behind the wheel and asked for the gate remote control. He said there was no remote control. Although he has it in his pocket. I turned around and left through the task gate.
I never raised my voice. The only thing she said was that I didn’t see my fault. In the evening I wrote to him that he was causing me pain and resentment. But there is no anger towards him. He didn't answer.
Then our next scenario begins. Now we won't talk to each other for a long time. He seriously believes that he is absolutely right. Ends up having to talk at work. (we work together in our organization).
Then again dear, beloved, sun until next time. Please tell me if there is a model of behavior to avoid these aggressive outbursts. Sometimes I fear for the lives of my children and myself. Because when he is furious, he flies with such force that it becomes scary.

• Hello Olga. Your problem is clear. We recommend changing your attitude towards your husband’s periodic aggressive outbursts - stop being offended, experiencing psychological discomfort and proving something. No matter how hard you try, they will still repeat themselves. This does not depend on your behavior or the behavior of your children.
  “In the evening I wrote to him that he was causing me pain and resentment. But there is no anger towards him. He didn't answer." “There’s no point in explaining anything to my husband either.” His aggression is a psychological release. Try to anticipate your husband’s condition and not support the conflict in any form.

My husband has attacks of aggression, mainly if I am not happy with the fact that he drinks at work or on vacation with the same group of employees. In my opinion, they drink often, only 10-15 people have birthdays, not to mention holidays. My husband is 53 years old, has hypertension, and constantly takes pills to lower his blood pressure. I don’t think alcohol contributes to his health and longevity, and of course I say that it’s unpleasant for me. 5 years ago he quit smoking, before that he smoked all the time. Now he constantly reproaches me for this during quarrels. This seems strange to me, I say that if he only did this for me, and now this is his “trump card” argument in our dialogues, then why such sacrifices, I don’t need them. He says that I control him, that almost everyone laughs at him... And what is masculine strength - I want to smoke and drink - it’s my business - you sit quietly, or what? I’m not talking about the fact that there are people who never drink of their own free will, who don’t drink in groups, but are present at corporate events, and in general are the soul of the company (I had such an employee). I don’t see any heroism here; a person does this of his own free will. Today we were at another corporate party, company day, I haven’t been having conversations lately on the topic, I drank or didn’t drink, it’s good for you after that, it’s bad…. I arrived, I said that I would call at least once a day, just like that, say hello, how are you... I didn’t even say anything else, and in general I didn’t intend to... God, what started here: throwing things, motherfucker, that I’m already for him... that he doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, and I’m making it work for him here, I almost pulled down the interior doors. I was scared that he was going to beat me up, but he flew out, slamming the front door to God knows where... I have no one to turn to, my parents are no longer alive, my brothers and sisters are gone, my cousins ​​are far away, they have families, children, grandchildren, but what about a friend? you'll tell me. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me, what’s wrong with that? kind word from the person you live with, hearing one thing a day, isn't that normal? I'm trying to adequately assess the situation and figure it out. If a person considers himself henpecked just because he takes into account his wife’s opinion, or calls her once a day, in my opinion this is not normal. Now I kind of have to be on alert all the time, choose my words, what if I do something to shake his self-esteem again... This is not life - in constant tension, and the expectation that he will be “offended” again. At the same time, oddly enough, my husband is the breadwinner in the family, the head of the enterprise, I also earn money, but less, which seems normal. What's wrong and what should I do?

• Hello, Tasha.
  “I arrived, I said that I would call at least once a day, just like that, say hello, how are you... I didn’t even say anything else”
  With these words you unconsciously tried to make him feel guilty and they served as a trigger for his aggression. The husband may have already arrived bad mood or subconsciously always ready for the next claims, and these words were enough to splash out aggression on you.
  “I don’t understand what I’m guilty of, what’s wrong with hearing a kind word from the person you live with just one in a day, isn’t that normal?” - Of course you're right. But forcing a man to express his attention to you in this way is also wrong. You yourself can show attention, care towards your husband, speak kind words and tell, if possible, when he will be in good mood that you miss him and can barely restrain yourself from calling him when he’s at work. During the conversation, monitor your spouse’s reaction so as not to aggravate the situation and switch the conversation to another topic in time.
  “Now I kind of have to be on alert all the time, choose my words, what if I do something to shake his self-esteem again... This is not life - in constant tension, and the expectation that he will be “offended” again.” Unfortunately, this happens very often. After all, men are very proud, vulnerable and touchy. And the key to a happy life in marriage is the ability to shut up in time.

