What days are celebrated after the death of a person? What you need to know about the memorial service. Funeral meal: dishes and etiquette

In countries where historically long and strong Christian traditions have developed, everyone knows that after death of a person The third day after the sad event, the ninth day and the fortieth day are of particular importance. Almost everyone knows, but many cannot say for what reasons these dates - 3 days, 9 days and 40 days - are so important. What happens, according to traditional ideas, to a person’s soul until the ninth day after his departure from earthly life?

Path of the soul

Christian ideas about the afterlife human soul may vary depending on a particular denomination. And if in the Orthodox and Catholic picture of the afterlife and the fate of the soul in it there are still few differences, then in various Protestant movements the range of opinions is very large - from almost complete identity with Catholicism to leaving far from tradition, up to complete denial of the existence of hell as places of eternal torment for the souls of sinners. Therefore, the Orthodox version of what happens to the soul in the first nine days after the beginning of another, afterlife, is more interesting.

Patristic tradition (that is, the recognized corpus of works of the Fathers of the Church) says that after the death of a person, for almost three days his soul has almost complete freedom. She not only has all the “baggage” from earthly life, that is, hopes, attachments, fullness of memory, fears, shame, the desire to complete some unfinished business, and so on, but she is also able to be anywhere. It is generally accepted that on these three days the soul is either next to the body, or, if a person died away from home and family, next to his loved ones, or in those places that for some reason were especially dear or noteworthy for this person. On the third tribute, the soul loses complete freedom of its behavior and is taken by angels to Heaven to worship the Lord there. That is why on the third day, according to tradition, it is necessary to hold a memorial service and thus finally say goodbye to the soul of the deceased.

Having worshiped God, the soul goes on a kind of “tour” through paradise: it is shown the Kingdom of Heaven, it gets an idea of ​​what paradise is, it sees the unity of righteous souls with the Lord, which is the goal of human existence, it meets the souls of saints, and the like. This “survey” journey of the soul through paradise lasts six days. And here, if you believe the Fathers of the Church, the first torment of the soul begins: seeing the heavenly pleasure of the saints, she understands that, due to her sins, she is unworthy to share their fate and is tormented by doubts and fear that she will not go to heaven. On the ninth day, the angels again take the soul to God so that it can glorify His Love for the saints, which it has just been able to observe in person.

What is important these days for the living?

However, according to Orthodox worldview, you should not perceive the nine days after death as an exclusively otherworldly matter, which does not seem to concern the surviving relatives of the deceased. On the contrary, it is precisely forty days after the death of a person that for his family and friends is the time of greatest rapprochement between the earthly world and the Kingdom of Heaven. Because it is precisely during this period that the living can and must make every effort to contribute to the best possible fate of the soul of the deceased, that is, its salvation. To do this, you need to constantly pray, hoping for God’s mercy and forgiveness of your soul’s sins. This is important from the point of view of determining the fate of a person’s soul, that is, where it will wait Last Judgment, in heaven or hell. At the Last Judgment, the fate of each soul will be decided finally, so those of them who were placed in hell have hope that prayers for it will be heard, it will be forgiven (if they pray for a person, even though he committed many sins, which means there was something good in him) and will be awarded a place in heaven.

Ninth day after death of a person is in Orthodoxy, no matter how strange it may sound, almost festive. People believe that for the last six days the soul of the deceased has been in heaven, albeit as a guest, and can now adequately praise the Creator. Moreover, it is believed that if a person drove righteous life and theirs good deeds If he has won the favor of the Lord through love for his neighbors and repentance for his own sins, then his posthumous fate can be decided after nine days. Therefore, on this day a person’s loved ones should, firstly, pray especially earnestly for his soul, and secondly, hold a memorial meal. Wake on the ninth day, from the point of view of tradition, they should be “uninvited” - that is, no one needs to be specially invited to them. Those who wish the soul of the deceased all the best should come without reminders themselves.

However, in reality, funerals are almost always invited in a special way, and if more people are expected than the home can accommodate, then they are held in restaurants or similar establishments. Wake on the ninth day, this is a calm remembrance of the deceased, which should not turn into either an ordinary party or mourning gatherings. It is noteworthy that the Christian concept of special meaning Three, nine and forty days after the death of a person were adopted by modern occult teachings. But they gave these dates a different meaning: according to one version, the ninth day is designated by the fact that during this period the body supposedly decomposes; according to another, at this milestone, one of the bodies dies, after the physical, mental and astral, which can appear as a ghost. 40 days after death: the last milestone

In the Orthodox tradition, the third, ninth and fortieth days after the death of a person have a certain meaning for his soul. But it is the fortieth day that has special significance: for believers, this is the milestone that finally separates earthly life from eternal life. That's why 40 days after death, from a religious point of view, the date is even more tragic than the fact of physical death itself.

The struggle for the soul between hell and heaven

According to Orthodox ideas, which originate from the holy cases described in the Lives, from the theological works of the Fathers of the Church and from canonical services, the human soul from the ninth to the fortieth days passes through a series of obstacles called aerial ordeals. From the moment of death until the third day, a person’s soul remains on earth and can be close to his loved ones or travel anywhere. From the third to the ninth days, she remains in paradise, where she is given the opportunity to appreciate the benefits that the Lord gives to souls in the Kingdom of Heaven as a reward for a righteous or holy life.

The ordeals begin on the ninth day and represent such obstacles in which nothing depends on the human soul itself. A person changes the ratio of his good and evil thoughts, words and actions only in earthly life; after death he is no longer able to add or subtract anything. Ordeals are, in fact, “judicial competitions” between representatives of hell (demons) and heaven (angels), which have an analogy in the debate between a prosecutor and a lawyer. There are twenty ordeals in total, and they represent one or another sinful passion to which all people are subject. During each of the ordeals, demons present a list of a person’s sins associated with a given passion, and angels announce a list of his good deeds. It is generally accepted that if the list of sins for each ordeal turns out to be more substantial than the list of good deeds, then the person’s soul goes to hell if, by God’s mercy, good deeds do not multiply. If there are more good deeds, the soul moves on to the next ordeal, as in the case if there are equal numbers of sins and good deeds.

