An important link in the formation of each personality is such a concept as responsibility. Those who can be called responsible people consciously exercise willpower to fulfill the requirements placed on them, focus on the result of the activity and are responsible for any consequences.

But what is the difference between true responsibility and false responsibility? How to distinguish real responsibility from following someone else's will?

Responsibility involves accepting certain obligations while always keeping an eye on your own interests. A responsible person always acts in accordance with his internal attitudes and beliefs, and knows how to make decisions that help him develop and improve. True responsibility always presupposes common sense and the ability to quickly find a way out of the most difficult situations.

False responsibility pushes us into the trap of lack of freedom and dependence on other people's desires and demands. Of course, responsibility helps to develop discipline and willpower, but unlike true responsibility (when we limit ourselves in some way in order to achieve a result), false responsibility is a restriction of our freedom by third parties in order to use us in their own interests.

Any responsibility presupposes the presence of a conscious desire for any activity, the formation of motivation and an attitude towards its implementation, and not coercion of a person through feelings of guilt, shame or a sense of duty.

That is why it is so important to understand in time whether our choice is a strong-willed, responsible decision, or whether our activities are initiated by someone from the outside and we take on unnecessary obligations.

What we are definitely not responsible for in this life:

- emotions and feelings of other people

no one calls us to be callous to other people, but at the moment when we experience a feeling of awkwardness and shame for the actions of another person or we are called to answer for someone’s grievances, we need to clearly understand where our personal zone of responsibility ends;

— assistance in decision making

We can share our experience as much as we want, give advice left and right, but everyone is still responsible for choosing the final decision, and this is the personal responsibility of the other person. So, being responsible for a choice made by someone else is like giving yourself a bad grade for a dictation that was illiterately written by your desk neighbor;

- the expectations and failures of our parents

maybe in your parents’ dreams you floated above the stage in a ballet tutu, and in the end you teach rhythm to younger schoolchildren, or perhaps you even forced your mother to stay on maternity leave, and your father to work two jobs. All these facts do not make you a person who is now obliged to answer for the decisions that responsible adults once made, nor for the unrealistic hopes they harbored;

- life of friends and acquaintances

friendship is built on mutual assistance and mutually beneficial exchange, so we have the right to expect help and support from each other. But demanding that someone take responsibility for our lives and solve our problems is already in the realm of inflated expectations. And if you understand that you are beginning to be responsible for what happens not to you, but to one of your friends and even scold yourself for their failures - you are taking on too much;

- the fate of humanity

no one has canceled such hobbies as the fight against global warming or the protection of architectural monuments. The main thing is not to get hung up on the “butterfly effect”, when in literally every action you see a fateful act that can change the World, and you begin to take responsibility for literally everything that happens around you. Don’t exaggerate your importance; not every time you leave the house is so significant that it can change the Universe.

How to unlearn responsibility for everything in the world.

If you understand that daily anxiety and constant feelings of guilt are your faithful companions, and for all failures you blame only yourself, the time has come to get rid of the burden of unnecessary responsibility.

Surely, since childhood, you were assigned the role of the eldest in the family, and your actions were assessed without taking into account age characteristics. Every habit has its own beginning, and the habit of being responsible for everyone and everything is most often formed in those children who, due to life circumstances, did not have time to be real children and too early began to live adult life with its need to plan, make decisions and be responsible for the consequences .

There are different ways to eradicate this habit. Perhaps playing like a small child will suit you, when for a while you allow yourself to be capricious, play around and act irrationally, without caring at all about the consequences. Don't worry about being sucked into this lifestyle. Those people who, from an early age, were strict with themselves and did not allow too much, have an internal locus of control that is too developed, and it will keep them from breaking down.

It is best to conduct such an experiment on vacation, when your new lifestyle will not interfere with work, study, or organizing your family life. And when, if you’re not on vacation, allow yourself not to follow a routine, refuse unpleasant telephone conversations and pamper yourself with goodies and not the most necessary, but pleasant purchases. You can consolidate the result at home, allowing yourself to irresponsibly “waste your life” once or twice a month.

Another method is suitable if your area of ​​responsibility is relatives, friends and acquaintances. Gather your will in advance and turn off your phone for a few days. Your task is not just to come up with an excuse about a lost SIM card and count the days until the end of unusual therapy. During the entire period of silence, you should focus as much as possible on yourself, listen carefully to what you yourself want and how you would like to occupy the free time that appears.