Hello! In our family, unfortunately, the following situation has developed... I have an older brother (I am 25, my brother is 35 years old). My first memories of his manifestation of aggression are that he was fighting with his middle brother (he is now 33), but at that time I was still very young and it seemed to me that it brought him pleasure - to make it hurt more brother. When I was about six years old, I remember how my brother hit my mother for the first time, he was chasing her to hit her, and was talking some kind of nonsense. At that time he played and sang at weddings, and naturally tried alcohol for the first time. When I was at school, I heard quarrels between my parents and my drunken brother, I was sent to another room and locked in just in case, you never know... And this “you never know” happened from time to time, my brother got into a fight with his sick father and mother... By the way - parents never! they didn’t fight, they quarreled occasionally, like all normal people, but dad or mom never allowed themselves too much.
Over the years, everything became even worse... My brother allowed me to give up on my mother, father, brother, wife... My father became weaker over the years, his illness affected him very much, but this did not stop his brother. Thanks to one of these blows, the middle brother developed a hemotoma in the abdominal cavity, which grew into a tumor, and he almost died. I know of an incident where he almost drowned his wife in the bathtub. Their child is sick with a brain tumor.
I can, of course, tell many more cases, but... He often drinks with friends, for them he is the life of the party, always cheerful, can make anyone laugh. At the same time, one cannot call him an alcoholic, since he conscientiously engages in own business and works hard. IN drunk it can start from half a turn, just look at it the wrong way. He only shows aggression towards his own people!!! When you try to talk to him about what happened, he doesn’t want to talk about it at all, because he doesn’t feel guilty at all. And often he doesn’t remember what he did at all, or simply pretends... He never asks for forgiveness for what he did. When you try to talk about the fact that he seriously offended his mother or did something else, he immediately breaks into a scream and screams to the last. He believes that he does everything, almost feeds and clothes everyone. Everything around is d... mo, and he is the “navel of the earth.” And all this comes out in a very loud monologue; if you try to object to him, you will hear the scream even louder.
I’ve been living in the capital for 7 years now and I don’t depend on anyone... My father recently died, my brother’s wife is pregnant with their second child, my mother lives in our parents’ house with my middle brother... But! I can’t live in peace, because I know that my older brother is tyrannizing everyone there! And he absolutely does not admit that he has problems with alcohol, and even more so with nerves or the psyche... And he does not admit it. I am very afraid for my health and emotional condition his loved ones, because he does not allow them to live in peace. But I can’t imagine how to deal with this problem, since my brother refuses the help of specialists... Please advise me, because I’m in despair!

• Hello, Anastasia. According to the description, your older brother is very close to a representative of the excitable type of character accentuation. Which is characterized by instinctiveness and what the mind suggests is not taken into account by such a person, and the desire to satisfy momentary desires, needs, instinctive impulses becomes decisive.
  Knowing this, we can recommend to you and all your loved ones not to criticize him, not to touch his personality in conversations, not to discuss his actions, not to remind him of past mistakes. Since all efforts will be useless, and it will be quite easy to run into his high impulsiveness and irritability. Such people should simply be tolerated if necessary, but generally in society communication with such people is avoided if they show their temper and do not restrain themselves.

Problem with mother. He constantly rushes at me, swears for no reason, threatens me with physical harm, and has even gone as far as assault. She starts yelling wildly out of nowhere, doesn’t want to listen to anyone, everyone is to blame for her, etc. Always judging those around me, literally looking for something to cling to and pouring it all on me. He doesn’t make any contact when talking, he sees only one thing in everything: “you’re trying to contradict me, #@*#@???” and starts even more. There are moments of calm when he even tries to improve relations, but it all ends in reproaches and using everything he learns against me. These reproaches and scandals hit where it hurts. If suddenly a scandal begins because of some lost thing, then it doesn’t matter whether I’m to blame for it or not, I never apologize for empty attacks. What to do?? How to find an approach?? How to calm a hysterical person?

• Hello, Alina. It is recommended to eliminate attacks of anger by switching attention to something pleasant or distracting for the aggressor and, of course, not to provoke him, since the breakdown of negative emotions on the immediate environment is akin to a drug and they give the aggressor great pleasure.

Hello. Here's the problem I have. I’m 23. My father left early, although he fully participated in my brother’s and my upbringing, our childhood was difficult, it wasn’t easy for my mother to pull us along, and subsequently there was no love for the rest of the world, something like children's complex. I am extremely hot-tempered, an absolutely happy mood easily changes to an extremely hostile state, but I have never shown aggression towards strangers, only in case of protecting yourself or your family. I work a lot, and this is associated with constant physical and moral stress, which is why I always lashed out at those around me (family, girlfriend, close friends). But recently everything has changed a lot. Now there is no aggression towards close people, I don’t lose my temper, I try to be softer, don’t get worked up somewhere, I quickly calm down. BUT! As soon as I hear something addressed to me from a stranger, not necessarily an insult, any provocation, I suddenly have a feeling of HUGE hatred, it’s like adrenaline or a state before fainting, I can’t calm down until... but here it ends in different ways, but in most cases until my “enemy” is on the floor. And I understand later that I didn’t seem to hear anything particularly offensive addressed to me, but at that moment it felt like he was threatening me with death, and I couldn’t help but defend myself. Later I will realize and understand everything, but the feeling that I did everything right will not leave me, I cannot convince myself of this and no one can. By the way, now something else has appeared, in terms of intimacy, now the preference is more towards, well, let’s say not exactly, but a little towards rough intimacy, well, of course, not in relation to me, I have become a little rougher. No, my girlfriend likes it, of course, but I just noticed this in myself. And I’m writing all this only because for the first time I felt scared, not of consequences, not of responsibility, no, I became scared of myself, that I couldn’t control myself at the moment of aggression, I couldn’t calm down. Thank you for your help.

• Hello, Alexander. Most likely, you have an excitable type of character accentuation ( last resort norms), which is expressed in weak control, insufficient controllability of one’s own drives and impulses. Therefore, it is very difficult for you to restrain yourself in a state of emotional excitement and not get irritated. There is no need to be afraid of your condition. Now you know that such a type exists, and you are one of it.
  Moral principles do not matter for this type, and in outbursts of anger there is an increase in aggressiveness, which is accompanied by an intensification of corresponding actions. The reactions of excitable individuals are impulsive. What is decisive for the behavior and lifestyle of such a person is not prudence, not the logical weighing of one’s actions, but desires, uncontrollable impulses.
  Therefore, we recommend avoiding extreme situations in which conflict is possible or situations where your behavior, business, personal qualities are subject to criticism.
  Your types prefer athletic sports, where they can release pent-up energy or aggression.
  “But recently things have changed a lot. Now there is no aggression towards close people, I don’t lose my temper, I try to be softer, not to get into trouble.” - Gradually, with age, you will become softer. Of course, this will depend directly on your immediate environment, your social circle. A personality of your type often carefully chooses his social circle, surrounding himself with weaker ones in order to lead them.
  Try to get plenty of rest, don't overwork yourself, and avoid starting difficult tasks when you're in a bad mood or tired, as behavioral disturbances may occur in such situations. Do not place high hopes and expectations on society. The world is not ideal and it cannot be changed. People tend not to “filter” their words, which mean a lot in life.
  Meditation, auto-training, yoga can help you find peace of mind and be more stress-resistant.

