Methods of forgetting. Effective methods on how to forget the past
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Life is full of events, and they are not always joyful: some of them you simply want to erase from your memory. However, often a person mentally plays out a negative situation in his head, returning to it again and again. However, you can get rid of this habit, and the tips described below will help with this.
How to forget an unpleasant event?
When thinking about how to forget something forever, you should resort to the following method. You will be required to relive the negative event without changing the plot. It is important that you feel emotionally what happened in the past. Remember all the little things you can.
Then imagine that all this happened not to you, but to someone else. What advice would you give to this person? Surely you would see the situation from a different angle. Put yourself in the shoes of the people who participated in it. What emotions are you feeling now? Most likely, you will not be so offended by everything that happened. After this, imagine how the picture fades and then disappears from your field of vision. You can even mentally drown her in sulfuric acid. She is no more, she has disappeared, she has died, which means you can let everything go. Understand that the past is dead and will never come back. Once you understand this, the pain will go away.
How can you forget something terrible?
You can erase a terrible event from your memory by switching your brain to something completely different. This could be work, a new hobby, dating. Also, you shouldn’t be alone, otherwise thoughts about what happened will simply haunt you. It’s better to spend some time with friends and relatives. Of course, from time to time, memories of a negative event will pop up in your memory, but every day it will hurt you less and less.
Some people have nightmares in which they return to that terrible reality and relive it. In this case, you need to think only about good things before going to bed. For example, thank your Higher Power for the positive things that happened over the past day. It could be:
- meeting with an old friend;
- your baby's smile or first words;
- a pleasant memory - a cute kitten or puppy, a beautiful butterfly.
You can also watch a comedy, a concert of your favorite artist, or listen to a new album before going to bed. It is important that you take your mind off what is weighing you down. As a result, you will go to bed in high spirits, which means you will only have pleasant dreams.
How to forget something bad in your life?
Bad events often happen in a person’s life, and most often he blames a relative, friend, or acquaintance for them. As a result, hatred appears, but it does not allow you to live in peace. In this case, it is very important to forgive the person who harmed you and let him go. Meditation will help you with this. Sit in a comfortable chair or lie down on your bed, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Once you are completely relaxed, you can begin to meditate. Imagine a place where you will be as comfortable as possible, and invite your offender there. Look into his eyes, look at his facial features, look at his clothes.
Now tell him everything you think about him. Surely you have accumulated a lot. You don't have to be shy in your expressions. Once you tell your abuser how you feel, you will feel better.
The next stage will be forgiveness. Take the person by the hands, look into his eyes and tell him that you forgive him. This must be done sincerely. Say the words “I forgive you” as many times as you want until you believe it. After this, you can let the offender go: look after him, wish him happiness and surround him with love.
You should feel lightness, it will be a sign that you have let go of the situation. If not, you need to do this exercise every evening. It may take you a month or a week, take your time, as it will become easier for you. As a result, the bad event will not dominate your mind; your brain will simply forget it.
How to forget a negative event forever?
The following exercise will help you forget something forever. For it you will need to find a sheet of paper, a saucer, matches and a pen. Sit down at the table and describe a negative event that happened to you. Remember all the details. Once you realize that you have nothing more to add, reread what you wrote and tear the paper, imagining how the negative situation is erased from your memory.
Then take a saucer, put scraps of paper in it and set them on fire. Look carefully at the flame, imagine how all your grievances and memories burn in it. Once the paper is completely burned, wash off the ash with water. That's it, this memory is no longer there, it has no power over your mind. Remember this and enjoy today without going back to the past.
You can read more tips on consigning memories to oblivion in our article -.
Every person has experienced periods in his life that he would not like to remember. Many, despite the difficulties, cope with this and continue to live, only sometimes remembering past troubles. Others constantly think about it, thereby depriving themselves of the opportunity to enjoy present and future events. They want to go back and fix something so that their life turns out differently.
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It doesn’t matter what exactly depresses a person: separation from a man, death of a beloved guy, guilt, missed opportunities or betrayal of a woman. You must try to erase the past from your memory forever in order to start living in the present. Thoughts about past negative events are not able to improve a person’s life; they deprive him of happiness.
Why the past won't let go
Many people are tormented by the question: why some, even after difficult trials and shocks, easily recover and are able to start a new life, while others fall into depression for many years after an unsuccessful one-month romance. The person seems to get stuck in grievances and understatements, constantly feeling the negative that does not allow him to forget the painful situation, and spends all his time in melancholy.