The final decision of fate

The doctrine of aerial ordeals is not canonical, that is, it is not included in the main doctrinal code of Orthodoxy. However, the authority of patristic literature has led to the fact that for many centuries similar ideas about the posthumous path of the soul are actually the only ones within the framework of this religious denomination. Period from ninth to fortieth day after death a person is considered the most important, and the fortieth day itself is perhaps the most tragic date even in comparison with death itself. The fact is that, according to Orthodox beliefs, on the fortieth day, after going through the ordeal and seeing all the horrors and torments that await sinners in hell, the soul of a person appears directly before God for the third time (the first time - on the third day, the second time - on the ninth day). And it is at this moment that the fate of the soul is decided - where it will remain until the Last Judgment, in hell or in the Kingdom of Heaven.

It is believed that by that time the soul had already passed all possible tests, which were supposed to determine whether a person could earn salvation with his earthly life. The soul had already seen heaven and could feel how worthy or unworthy it was to share the fate of the righteous and saints. She has already gone through ordeals and understands how numerous and serious her sins are. By this point, she must completely repent and trust only in God's mercy. That is why the fortieth day after death is perceived by the Church and the loved ones of the deceased as a key milestone, after which the soul goes either to heaven or to hell. It is necessary to pray earnestly for the soul of the deceased, based on at least three motives. Firstly, prayer can influence the Lord’s decision regarding the fate of the soul: attention is drawn both to the very fact of the indifference of those close to a person, and to the possible intercession before God of the saints to whom they pray. Secondly, if a soul is nevertheless sent to hell, this does not mean final death for it: the fate of all people will be finally decided during the Last Judgment, which means there is still an opportunity to change the decision through prayers. Thirdly, if a person’s soul has found the Kingdom of Heaven, it is necessary to adequately thank God for the mercy He has shown.

In Russia it is customary to celebrate important dates- during life, these are birthdays, and after death, remember the day of departure. This date is especially important for Christians. After all, they believe in the resurrection and subsequent eternal life with God. Therefore, the existence of the soul has no end for believers. How can one honorably, in a Christian manner, remember the deceased on the anniversary of his death?

Funeral traditions

In Orthodoxy, it is customary to remember the dead; the ancient Slavs also had such a ritual. It takes place on the day of the funeral itself, then 9 or 40 days later. On the anniversary of death, it is also customary to gather for a special meal. How to remember the deceased if he was a Christian? The most important thing is, of course, prayer. It is also necessary to refrain from heavy libations, or better yet, from alcohol altogether. Under no circumstances should ceremonial commemorations turn into riotous fun. This is very far from Christian traditions.

In addition to private prayer, on the anniversary of death in the church they order:

• a special commemoration during the Liturgy is the morning service, during which pieces are taken from the consecrated bread for the departed. It is customary to order the so-called “Sorokoust” - they will commemorate at forty services;

• memorial service - usually served on Saturdays, but you can arrange with the priest for another day. You can come to the funeral service weekly, but the anniversary is a particularly important day;

• Lithium is another type of funeral service, it is somewhat shorter than a memorial service. It is served at any time; you can bring a priest to the cemetery to perform it.

It is imperative that the family members and friends of the deceased themselves pray at any memorial. After all, the priest cannot convey the feelings and emotions that loved ones experience. He acts as a performer of the ritual. Of course, his prayer has power, but you cannot entrust everything to others. After all, we are talking about the posthumous fate of a loved one.

But this is not all that is ordered in the church. The Psalter is appropriate for the anniversary of death. Usually it is ordered from monasteries and is done for a long time. Depending on the donation for a month, six months or a whole year. Again, be sure to remember the deceased yourself every day. For this purpose in morning rule There are special short prayers.

Church shops sell special books where you can write down everyone who needs to be remembered. You can take this book to church so that you don’t forget anyone when submitting notes. When the deacon or priest reads the notes, be sure to pray yourself.

Other days of remembrance

There are both private funerals and special ones church holidays when is it customary to go to cemeteries? This is the so-called “parents day”, it is celebrated several times. On these days, we also need to remember the dead, regardless of when they passed away.

• The 2nd Tuesday after Easter is a moving day. In some Russian regions there is a tradition of visiting graves on the same day Christ's Resurrection, although this is not officially approved - Easter is such a bright day that it is believed that there are no dead on this day.

Even if this is not the anniversary of death, the joyful words “Christ is Risen!” all the departed must hear. The name of the memorable day is appropriate - Radonitsa. For everyone there is hope for eternity with God, so this day is intended for shared joy - in heaven and on earth. It is customary to have a meal at graves, bring colored eggs, pancakes, and distribute the leftovers of the meal to the poor.

All the deceased are also commemorated on other days:

• Trinity Saturday is the Saturday before Pentecost;

• Meat Saturday - before the start of Lent;

• Saturdays during Great Lent - 2nd, 3rd, 4th.

The deceased person still remains a member of the universal church, so memorial services can be ordered constantly.

How to spend a sad anniversary

A dignified death is the crown of a believer’s life. In daily prayers there are requests that God grant him a shameless death. Orthodox Christians strive to confess and receive communion before meeting the Creator. There are special rituals that are performed on the dying person. After death they are no longer repeated.

In order for the anniversary of death to be celebrated with dignity, it is necessary to begin the commemoration in the temple. This could be a presence at the Liturgy, then at a memorial service, or simply a pre-ordered lithium. After this, go to the cemetery, perform a civil memorial service there, or read the 17th kathisma. After this, have a meal, remember the deceased, and clean the grave. Drinking vodka, especially pouring it on a grave, is not an Orthodox custom that will do nothing to help the deceased!

It is better to bring fresh flowers to graves; this is in accordance with Christian traditions. There is never artificial greenery in churches, because God has no dead. At one time, the church even tried to ban the tradition of decorating coffins with wreaths with inscriptions, but it was not easy to defeat it. This custom is not so much caused by greed or paganism, but is aimed against vandalism, which, unfortunately, is often found in Russian cemeteries.

But you can and should abstain from drinking. The pain of loss is great, but we must find other ways to cope with it. It is unlikely that the deceased will be pleased with such behavior. It is better not to spend money on intoxicating drinks, but to distribute it to the poor as a way to commemorate the soul.

How to remember the deceased for a year after death at home

You can commemorate the death anniversary at home. It happens that it is impossible to go to the cemetery due to various circumstances. Then it is necessary to invite everyone who wants to participate to prepare a special meal. The customs of placing a device for the deceased and covering mirrors are not Orthodox.