Hello. I have an atypical situation, I am dating a girl, she is 19 years old. We have been dating for about 2 years, she has a very difficult relationship with her mother and grandmother, there is no father, she always had quarrels with her mother, crazy hysterics, it even got to the point of assault, about a year ago she moved in with me. At the beginning of the relationship, when there were disagreements or even minor quarrels, she became uncontrollable, a stream of aggression, swearing, insults and humiliation addressed to me, although I myself never even called her a fool, let alone swearing. Always in a conflict I tried to calm down and find out the reason for this behavior, she always says that she cannot control herself, that after she does not express everything to me, only then she calms down, and it does not necessarily have to be our quarrel. She quarrels with her mother and takes her anger out on me, responds rudely and swears. After my threats to break off the relationship, she calmed down more or less, but still during quarrels a stream of obscenities, insults, etc. emanates from her. The last time in the shopping center, where she and I and my friend were, she started screaming across the entire floor at me because I didn’t wait for her and followed me and screamed all the way to the exit. Everyone turned to look at us, and she didn’t react in any way to my friend’s and my requests not to shout and to calm down. Another type of behavior is to run away from me through the streets, even in unfamiliar cities where she might get lost. Even during quarrels, he sometimes threatens to kill himself, especially when I talk about breaking up. I was very tired of this and began to show defensive aggression towards her myself, began to respond to her scream with a scream, damaged furniture from aggression, and after I showed aggression, she quickly calmed down and was the first to make peace and ask for forgiveness.. Tell me if changes for the better are possible or should you think about breaking up?

• Hello, Ruslan. You need to stop the girl’s manipulation, because as soon as she realized that you were capable of counter-aggression, she got scared and changed her behavior pattern.
  Tell her directly that you understand the complexity of the situation regarding her loved ones and communication with them, but you will not allow you to be treated this way. Either she changes internally, learns self-control, signs up for yoga, goes to see a psychologist, independently studies her problem, or you will be forced to end such a relationship.
  “Even during quarrels, he sometimes threatens to kill himself, especially when I talk about breaking up.” “This is a skillful game of a neurotic manipulative, allowing him to achieve his goals. And you need to keep the priority of your interests in mind.
  Calmly ask her the question: what will you gain from it if you kill yourself? Who will benefit from this? Let her understand that you are not familiar with remorse and that your relationship with her has strengthened you internally, so you will not grieve for a long time, but will quickly find a replacement for her. Therefore, it may make sense for her to change, stop blackmailing you and start respecting you as a person.

  • Thank you very much for your answer, now the problem and the seriousness of the situation have become clearer to me, because I repeatedly told her about restraining myself, about a psychologist, about internal changes, she seemed to be trying to control herself at first, but after a while everything started again again , and if quarrels with hysterics already occur less frequently, but they are becoming more and more difficult, and to any of my arguments about her unreasonable aggression, that the conflict can be calmly resolved, she replies that I am so bad and brought her to such a state.. she tells me it seems she just doesn’t want to change and really sees that I’m succumbing to her manipulations, I’ll try to send her or go with her to a psychologist or psychotherapist, if there are no results, then apparently I’ll have to break off the relationship

    Again I turn to you, I tried to behave as you advised, when asked to go to a psychologist or psychotherapist, she laughs and says that she is not a psychopath, and an attempt to stop her manipulations, in particular ignoring her, led to her going out onto the 12th floor balcony and I blackmailed her that she would dump her, she is unbalanced, when I break up with her I am afraid that I might actually commit suicide, what can be done either in terms of referring her to a psychologist or in terms of a safe separation?

    • Either you can help her decide to seek help (exactly how to do this - you should know better, since you have been living with her for two years), or you will suffer from her inappropriate behavior the entire time you spend together... Without face-to-face help She definitely won’t need a specialist. There is simply nothing to add to what was written earlier without seeing the patient.

      You need to break up with her while there are no children. My daughter is almost the same and doesn’t want to change. If earlier she asked for forgiveness for, so to speak, bad behavior, then over the years she began to believe that everyone in the family was to blame. Ruslan, you can’t change her in any way, don’t waste time on her, life will be poisoned with such a girl. There should be peace and order in the house, love and minor quarrels (you can’t live without them) and most importantly, find a girl so that you are drawn to her and so that you are not ashamed of her behavior.

      You need to break up with her while there are no children. My daughter is almost the same and doesn’t want to change. If earlier she asked for forgiveness for, so to speak, bad behavior, then over the years she began to believe that everyone in the family was to blame. Ruslan, you can’t change her in any way, don’t waste time on her, life will be poisoned with such a girl. There should be peace and order in the house, love and minor quarrels (you can’t live without them), and most importantly, find a girl so that you are drawn to her and so that you are not ashamed of her behavior.