Possible reasons:
- Self-pity. Sometimes this happens because a person likes to feel sorry for himself and does not want to change, because it is convenient for him to sit in his shell and cherish his troubles, closing himself off from his surroundings. It's like masochism.
- Fear of defeat. Because of the negativity received, a person thinks that if something didn’t work out for him before, then it will never work out. Or, if someone once offended him, he will do the same again. Psychologists compare this to driving a car: if a passenger cannot look ahead, he really wants to watch the rearview mirror, which only shows the road that has already been driven. This is the past.
Instead of only occasionally looking back, a person does not look into the future at all. It is better to always look forward, and look back only in order to feel feedback from your present ones. actions.
Many people find it very difficult to let go of the past on their own, without resorting to the help of a specialist. But before you go to a psychologist, you can try to do it yourself. Here everything depends on age, personality and character, on the atmosphere in which a person’s childhood took place. Healing from old wounds is a difficult and lengthy procedure, but no matter what burden hangs behind one’s shoulders, every person has the strength to do it. The most effective advice from psychologists:
| Advice | Description |
| Make a firm decision | In order to immediately and forever forget about the past and start living again, determination is required. You need to make an irrevocable decision to free yourself from it and start working with this problem. Here you will need a very strong desire: just accept the fact that time is fleeting, and thoughts about the past take away the present |
| Spit out the negativity on paper | You need to find time to be alone in silence with yourself. Arm yourself with a piece of paper and try to throw out everything that has accumulated in your head on it. You need to write down every detail without mincing words. If you want to cry or scream, do it. You should let everything out of yourself, because this is the only way to be completely free. It doesn’t happen that absolutely everything in the past is bad, so you need to try to find the positive in it: write a few such moments. After parting with the bad, you need to take this sheet, re-read it carefully and thank fate for all the good things that happened in the past. You need to understand what exactly prevents you from letting go of the past, what negative emotions: resentment, sadness, guilt, regret or anger. Process each emotion in turn and let them go |
| To apologize | Today it no longer matters what exactly happened and who is to blame. You can't turn back time, because the job is done and real suffering won't change that. You can mentally apologize, forgive (your husband), even visit church. Draw in your imagination a picture of a meeting with each offended person (wife, girlfriend) and words of forgiveness. Sometimes more than one such psychological session is required for complete liberation, but the sooner work on this begins, the sooner liberation will come. If you know the contacts of the one who was offended, you need to find him and apologize, stop being jealous |
| Forgive yourself | All people, without exception, have the right to make mistakes. If it seems that the offense committed is too serious or there is no one to ask for forgiveness, you can switch to caring for others. It is impossible to change the past; you can try to make the lives of other people happier: volunteer in a nursing home, orphanage, or simply help your neighbors. You must try to let go of the resentment and pain from your heart towards everyone who once offended you. This is enough to turn the page |
| Forgive yourself | You need to forgive yourself. It should be remembered that it is much easier to forgive others. Sometimes a person does not even realize that he has been resenting himself for a long time. This usually manifests itself in complexes, constant feelings of guilt, insufficient self-esteem or dissatisfaction with life. To get rid of this painful condition, you need to open up as much as possible and forgive yourself.. To do this, psychologists recommend a special exercise: imagine yourself in the past as a child, and in the present as an adult and reasonable person. Mentally arrange a meeting for them and sincerely forgive the baby, thank him for the experience gained and say goodbye to him forever. You should realize that no past mistakes make a person worse or angrier. Don't destroy your self-confidence by constantly replaying them in your mind and punish yourself with harsh judgments. |
| Get distracted | You need to understand that a person and his mistakes are not the same thing. This is the only way to come to terms with your past. You need to understand how much energy and strength is wasted when a person feels sorry for himself and lives in the past and try to change himself. Going to a beauty salon, changing your image or finding an individual style helps a lot. You can take courses in learning a foreign language, driving or sewing. The best remedy is playing sports. When new activities appear in life, a person does not have time to think about the burden of the past. Constantly thinking about wasted time, bad relationships and missed opportunities is a road to nowhere. All this, like self-pity, is destructive feelings |
| Change your perspective on the situation | We must try to change our view of the current situation, because we have gained valuable experience and learned from mistakes. We must try to prevent their repetitions. It's worth thinking about whether past events are really that important. Most likely, this is not the case, especially in comparison with something truly important. It is necessary to paint a complete picture for yourself and, if these are small things, you should not worry about them. This perception will help you rise to a higher level of consciousness. Instead of feeling stuck in the past, there will be a perception of greater opportunity. This method helps you quickly free yourself from the burden of the past. |
