How to restrain your emotions psychology. Ways and techniques of self-regulation of the state. Putting our financial affairs in order

You can not hold back your emotions, get angry, scream, laugh, cry bitterly and be loudly indignant. Do you think anyone likes such sincerity? Only your enemies enjoy watching this performance. Learning to manage emotions!

Sometimes, succumbing to emotions or allowing ourselves to be led by false feelings, we commit actions that we later repent of. At the same time, we make excuses that we have lost control over ourselves, so emotions have prevailed over reason. That is, we did not control our emotions, but they controlled us.

Is it really that bad? Perhaps there is nothing good in the lack of self-control. People who do not know how to control themselves, maintain self-control and subordinate their feelings to their will, as a rule, do not achieve success either in their personal lives or in the professional sphere.

They don't think about it tomorrow, and their expenses often far exceed their income.

Unrestrained people flare up like a match during any quarrel, unable to stop in time and compromise, which earns them the reputation of a conflict person. At the same time, they also destroy their health: doctors claim that many diseases have a direct connection with such negative emotions as anger, etc. People who value their own peace and nerves prefer to avoid them.

People who are not used to limiting themselves spend too much free time in empty entertainment and useless conversations. If they make promises, they themselves are not sure whether they can fulfill them. It is not surprising that no matter what field they work in, they are rarely professionals in their field. And the reason for it all is lack of self-control.

A developed sense of self-control allows you to maintain a cool head, sober thoughts and understanding in any situation that feelings may turn out to be false and lead to a dead end.

There are also situations when we need to hide our emotions own interests. “Sometimes I am a fox, sometimes I am a lion,” said the French commander. “The secret... is to understand when to be one and when to be another!”

People who control themselves deserve respect and enjoy authority. On the other hand, many people think they are callous, heartless, “insensitive blockheads” and...incomprehensible. Much more understandable to us are those who from time to time “go all out,” “break down,” lose control of themselves and commit unpredictable acts! Looking at them, we also seem to ourselves not so weak. Moreover, becoming restrained and strong-willed is not so easy. So we reassure ourselves that the life of people who are guided by reason and not by feelings is joyless, and therefore unhappy.

That this is not the case is evidenced by an experiment conducted by psychologists, as a result of which they came to the conclusion: people who can overcome themselves and resist momentary temptation are more successful and happy than those who are unable to cope with emotions.

The experiment is named after Michel Walter, a psychologist from Stanford University. It is also known as the “marshmallow test” because one of its main “heroes” is an ordinary marshmallow.

The experiment, conducted in the 60s of the last century, involved 653 4-year-old children. They were taken one by one into a room where one marshmallow lay in a plate on the table. Each child was told that he could eat it now, but if he waited 15 minutes, he would get another one, and then he could eat both. Michel Walter would leave the child alone for a few minutes and then return. 70% of children ate one marshmallow before he returned, and only 30 waited and received a second one. Curious what's the same percentage observed during similar experiment in two more countries where it was held.

Michel Walter followed the fate of his students and after 15 years came to the conclusion that those who at one time did not succumb to the temptation to get “everything now”, but were able to control themselves, turned out to be more learnable and successful in their chosen areas of knowledge and interests. Thus, it was concluded that the ability to self-control significantly improves a person’s quality of life.

Isaac Pintosevich, who is called the “success coach,” argues that those who have no control over themselves and their actions should forget about efficiency forever.

How to learn to manage yourself

1. Let's remember the “marshmallow test”

30% of 4-year-old children already knew how. This character trait was inherited from them “by nature,” or this skill was instilled in them by their parents.

Someone said: “Don’t raise your children, they will still be like you. Educate yourself." Indeed, we want to see our children restrained, but we ourselves throw tantrums in front of their eyes. We tell them that they must cultivate willpower, but we ourselves show weakness. We remind them to be punctual and we are late for work every morning.

Therefore, we begin to learn to control ourselves by carefully analyzing our behavior and identifying “ weak spots- where exactly we allow ourselves to “bloom”.

2. Components of control

The aforementioned Yitzhak Pintosevich believes that in order for control to be effective, it must include 3 components:

1. Be honest with yourself and have no illusions about yourself;
2. You should control yourself systematically, and not occasionally;
3. Control should be not only internal (when we control ourselves), but also external. For example, we promised to solve a problem within such and such a period. And, in order not to leave ourselves a loophole for retreat, we announce this among our colleagues. If we do not meet the stated time, we pay them a fine. The danger of losing a decent amount of money will serve as a good incentive not to be distracted by extraneous matters.

3. We write down the main goals facing us on a sheet of paper and put (or hang) it in a visible place

Every day we monitor how far we have managed to move towards their implementation.