My husband and I have been together for 2 years. For the first six months, I was happy that a loving, attentive, affectionate man was with me, carried me in his arms, and blew away specks of dust. There were, of course, quarrels, but minor ones. The only thing that always amazed me was that during the conflict he could say such words to me that it’s difficult to even describe. But special significance didn't give in to it. The first time he laid his hand on me was after drinking enough alcohol. It was unbearable. I was in a closed room for 3 hours, he beat me, then he took a knife and cut my dress on me, broke a bottle on my head, after which I was already unconscious. I woke up on the balcony in a pool of blood. Seeing that I had regained consciousness, he literally ordered me to wash myself and lie down to sleep next to him. I started to get hysterical, he started beating me again. At some point, the neighbors started breaking down the door and I managed to escape, wrapped in a blanket, and left. I don’t know how, but I forgave him after a couple of months. And everything repeated itself, only the next time he tortured me for several days until the police intervened. But with our laws, there will be real punishment only when he kills. I can only say one thing, all this continues over and over again. I turned into a dog and I know that I will forgive him again. I know it's my fault, but maybe there is a way to cure it. I'm afraid that he will kill me soon. Tell me what can be done!!?

• Taisiya, you and only you can make yourself happy. Only you can change your life. You are now a victim, you need to urgently contact a specialist if you yourself are not capable. And my advice is to RUN AWAY from this asshole!!! As soon as possible! I hope you don't have children. Go to your mother, to your friend, there are centers for women who find themselves in difficult situation, yes, at least to the station! He will always beat you because you endured it! You cannot fight back, leave, run away. But I’m sure you can do it if you want it yourself. Change your life once and for all. And finally stop being a victim. Good luck to you!

How to cope with the aggression of a 9-year-old child with epilepsy. The girl doesn’t want to do her homework, she starts throwing everything, screaming, and may hit her mother. There is no way to deal with it, just trouble. What should we do, please help.

• Hello, Nadezhda. In your case with your daughter, we recommend that you consult a child psychologist. After talking with both you and the girl, the specialist will be able to establish the reasons for aggressive behavior and tell you how to more effectively achieve the desire to learn.

  • Thanks, we think we can try it too. Only I'm a grandmother. My daughter is already exhausted with her. The granddaughter takes Depakine, there are no attacks, and her character has become aggressive during the treatment. And when will this all get better?

My husband and I lived together for 5 years. We are 25 years apart. I am now 39, he is 64. Signs of aggression began to appear after the first 3 months. It seemed to me that it was my fault, I tried to talk, understand the reason and not do it again. Sometimes this was expressed in a furious scream (very, very strong, impossible to convey), sometimes in silence from 2 days to 10-15. As a result, I was always the first to make peace. Over the course of 5 years, similar situations occurred once a month. (on average) The husband never once considered himself guilty the whole time. Moreover, he punished. You don’t know how to behave, I’m going on vacation for the New Year alone. So out of 5 New Year holidays, 2 times I met New Year home alone. At the same time, I tried to react differently to his hyper/or or long silence. And I screamed back at first (this turned out to be the most ineffective) and calmly tried to explain how I felt and left for a day or two. Once at the airport we were flying on vacation, I went to the toilet and lingered a little, screaming like mad for about 10 minutes, people began to gather around. I managed to stop only when I said that either you stop or I’m not going. Then on vacation I was silent for 2 weeks. I went separately. The last breakup was because he screamed when I told him what I bought at the grocery store. He yelled that he didn’t want to listen to this, the topic was closed. I tried to justify myself, causing him to go into rage. In the end I said that I couldn’t listen to this anymore. And she left. He said, well, I went to... A month later he called and brought me my things from his dacha. And he said that if you apologize, I will forgive you. I came back 1 day later and apologized. And he said, you have a scandal on your tongue all the time, you can’t stop in time as always, I signaled to you to stop, but you don’t hear what they are saying to you. In general, I go on vacation alone in the summer, but the second autumn vacation is still in question. And we also had tickets to the theater, he said that he wasn’t going to go there alone, he didn’t go alone, and so on. since I may not have time at all. I couldn't stand it and left forever. 3 days have passed. It’s hard, I’m in a lot of pain. I’m trying to calm myself down, maybe he’s not normal?

• Hello Irina. It is clear that your husband has an unstable psyche and is dependent on periodic manifestations of aggression. It doesn’t matter whether it’s you or another wife, he will behave the same way.
  You did everything right by leaving, I don’t understand why you are suffering? In a relationship, he is the tyrant, and you are the victim, and this will always be the case.

  • I suffer because I know that I myself am responsible for everything that happens to me. So I’m trying to understand whether EVERYTHING was done on my part. And also, I love him very much, every finger, every hair... But I understand that I will soon become disabled if I stay. It’s better to “die” once than to do it endlessly. When he quarreled with me, it was like being thrown into hell: “you stop breathing and feeling.”

    I printed out your answer, I’m re-reading it, it becomes a little easier.
    THANK YOU.

My sister and I have a mother born in 1927. She almost lost her memory. She doesn’t recognize some of her loved ones, doesn’t understand where she lives, can’t understand that her husband (our father) died and plus illnesses. My sister takes care of my mother. After the death of her father, her sister does not leave her mother. She quit her job and sleeps with her mother in the same room. She is a doctor, a nurse and a nanny for parents. Look for such daughters. And even before her illness, her mother doted on her. But now everything has turned into a continuous nightmare. It was as if a demon had possessed the mother. She does everything in defiance, picks on food, doesn’t want to take medications, calls her sister names we’ve never heard from her, has already tried to hit her several times and has bitten her twice. My sister also has health problems. WHAT TO DO? How to reduce mom's aggressiveness. You have to hide your knives, but you can’t foresee everything.

• Hello, Yuri. In your case with your mother, you need to seek help from a psychotherapist.