Before sitting down to the table, you need to pray. One of the relatives must read the 17th kathisma, or the rite of requiem. Candles are lit during prayer. Then you can start eating. It must be held with dignity, conversations must be decent, jokes and laughter are inappropriate.

Pagan meals for the dead were held with great pomp. It was believed that the more expensive and magnificent the funeral feast, the better it would be for the newly deceased beyond the grave. Triznes were accompanied not only by copious libations, but also by dances, songs, and competitions. The meaning of Christian funerals and wakes is completely different. They must maintain the prayerful memory of a person who is not even considered dead, but has passed on to another world.

Special dishes are served at the table. Kutya is definitely one of them. This is wheat porridge, which is sometimes replaced with rice. But its main feature is that it is prepared sweet, seasoned with raisins, other dried fruits, and honey. It is advisable to consecrate this food during the service. The sweetness symbolizes the joy that awaits the righteous in heaven.

• Also a traditional funeral dish are pancakes, which are usually washed down with jelly.

• Table setting should be ordinary. You can place fresh fir branches on the table and decorate the edges of the tablecloth with black lace.

• Each change of dishes should be accompanied by the prayer: “Rest, O Lord, the soul of Thy servant (name).” You should also pray after your meal. But it is not customary to thank the hosts for the funeral meal.

When all the necessary prayers have been read, someone can also read poems on the anniversary of death. There are no church prohibitions on this matter. Poems should remind of the virtues of the deceased, of his spiritual qualities. Of course, everyone has shortcomings, but Christians trust in God’s mercy, try not to remember them, but to pray for their sins to be forgiven.

It is customary to celebrate the anniversary of death not only in Russia. The dead are also commemorated in Asian countries. Japan, Vietnam, Korea and China have their own traditions. Followers of Judaism commemorate deceased parents, brothers, and children. True, their anniversary date does not coincide with the generally accepted calendar. During the funeral, it is customary to fast, meat and wine are prohibited.

How to honor the deceased yourself

What prayers are read at home on the anniversary of death to remember the deceased? The Psalter is best suited; the reading instructions are indicated in every Orthodox publication. In this case, between the psalms there are special prayers where the names of the deceased are mentioned. This is the most the best option. You can also read akathists, but the Psalms were written much earlier. Also everyone Christian churches acknowledge their inspiration.

There are cases when Church Charter prohibits commemorating the deceased during the Liturgy, ordering memorial services for them, and holding funeral services. This applies to those who were baptized, but did not regularly go to church, that is, were not churched. A person who takes part in confession and Communion is considered to be a churchgoer; all others are considered “parishioners.”

True, in practice, deviations from this rule are often made. It all depends on the ruling bishop. In any case, it is necessary to clarify this issue with the clergy.

It is also clearly prohibited on behalf of the Church to commemorate those who took their own lives voluntarily. If a person died in war while protecting others, it is not considered suicide. In general, death in war is one of the most honorable. But death from a drug overdose is a type of suicide.

However, the holy fathers teach to hope in God's mercy. You are allowed to pray for such people in private; there is even a special akathist for suicides, compiled in the last century. You can also add something of your own, but you shouldn’t be too zealous either. We do not know all spiritual laws; such prayers can end in mental disorder for someone who wants to do a good deed.

Why remember the dead

When a person has completed his earthly journey, he does not need a magnificent funeral, an expensive coffin or a marble monument. Prayer is the main help we can provide to our deceased loved ones. This is not just a tribute to tradition, but a saving thread that can lead a person to the Kingdom of God. It is especially important to pray in the first days when the soul goes through ordeals. But even after a year or two has passed, this must be done.

How to properly remember the dead? Is it possible to submit funeral notes if it is not known for sure whether the person was baptized? The answers to these questions are in our article!

How to properly remember the dead?

Father! Help! My mother passed away... During this difficult time, my dad was in the hospital, and all the worries fell on my husband and I’s shoulders. The funeral service was good for her, and death made her even more beautiful in appearance - no matter how crazy it may sound. I feel such loss and such pain that it seems like it will never go away. And there are a lot of worries - dad needs to be helped to recover after the operation, it’s hardest for him: I fulfilled my daughter’s duty, and he lost half of himself. Before her death, mom confessed and took communion, and dad too - before he went to the hospital, he did this at mom’s request and for the first time in his life. Mom rarely confessed, but she prepared for this confession and wanted it. Her last week was sleepless and filled with pain. But my mother refused painkilling injections, leaving with the prayer “Lord, accept my soul” ... in my arms. Is it possible that our mother will remain our mother even after death and will help us and pray to God for us? I miss her very much, although I understand that everything is the will of our God and I pray for the repose of her soul. Elena.

Hello, dear Elena!

Please accept my condolences on the death of your mother. Of course, it is very difficult when someone close to us dies, especially mom. Your pain and grief are completely understandable and natural. Of course, even after death, your mother will remain your mother; very often the feeling of spiritual connection with our deceased relatives remains. But now your mother needs, first of all, your prayers for her, so it is very good that you are praying for her. I would advise you to read the Psalter about your mother, maybe you are already doing this (usually one kathisma is read per day for the first 40 days after death). We will also pray for your mother, so that the Lord will forgive her voluntary and involuntary sins and grant her the Kingdom of Heaven!

God help you!

Hello. I learned about this story not long ago. My maternal grandfather was baptized. But he committed suicide, although he was buried in a regular cemetery. How to pray for suicides, are there any rules in this regard: what prayers can be read for forgiveness and salvation of their souls, is it possible to submit notes in church, etc.? What and when can you read about the repose and salvation of the souls of deceased relatives of little faith or even non-believers? Andrey.

Hello Andrei!

You can pray for your grandfather in your own words, asking the Lord to forgive his sins, church prayer for suicides (submission of notes at Liturgy, memorial services) is impossible. It will be very good if in memory of your grandfather you do some good deeds and give alms within your power.

Regarding your second question, if your relatives have been baptized, you can and should pray for them both at home and in church, offering remembrance of them for church-wide prayer at the liturgy and memorial services. If they were not baptized, pray for them in the same way as for your grandfather.

