How to inspire trust among customers, partners and other distrustful individuals? How to gain trust in a person

Imagine that a new employee has joined your company. You met, and then you share your impressions about him with your colleagues. If you count, there are usually up to four different opinions. Why is this happening? After all, everyone saw the same picture: how the newcomer walked in, where he glanced, what he said.

The fact is that we look at the world subjectively, as if through lenses. And depending on the situation, these lenses vary, writes Heidi Grant Halvorson in Nobody Understands Me. For example, in a situation with a new colleague, the majority of the team will put on the lenses of trust, because subconsciously at the first stage of acquaintance they will evaluate the person from the point of view of reliability. To understand this, others look for two character traits: warmth and competence.

Warmth - friendliness, loyalty, empathy - is taken as evidence of good intentions.

Competence - intelligence, skills, efficiency - means that your words match your actions. Unfortunately, we do not always immediately reveal our good side. Sometimes people make the wrong conclusions just because we didn’t smile or took the wrong pose during a conversation. This can be avoided if you follow certain rules.

How to express warmth?

To come across as a warm person, follow certain strategies discussed below.

Show attention

Research shows that warm people tend to make eye contact, nod, and smile. During a dialogue, make eye contact both when you speak and when you listen. Nod from time to time to show that you understand the other person. Smile, especially when the other person is doing it too.

The main thing is to focus on what you are being told. People need to feel like they are being heard.

Show empathy

Take time to mentally put yourself in the other person's shoes and understand their point of view. Over time, you will bring this skill to automaticity. For example, you can use phrases like: “I imagine you must have felt...”.

One of the most effective, but undeservedly forgotten methods- expressing regret for another person's difficulties.

Rain.

Many people sympathize intuitively, saying things like, “It’s a shame you got caught in the rain,” or “It’s a shame your flight was delayed.” There was a funny study done at Harvard. A student was given the task of approaching sixty-five strangers at a large train station on a rainy day and asking them to borrow their cell phone. Half the time the young man used an expression of regret: “Sorry you got caught in the rain!” before asking, “Can I borrow your mobile phone? 47% of those who heard words of sympathy gave him their phone number, and only 9% of those who did not hear the experimental phrase.

Trust

Everyone needs reciprocity. We want to do something good topics people who have done the same for us in the past. This is why promotions often offer something “free”: buy a product and get another one.

People subconsciously perceive a free product as a gift for which they need to repay gratitude, for example, by buying something else.

The more often stores post yellow price tags with discounts, the more visitors buy.

How to show competence?

Let us remind you: competence is a demonstration of intentions, which is no less important when trusting. Allies are only valued when they can be relied upon. These are the factors that will “make” you a competent person.

Eye contact

The ability to make eye contact during a conversation correlates with IQ, and somehow people sense it. Those who make eye contact constantly are considered more intelligent. Competent speech will increase your grade with more high speed, gestures, nodding and good posture.

Strength of will

This quality is rarely talked about. But if your interlocutor feels like you lack self-control, then trust will be lost. Have you ever wondered why the public is outraged by the behavior of politicians who deceive their spouses?

Bill Clinton - shining example a politician who lost confidence after cheating on his wife.

It would seem that infidelity in marriage should not interfere with fulfilling your work duties. However, we subconsciously feel that deception is a sign of impulsive, reckless behavior. Which means lack of self-control.

Modesty

True leaders are confident, but not overly confident. And they definitely won't be overconfident. Research has shown that if you demonstrate some humility in assessing your skills and abilities, people will add an average of 20 to 30% to their assessment of your competence. Jim Collins (author of How the Great Fall, Good to Great, and others) has found that organizations with humble leaders are consistently one step ahead.

Don't sell yourself short, but don't brag too much: a little humility will impress others.

Pose showing strength

The way you sit, talk, walk, reflects your character. A guy who knows his worth gesticulates widely, spreads his legs, leans forward, and takes up as much space as possible. He - CEO, is not afraid to put his feet on the table in the boardroom, he is confident in his abilities, and that makes him damn happy.

Show your potential

It would be reasonable to assume that The best way show competence - tell a story of success. This is not entirely true. We have an unconscious bias that makes us value potential over merit. Researchers have found that a person with leadership potential is rated higher when hired than a candidate with actual leadership experience. It is believed that a candidate with leadership potential will be more successful in the new company.

Being competent and warm at the same time is not always possible. The main thing is to understand that warmth does not have to mean “cuddle”, “caring” or “guy with whom I would have a beer.” It is more like a “reliable shoulder”, “an honest one-on-one conversation”, “a person who will not betray.” And this inspires trust.

Trust cannot be bought - it can only be earned. But it's one thing when others consider you honest, reliable and worthy of respect because you have built a good reputation for yourself in certain circles. And it’s completely different when you find yourself among strangers who know absolutely nothing about you. Can you expect that a random passerby or, say, a cashier at a supermarket will treat you with warmth?