The result of such an experiment should be a new weekly schedule or action plan that includes exactly your activities, goals and plans. And also the absence of guilt for reducing the percentage of cases necessary to satisfy your many acquaintances.

In addition to long-term experiments, you will need the skills of self-regulation and auto-training, which you will use in those moments when you are again overwhelmed by anxiety about everything in the world. Repeat, like a mantra, the phrases “I am not responsible for the actions of other people” or “don’t demand too much from yourself.” Sooner or later, you will reduce your level of anxiety and be able to think rationally, which will allow you to distinguish those moments that truly require your responsibility.

Being a responsible person is wonderful! There are not many people around who are capable of truly growing up and being responsible for the results of their activities. But if you consider yourself to be one of this rare endangered species, you better be responsible for the safety of your psyche, because you are a rare specimen and can teach people something useful by personal example.

Continuation of the series of articles about the Victim Mentality (VM). Here we will discuss the idea of ​​taking responsibility for your life from a different perspective. More precisely, we will talk in more detail about what 100% or absolute responsibility for your life is, and why it is important if you want to get rid of resentment forever.

But I have news for you. IN EVERY situation related to your relationship with someone and in which you feel resentment or any other negative emotions, the responsibility for these emotions and for the dynamics in this relationship is 100% yours.

This means that complaining about anything in your relationship is stupid by default. If you are responsible for everything, you no longer have that privilege.

Victims complain, but I advise you.

If you take responsibility for everything that I have listed and for everything else that you encounter in life, this will already be colossal progress.

If you refuse to take responsibility for your entire life, you will continue to suffer from a lack of results.

I understand that everything written is a very radical approach to life. And perhaps you thought that I meant that you guilty in everything that happens to you. That it’s supposedly your fault that you live in such a country, that you have such genetics, that an asshole bumped into you, and your boss didn’t promote you.

Far be it from me! There is a big difference between responsibility and guilt, and I will explain it now.

Difference between responsibility and guilt

When I say that you are 100% responsible for everything in your life, I mean that you are responsible for how you react to circumstances in the present moment.

The victim will say that he is unable to start doing anything because of all this negativity from the past. “ I had bad relationships, I had bad family, bad circumstances. How can I overcome all this?!”

When you think like this, you are unable to realize that in fact the problems from the past do not exist! The only place and time in which problems can exist is here and now. And all the problems here and now exist only in your mind Here and now.

Creating a problem should be dictated only by your intention, understand? It is for this intention here and now that you are responsible.

You always have control over your intention, over your reactions, over your outlook on life if you have a high enough level of awareness.

But the problem with MF is precisely that it is not compatible with a high level of awareness. Quite the contrary, it is always accompanied by a low level of awareness, because you do not consciously choose to be a victim.

The Victim mentality operates on a subconscious level.
And what’s more, the victim doesn’t even want to believe that she has the power to react to situations the way she pleases.

Let's say you were hurt in the past. Whatever you think about it, you have the opportunity to choose how you react to it here and now. You may (subconsciously) decide to be a victim. You may feel that you have been treated unfairly.

Ultimately, you may (subconsciously) conclude that you don't deserve more because you experience the same difficulties over and over again.

But there is another option.

You can say that your life here and now is more important to you. And that you are not going to let your imaginary problems poison your life and hold you back.

“I will not allow what is even here and now to hold me back as I choose how I react here and now. And since here and now is my life, I intend to take 100% responsibility for every moment here and now, and therefore for my entire life.”.

With this approach, you no longer need to read anything about the offense, ask about the offense, or talk about your problems. If you are ready to take absolute responsibility for your life, then getting rid of grievances is just a matter of technique. You just need it.

In my opinion, the choice is obvious.

If you take responsibility for your life, gradually everything will begin to change. Only for this you must be serious and decisive.

Indecision in this case is perhaps the worst thing. How often do we go with the flow, not in control of our lives, allowing external circumstances to determine our destiny.

Here's what renowned entrepreneur and life coach Anthony Robbins advises.

1. Make a decision at the moment of enthusiasm.
2. Make a commitment to see it through to completion.
3. Tell yourself that your decision is final and everything will happen as you planned.

Unfortunately, most of us constantly break our promises to ourselves, that is, we lie to ourselves. And if you don’t trust yourself, you simply won’t be able to change anything in your life. How to be?

