How to make a decision when not. How to make the right decision and choice in difficult situations

When people share what they've done in their lives worst decisions, they often refer to the fact that the choice was made in a fit of instinctive emotions: passion, fear, greed.

Our life would be completely different if Ctrl+Z operated in life, which would cancel decisions made.

But we are not slaves to our mood. Instinctive emotions tend to dull or disappear altogether. That's why folk wisdom recommends that when you need to make an important decision, it is better to go to bed. Good advice, By the way. It wouldn't hurt to take note! Although for many decisions, sleep alone is not enough. A special strategy is needed.

One of effective tools which we would like to offer you, strategy for success at work and in life from Susie Welch(Suzy Welch) - former editor-in-chief of the Harvard Business Review, popular author, television commentator and journalist. It is called 10/10/10 and involves making decisions through the prism of three different time frames:

• How will you feel about it 10 minutes later?
• How will you feel about this decision 10 months from now?
• What will your reaction be to this in 10 years?

By concentrating our attention on these deadlines, we distance ourselves some distance from the problem of our acceptance important decision.

Now let's look at the effect of this rule using an example.

Situation: Veronica has a boyfriend, Kirill. They have been dating for 9 months, but their relationship can hardly be called ideal. Veronica claims that Kirill is a wonderful person, and in many ways he is exactly what she has been looking for throughout her life. However, she is very worried that their relationship is not moving forward. She is 30, she wants a family and... She doesn’t have an endless amount of time to develop her relationship with Kirill, who is approaching 40. During these 9 months, she never met Kirill’s daughter from her first marriage, and the cherished “I love you” was never heard in their couple from either side.

The divorce from my wife was terrible. After this, Kirill decided to avoid serious relationships. Moreover, he keeps his daughter out of his personal life. Veronica understands that he is hurt, but she is also offended that such an important part of her loved one’s life is closed to her.

Veronica knows that Kirill does not like to rush into making decisions. But should she then take the step herself and say “I love you” first?

The girl was advised to use the 10/10/10 rule, and this is what came out of it. Veronica was asked to imagine that right now she had to decide whether she would confess her love to Kirill over the weekend or not.

Question 1: How will you feel about this decision 10 minutes later?

Answer:“I think I would be worried, but at the same time proud of myself for taking a risk and saying it first.”

Question 2: How would you feel about your decision if 10 months had passed?

Answer:“I don’t think I’ll regret it 10 months from now. No, I will not. I sincerely want everything to work out. Those who don’t take risks don’t drink champagne!”

Question 3: How will you feel about your decision 10 years later?

Answer:“No matter how Kirill reacts, in 10 years the decision to confess your love first is unlikely to matter. By this time, either we will be happy together, or I will be in a relationship with someone else."

Note that the 10/10/10 rule works! As a result we have quite a simple solution:

Veronica must take the lead. She will be proud of herself if she does this, and sincerely believes that she will not regret what she did, even if nothing works out with Kirill in the end. But without consciously analyzing the situation according to the 10/10/10 rule, making an important decision seemed extremely difficult to her. Short-term emotions—fear, nervousness, and fear of rejection—were distracting and limiting factors.

What happened to Veronica after that, you are probably wondering. She still said “I love you” first. In addition, she tried to do everything to change the situation and stop feeling in limbo. Kirill did not confess his love to her. But progress was evident: he became closer to Veronica. The girl believes that he loves her, that he just needs a little more time to overcome his own and admit that the feelings are reciprocated. In her opinion, the chances that they will be together reach 80%.

Eventually

The 10/10/10 rule helps you win the emotional game. The feelings that you are experiencing now, at this moment, seem intense and sharp, and the future, on the contrary, is vague. Therefore, emotions experienced in the present are always in the foreground.

The 10/10/10 strategy forces you to change your perspective: consider a moment in the future (for example, in 10 months) from the same point that you look at in the present.

This technique puts your short-term emotions into perspective. This is not to say that you should ignore them. Often they even help you get what you want in a given situation. But you shouldn't let your emotions get the better of you.