| Creatively visualize liberation | You need to close your eyes and mentally draw a picture of liberation: imagine that an old program on your computer hard drive is being deleted. After removing it, you need to convince yourself that everything bad is gone forever along with this program. We must understand that the past no longer exists and it will never return. It cannot be changed, but you can influence real events. For this purpose, there is breathing meditation, which allows a person to focus on the “here and now.” This allows you to increase your ability to take action and expand your capabilities. |
| Stop thinking about the past | You need to stop thinking about the past, look to the future and apply all your existing experience to make tomorrow successful, happy and full of love. Concentrating on the past takes away all your vital energy, so you need to learn how to competently manage your life and get the opportunity to become happy now, regardless of what happened in the past. If a person imagines what exactly he wants, this will lead him to positive actions, because our consciousness is desire. Therefore, people require an ideal picture of the future. Don't worry about what others will think. You need to find your ideal and strive for it |
| Give vent to emotions | If the pain is still so fresh and the negativity haunts you, there is no need to try to be strong. You can allow yourself to be a little sad, cry, release your emotions (break dishes), and hit the punching bag with all your might. An excellent remedy is to clear the space: throw out all the junk from the house, update your wardrobe, tidy up the little things. This will help you physically feel how your life is changing for the better. |
Throwing away the negativity of the past and letting go of grievances is much easier than it seems. The main thing is to start right now, and after a short time a person will be drawn into a new and happy life.
A memory is not a one-dimensional thought or idea. It is the sum of impressions from specific events in your past. You remember not a point in time, but many sensory details.
For example, if you try to remember a pleasant day spent at the beach as a child, more than just an image of a river will come to mind. You will remember how warm the sand was, the smell of the wind and the taste of the ice cream you bought at the kiosk across the street.
Any of these sensations can become a trigger. When you buy an ice cream that tastes similar to the one from your childhood, you will be transported back to a hot day on a river beach.
Thus, memories are inseparable from context.
2. How to manage memories?
Context is the most important factor for anyone who wants to learn to manage their memories. After all, with its help you can consolidate a memory. The wider and brighter the context, the more strongly we remember the event.
Let's go back to the memory of a hot day at the beach. It is advisable that you detail, setting, emotions and feelings. Then the context will be formed.
If you remember the easy flow of river water, the warm sand of the coast, the hot asphalt of the path next to your umbrella and the creamy taste of ice cream, the memory of this day will remain very vivid and full for many years. The broader the context, the more varied the experience. This is what we recall when we remember a hot day spent in childhood.
So if we know how to use context to create a memory, can we find a way to erase our memories?
3. How can you erase memories?
A forgetting strategy may be to allow yourself to forget certain details of an event in order to destroy the memory completely.
To test this assumption, scientists conducted a study in which two groups of people took part. They had to learn words from two separate lists while simultaneously looking at photographs of different landscapes to create context for the memory.
One group was told to approach the task very carefully: memorize the first list of words and only then move on to the second. Subjects from the second group were asked to first learn words and then forget them. Then the volunteers had to repeat what they remembered.
The brain activity of the experiment participants was studied using functional MRI. It turned out that the subjects who forgot the learned words had a much lower level of activity in the part of the brain that is responsible for processing images. This group of participants simply let the words and images slip from their minds.
When the brain tries to remember words, facts, images, it is constantly working to create context. When the brain tries to forget something, it initially rejects the context and abstracts itself from it. Therefore, memories are created with difficulty and do not last long.
If we return to the example with the beach, we can say this: in order to forget this day, you would have to specifically try to forget the taste of ice cream and the hot sand under your feet.
4. Is it possible to delete a memory completely?
Does this method always work 100%? Of course not. It’s impossible to say that scientists have discovered a magical way to forget, like in the movie “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.” We know too little about the brain and do not know how to erase memories.
Forgetting is very useful. We can use it to help us cope with a traumatic experience or painful event. Forgetting is necessary to clear the brain of unnecessary information.
In the experiment, participants remembered and forgot simple things: words and pictures. A real memory consists of dozens of details and sensory impressions, so erasing it is not so easy. But this research is the first step at the beginning of a very intriguing and alluring path.