One of the leading properties of deviant behavior is its destructiveness (causing harm, destruction), which, in turn, is generated by aggression directed at others or oneself. It is obvious that aggression in one form or another accompanies all types of behavioral deviations and deserves special consideration.

In a broad psychological sense, aggression is understood as a tendency (desire), manifested in real behavior or fantasy, with the goal of subjugating others or dominating them (9). This tendency is universal and the term “aggression” itself generally has a neutral meaning. Normally, aggression is defensive in nature and serves the purpose of survival. It also acts as a source of individual activity. In a broad sense, aggression that is not supported by violent or destructive actions is not regulated by legal norms, although it may not be approved from the point of view of religious and moral norms.

Translated from Latin language"aggression" (aggressio) means attack. This negative meaning has become widespread. Currently, aggression is most often identified with negative emotions (for example, anger), negative motives (the desire to harm), with negative attitudes (for example, racial prejudice), and, finally, with destructive actions.

In the scientific literature, the term “aggression” is used by different authors in different senses, for example:
any action (or inaction) that causes harm to another person, object or society (R. Baron, D. Richardson, X. Del-gado);
instinctively determined, species-specific pattern of behavior (C. Darwin, K. Lorenz);
manifestation of the death drive (3. Freud);
reactions as a result of which another organism receives painful stimuli (A. Basho);
reaction to frustration (D. Dollard, S. Berkovets);
reaction to stress and method of discharge (R. Lazarus);
the desire for dominance and self-affirmation (A. Adler);
internal strength to resist external forces (F. Allan, R. May).

Thus, aggression as a desire to dominate is a universal motivating tendency. Aggression can be either positive, serving vital interests and survival, or negative, focused on satisfying the aggressive drive in itself. Aggressiveness, on the contrary, is the willingness of individuals (groups) to show aggression in the form of actions that cause harm to others who do not want such treatment.

Aggressive behavior (actions prompted by aggression and aggressiveness) includes: 1) a hostile attitude - the individual’s perception of a real or imaginary threat from the situation or other people (ideas, fantasies, mistrust, suspicion); 2) aggressive emotions - anger, resentment, hatred; 3) aggressive actions and violence.

Aggression as a mental reality has specific characteristics: direction, forms of manifestation, intensity.

The purpose of aggression can be either the actual infliction of suffering (harm) on the victim, or the use of aggression as a way to achieve another goal. In this regard, there are two main types of aggression - hostile and instrumental.

Aggression can be directed towards external objects (people or objects) or towards oneself (body or personality). External aggression directed at other people poses a particular danger to society. A. Bandura, R. Walters call it “antisocial aggression” and associate it with actions of a socially destructive nature, which may result in damage to another person or property, and these acts do not necessarily have to be punishable by law.

At the same time, those forms of aggressive behavior that are “aimed at insulting or causing harm to another living being who does not want such treatment” have a pronounced socially negative assessment. Such aggressive-asocial behavior certainly includes violence - verbal or physical actions that cause pain. It, as a rule, occurs against the background of negative emotions of the aggressor (anger, rage, sadistic pleasure, indifference), and, in turn, causes negative experiences of the victim (fear, humiliation). This behavior is directed by negative motives - to destroy, eliminate, use, harm. At the cognitive level, it is supported by attitudes that confirm the correctness of such behavior (prejudices, myths, beliefs).

At the same time allocated various shapes aggressive actions: 1) direct - indirect (directly aimed at an object - shifted to other objects); 2) verbal - physical (verbal attack - physical attack); 3) concrete - symbolic (for example, a fight - conditional gestures).

The most familiar external manifestations aggression are: conflict, slander, pressure, coercion, negative evaluation, threats, use of physical force. Hidden forms of aggression are expressed in destructive fantasies, avoidance of contacts, inaction with the intent to harm someone, self-harm and suicide.

We cannot unambiguously determine the internal aggressive tendency of a particular person, but we can assess the degree and nature of its manifestations - aggressive behavior.

For diagnostic purposes, you can use the following scale of intensity and direction of aggressive manifestations:
zero level - subnormal aggression - complete absence of aggressive actions, even if self-defense is necessary;
first level - normal aggression - absence of aggression in familiar and safe situations; appropriate use of aggression in situations real threat for self-defense; sublimation of aggression in activity and in the pursuit of success; lack of destructiveness;
the second level - moderate defensive aggression - a moderate manifestation of aggression in familiar situations due to an imaginary threat from surrounding people (without real danger); inappropriate use of aggression in critical situations; a small degree of destructiveness, including in the form of autodestruction;
third level - hypertrophied aggression - high frequency and strength of aggressive reactions even for a small reason; pronounced degree of destruction - danger to others;
fourth level - brutal aggression - excessively frequent or super-strong aggressive reactions, accompanied by the destruction of objects or violence towards others; this behavior is not appropriate to the situation; it poses a high threat to the lives of others or the person himself.

One of the most intense and complex aggressive affects, undoubtedly, is hatred as the most striking and socially dangerous manifestation of a person’s intolerance. The most important goal of a person captured by hatred is the destruction of the object of aggression. (Of course, hatred can also be a normal reaction of rage aimed at eliminating a serious danger.) Under certain conditions, hatred and the desire for revenge can inappropriately increase. If they become a stable characterological attitude, we can talk about reaching the level of character psychopathology.

Hatred can also manifest itself as a craving for power, to dominate, or to humiliate. In more severe forms, sadistic tendencies appear - the desire to make one's object suffer and receive pleasure from it. The extreme degree is expressed in the desire for destruction (murder) or in the radical devaluation of everyone and everything. Hatred can also induce suicide, for example, when the Self is identified with the hated object and self-destruction becomes the only way to eliminate it.