Of course you can! You yourself have probably met people who for some reason inspire trust and sympathy among the majority. They do not have a chic appearance, they do not do or say anything supernatural, but, nevertheless, they are endearing to themselves. We hasten to please you: this is not magic, but just a code of conduct, having learned to follow which, almost any of us will begin to collect invisible “likes” when interacting with people.

Below are some tips that sound quite simple, but not everyone can do it the first time (you may need some practice). So…

Take care of your appearance

A person who claims to be trusted by others does not have to be dressed in fashionable, trendy, very expensive things. He can easily wear jeans, flip-flops and a simple white T-shirt. The main thing is that clothes and shoes are clean and tidy. Their owner should also look well-groomed: washed and neatly combed hair, familiar with a manicure set (this also applies to men). Repulsive odors are unacceptable: fumes, tobacco breath, banal sweat or excess cologne.

Wear... lenses

Czech scientists recently conducted an interesting experiment: volunteers were shown photographs of people with. The only question the researchers asked was: How much do participants trust strangers in photographs? As a result, we managed to find out that brown-eyed people are much more willing to be trusted at first sight than everyone else.

After this, the researchers conducted another study: they showed pictures of the same people, but only with different eyes (classic Photoshop). The scientists' expectations were confirmed: the participants' sympathies were again given to the brown-eyed people! However, it’s not just the color of the iris, but also the shape of the face, which is more common in dark-eyed people. However, if you have a very important interview or meeting, and nature has awarded you blue or green eyes, try using colored lenses. Will it work?

Look into the eyes of your interlocutor

For some reason, this is considered a sign of truthfulness, although such a skill is developed in any training to increase sales. One way or another, psychologists advise looking your interlocutor straight in the eyes at the very beginning of a conversation. The look should not be ingratiating or, conversely, aggressive. Your goal is a normal neutral look (but not a meaningless one, like a fish's).

Practice shows that the easiest way to “make a smart face” is to try to determine the color of the interlocutor’s eyes. Let's say he has blue eyes. Now determine a more precise shade while continuing to communicate. During the dialogue, don’t look away for too long, but don’t stare at those around you with an unblinking gaze (as the character in the famous comedy said, “you’ll rub a hole in me”). But even these two options are not as bad as a running glance. It makes you appear nervous in the eyes of your interlocutor, or hints that you are not listening to him attentively.

Exude Confidence

To inspire trust, a person must be calm and confident. Excessive fussiness will definitely work against you, because people strive to get rid of other people’s problems as quickly as possible - and, at best, they will answer you something so that you leave as soon as possible. The more nervous you are, the less willing they will be to help you.

So, even if you're in a hurry, don't make jerky movements, show signs of impatience, bite your lips, or speak quickly. You need to act as if you have “everything under control”, even though you have some minor difficulties. The main thing is not to go too far and not confuse calm with indifference. Moderate tone and willingness to act deliberately in difficult situation- this is the attitude that always endears you to others.

Control your gestures

An open posture inspires more confidence. Although, if the interlocutor is initially “closed”, it is better to first take a similar pose - and then, choosing the moment, change it to a more open one. There is a high probability that the interlocutor will subconsciously consider this a signal to “relax” and become more friendly.

Either way, don't slouch. But don’t stand as if you’ve swallowed a sleeper: stay straight, but naturally. Stick to a familiar, comfortable position for you, and do not try to be modest, taking up as much position as possible. less space. Don't wring your fingers or hide your hands in your pockets - it's better to try to keep them in sight. This will significantly increase the level of trust in you.

Speak to the point

People trust more the one who provides information about himself, at least the simplest. After you have said hello, you should say your name and briefly state the essence of your problem or situation. However, remember that excessive chatter is more likely to cause mistrust among stranger! Speak only to the point. Better yet, ask questions: let the interlocutor speak more, and you listen carefully to the answers.

If you offer something, do it specifically and confidently, without all these “maybe”, “would you like”, “somehow”, “if it works out” and other expressions of a wimp. Be bolder and more specific, use the imperative form of speech, but do not go beyond politeness. If there is an opportunity to address a person by name (for example, it is indicated on a badge), do not miss this opportunity.

Be kind

We are accustomed to treating strangers with some suspicion, always being on guard and waiting for a catch. But people treat us accordingly! If you want to inspire trust, you must first treat the other person with trust. Well, or at least impartially and with respect, which (seemingly?) is due to each of us. There should be no alertness, no hidden or obvious threat from you.

You don’t have to fake a smile from ear to ear: we don’t live in the West, and that’s not the custom here. However, if you are able to smile sincerely and friendly to a stranger, this will be an additional plus. Start communication openly, without complaints and attacks “at every fireman”. Then the stranger will treat you like a human being and will probably try to help.