Sincerely, priest Alexander Ilyashenko

Father, hello! Please answer this question. Grandfather died, but we don’t know whether he was baptized or not. How to pray for him? Is it possible to submit notes for his repose in the church? In the lectures of A.I. Osipov said that you can pray in church for everyone, even the unbaptized, just do not submit registered notes, and in another Orthodox program they said that you cannot pray for the unbaptized (both for health and for repose). How to proceed? Our grandfather was good, he lived like a Christian. Catherine.

Catherine!

I advise you to listen to the professor’s opinion: the temple of God is a house of prayer for everyone and for everyone. Remember him in your prayers at home and in church, and do not write in notes, since the Eucharist is celebrated only for those who have become members of the Body of Christ (Church) through Baptism.

Dear father! I would like to know about the rules of the Orthodox rite of repose. Is it necessary for the newly deceased to spend the night before burial in the temple? Where should the coffin be nailed up (after the funeral service or in the cemetery)? Is it necessary to remember a person in a cemetery? Do they visit the grave on the second day? Should there be artificial flower wreaths? Should there be farewell music and should flowers be thrown in front of the coffin while carrying the body? Thank you in advance. Photinia.

Death and posthumous existence are determined solely by the life of the deceased - unless prayer can change something. Vain folk rituals and their details have absolutely no meaning for the deceased. That's why:

1. The point is not that the dead body will lie overnight in the church - in the old days this was done only so that as many loved ones as possible could participate in the funeral prayer, which continued over the coffin all night and ended in the morning with the funeral Liturgy and funeral service. If we are not talking about all-night prayer and Liturgy, then there is no point in keeping the body in church.

2. In ancient times, burial was carried out without a wooden coffin - the deceased, wrapped in shrouds, was carried on a board to the cemetery and lowered into the grave (which was called a “coffin”). Therefore in modern conditions It would be wiser to close the coffin in the temple, especially since justifications for a different course of action are completely meaningless - a dead body cannot “expose to the sun in last time look”, nor “say goodbye to the house”.

3. The commemoration of an Orthodox Christian is accomplished through prayer: this is why the funeral service is performed. As for public commemorations, which are in no way connected with prayer and the Church, it is better to perform them at home, since there are often cases when, after abundant remembrance, songs and dances begin at the graves.

4.Visiting the graves of loved ones is in no way limited to the Church. Want? Go and pray - as much as and when your soul asks. And it’s better not to walk without prayer, because this leads to despondency.

5. Fresh flowers are preferable because they symbolize the brevity of human life.

6. At a Christian funeral it is better to do without music.

7. What is the point in scattering flowers? It is better to spend these funds on alms or charity.

Sincerely, priest Alexy Kolosov

Good evening! I would like to know from you why it is considered paganism to bring any kind of food to a cemetery (people say that this is as if in memory of the deceased)? Alexander.

Hello, Alexander!

Meals in cemeteries are a pre-Christian pagan tradition that has nothing in common with Orthodoxy. In Soviet times, this tradition was resurrected, because it was necessary to replace the church funeral prayer with something, which should be performed on the graves of the deceased on this day. Prayer was forbidden just as belief in God was outlawed. But the people have not forgotten the Christian traditions of remembering the dead, which also include a funeral meal. True, unlike the pagan tradition, Christians never had these meals in the cemetery. Even Saint John Chrysostom, who lived in the 4th century, mentioned in his writings about funeral prayer in cemeteries on days of special commemoration of the dead. Godless authorities in the 20th century. They decided to replace the prayer with a funeral meal in the cemetery, where there was room not only for food, but also for the obligatory drink. The deceased were commemorated not with prayer, but with alcohol. Hence the traditional 3 glasses “so that the world may rest in peace” and a glass of vodka “for the deceased” at the grave. It is not surprising that such “gatherings” in cemeteries often took the form of ordinary drinking parties with all the ensuing consequences. Unfortunately, many people now take all this for granted and continue to pay tribute to pagan traditions.

Hello! 20 years ago my mother died. I was not at the funeral due to my young age, and I dreamed of my mother the whole week after her death. And only 15 years later dreams about her appeared again. She came home wearing them, asking questions about the lives of her close relatives. I enthusiastically talked about everything, after which I woke up in a great mood - as if I had talked with her. When they told me that her soul was restless and I needed to light a candle for her repose, I did it. And I never saw her in my dreams again. Is this just a coincidence or not? And another situation. The day before yesterday I buried my grandmother, who raised me. I went to see her as soon as they said she was dying. But still she did not have time to say goodbye to her and call the priest to give her communion. When I was on the train, I dreamed about her. I talked to her at her house. What could this dream mean? Did she say goodbye to me or is this a figment of my fantasies? Julia.

Hello Julia!

You should not look for interpretations of your dreams. These are just dreams. In the first case, you did everything right; prayer is necessary for the deceased. Regardless of whether they are dreaming or not. Note - not just a candle, but a prayer. Pray yourself and order church services. But just don’t listen to “teachings” about the restlessness of the soul. Only the Lord knows about this. In the second case, I think that this is the fruit of your worries about your grandmother.

Sincerely, priest Dionisy Svechnikov

Hello! Soon it will be one year since he passed away close person. The date of this event falls on a working day. Is it possible to move the day of the funeral to a weekend (Saturday or Sunday) and when is the right time to organize the funeral: before or after the anniversary date? Alexander.

Hello, Alexander!

Our deceased relatives first of all need our prayer for them. Therefore, if the deceased was Orthodox Christian, try to go to the church on the eve of the anniversary and submit a note for the Liturgy for the repose of his soul, order a memorial service for the day of the anniversary. On this day, also try to pray for the deceased, for example, read the rite of lithium performed by a layman (you can find the text here: http://www.molitvoslov.com/text233.htm)

And the funeral service can be moved to the weekend after the anniversary of the death.

Sincerely, priest Alexander Ilyashenko

Please tell me what to do if you want to memorialize the repose of a deceased person without knowing his church name? I wanted to submit a memorial to the deceased in the local church, knowing only his worldly name. And here they told me that I need to know him church name. But I didn’t even know him personally. He was just a good man, and I wanted to remember the deceased. His worldly name is Ratmir. I will be very grateful to you if my question does not go unnoticed. Galina.

Hello, Galina!