It is necessary to remember the contrast of emotions not only in life, but also at work. For example, if you deliberately avoid having a serious conversation with your boss, you are allowing your emotions to get the better of you. If you imagine the possibility of having a conversation, then after 10 minutes you will be just as nervous, but after 10 months, will you be glad that you decided to have this conversation? Will you breathe a sigh of relief? Or will you feel proud?

What if you want to reward the work of an excellent employee and are going to offer him a promotion: will you doubt the correctness of your decision after 10 minutes, will you regret what you did 10 months later (what if other employees feel left out), and will it Does the promotion make any difference to your business 10 years from now?

As you can see, short-term emotions are not always harmful. The 10/10/10 rule suggests that looking at emotions in the long term is not the only correct way. It only proves that the short-term feelings you experience cannot be at the head of the table when you make important and responsible decisions.

If you are in doubt about the right decision, consult an expert in the field. Doc in a certain area will help you sort everything out and explain why you should do one way or another. When you do not have the ability or desire to resort to outside help, you can collect information yourself about the subject that interests you. The more facts you have, the more complete you can paint a picture of what is happening.

Weigh the pros and cons carefully. Try to predict how events might develop with different outcomes. Assess the current situation, think calmly, objectively and soberly. Never make a decision under the influence of strong emotions, both negative and positive. Better wait, calm down, and if your position does not change over time, act. Perhaps then your decision will be the opposite of the first, then you will save yourself from making a mistake.

The will of chance

If all possible outcomes seem approximately the same to you, you can use old methods. Flip a coin or draw lots. Such methods are good not because they tell you what to do, but because, having received a certain result, you can suddenly understand what outcome you were hoping for in your soul. So do this - in accordance with your own instincts.

In general, some people tend to underestimate the benefits that can be obtained by listening to their intuition. Don't be like them. Trust your own feelings and sensations more. It is your subconscious that gives you a signal, but it accumulates all the information, even that which you thought was lost, and all your life experience.

It happens that you cannot decide to take some action because you do not trust a certain person. Think about what reasons you have for this. If you know this individual quite poorly, it is better to refuse to do business with him, since your instinct stops you from doing so.

Do not be afraid

Perhaps it is difficult for you to make a decision because you are not ready to bear responsibility for it. If this is truly your responsibility, then you should be brave and take the situation into your own hands. And when they try to force you to make a choice for someone, you don’t need to be a puppet in the hands of others.

Perhaps you are afraid of the changes that can be expected immediately after you make a certain decision. In this case, you should calm down and realize that changes in almost 100 percent of cases lead to improvements, and stop hesitating.

A person is constantly faced with the need to make one choice or another. This situation accompanies him literally at every step: in the store, when he needs to decide what and how much to buy, at work, in family life. It's good if we're talking about about some minor problem that will not entail serious consequences in the event of an error. Well, what if the question is really important? What if the cost of a wrong decision can be high? Some people in such a situation may become confused and delay making a decision. How to act correctly?

Instructions

First of all, convince yourself that just because you are avoiding a solution under all sorts of pretexts and are stalling for time, the problem will not go away. The decision will still have to be made, so it’s better to do it sooner rather than later.

Of course, “early” does not mean “quickly.” Think it over carefully. If there are several options for solving a particular issue or problem, carefully consider them without missing a single one. Try to objectively analyze both the pros and cons of each option, and choose the most optimal one.

If the question is truly complex, especially if you yourself feel and admit that you lack the knowledge or information to make a decision, seek advice from specialists whose opinions you can trust. In general, if possible in such situations, you should consult with knowledgeable people. As popular wisdom says, “one head is good, but two are better.”

How to make a decision when in doubt? This is very important question. After all, our whole life is actually a string decisions taken in the simplest and most complex issues. And each previous decision determines what subsequent new questions life will pose to us and what opportunities will open up before us. It’s strange that the school spent so much time on trigonometry, but did not give any instructions on such an important issue...

I have some faithful assistants– proven techniques that have helped me out many times and helped me accept correct solution. I learned some techniques at trainings on personal growth, some are from the works of great philosophers, and some were suggested to me... by my grandmother.