It looks like we can figure out how to forget unpleasant and unnecessary things. More importantly, we will learn to remember happy days and moments for the rest of our lives.
It's not just your life that has had so much negativity. Most people have terrible memories that need to be unleashed for a second and they will be devoured. Therefore, let's talk about how to forget bad memories. By the way, if you can do this, your psychological state will change for the better, which means your present will become a little better.
Do you need a psychotherapist?
Sometimes they just sit and agree, shaking their heads. The same thing happens when communicating with friends: a friend sits and assents, everything ultimately comes down to rubbing out the terrible past and tearing apart old wounds. So, we don’t need such a psychotherapist. But a more intelligent one will be quite suitable, but only on the condition that the two of you will work together.
Both cognitive therapy and body-oriented therapy can help. But here is a fairly effective method from a psychotherapist, who told the author how to get rid of bad memories (well, or part of them) in a week. We just start a notebook (maybe with an ugly picture) and for a whole week we write down all the bad memories of childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. Don't be shy and pour it all out. The second option is from Lissy Moussa’s simoron: we write down all the nasty things on small pieces of paper, everywhere, even at work, even on the trolleybus. Spend a week on this too. And on Saturday we string everything on a thread and wear it on our belt like a tail. The result is the same: both the tail and the notebook need to be burned on Sunday evening and the ashes scattered. Then walk from that place at a brisk pace and without looking back.
If this is labor-intensive and unpleasant for you, just shout out and speak out, even if it’s to a supportive friend who is ready to erase this negativity for the umpteenth time. The next thing to do is to take a spoonful of honey out of all this and understand what good there was from all this evil. Well, now you can get rid of this trash of negative memories.
We forgive
We forgive ourselves and forgive those who became the source of bad memories. A mature person fully understands that at the time of the wrong action he probably had no other choice. Just like the one who offended him. The only thing you can do here is forgive. Try to understand what is unacceptable for you (insults, betrayals, humiliation of your neighbor, self-affirmation at the expense of others, scams) for others may be the norm, because such people were not taught differently and were not given the same upbringing as you. And further. If you were once insulted or humiliated, this does not mean that you are bad. Perhaps the person simply asserted himself in this way, or was pursuing his own goals, in achieving which you were simply something passable.
Pick up the ball
There is one method to forget bad memories, at least for a short time. This method will not get rid of them forever, but it will definitely prevent them from taking over you. So, as soon as something unpleasant comes to mind, we pick up the ball and remember the children's game: I know ten names of boys. We hit the ball against the wall and remember five boys' names. Let's complicate things further. Today you saw ten beautiful things and did ten good things. It doesn't cure, but it relieves pain.
And in general, active movements and physical activity can work a miracle. We do yoga or something from the “smart body” category four times a week. It takes a little time, but it is distracting. Helps for the first time after a flurry of negative emotions.
Getting rid of things
How to get rid of bad memories if everything around you “turns on” their button? No way. So, we take out to the trash all the things that remind us of our betrayed friends. We also send a photo of the betrayed husband there... Things should not become a source of negative memories. It’s much more difficult with phrases and words that provoke.
Coming up with an alternative history
In fact, memories can be replaced. Moreover, even the most negative memories are sometimes overgrown with unpleasant details that... did not happen.
So why not replace them with good ones? Or, instead of loneliness, poverty and humiliation from classmates and parents in adolescence, imagine that you were popular, wealthy and loved by your parents.
If in childhood you were attacked by a dog and since then you have been afraid of them, then you can also revive in your memory the moment that your older brother or father protected you. And after that, think about how good it is to be saved by your brother or dad. You can also rewrite an unpleasant story from the past and change the course of events so that everything ends happily and joyfully.
Just an exercise
You can lie down on the sofa or sit in the most comfortable chair. The main thing is to be alone and quiet. Watch your breathing a little. Try to imagine your memory in some collective way. You don't really need a clear picture - you need something that evokes emotions in you. Now attach adjustment knobs to this picture: just like on an old TV. If this is already difficult for your imagination, a remote control on which you can turn down the sound and brightness will do. Now rotate this knob or press the remote control button. First we turn the sound down to zero. Now, you no longer hear insults from your classmates or your ex. Now we remove the contrast of the memory. And finally, we remove the brightness. As a result, the unpleasant picture from the past should turn into a silent blur. Do all this very smoothly, slowly destroying memories. You can repeat the exercise when negative moments come to mind again.