Challenge yourself

Don't dismiss this article. Don't put everything off until tomorrow. Make a decision Today. Let it be something that you have long wanted or planned to do. Promise yourself that you are halfway there. Tell yourself that you already have all the necessary qualities. After all, otherwise this idea would not have tormented you all this time.

According to researchers, if we make a commitment, especially publicly, the very desire to appear consistent motivates us to act in accordance with the decision we made. Can Commitment Change Behavior? A Case Study of Environmental Actions..

When we make a decision, we build a certain image of ourselves that corresponds to our new behavior.

We begin to perceive ourselves in accordance with this decision. If, as a result, our behavior for a sufficiently long time (about 4 months Commitment, behavior, and attitude change: An analysis of voluntary recycling.) corresponds to the decision made, our attitudes also change.

Fake it until it's true? No. Make a decision to change and stick to it. You don't have to pretend, but...

Finally

Make a decision, take responsibility for it, and communicate it to others. Make a rough action plan. Think about what you want to achieve and what you will need to do to achieve it.

And then create the conditions in which you will inevitably accomplish your plans. Don't leave yourself any loopholes. Over time, a responsible attitude towards life will simply become a habit.

​​​​​​​ Responsibility for yourself - for your life choices, actions, thoughts, feelings, in general - life and destiny.

Such an amazing creature as a person is capable of living irresponsibly, including to himself: destroying his health, his opportunities, his development and his future. Therefore, responsible people think through their interests and their future, determine their goals and objectives, and then ask themselves about their own obligations.

To the extent that by taking responsibility for myself, I communicate to others: “You don’t have to worry about me, I solve my problems myself,” this is a manifestation of social responsibility (or irresponsibility). If a person takes responsibility for himself - to himself, this is his personal responsibility.

Anyone who does not take responsibility for his life on himself, shifting it to others - needs the approval and attention of others, is not a self-sufficient person. Look

Responsibility for oneself develops in those who are accustomed to always seeing their choices. Should I work here or at another job, should I quarrel or be friends with my boss or colleagues, should I stay here or quit - all choices are considered. Should I meet with this person or stop, have a difficult conversation with him or later, be offended by him or this is inappropriate - the one who is used to seeing his choices can be responsible for his life and is not in the position of the Victim.

Responsibility and self-care

If a person is unable to take care of himself, then he is unlikely to be able to help other people. A responsible person always takes reasonable care of himself - at least as an instrument that still has a lot to do in life. Look

Do you know what distinguishes a boss from a subordinate? Leader from follower? Maybe a separate office with a leather sofa? Pretty secretary? Company car with driver? High salary?

Yes, exactly, the bosses have it all. Why are they so happy? For the ability to see the target? The ability to ignite and motivate others? Confident looking? Honesty? Or for the ability not only to make decisions to achieve a goal, but also to take responsibility for the results of the decisions made?

Why do real leaders take responsibility?

After all, it’s much easier to either not make any decisions or blame everything on someone else. This is the same primordial human quality - the reluctance to take responsibility for one’s actions, which Adam and his wife proved by unanimously shifting responsibility for the decision made onto everyone who caught their eye, including the Creator.

It is noteworthy that the Creator in this case did not say: “well, okay, for the first time I forgive, no matter what the child enjoys... you will grow up.” Do you know why? Because human nature is such that a person, even if he is at least three times honest, but if he is allowed to do whatever he wants without consequences, 99.5% of people will feel unpunished after a certain time.

Responsibility is the price we pay for power (Winston Churchill)

Illustration. I want to tell you the story of Samson. In fact, many people know about Samson, but somehow everything is more about his antics with Delilah and in the context of female cunning. But the background to his tragedy began precisely with irresponsibility, which stemmed from impunity and immaturity.

Samson was a Nazirite. Few people find this word informative, so I’ll explain. Nazarenes are people who were dedicated to serving God from birth. God gave them exceptional abilities and talents for observing (in addition to communicating with Him) certain rituals and external visible signs. In particular, Nazirites did not have the right:

• Eating grapes and all their derivatives (for example, drinking wine and eating raisins)
• Cut hair
• Touch a dead body, even if it was your own parents
• And this is in addition to what was prescribed for an ordinary Orthodox Jew.

Samson, in his Naziriteship, possessed colossal, superhuman strength. Simply Mister Incredible. What did our hero do with his gift?