The church answered you absolutely correctly: to commemorate the deceased in the church, you need to know the name that was given to him at baptism. If there is no way to find out what name Ratmir was baptized with, then remember him in home prayer, do some good deeds in his memory, give alms. Believe that the Lord hears your prayer and accepts it, seeing your sincerity.

Sincerely, priest Alexander Ilyashenko

Good afternoon I have a few questions. 1. What kind of repose services exist in the church, and what is the difference between them? 2. I have heard that prayer during the liturgy is very useful for the soul of a deceased person. To the question “How much is it necessary and possible to order such commemorations at the liturgy,” the church answered that it all depends on my love for this person and my financial condition. Tell me, who generally sets the “price” for various services and why they are what they are? Thank you in advance for your answers. Alexander.

Hello, Alexander!

You can pray for the repose of the departed at the Liturgy, a memorial service (or a shorter litany) can be performed for them, and the Psalter can be read.

Indeed, the most important prayer is at the Liturgy - the main divine service for Christians, during which we partake of the Body and Blood of the Lord.

A memorial service is a special service in which we pray only for the deceased, it’s simple congregational prayer, compiled according to a special rite, it is performed separately at the request of those praying or on specially established days of remembrance of the dead (parental Saturdays).

The reading of the Psalter can be performed by everyone (unlike the Liturgy and requiem service, which are performed only by priests), but since we do not always have the opportunity to pray for the departed ourselves, the reading of the Psalter is organized in monasteries and churches with the commemoration of everyone for whom it was ordered.

For the departed, who can no longer pray for themselves, prayer for them, both yours and that of the entire Church, is very important. But there is no set number of prayers, Liturgies, after which the souls of the departed would “automatically” go to heaven. We do not know God's Court about them, and therefore we pray for them on every occasion, for example, by submitting a note with their names to the church at every Liturgy to which we come.

Why do we pray for others? This is a manifestation of our love for them, isn't it? True love always shows itself in action. Our prayer for our neighbors is also a matter. But often we want to do more. That is why there is a tradition of giving alms in memory of someone, doing some good deeds, asking others to pray for our relatives and friends. This is how we show our love both to the one we help and to the deceased, sacrificing something not for ourselves, but for their sake.

Prayer is not a commodity, and there are no and cannot be any prices for prayer. In the Church we do not buy prayer for our neighbors, God’s grace, remission of sins, but donate some money, try to understand the difference between these concepts. In many temples there is simply a mug where everyone puts money as they can. And somewhere the DESIRED SIZES of donations are indicated, although no one should refuse you if you don’t have money. On the issue of money in the Church, I advise you to read the article by Deacon Andrei Kuraev “Where does the Church get its money” (for example, here: http://www.pravbeseda.ru/library/index.php?page=book&id=580); It is difficult to fully cover this issue within the framework of a letter.

Sincerely, priest Alexander Ilyashenko

My son, one year and ten months old, died. I have a few questions.

1) How to pray for the repose of a baby? All the prayers I find ask for forgiveness of sins.

2) I can’t stop caring about him. What else - besides prayers - can I do for him?

3) How do Orthodox women mourn, for how long, and do all clothes have to be black?

4) I want to get pregnant again as soon as possible - are there any restrictions in this situation?

Thank you very much for your answer. Natalia.

Hello, Natalia!

Please accept our condolences for the loss that has befallen you. If you managed to baptize a child, you need to perform the rite of burial of the infant in the temple. Also, if he is baptized, you can and should pray for him not only at home, but also in church. For the laity, only one prayer has really been compiled by parents for their deceased children, containing petitions for the forgiveness of sins. There are special prayers for babies only for priests, in the rite of infant burial. You can read the existing prayer, omitting the petitions that confuse you. For a baby who has not been worthy of holy baptism, they pray to the martyr Uar. Below is the text of the prayer. Mourning these days is not as strictly regulated as it was in the past. But usually it lasts from 40 days to a year. The Church does not impose restrictions on conceiving a new child.

Sincerely, priest Mikhail Samokhin

Prayer to the holy martyr Huar

Oh, holy, venerable martyr Uare! We kindle with zeal for the Lord Christ, you confessed the Heavenly King before the tormentor, and you suffered zealously for Him, and now the Church honors you, as one who is glorified by the Lord Christ with heavenly glory, Who has given you the grace of great boldness towards Him, and now you stand before Him with the angels, and in the highest you rejoice, and clearly see the Holy Trinity, and enjoy the light of the Beginning Radiance. Remember also our relatives in languor, who died in wickedness, accept our petition, and just as Cleopatrin freed the unfaithful family from eternal torment with your prayers, so remember the people who were buried against God, who died unbaptized, trying to ask for deliverance from eternal darkness, so that all with one mouth and one Let us praise the Most Merciful Creator with our hearts forever and ever. Amen.

Have you read the article How to properly remember the dead? Read also.

In a narrow circle, the anniversary of the death is celebrated. How to remember, who to invite, what menu to create - organizational issues concern the family of the deceased. The memory of the deceased should be honored with acts of mercy, prayers, and visits to the cemetery.

The history of the days of remembrance

A wake (or commemoration, remembrance) is a ritual in memory of a deceased person. Usually the funeral is held by relatives; if there are none, close people and friends.

The tradition of commemoration arose in connection with Christian teaching. Every religion has its own rituals for remembering people. Adapted folk consciousness often combines several beliefs into one ritual.

Christian traditions are fundamental in Russia. However, according to Orthodox rules(with funeral commemorations and prayers) only people who have undergone the rite of baptism are remembered. The exceptions are suicides, unbaptized, non-Orthodox, heretics - the church does not pray for them.

Dates of commemoration

In Orthodoxy, wakes after death are held 3 times. On the third day after death, on the ninth, fortieth. The essence of the ritual lies in the funeral meal. Relatives and friends gather at a common table. They remember the deceased, his good deeds, stories from his life. Dishes from the funeral table are distributed to friends, acquaintances, and colleagues of the deceased so that they remember him.

On the day of the funeral, everyone gathers to honor the memory of the deceased. The Christian is first taken to the funeral ceremony in a church or cemetery chapel. The unbaptized deceased, after saying goodbye to home, are immediately taken to the cemetery. Burial takes place according to the traditions of the region in which the person lived. Then everyone returns to the house for the wake.