It is obvious that the experience of aggression by a person does not unambiguously lead to destructive actions. On the other hand, when committing violence, a person can be in a state of extreme emotional arousal or complete composure. Moreover, the aggressor does not necessarily have to hate his victim. Many people cause suffering to their loved ones - those to whom they are attached and whom they sincerely love.

To prevent and reduce the level of violence, any society is forced to take special measures. Violence, unlike other forms of aggression, is a deviation most strictly regulated by legal norms. The Criminal Code of the Russian Federation in the section “Crimes against the person” contains 33 articles directly related to physical, sexual or psychological violence.

At the same time, public punishment for violence committed is itself one of its forms, as a result of which the most effective measures social control over violence, it is not legal, but cultural and educational mechanisms and institutions that allow a specific individual to realize his aggressive potential in socially acceptable forms of activity. TO cultural forms expressions of aggression include national traditions and group rituals (games, holidays, rituals), sports competitions, business competition. The presence in society of a sufficient number of positive examples, for example, national heroes or cult figures. By identifying with folk heroes, people internalize universal human values ​​and learn to direct their aggressive energy to good causes. To the most valuable individual ways The transformation of aggression into constructive forms of activity is sublimation - a mechanism for converting unwanted internal impulses into socially approved achievements and artistic creativity.

This in itself is unpleasant, not only for those around them who are suddenly plunged into negativity, but also for the aggressors themselves. In fact, among the latter there are not so many clinical scoundrels who derive pleasure from splashing out violent emotions on other people or objects. Normal people are also capable of such outbursts, but they then experience remorse, try to make amends for their guilt and at least try to control themselves. Aggression is especially destructive in men; the reasons may turn out to be so far-fetched and strange that the presence of a problem becomes obvious to all participants in the situation.

Types and types of male aggression

It is worth immediately noting that negative emotions with spilling out are not exclusively a male prerogative. Women are just as capable of being aggressors; they do not monitor their actions and words. The paradox is that male aggression is partly considered socially acceptable. Of course, extreme manifestations are condemned, but at the same time there are many justifications for such a phenomenon as aggression in men. The reasons can be very diverse - from competition to health conditions.

There are two main types of aggression that are easily defined even by non-specialists:

• verbal, when negativity is expressed in shouting or openly negative language;
• physical, when there are beatings, destruction, attempted murder.

With auto-aggression, negativity is directed at oneself and manifests itself in all sorts of destructive actions. The motto of this type of aggression is: “Let it be worse for me.”

Psychologists classify what we are considering into several types according to the following criteria: method of manifestation, direction, causes, degrees of expression. Self-diagnosis in in this case is practically impossible, since in most cases the aggressor seeks self-justification, does not see and does not want to see the problem, and successfully shifts the blame to others.

Verbal aggression

The external manifestations of this type of aggression are quite expressive. This may include angry screaming, swearing and cursing. They are often supplemented by gestural expression - a man can make offensive or threatening gestures, shake his fist, or swing his arms. In the animal world, males actively use this particular type of aggression: whoever growls loudest declares himself as the owner of the territory; outright fights come about much less often.

However, verbal aggression in men, the reasons for which can lie both in mental health and in social pressure, is not so harmless. It destroys the psyche of those who are forced to live nearby. Children get used to an abnormal pattern of communication and absorb the pattern of their father’s behavior as the norm.

Physical aggression

An extreme form of aggressive behavior, when a person moves from shouting and threats to active physical actions. Now this is not just a threatening fist swing, but a blow. A man is capable of causing serious injuries even to those closest to him, breaking or breaking personal belongings. Man behaves like Godzilla, and destruction becomes his main goal. It can be either a short explosion, literally just one blow, or a long-term nightmare, which is why aggression in men is considered the most dangerous. The reasons given are varied - from “she provoked me” to “I’m a man, I can’t be made angry.”

When wondering how permissible this is, it is best to take the Criminal Code as a guide. It is written there in black and white that causing bodily harm of varying degrees of severity, attempted murder and intentional damage to personal property are all crimes.

Features of unmotivated male aggression

We can conditionally divide manifestations of rage into motivated and unmotivated. It is possible to understand and partially justify aggression shown in a state of passion. This is often called "righteous anger." If someone offends this man’s loved ones, encroaches on their life and health, then an aggressive response is at least understandable.

The problem is such attacks of aggression in men, the causes of which cannot be calculated at first glance. What came over him? Just been normal person, and suddenly they changed it! This is roughly what witnesses to sudden unmotivated rage that erupts in any form, verbal or physical, respond to. In fact, any action has a reason, explanation or motive, they just don’t always lie on the surface.

Reasons or excuses?

Where is the line between reasons and justifications? An example is the phenomenon of aggression between men and women. The reasons are often the most common attempts to justify oneself, to shift the blame onto the victim: “Why did she stay late after work? She’s probably cheating, she needs to be shown a place!”, “I didn’t have time to serve dinner, I need to teach a lesson” or “Allows herself to show dissatisfaction, provokes aggression."

Behind such behavior there can be either personal hatred towards a particular person or banal misogyny. If a man seriously considers women to be second-class citizens, then should we be surprised at the malicious attacks against them?

However, outbursts of aggression may not occur because the man is simply an evil type. In addition to far-fetched excuses, there are also those based on serious factors that can be identified and eliminated.

Hormonal background

A significant proportion of aggressive manifestations are due to hormonal imbalance. Our emotions are largely determined by the ratio of the main hormones; a deficiency or excess can lead not only to violent outbursts, but also to severe depression, a pathological absence of emotions and severe psychiatric problems.