The second option is to place the resulting picture in a room with many lamps. And now, slowly but surely, we turn off the lamps one by one: the first, the second, the tenth... the image becomes visible worse and worse... You can also repeat this exercise. Over time, you will realize that the memory no longer hurts so much.
You can also imagine that what hurts you so much is just a dream from the past.
And remember that memories are just imprints from the past. They simply no longer exist, just as the past does not exist. Were you bullied by children at school? You can look at the children now passing under your window. Are you afraid? So, there is no past, which means it’s quite possible to get rid of it.
Chances are, we all have memories that people would like to forget. A disturbing incident, an embarrassing situation, humiliation, insults from a loved one - it could be anything. And no matter how hard you try to forget it, the memory resists.
There is no need to suppress all unpleasant thoughts. There are times when you need to reflect on what went wrong so you can learn from your mistakes and move on. But when the only effect of your thoughts is to prolong the pain, you need to get rid of them and move on.
Recent research suggests that people can program themselves to forget things on purpose. Here's how to forget what you don't want to remember.
Drive away bad thoughts
Making a conscious decision not to think about bad memories can help erase them forever. When you are reminded of something you don't want to think about, don't let your mind think about it.
Forget all the details associated with memories
To get rid of bad memories, forget about the details, people, and emotions associated with them. Details may include smells, sounds or images associated with an event you do not want to remember. For example, if you don't want to think about a traumatic event, remove the details associated with it from your mind. It could be the song playing in the background or the faces that were looking at you at the time.
Do this daily
Suppressing unpleasant memories is difficult. Any thought that is suppressed tends to ricochet. For example, if you want to block the emotions associated with a car accident, your brain looks for any thought about it to block it. This makes it, so to speak, more accessible. That is, when you don’t block it, the thought rushes back and again haunts you. Thus, you need to block memories on a daily basis. You need to regularly push them out of your consciousness.
Don't focus too much on blocking thoughts
Blocked thoughts tend to come to life faster and stronger when you give them too much meaning and attention. Recognize the fact that suppressing thoughts is very difficult, but you must continue to work at it, while trying not to overdo it.
Avoid triggers
Certain images, objects, smells or places may trigger bad memories for you. Remove objects or images that are preventing you from forgetting something you don't want to remember from your mind. Avoid places or meeting people that remind you of your painful past.
Distract your mind
Another strategy you can try is to replace the bad memory with something good. If the thought of a past failure continues to haunt you, try thinking about how you succeeded at something in the past. Don't let bad memories affect your mood. As soon as they wash over you, start thinking about something good.
Associate something positive with a bad memory
Learn to associate negative thoughts with positive ones. This will help you overcome bad feelings. For example, think about your bad moment while enjoying a good movie, or do something that makes you happy. A positive association will make your negative memory less painful.
Become aware of the memory
Another theory suggests that becoming fully aware of the memory and the negative emotions associated with it will help you cope with painful emotions. Feel angry, sad or hurt. Squeal, scream, cry. Let go of your emotions to reduce their power over you.
Use a release ritual to erase your memory
This is a mental exercise, a kind of ritual to free yourself from negative emotions or memories that have settled in your mind. Write down every detail of the memory that you want to forget. Allow yourself to write openly, knowing that no one will read it. Then you need to burn the sheet of paper. When you see that the paper is on fire, you mentally release the memory. Alternatively, you can also tear or shred the paper into small pieces, this also helps a lot.
Practice mindfulness
Learn to focus on the present moment instead of thinking and worrying about your past, which cannot be changed or predicted in the future. Don't go through your day on autopilot. Notice and pay attention to small details, sights, smells and sounds. Regular meditation practice will help you to be mindful and appreciate every moment of life.
Live your life to the fullest and create good memories
Always be around people who make you happy. If possible, travel and meet new people. Communicate as much as possible. This will help you form new good memories, which will naturally make your bad memories disappear.
Don't sit idle
Invent a new hobby or physical activity. Devote yourself to creativity and take part in arts and crafts activities. Spend your energy creating something new, or try yourself as a volunteer. You will be constantly busy and have less time to spend thinking about bad memories.
Talk to someone about it
Talking to a trusted friend or family member can help. Their advice, opinions and similar stories can give you a different perspective on things and help you forget what you don't want to remember.
By following all these tips, you will be able to erase bad memories from your memory and gain complete control over your life.