Only people call to honor the memory of the deceased. The funeral is reminiscent of a family dinner, with the difference that the photo of the deceased is not far from the refectory table. Next to the photograph of the deceased they place a glass of water or vodka and a slice of bread. This is a pagan tradition, unacceptable for Christians.

Everyone is invited to the 40th day. On this day, those who were unable to attend the funeral usually come to the wake.

Then comes the anniversary of death. How to remember and who to invite is decided by the relatives of the deceased. Usually the closest friends and relatives are invited on the anniversary of death.

Christian traditions of commemoration

By Christian faith commemoration on the 3rd day after death is performed in honor of the resurrection of Christ (on the 3rd day after the execution). On the 9th day - in honor of those who ask the Lord for mercy on the deceased. On the 40th day - in honor of the Ascension of the Lord.

Church tradition says that the soul has been wandering since the day of death. Until day 40, she prepares for God’s decision. During the first 3 days after death, the soul visits places of earthly life and loved ones. Then she flies around the heavenly abodes from 3 to 9 days. After which he sees the torment of sinners in hell from days 9 to 40.

God's decision occurs on the 40th day. A directive is issued about where the soul will be until the Last Judgment.

The beginning of a new one, eternal life- this is the anniversary of death. How to remember the deceased, who to invite, what to order - these are important organizational matters. It is necessary to prepare in advance for the day of remembrance.

Death anniversary: ​​how to remember

The mourning date is announced only to those whom the family of the deceased wishes to see at the funeral. These should be the closest and dearest people, friends of the deceased. It is necessary to clarify who can come. Knowing the number of guests will help you create the menu correctly. In case of unexpected arrival of someone you know, make 1-2 more portioned dishes.

On the anniversary of death, you should come to the cemetery and visit the grave of the deceased. After which all relatives and loved ones are invited to It should be noted that memorial days are held at the discretion of the family of the deceased. Subsequent discussions by strangers about the correctness of the ritual are inappropriate.

The anniversary of his death is approaching. How to remember, how to set the table? It is important to note that such events are conveniently carried out in small cafes. This will save the owners from the exhausting preparation of various dishes and subsequent tidying up in the apartment.

Christians reserve special memorial services at the church. You should discuss in advance with the priest all the activities that need to be carried out. You can limit yourself to reading akathists at home and invite a priest to your house.

Who should you invite?

A commemoration, the anniversary of death, takes place in a close family circle. How to remember who to call is discussed by relatives in advance. It is customary to invite only those whom you want to see to the holidays.

Unwanted visitors may unexpectedly appear on the anniversary of death. The family of the deceased must make a decision - to leave the unwanted guest at the funeral dinner or not to invite him to the table at all. The anniversary of death is an event only for the closest people.

You shouldn't have a crowded gathering. A funeral date, the memory of the deceased is not a reason for a noisy party. A modest family dinner, warm memories of the deceased - this is how the anniversary of death passes. How to commemorate is decided by the closest relatives of the deceased. A leisurely, calm atmosphere, quiet music, photographs of the deceased are a worthy way to honor the memory.

How to dress correctly?

Clothes for a death anniversary are of no small importance. If you are planning a trip to the cemetery before the funeral dinner, you should consider weather. To attend church, women need to prepare a headdress (scarf).

Dress formally for all funeral events. Shorts, deep necklines, bows and ruffles will look indecent. It is better to exclude bright, variegated colors. Business, office suits, closed shoes, formal dresses in muted tones are an appropriate choice for a funeral date.

How to properly commemorate the anniversary of death? With good memories in a close circle. You can give out alms - pies, sweets, things of the deceased.

Visit to the cemetery

During this time, you should definitely visit the cemetery. If weather conditions do not allow (heavy rain, snowstorm), this can be done on another day. You should arrive at the cemetery in the first half of the day.

The grave of the deceased must be monitored. Paint the fence in a timely manner, you can put a small table and bench. Plant flowers, weed out unnecessary weeds that give the grave an unkempt appearance. This is the anniversary of death... How to remember a person? Clean up his grave, light candles in special cups, lay fresh flowers.

According to Christian traditions, the synod in the 19th century banned wreaths with inscriptions made from fake flowers. Such layings distract from prayers for the soul of the deceased.

You can bring tea, alcohol, pies, and sweets to the grave. To modestly remember the deceased, pour the remains of alcohol on the grave, sprinkle crumbs - this is a symbol of the presence of the deceased next to the living. Many families adhere to this pagan tradition at funerals.

In Christianity, it is forbidden to bring anything to the grave. Only with fresh flowers and prayers should the deceased be remembered.

How to set the table

Table setting for funerals is standard. The only difference is to put it on the table even number dishes. Forks for mourning dates are usually excluded. Such a moment in time remains at the discretion of the family of the deceased.

Dishes, in addition to those required at the funeral table, are prepared in accordance with the preferences of the deceased. You can add mourning ribbons to the interior and light candles.

For the Orthodox - bless the kutya in the church. Eliminate alcohol, stick to fasting and fasting days - use them as a starting point when creating a menu. Pay more attention not to eating, but to prayers for the deceased.

Death anniversary menu

Like a regular funeral, the anniversary of the death is celebrated. How to remember what to cook? Kissel, kutia, and pancakes are considered obligatory at the funeral table. Fish dishes are a symbol of Christianity - these can be pies, cold appetizers, and smoked meats.

From salads you can prepare vinaigrette, beets with garlic, vegetable caviar. Submit sauerkraut, pickled cucumbers and mushrooms. baked cheese. Sliced ​​meat and cheese.

Fried or baked chicken (rabbit, goose, duck, turkey) is suitable for hot dishes. Cutlets or steaks, French meat or chop, stuffed vegetables or For a side dish - boiled potatoes, vegetable stew, fried eggplants.

In the form of dessert - gingerbread, sweet pies, pancakes, cheesecakes, sweets, fruits and apples. Drinks - store-bought juices or home-brewed compote, jelly, lemonade.

Exclude sparkling and sweet wines from the menu, as they are not fun party, death anniversary. How to remember? Give preference to strong drinks (vodka, cognac, whiskey), dry red wines. During a table conversation, it is customary to remember the deceased and his good deeds on earth.