Testosterone is traditionally considered a hormone not only of sexual desire, but also of aggression. Those who are especially harsh are often referred to as “testosterone males.” Chronic deficiency leads to increased dissatisfaction and makes a person predisposed to negative manifestations. Outbursts of aggression in men, the causes of which lie precisely in hormonal imbalance, must be treated. To do this, tests are taken to measure hormone levels, and the disease that led to the disorders is identified. Symptomatic treatment in this case brings only partial relief and cannot be considered complete.

Middle age crisis

If such cases have not been observed before, then sudden aggression in a 35-year-old man can most often be associated with the age of maximalism being left behind, and the man begins to weigh whether all the decisions made were really correct, whether it was a mistake. Literally everything comes into question: is this the right family, is this the right woman, is this the right direction in one’s career? Or maybe it was worth going to another institute and then marrying someone else, or not marrying at all?

Doubts and hesitations, an acute sense of missed opportunities - all this weakens the nervous system, reduces the level of tolerance and sociability. It begins to seem that there is still time to change everything in one jerk. Everyone around seems to have conspired and does not understand this emotional impulse. Well, they can be put in their place by force, since they do not understand good. Fortunately, the midlife crisis passes sooner or later. The main thing is to remember that periods of despondency are normal, but this is not a reason to ruin your life.

Retirement depression

The second round of the age crisis overtakes men after retirement. Women most often endure this period easier - a significant part of everyday worries remains with them. But men who are accustomed to their profession as a central part of their life’s plot begin to feel unnecessary and abandoned. Life stopped, the respect of others turned off along with receiving a pension certificate.

Aggression in men over 50 years of age is closely related to attempts to shift responsibility for a failed life onto others. At the same time, objectively, the man who suddenly caught the demon in the rib is all right, but there is a certain dissatisfaction. At the same time, all sorts of health problems, overwork, lack of sleep can be added - all these factors aggravate the situation. Aggressive attacks begin to seem like a natural reaction to everything that happens.

Psychiatry or psychology?

Who should I go to for help - a psychologist or straight to a psychiatrist? Many men are afraid of their aggressive impulses, fearing, not without reason, that they will do something irreparable. And it is very good that they are able to relatively soberly assess their actions and seek help from professionals. Who deals with such a phenomenon as aggression in men? The causes and treatment are in the department of the psychiatrist exactly until he confirms that according to his profile the patient does not have any problems. This is precisely the correct approach to treatment with such a specialist: you can safely make an appointment without fear that you will be “called crazy.” A psychiatrist is first and foremost a doctor, and he first checks whether any completely physical factors: hormones, old injuries, sleep disturbances. A psychiatrist can recommend a good psychologist if the patient does not have problems that require medication.

The first step to solving the problem

In many ways, the strategy for solving a problem depends on who exactly makes the decision. Aggression in a man... What should a woman do who is next to him, lives in the same house with him, and is raising children together? Yes, of course, you can fight, convince, help, but if the situation develops in such a way that you have to constantly endure assault and risk losing your life, it is better to save yourself and save the children.

The best first step for a man is to admit there is a problem. It’s worth being honest with yourself: aggression is a problem that needs to be dealt with first of all by the aggressor himself, and not by his victims.

Possible consequences of aggression and comprehensive work on oneself

We have to admit that in places of deprivation of liberty there are often prisoners who have precisely this vice - unreasonable aggression in men. Reasons require elimination, but excuses have no force or weight. It is worth pulling yourself together, but not relying only on self-control. If outbursts of rage are repeated, then the reason may lie in a hormonal imbalance. This could be overwork, depressive symptoms, as well as social pressure, an unbearable rhythm of life, age-related changes, or some chronic illnesses. Seeing a doctor is the right step to help you cope with destructive behavior. Separate reasons from excuses, this will help to outline original plan action, and soon life will sparkle with new colors.

Humanity rightfully calls itself the highest stage in the evolution of creatures, but not only thanks to reason, consciousness, intellect, but also thanks to emotions. Emotions that cannot be isolated and reduced to a certain list of the body’s basic reactions to what is happening around and inside it. They are unique and amazing. Each of them cannot be called negative, even if we are talking about aggression. Sometimes it can be useful. In what situations does aggression, the psychology of its occurrence, become dangerous and require adjustment? Let's try to figure it out.

The concept of aggression cannot be reduced to its definition as a negative reaction. Aggression (psychology has long come to this conclusion) is a whole complex of reactions that sometimes mobilize the human body to take specific actions (which is good in some situations and bad in others, not approved by society). It is not a basic emotion in its pure form; aggression includes a number of basic ones: anger, fear, disgust. Sometimes with a mixture of surprise and even joy.

We can distinguish aggression as a temporary phenomenon characteristic of all people, or we can distinguish aggression that has formed as a character trait. At this rate, we are not far from antisocial actions. That’s when aggression becomes dangerous and you need to work with these manifestations: correct, redirect, smooth out, change in the end.

It’s not for nothing that every kindergarten, every school, and even some large organizations have a psychologist. Behavioral difficulties can arise at any stage of our lives, and we need to learn to cope with them. And without psychologists, sometimes this is quite problematic, especially in the case of aggression. Sometimes a person himself does not notice how aggressive he is.

The task of correcting aggression begins with finding the causes of its occurrence. A person can copy the behavior of his parents (this is especially true in relation to the speech of relatives, friends, associates, peers. Or he can become aggressive as a result of some tragic events in his life. The reasons are identified in order to select suitable psychocorrective measures.