4. Putting our financial affairs in order

We keep our loans under control, remember if we have any debts that urgently need to be repaid, and balance debits with credits. Is our emotional condition depends quite a lot on the state of our finances. Therefore, the less confusion and problems there are in this area, the less reason we will have to “lose our temper.”

5. Observe our reaction to events that evoke strong emotions in us, and analyze whether they are worth our worries

We imagine the worst case scenario and understand that it is not as terrible as the consequences of our inadequate and thoughtless behavior.

6. We do everything the other way around

We are angry with a colleague, and we are tempted to say “a few kind words” to him. Instead, we smile welcomingly and give a compliment. If we were offended that another employee was sent to the conference instead of us, we should not be angry, but would be happy for him and wish him a happy journey.

Since the very morning we have been overcome by laziness, so we turn on the music and get down to some business. In a word, we act contrary to what our emotions tell us.

7. A famous phrase says: we cannot change our circumstances, but we can change our attitude towards them.

We are surrounded different people, and not all of them are friendly and fair to us. We cannot be upset and indignant every time we encounter someone else's envy, anger, or rudeness. We need to come to terms with what we cannot influence.

8. The best assistant in mastering the science of self-control is meditation.

Just as physical exercise develops the body, meditation trains the mind. Through daily meditation sessions one can learn to avoid negative emotions, do not give in to passions that interfere with a sober look at circumstances and can destroy your life. With the help of meditation, a person immerses himself in a state of calm and achieves harmony with himself.

Emotions are what makes us human. But sometimes the expression of feelings is completely inappropriate, interferes with thinking sensibly and leads to mistakes. You cannot (and should not!) keep yourself from experiencing certain emotions. But this needs to be demonstrated and expressed in right time and in right place. Use your feelings constructively and don't let them destroy everything you've been trying to achieve for so long.

Don't rock yourself

Regulate the temperature of your emotions like the temperature on a thermostat. Not too hot, not too cold - just right to feel good. This applies to both good and bad emotions.

Excessive enthusiasm can be inappropriate, as can overly aggressive or depressive behavior.

People who know how to control their emotions always try to avoid disharmony in their state of mind.

Stop to think

Do you feel like you're boiling? This is a dangerous condition, and you need to get yourself in order as soon as possible. Instead of reacting to the situation immediately, think about what tools and solutions you can use. Cool down and reflect on what happened, regaining your focus and ability to analyze. Hasty decisions most often bring a bitter feeling of regret. On the other hand, a short pause will help you focus on what is most important and choose an effective and tactful way to solve the problem.

Avoid emotional overload

Emotional overload is a situation in which a certain feeling completely takes over you. This condition is accompanied by physical symptoms such as increased heart rate, increased breathing, trembling knees, sweating and nausea. Do you feel something similar? This is a clear sign that you are emotionally overwhelmed. Instead of going with the flow and giving up, pull yourself together! Process the information piece by piece, gradually coming to your senses. You can evaluate the result with a sober look.

Practice deep breathing

The body's reaction to emotional overload directly affects all muscles of the body. You experience tension, after which you will definitely feel overwhelmed. To avoid such surges, practice deep breathing. It will saturate your brain with oxygen and help you relax. The technique is very simple: stop whatever you are doing, close your eyes and inhale very slowly through your nose, counting down five seconds. Hold your breath for another two seconds, and then exhale just as slowly through your mouth, again counting to five. Repeat at least 10 times.

Avoid emotional company

People are known to easily convey their emotions to others. This is why you should avoid those who see only the negative in everything: you will borrow the same point of view without even noticing. The same applies to overly emotional people. If you want to control your feelings and be in harmony, you should distance yourself from those who can be called drama queens.

Think about the solution, not the problem

Negative reaction to difficult situation- one of the most common problems associated with emotions. Feeling sad or angry as a reaction to changed circumstances is normal, but irrational.

You can’t stop thinking about the problem; you need to use the time to think through a plan for the next actions.

Make a list possible solutions, be creative and . During work, emotions will fade into the background, you will come out of the situation as a winner.

As you know, a person is not just a physical being who needs food, sleep, etc. Each of us has emotions that are important and need to be expressed. Experienced psychologists advise not to keep your feelings inside and allow them to spill out - this way you can avoid stress and many psychological problems.

On the other hand, there must be balance in everything.

A person who does not know how to control his emotions is like a car without brakes that rushes along the highway without paying attention to the signs, and then an accident is inevitable.

Our feelings, if mishandled, can not create, but destroy us and the people around us.

How to learn to control your emotions?

This is the question we will try to answer in this article. Sticking to a few simple tips, you will learn what control and self-control are, learn to control yourself even in the most tense and unforeseen situations.

1. Don’t push yourself to the boiling point.

Contrary to many stereotypes, psychologists have proven that any, even the most unbridled, temper can be pacified if you do not push yourself to extremes. Moreover, this applies not only to negative, but also to positive emotions. Developing self-control is something that comes from your own experience and practice.