Funeral in a cafe

To eliminate the bulk purchase of products, cooking, table setting and subsequent tidying, you can order small hall in the cafe. To calm atmosphere the anniversary of death has passed. The cafe staff will help you remember what to order. Their menu is not much different from home.

The cafe staff should be notified in advance that guests will gather for the funeral. The administrator will try to keep overly cheerful visitors as far as possible from the relatives of the deceased (if we are talking about a common room).

It is usually customary to book a small banquet hall for holidays. Then the festive neighbors will not interfere with the quiet mood of the death anniversary.

If you don’t like a cafe, but want a cozy, homely atmosphere, you can order lunch at home. Agree on the menu in advance, set a time and delivery address.

Death anniversary: ​​how to remember in church

According to Christian beliefs, the duty of the living is to pray for the deceased. Then the most serious sins can be forgiven. Church funeral services are designed to ask for forgiveness of the sins of the deceased. Not only on memorial days, but also on ordinary days you can order a memorial service.

During the Divine Liturgy, prayers are heard for the departed. Immediately before the Liturgy (or in advance, in the evening), a note is submitted in which the names of the deceased Christians are written. During the Liturgy, all names are announced.

You can order a magpie for the deceased. This is a commemoration for 40 days before the Liturgy. Sorokoust is also ordered for a longer period - commemoration for six months or a year.

An ordinary candle for the repose of the soul is also a memory of the deceased. In home prayers you can remember the deceased. There is a special book for Christians - a memorial book, where the names of the deceased should be entered.

While visiting the cemetery, Christians read an akathist and perform a litia (it is also performed before the funeral dinner, for which a priest is invited).

Almsgiving

IN memorial days attention should be paid to works of mercy. Funeral dishes can be given to those in need, acquaintances, and colleagues. This is done so that as many people as possible remember the deceased. kind words.

A good reason for giving alms is the anniversary of death. How to remember the deceased? You can distribute money, sweets, cookies to the poor at the church and ask them to pray for the deceased, to donate money for the construction of the temple. The things of the deceased are usually given to needy friends.

Almsgiving is a good deed towards the poor. Therefore, the family of the deceased does not have to distribute food or money to the poor at the church. You can find people in your environment (pensioners, large families), who would appreciate real help. Or take a small offering to a nursing home, boarding school, or orphanage.

Procedure for celebrating the anniversary of death

1. Notify in advance that the funeral date is approaching, and invite the relatives and friends of the deceased.
2. Choose a cafe or organize an event at home.
3. Visit the cemetery, the grave of the deceased.
4. To honor the memory of the deceased with a funeral dinner.
5. Give alms to those in need.

Very often in the world we do not know how to properly organize the funeral of a deceased person close to us. And when is it supposed to remember the dead? It is no secret that there are certain rituals when the deceased are remembered on the second day after the funeral, on 9 days from the date of death, on 40 days and on the anniversary; we have already written about all this separately. But questions often arise about whether it is possible – and should it be – to organize a wake for the deceased, six months after death, and also how exactly to do such a wake, and today we will talk about this in detail.

Orthodox Christians often commemorate deceased relatives in temples and churches often, without strictly paying attention to dates. After all, the main thing in prayer is the repose of the soul of the deceased person. And in the bustle Everyday life very often people forget about the need to come to church and light a candle for the repose. And many do not even know how to properly remember the dead after six months have passed from the date of death.

How to hold a wake six months from the date of death?

Although the church does not have specific rules about how to hold funeral services for six months from the date of death and who should be invited to them, there are no prohibitions on organizing funeral services for half a year, but there are also no instructions that these funeral services must be organized.

Nevertheless, it never hurts to pray and remember the deceased with a kind word, even if this date is not official and obligatory. After all, the souls of the departed do not need laudatory toasts and dishes, the main thing is that prayers be heard for them.

How to properly remember the dead in church

To properly remember the deceased for six months, you need to come to church for the evening service or before the start of the Liturgy. You can prepare at home or in the temple itself and submit special notes with the names of the deceased. At the same time, you need to know that the names of only baptized deceased Christians are indicated.

At the top of the note you need to put an Orthodox octagonal cross, write the title “On Repose” and write the names. In this case, you need to write the name in genitive case, and also the name must be written in full: Mary, Anatoly.

“Masha and Tolya” - such entries are not allowed. During the service, the deceased are commemorated while particles are removed from the prosphora. You can independently pray for the departed during the funeral litany. Or put a candle in front of a canon with a crucifix.

Your prayer for a deceased relative will be more effective if you approach the sacrament during the service.

Also on the day of the funeral, donations must be brought to the temple. Give alms to a beggar, asking him to pray for the deceased.

Organization of a memorial table for six months from the date of death

Christians have long had a custom of commemorating deceased relatives at meals, which we have already written about in detail in previous articles. You just need to remember that on this day everyone gathers at the table not to meet with family and eat delicious food. The purpose of the wake is to read prayers for the soul of the deceased.

Before eating in honor of the deceased for six months from the date of death, lithium must be performed. This is part of the worship performed in churches, and can be performed by a simple Christian. As a last resort, you need to read Psalm 90 and the Lord’s Prayer.

Or read the prayer at home: “O Lord, rest in peace the souls of your departed servants and all my departed relatives and benefactors, and forgive them all their sins, voluntary and involuntary, and grant them the Kingdom of Heaven.” It is advisable for everyone who has gathered for the funeral to read the prayer together. And you should start your meal during a funeral with kutya or koliva. These are rice grains boiled with raisins and honey.

All hosts try to treat their guests well, but we must remember that fasting should be observed during the wake. And after prayer you can raise a small glass of wine. At the same time, everyone understands that it doesn’t matter to the deceased how much vodka we drank and how much meat we ate, the main thing is to remember the deceased with a kind word.

What to do for six months of wakes?

Six months have passed since the death of someone close to you. The pain of loss has subsided a little, but a good memory remains. On the day of the funeral, you can serve the deceased’s favorite dishes and give some things of the deceased to relatives in memory of him.

In the morning at home, on the day of the funeral, light a candle for six months from the date of death, place a photograph of the deceased next to the icon and read a prayer. If there is a service in the temple on this day, then before the service begins, go to the temple and, after giving a donation to the temple, buy a candle.

Order a funeral service right there in the church, and you must submit a note with the name of the deceased. After you have completed the service, you need to buy another candle and then you can go to the cemetery.