Aggression is also considered as a reaction either directed at oneself or at others (at all indiscriminately, or at representatives of specific social strata). In the first case, aggressiveness is caused by a series of failures, failures, and depression. May be accompanied by depression. There are also a lot of manifestations of aggression: in speech, in physical violence against others or against oneself, in manifestations of anger, in outbursts of anger (a person can throw something, swing, but not hit, hit with his fist, make noise in another way). Sometimes aggression, as psychology describes such cases, may not be noticeable to others, may look like another emotion.

Methods for identifying aggression will help identify aggression, understand the reasons and determine whether the situation requires the intervention of a psychologist. You will not find truly psychological, serious, scientific, substantiated methods; they are not freely available. But every psychologist has one. And yet, let’s name them, you might suddenly be able to find them: the Bass-Darka technique, Wagner’s Hand test, a special questionnaire from G.P. Lavrentieva. (used The “Drawing of a non-existent animal” (for children), and the Luscher color test, Rosenzweig’s drawing test, the “Unfinished Sentences” test will help diagnose aggressiveness. Some of them are similar to the tests that we often saw in magazines and newspapers. They consist of a series of questions, you answer and count points for each answer. Some are quite unusual and resemble the popular Rorschach blots (blots by which your imagination, emotional state, and even intelligence are judged. If you can easily figure out the first ones, then don’t take risks with the second ones (). aggression, human psychology in general are very fragile “matters”), it is better to go through it with a psychologist, he will help you draw the right conclusions, understand the instructions for interpreting the results and are especially important in diagnostics (the person must be the most objective, it is advisable to use special equipment, and. this can only be done by a professional), survey and behavior analysis professional psychologist.

If aggression interferes with normal life, development, spoils relationships with others, if you are afraid for your child, who often shows negativity, contact a professional. A psychologist will help you learn to cope with negativity and channel your emotions in the right direction.

» Theories of Aggression

© S. Wittmann

Why do people behave aggressively? Theories of aggression

The question of why people generally behave aggressively cannot be answered unambiguously. To explain aggressive behavior, very often a number of reasons, conditions and motives are cited that are somehow connected. Anger or pent-up anger, childhood neglect, violent films and computer games, as well as peer pressure or the desire to be seen as "cool" can all obviously explain people's aggressive behavior.

There are also a variety of scientific methods and ways to explain aggressive behavior.

Drive theory: aggression is a “gut instinct”

The concept of “aggression” became popular thanks to psychoanalysis. Joy is the main feeling that governs human behavior. Equally important feelings or drives are the desire for pleasure (libido) and the instinct of destruction or death (destrudo). Suppressing the death instinct, just like suppressing libido, can lead to serious mental disorders. If a person cannot throw out aggression, then it turns against him. From the point of view of psychoanalysis, the forms of such suppressed aggressive (auto-aggressive) actions are diverse. Some people nervously bite their nails, others lose weight before their eyes. There are also cases of suicide. From this theory we can draw the following conclusions: if the instinct of destruction is inherent in a person, then, of course, it should not be suppressed. On the contrary, it must be manifested in its entirety. In addition, a person must learn to control this instinct. Otherwise, it may lead to self-destruction or destruction of the environment.

Instinct theory: aggression for self-preservation

Based on the theory of instincts, which is used in ethology and sociobiology, aggressive behavior can be explained as follows: a person behaves aggressively for the purpose of self-preservation and adaptation to what is happening. One of these theories includes, for example, the “steam boiler theory.” It was first formulated by Konrad Lorenz, who studied human behavior. In his opinion, a person always has free energy that accumulates in his body. If a certain amount of this energy has already accumulated, then it begins to be released in the form of aggression. Thus, for an “explosion to occur”, no special external reason is needed at all. Any trifle is enough to piss a person off. To calm down, many people play sports or chop wood. Of course, one may doubt that such activities actually serve as a release valve and prevent aggressive behavior that causes harm to society. On the contrary: there are many references to the fact that this method of self-soothing (giving vent to emotions) only stimulates aggressive behavior.

The theory of the cause-and-effect relationship between aggression and frustration: aggression as a result of frustration

Other explanations for aggressive behavior involve external factors that are considered secondary in the steam boiler theory. According to the theory of the cause-and-effect relationship between aggression and frustration, aggression is the result of a state of frustration. This condition occurs when a person cannot achieve his goal because he is prevented by a real or imagined obstacle. At the same time, the person feels weak, helpless and exhausted. However, aggression can occur not only as a result of frustration. And, conversely, not every state of frustration entails aggression. Most likely, it occurs if the inhibition of aggression is not strong enough, and there are additional factors that cause aggression.

Learning theory: aggression is learned

According to new research, aggressive behavior can be explained by the fact that a person learns to be aggressive as a child. Children believe that if they behave aggressively, they will be successful. They see that other children and their parents behave aggressively in some situations and because of this they achieve certain results. Therefore, if children think that this way they can achieve the desired results, then they begin to copy this behavior. Based on this theory, it can be argued that the media, especially television, have a great influence on the aggressive behavior of children. However, research shows that this opinion is largely erroneous. Although children tend to imitate certain characters from films, the decisive influence is still the “real people” who surround them and from whom they actually learn something.

Social Cognitive Theory: Aggression is the result of misinformation

Recently, more and more researchers have been working to improve the social-cognitive model that explains the causes of aggressive human behavior. Scientists believe that aggressive behavior is the result of distortions in information processing, which leads to a distorted perception of the situation. In pedagogical and therapeutic practice, the social-cognitive method of analyzing aggressive behavior is the most effective. Using this method, it is possible to specifically diagnose distortions and influence the necessary stimuli in accordance with the stage of human development.