• Killed a lion (pulled his head into his shoulders, waited for the result - the strength did not disappear)
• After a while, the bees built a hive in the lion’s body - he pulled out honey (from the dead body) and ate it (he became wary - the power did not disappear)
• He made friends with the Philistines (the sworn enemies of the Jews), drank with them and decided to marry one of their women (occasionally glancing at the sky and flexing his muscles)
• When the Philistines did not please him, he grabbed the jawbone of a dead (!) donkey and beat with it those who came to hand (no matter where and no matter what)

So the situation with Delilah is not a question of frivolous, crazy love, but a question of irresponsibility for decisions made. Samson died untimely and not heroically. His strength returned only for a moment and only because God had his own opinion about the future of the Philistines.

Most people don't really want freedom because it implies responsibility, and most people are afraid of responsibility (Sigmund Freud)

So the question is: what is good and what is bad?

• not make any decisions?
• make any decisions and see what comes out of it?

But, dear ones, it is only a matter of making a decision and the associated risk. These are not questions of responsibility for decisions made. We make decisions every day. Not making any decisions is also a decision. Not caring is also a solution.

Mindlessness is also a solution. We take risks every day: no one knows 100% in advance what this or that action will lead to - Annushka could already spill her oil. Proposing solutions through creativity is great, as long as you know you won't have to answer for it. By the way, this is why the management always looks more conservative than the team - they know what to hit, if something happens, they will start with him. Thus, the best way to develop a sense of responsibility in a person is to give him this responsibility.

What if they are not promoted to responsible positions?

Secret: the lack of an inner core is painted in large letters on the forehead. Because responsibility is either fear of punishment or maturity - there is no third option. And if you are responsible only because you will be fired for poor quality work, this is not leadership responsibility at all. It's time to reconsider priorities and reframe (change the picture in your head). Everything in the world is relative.

A simple example. People look at the price of a product (service, training, etc.) from one of two points of view: in relation to the contents of their wallet or in relation to the value of what is being offered. And what’s curious is that the price does not change on its own, but if the point of view suddenly changes, the attitude changes dramatically. Those. If a training course is expensive relative to your wallet (say, $50), then when you understand WHAT exactly you will learn from this course, your attitude changes. Because you already think in other categories: in terms of profit, not spending.

What does this have to do with responsibility for the decision made? It's simple. One may decide not to make any decisions to avoid responsibility. Then others will decide for you. You have nothing to lose and nothing to gain. Perhaps in old age you will become a little sad that life has flown by and you haven’t managed to do anything. And it won’t occur to you that you didn’t have time because you didn’t want to have time.

You can start making risky decisions and taking responsibility for them. It's scary, you can fly in... Yes, you can take off. But in any case, victory or defeat, we gain Experience. The most valuable thing into which you can convert the slipping time.

I really like the phrase that one of my acquaintances says: “If I dream of my own house and hammer in at least one nail every day, I will hit my fingers with a hammer more than once, but in five years I will have my own house and construction experience.” houses that I can pass on to my son. And if I just dream about a house, in five years I’ll just become older.”

In order for the inscription on your forehead to change from “Executor” to “Leader,” you need to work a little on yourself. For example, learn to admit your own mistakes and take responsibility for your decisions.

Do you want to learn how to take responsibility for making decisions?

You can start doing this like this: take a pen, a notepad and make a list. Begin each phrase with the words: “I am responsible for...” Continue the phrase with any expressions, no matter how absurd they may seem to you. Try to have at least 10 statements on your list.

Meaning: get used to this frightening phrase and learn to say it out loud.

• Try to take on everything that was previously unknown to you. Learn new hobbies (dancing, surfing, drawing), don’t be afraid to change your hobbies and interests. Practice public speaking (you can start in front of children, parents, a cat, a photograph) - such experience is invaluable for a future leader.
• Just avoid competitions and activities where you will have to compare yourself with others. There is a risk that
• Rejoice in small victories, keep a Success Diary. Every day before you go to bed, write a list of at least three, and preferably seven, things that you managed to cope with. Not great, not brilliant, just manageable. Because the concept of “brilliant” is different for everyone: if for a sanguine person even moving his grandmother across the road is a brilliant act, then for a melancholic person the annual financial report of a large company will not become brilliant if he put a comma in the wrong place.

This exercise should not depend on whether the day turned out to be successful or, conversely, mediocre. Just do it every day without missing a single one. And you will see the sky in diamonds. This is no joke: you will become a positive person very quickly. Stop focusing on failures and start concentrating on things and projects from which you emerged victorious. Believe the opinion of a former melancholic introvert.