For example, you begin to argue with someone and lose your temper, “heating up” like a boiling kettle.

Even if you were not the initiator of the conflict, but you feel that managing your emotions is starting to get out of control, just stop, leave the room, take a break from communication. After just a few minutes you will understand how much it was correct solution. Thanks to a simple effort of will, you will be able to save yourself and your loved ones nerves, and, in the end, just remain friends.

2. Don't make excuses.

Many are unnecessarily emotional people(this especially applies to women) who do not know how to control their emotions often justify their behavior with anything - bad weather, character, creative nature, change hormonal levels, etc. Undoubtedly, external factors have an impact on our psychological condition, but not so much that it is impossible to keep him under supervision.

Start taking responsibility for your actions and learn to control your emotions.

3. Beware of sudden emotional outbursts.

We live in interesting time, when entertainment and sensations that previously could only be dreamed of became available. Cinemas with the effect of full presence and immersion in virtual reality, action attractions, incredible slides - all this can cause a violent outburst of emotions. At first it looks like euphoria, which makes us feel good, but then people with a less stable psyche may experience side effects such as increased heart rate, sweating, nausea, fear, etc. Therefore, before attending such events, it is important to learn how to control your emotions and not take unnecessary risks.

4. Do breathing exercises.

For those who want to know how to learn to control their emotions, it is important to pay attention to their breathing. We are not talking about some strange techniques, but about the natural process of saturating the brain with oxygen. As soon as you feel, practice the following exercise: close your eyes and slowly take a deep breath through your nose. After holding your breath for a couple of seconds, slowly exhale through your mouth and do the same steps 8-10 times. After the exercise, you will notice a surge of vigor and emotional balance.

5. Choose a calm social circle.

Those who communicate with people who have a calm, easy-going character are less likely to wonder how to learn to control their emotions. The principle here is relevant: don’t make me angry, and you yourself will feel better. The less you are provoked into conflicts and arguments, the easier it will be to manage your emotions. No emotions - no problem. However, it is not a fact that constantly being only in such an environment, the development of self-control will be successful, since outside the usually calm social circle, any stress can cause an uncontrollable flow of emotions.

6. Focus on solving the problem.

Most arise due to confusion and panic, as a reaction to a problem that has arisen, which towers over us like an indestructible rock. But any problem can be perceived from the other side - as a challenge, a specific task that we need to solve, using all our ingenuity and Creative skills. No matter what happens, control and self-control are always important. Pull yourself together and say out loud: there are no unsolvable situations, I can handle it, and I will do it in the best possible way!

Emotions are what makes us human. But sometimes the expression of feelings is completely inappropriate, interferes with thinking sensibly and leads to mistakes. You cannot (and should not!) keep yourself from experiencing certain emotions. But it needs to be manifested and expressed at the right time and in the right place. Use your feelings constructively and don't let them destroy everything you've been trying to achieve for so long.

Don't rock yourself

Regulate the temperature of your emotions like the temperature on a thermostat. Not too hot, not too cold - just right to feel good. This applies to both good and bad emotions.

Excessive enthusiasm can be inappropriate, as can overly aggressive or depressive behavior.

People who know how to control their emotions always try to avoid disharmony in their state of mind.

Stop to think

Do you feel like you're boiling? This is a dangerous condition, and you need to get yourself in order as soon as possible. Instead of reacting to the situation immediately, think about what tools and solutions you can use. Cool down and reflect on what happened, regaining your focus and ability to analyze. Hasty decisions most often bring a bitter feeling of regret. On the other hand, a short pause will help you focus on what is most important and choose an effective and tactful way to solve the problem.

Avoid emotional overload

Emotional overload is a situation in which a certain feeling completely takes over you. This condition is accompanied by physical symptoms such as increased heart rate, increased breathing, trembling knees, sweating and nausea. Do you feel something similar? This is a clear sign that you are emotionally overwhelmed. Instead of going with the flow and giving up, pull yourself together! Process the information piece by piece, gradually coming to your senses. You can evaluate the result with a sober look.

Practice deep breathing

The body's reaction to emotional overload directly affects all muscles of the body. You experience tension, after which you will definitely feel overwhelmed. To avoid such surges, practice deep breathing. It will saturate your brain with oxygen and help you relax. The technique is very simple: stop whatever you are doing, close your eyes and inhale very slowly through your nose, counting down five seconds. Hold your breath for another two seconds, and then exhale just as slowly through your mouth, again counting to five. Repeat at least 10 times.

Avoid emotional company

People are known to easily convey their emotions to others. This is why you should avoid those who see only the negative in everything: you will borrow the same point of view without even noticing. The same applies to overly emotional people. If you want to control your feelings and be in harmony, you should distance yourself from those who can be called drama queens.