When you come to the grave of the deceased, you need to light a candle, and bring some food and place it on the grave. At the same time, there is a belief that the soul of a deceased person is nearby on Memorial Day, hovering in the clouds. Therefore, the funeral prayer will be very important. Everyone who came to the grave can be invited home to the funeral table.

At home, after reading the prayer, you can sit at the table and remember the deceased. In this case, one must take into account fasting and refrain from drinking alcoholic beverages.

Dishes served during funerals six months after the death of a relative

During the wake, traditional dishes such as kutia, honey syta and a variety of jelly were served on the table in Rus'. Lunch began with kutia, and always ended with jelly and a full meal.

Depending on regions of residence traditional dishes during the wake, they were served in the northern regions In Russia there is fish pie, and in the southern regions there are pancakes. Nowadays, more and more often, cafes and restaurants have a special menu for funeral tables. The church does not prohibit such commemorations, but it is advisable to adhere to fasts and set the funeral table without alcoholic beverages.

The most honorable place for the deceased is always left on the funeral table, since it is still believed that at this time the deceased is nearby and these are his guests. A bowl and cup are left for him and the following words are said: “Come, dear, eat with us!”

Food must be lean if the funeral is held on Friday or Wednesday. If the wake falls on , then it can only be organized on Saturday or Sunday.

In Rus', the funeral meal was usually completed with a pie. Which was brought out on a large platter. There were candles around the pie, after they were extinguished, this pie was distributed to the poor to commemorate the soul of the deceased.

Funeral kutia (kolivo, sochivo, eve)

To prepare kutya, you need to soak the washed wheat grains overnight, then cook them until tender and season with diluted honey or sugar. Washed and dried raisins are added to the grains. Instead of wheat, you can use rice to make koliv.

Refreshments at the funeral meal

Ham rolls with cheese and garlic

Compound. 300 gr. Cut the ham into thin slices, boil the eggs and separate the whites from the yolks. Grate the eggs, grate the yolks finely, and the whites coarsely. Combine egg whites, chopped garlic and herbs with mayonnaise.

Place the mixture on a slice of ham and roll it up. Dip the roll in mayonnaise and roll in grated yolks and place on a plate.

Tomatoes stuffed with fish salad

To prepare this snack, you need to take 4-5 tomatoes, a can of canned fish, boil 5 eggs, herbs, pepper and salt.

Cut the tops of the washed tomatoes and carefully scoop out the pulp with a teaspoon. Grate the eggs and combine with the tomato pulp. Mash the canned food with a spoon and mix with mayonnaise. Pepper and salt the tomatoes. Combine the egg and fish mixture and place in the tomatoes. Garnish with herbs or grated cheese on top.

Eggplants with tomatoes and garlic for the funeral table

Preparation: you need to wash 3-4 eggplants, 4-5 tomatoes, 4 cloves of garlic, parsley, cilantro, salt and pepper.

Drain the washed vegetables and cut into slices 0.6-0.8 mm thick.

Fry the eggplants in sunflower oil on both sides and place on a napkin to remove excess oil. Place them on a plate and top with pieces of tomato, chopped garlic and herbs.

Salad “Spring freshness”

To prepare this salad you will need 1 cucumber, 2-3 tomatoes, 4 pcs. radishes, 1 tablespoon of granular cottage cheese and 2-3 tablespoons of yogurt, greens. Add salt to taste.

Chop the washed and dried vegetables into strips, chop the greens and put everything in a salad bowl, add cottage cheese, season with yogurt, and add salt.

Meat in French for the funeral table

Compound
pork - 400-500 g,

onions - 3-4 pieces,

hard cheese - 200-300 g,

mayonnaise - 400 g,

pepper, salt, herbs.

To make meat in French for a funeral table for six months, cut the meat along the grain into layers 1 cm thick. Beat these pieces, add salt and pepper. Place on a greased baking sheet tightly together. Place onion, cut into half rings, on each layer; you can add mushrooms or potatoes.

Pour generously of mayonnaise and sprinkle with grated cheese. This dish is baked at a temperature of 180°C. Within 25 minutes.

Lenten dishes served at funerals

Fish jelly

Prepare 1 kg. fish different varieties. Shred it and cut it into pieces.

Pour 1.5 liters of water into a saucepan and cook the fish waste. Add 1 carrot, 1 pc. to the bowl. onions, salt and pepper and add pieces of fish to this broth. Cook it until done. Place the fish on a dish and pour over the strained broth with the addition of gelatin. And place in a cool place to harden.

Potato salad with pickled mushrooms and green peas

Peel 8-9 boiled potatoes in their jackets and cut into cubes. Chop the pickled mushrooms. Peel the onion and cut into half rings. Drain the liquid from the jar of green peas and put everything in a salad bowl. Season with vegetable oil. Season with salt and add as desired. Greenery.

Eggplant stuffed with mushrooms

To prepare this luda you need to take 2 pcs. eggplant, 2 pcs. bell pepper, 1 PC. onions, 2 pcs. tomato, 150 gr. Champignon mushrooms, 2-3 cloves of garlic, parsley or cilantro, walnuts, vegetable oil, salt pepper.

Eggplants should be cut into halves lengthwise and the pulp should be removed with a teaspoon. Place the eggplants on a baking sheet greased with oil and salt each of the “boats” inside.

Fry finely chopped peppers, onions, and eggplant pulp in a frying pan. At the end of cooking, add grated tomatoes without skin. Separately fry the champignons and combine them with vegetables.

When the eggplant “boats” are ready, fill them with filling and sprinkle grated nuts on top.

How to prepare funeral apple jelly

To prepare funeral apple jelly, pour 1.5 liters of water into a saucepan and bring to a boil. Place 5-9 pieces in water. apples cut into small pieces and add a piece of cinnamon. Boil over low heat for 5-7 minutes.

Then strain this broth and rub the apples through a sieve. Add them to the broth and put 250-300 grams in it. sugar, and squeeze the juice of 1/2 lemon. Boil this mixture, gradually add 1/2 cup of flour and quickly stir everything. Let cool and serve.

We hope that our article will help you in organizing a memorial for six months from the date of death of your close relatives, and also read (anniversary) and, and also about which days you should not commemorate.