It is impossible to achieve normal communication with colleagues, friends, a significant other, or even just a stranger if the interlocutor does not trust you. There are a few effective ways, which will help you quickly join the circle of trust of a person and achieve universal respect.

1. If you don’t know how to gain the trust of a complete stranger, then when meeting him, say your name first. This gesture will make a positive impression, and the interlocutor will understand that you have nothing to hide. This rule also applies to the case when it is necessary to exchange telephone numbers. Offer to leave your phone number or business card first. Or you can ask for your new friend’s phone number, but only for a work one. In this way, you will show your interlocutor that in no case do you intend to invade his personal space and call his personal number for trifles and at any time of the day.
2. When the first acquaintance has taken place, it is important to take an active part in the conversation. You shouldn’t stand on the sidelines if a group of colleagues is discussing some event. Listen with genuine interest to the stories of your interlocutor, do not interrupt him, and sincerely sympathize with his problems at the first opportunity.
3. Don't forget to give advice. A simple assent can give the impression that you are simply listening to your interlocutor indifferently, but are not really delving into the essence of his story. Try to give unobtrusive and effective advice, what would you do if you were in his place. And if at some point this person turns to you for advice, then this can be considered a big step towards gaining trust.
4. Try to copy the habits of your interlocutor and speak in his words. It just so happens that people trust their own kind more. Therefore, if you behave and speak like your interlocutor, you can quickly gain trust. But such copying should not be too blatant, so that a person does not perceive it as a mockery of him. It will be great if your interests and the interests of your interlocutor coincide at least partially. For example, if you like the same music, book, country, culture, etc.
5. Be honest with your interlocutor. You should not deceive a person if you want him to trust you. Even in small things there should not be a grain of untruth. If you don’t want to talk about certain things about yourself, then it’s better to say so, rather than making up unrealistic and ridiculous stories. The lie will sooner or later be revealed, and all efforts to gain trust will be crossed out once and for all.
6. You should not discuss with your interlocutor those people with whom you communicate well. Otherwise, the person will decide that you are also discussing all his stories and problems with strangers. Never reveal the secrets of other people, and especially of an interlocutor who is dear to you.
7. Smile more at your interlocutor, because a smile sets you up for positive communication.
8. Do not violate personal space. You should not impose your communication or get too close to your interlocutor during a conversation, much less touch his hands, shoulders, or clothes. Many people find this behavior confusing.

If you are interested in the question of how to gain trust, then, first of all, think about your motives. When you deliberately ingratiate yourself in order to later hurt a person, you should know that people rarely know how to forgive and are prone to cruel revenge. So before you use methods of gaining trust, think about whether you need it.

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Instructions

Scientists say that sympathy arises unconsciously in the first minutes of communication. This ability is inherent in a person at the genetic level. Therefore, first of all, pay attention to your appearance. Try to work on increasing your attractiveness. Because There is no escaping the fact that beautiful people inspire more trust.

When establishing contact with someone, think about clothing: extravagant outfits and those that stand out too much in the environment are alarming. Your clothing should be appropriate for the event you are attending; in ordinary cases, look for something cozy, homely warm, without sharp contrasts.

Don't forget that confidence always brings a kind, slightly absent-minded smile. When communicating with a person, do not make your face tense and gloomy. Be polite and intelligent, somehow demonstrate your good manners.

If you have already made eye contact with a person and begin to communicate, try not to look away during the conversation if you do not want to be caught in insincerity. But, of course, “stressing” someone with a boring gaze is also unacceptable.

If a person is closed to you and subconsciously tries to isolate himself from contacts, try to take the same position in which he is, and then, seizing a convenient moment, convey something to him. Psychologists say that in this case, your interlocutor seems to open up and become more friendly.

Try to “mirror” the gestures of your interlocutor. By repeating his own movements, you give a signal that you understand him. And this inspires trust. But under no circumstances copy a person’s behavior in such a way that it catches your eye, otherwise your behavior may be perceived as mimicking.

Great importance has the way you carry yourself. Trust in a person causes his confidence in his strengths, skills, and eloquence. If you show yourself to be competent in some matters, the degree of sympathy for you will increase many times over.

Listen carefully to what and how the interlocutor says. Everyone has some key phrases or words that are worth remembering and using in their speech. If you can tune in to the right wavelength, you will be perceived as a very pleasant person. And if you remember some other little things and make it clear that you care about the person’s opinion, they will trust you even more.

Learn to identify those moments when people want to hear certain things, and speak up. You can highlight the other person’s merits, insert a compliment at the right place, etc.