Think about the solution, not the problem

A negative reaction to a difficult situation is one of the most common problems associated with emotions. Feeling sad or angry as a reaction to changed circumstances is normal, but irrational.

You can’t stop thinking about the problem; you need to use the time to think through a plan for the next actions.

Make a list of possible solutions, be creative and... During work, emotions will fade into the background, you will come out of the situation as a winner.

Essentially, there is nothing wrong with any emotion, but some of them can cause problems if you don't control yourself. Fortunately, there are a number of techniques and lifestyle changes you can use to help you manage negative feelings in a healthy way.

Steps

How to reconfigure your mind and body

Notice situations when emotions get out of control. The first step is to notice that there is a problem. Pay attention to the physical and mental sensations in such a situation in order to recognize the symptoms in the future. Use mindfulness, awareness and rational thinking to “seize” the moment. The mere ability to recognize an emotion will only create an attachment to the present moment.

Start doing the opposite of what you are used to. Stop if you are reacting to an acute emotion in a habitual way. Think about what would happen if you tried to do the opposite. How will the outcome change? If it becomes positive or productive, then choose a new reaction.

Remove yourself from the situation that creates negative emotions. Sometimes The best decision- just leave and hide from irritants. If the situation allows you to leave and not offend others, then it is better to do so.

• For example, if you are assigned to a work committee whose members are acting disorganized, such meetings may upset you. One way to solve the problem is to ask to be transferred to another committee.

How to communicate confidently and decisively

1. Express your feelings clearly and confidently. Learn to express your feelings decisively in order to vent and control your emotions, but at the same time change an unwanted situation. It's okay to express your opinion or deny others something that makes you uncomfortable or that you simply don't have time for, as long as you're polite and straightforward.

   • For example, if a friend invites you to a party, you can say: “Thank you for remembering me! Alas, I don't like big companies, so this time I will refuse. Maybe we can go to a coffee shop together?” Give an outlet to your feelings so that they don’t sit inside and control you.

2. Speak in the first person to express your thoughts without blaming others. This method of communication allows you to express emotions without blaming or humiliating anyone. Before you say something accusing or judgmental, stop and reframe the sentence as a simple observation or your own opinion.

   • For example, instead of saying: “You don’t care about me,” it’s better to say: “I was offended when you didn’t call me back, although you promised. What happened?

3. Invite others to express their point of view. Every situation is multifaceted. Invite others to share their thoughts to better understand their point of view and create equal dialogue. You need to actively listen to keep yourself in check, control your emotions, and be in a mental state that will help you use other people's ideas wisely.

   • For example, when expressing your opinion, supplement it with the question: “What do you think?”

4. Avoid using subjective words like “should” and “should.” Such statements blame others and can lead to feelings of irritation and anger because the situation is not working out the way you would like. If you say “should,” “should,” or similar words and phrases, stop and remember that we are all not perfect. Accept the imperfection of the world and the current situation.

   • For example, instead of thinking, “My partner should never hurt my feelings,” remind yourself that the situation is nothing personal. You both make mistakes from time to time.
   • If you are too hard on yourself, show kindness and compassion. For example, if thoughts like: “I should have prepared better. I will fail the exam,” then change them to: “I did my best and prepared as best I could. Whatever the outcome, everything will be okay.”

How to calm yourself down with your usual routine

1. Exercise regularly to relax and let off steam. Do these physical exercise, which involve calming and repetitive activities (swimming, walking, or running) to calm the mind and senses. You could also try yoga or Pilates to calm your thoughts through gentle stretching and breathing exercises.

   Engage different senses in new ways to calm your body. Learn to notice beauty and quietly admire the world around you for the sake of daily self-care. Your focus on gratitude and physical sensations will help you quickly pull yourself together in moments of stress or irritation. Experiment with different methods:

   Use the soothing touch method. People need loving touch to feel happy. Positive touch releases oxytocin, a powerful hormone that improves mood, relieves stress and increases feelings of affection. Common options for soothing touch:

   • Place your hand on your heart. Feel your heart beat, rise and fall rib cage, and heat emanates from the skin. Repeat to yourself pleasant words like: “I am worthy of love,” or: “I am a good person.”
   • Give yourself a hug. Cross your arms over your chest, place your palms on your shoulders and hug yourself gently. Repeat a positive phrase like, “I love myself.”
   • Cup your face in your palms, as if you were a child or loved one, and then begin stroking your face with your fingers. Repeat to yourself good words like: “I am a wonderful and kind person.”

2. Practice meditation. Meditation is a great way to ease anxiety and depression and learn how to manage stress. Regular mindfulness meditation helps control emotions. Sign up for a class, use recommendations online, or learn mindfulness meditation on your own in the comfort of your own home.