People love to receive information about those with whom they come into contact. Therefore, you will gain more trust if you tell something about yourself. Try to speak sincerely and not invent anything. If you don’t want to make something public, it’s better to keep silent. Under no circumstances should you praise yourself: it’s better to mention a couple of small shortcomings. And try not to overwhelm your interlocutor with a flow of information, otherwise you will get the impression that you don’t know how to keep secrets to yourself.

Let's look at some of the signs and ways that people are able to inspire trust, and how these signs can be adopted, at least partially.

Who is the person trustworthy? How to inspire trust? It seems like it can't be here uniform definition, even the concept itself is vague. But, for example, you come to the supermarket and ask in the meat department: “Girl, what’s fresher here?” She answers you indifferently: “Everything is the same, fresh.” And after you another person comes up, asks the same question and receives the answer: “Everything is the same, but, you know, I would advise you not to take this.”

Or, let’s say, you forgot your pass at the checkpoint, and they don’t want to let you in, even though you’ve been working there for 5 years already. And another person, who is exactly like you, will say: “Guys, I forgot, damn it!”, they will miss. You can give endless examples. The point is that there are people who for some reason inspire trust in the majority. They don't do anything special, they don't have any high connections or super looks. But they endear themselves to you, and that’s it.

Let's look at some of the characteristics that such people possess and ways in which these characteristics can be adopted, at least partially. So, how to inspire trust:

1. Calm, only calm!

A person who inspires trust is calm and confident. He radiates simplicity, openness, and exudes something homely and personal. Many people believe that if you want quick solution problems or valuable advice, you need to show how important this problem is to you, how concerned you are, how worried you are. In extreme situations or in business, this may be true.

But in everyday situations, excess nervousness often plays against us. People want to get rid of other people's problems as quickly as possible, they want to answer you something so that you will leave as soon as possible. The more nervous you are, the less willing they will be to help you. Calm down.

Don't make a problem out of your little problem. Imagine that you are addressing not a stranger, but a neighbor on the site whom you have known for a hundred years. There is a fine line here: calmness is not indifference, but also not a snobbish look down on you. This is the absence of nervousness, plus a certain amount of relaxation.

This attitude always inspires affection. Even if you are in a hurry, do not make nervous, impulsive movements. Do not fiddle with your phone, clothes, bag, or show signs of impatience. Don't speak awkwardly or quickly. Don't bite your lips, don't play with your nodules. Your motto should be “Everything is under control”, it should be read on your forehead.

At the very beginning of the conversation, look the person straight in the eye. The look should not be ingratiating or, conversely, aggressive. The usual neutral look with a bit of interest. This result is best achieved if you try to determine the color of a person's eyes.

Let's say your interlocutor has blue eyes. Now determine a more precise shade while continuing to communicate. During the dialogue, do not look away for a long time, but do not “pressure” with constant close study. The worst option is a shifting gaze; it creates a feeling of nervousness and/or an inattentive listener.

3. Appearance

A person who inspires trust can be dressed in fashionable, trendy, very expensive things. Or maybe in jeans, flip-flops and a simple white T-shirt. The main feature is neatness. Clean hair, nails, clothes. Pleasant or neutral smell: washed body, no fumes or tobacco breath, if perfume, then not too strong. In a word, no obvious sloppiness. Being next to you should either be pleasant or not at all, that is, without bright pros or cons.

4. Posture

Don't slouch. We recently wrote about how much posture can say about a person. When communicating, stand up straight. Not at attention, just smoothly, naturally. This significantly increases the level of trust. The second point - do not try to take up as little space as possible, do not crowd.

A calm and confident person stands (or sits) in a way that is comfortable for him, in a familiar position. Do not touch your face with your hands too often, do not wring your fingers, do not hide your hands in your pockets, try to keep them in sight.

5. Speak when necessary

Extra chatter and redundant information do not contribute to the development of trust in a stranger. Speak to the point. Better yet, ask questions: let the interlocutor speak more, and you listen carefully to the answers. If you offer something, be specific and confident.

“Maybe...maybe you and I could somehow come to an agreement, if possible?” - this is a bad option. “Let’s come to an agreement” is much better. If it is possible to find out a person's name (for example, from a badge), be sure to use it in key points. “Ivan Petrovich, let’s come to an agreement” is an excellent option.

6. Be friendly

There should be no alertness, hidden or obvious threat from you. We are accustomed to treating strangers with some suspicion, to be on guard, to wait for a trick. But people also treat us accordingly. If you want to inspire trust, you must first treat the other person with trust.

It is not necessary to smile from ear to ear, although a sincere, friendly smile has never harmed anyone. Just take off the “visor” and communicate openly, without preventative claims or attacks. Then the stern cashier at the window will very likely treat you like a human being and will be more willing to try to help.

There is no scary, scary NLP or tuning here. Just an unbiased, neutral-positive attitude towards the interlocutor, even a random one. Just respect for others, which can generate reciprocal respect for you.

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