Sometimes it gets a little scary how even the simplest decision can change our destiny. Here is an example from life:

The girl was invited to a party during the week. She was thinking whether to go or not to go. Tired after work. Plus tomorrow morning important presentation. Still, I DECIDED to go. And as a result, I met my love. She got married and gave birth to her beloved children. She has found her happiness and often asks herself what her fate would have been like if she had not gone to that party.

So, the continuation of the scenario of our life depends on our every decision, even the smallest one.

In this context, I like the film with Jim Carrey in leading role Always say yes" If you haven't seen this film, I highly recommend watching it. Few people know that the comedy is based on the biographical book of British writer Danny Wallace, who answered only “YES” to all offers for 6 months. The writer even starred in the film in the “bachelorette party” scene in a cameo role.

So, back to our main question: “How to make the right decision when in doubt?”.

1st method “Intuition”.

All subsequent techniques are very important, but the role of intuition should not be underestimated in any case. You have noticed that most often we immediately know and feel what to do. For example, I I tell myself: “Listen. What is your stomach telling you? You need to listen to your inner voice. But if this does not help, I use several simple and proven techniques.

In fact, this is folk wisdom, which is the quintessence of the experience of many previous generations our ancestors. They have been noticing certain causes and effects for thousands of years. And they passed this knowledge on from generation to generation. So, my grandmother told me, if you have doubts, you don’t know what decision to make, ask the two closest people for advice. Grandmother said that through them the Angels tell you the best decision for you.

This method can to some extent be called a consequence of the previous method: if your Angel cannot “reach out” to you with the right decision through intuition, then he passes it on through the people closest to you.

3rd method “Descartes square for decision making”.

The essence of this simple technique is that the problem or issue must be considered from 4 different sides. After all, we often get hung up on one question: what will happen if THIS HAPPENS? Or, what will I get if I DO THIS? But you need to ask yourself not 1, but 4 questions:

• What will, if this will happen? (pros of this).
• What will, if this NOT will happen ? (pros of not getting it).
• What Will not, if this will happen? (disadvantages of this).
• What Will not, if this WILL NOT happen? (disadvantages of not getting this).

To make it clearer, you can ask the questions a little differently:

4th technique “Expanding choice”.

This is very important technique. Often we become fixated on only one choice, “YES or NO,” “Do or Don’t,” and in our persistence we forget to consider all other options. For example, whether to buy this particular car on credit or not. If not, then continue to take the metro. Because we focus only on the “YES or NO” option, we forget about other options. For example, an alternative to taking the metro could be shopping inexpensive car. And no longer on credit.

5th method Jose Silva “Glass of water”.

This is an amazing, effective, working technique. Its author is Jose Silva, who became famous around the world for the Silva Method he developed.– complex psychological exercises. This is how you should do the exercise. Before going to bed, take a glass of clean, unboiled water with both hands (you can take mineral water), close your eyes and formulate a question that requires a solution. Then drink about half of the water in small sips, repeating to yourself approximately the following words: “This is all I need to do in order to find the right solution.” Open your eyes, put the glass with the remaining water near the bed and go to bed. In the morning, drink your water and thank you for the right decision. The solution may clearly “come” immediately in the morning after waking up, or it may dawn in the middle of the day. The decision will come like a flash and it will become completely incomprehensible, as could be doubted. This is the right decision.

6th technique “Stick to your basic priorities”

The technique is based on the ideas of philosophers Ancient Greece. “Ataraxia” is equanimity, calmness. It is achieved when a person correctly distributes the value system. After all, most often a person is restless and suffers from not getting what he wants.

The key to achieving happiness is very simple: you need to be happy with what you have and not desire what you cannot have! (Aldous Huxley)

The wise Greeks distributed the IMPORTANCE of values ​​and their basic priorities as follows:

• Natural and Natural Values like, water and food.
• Values ​​are natural, but not quite natural, dictated by the sociality of all people, for example, the value of having higher education and other similar stereotypical values. You can free yourself from most of these values.
• Values ​​are not natural and not natural. This is fame, success, veneration, wealth. This is the opinion of others, condemnation from the outside. Or, conversely, excessive praise. You can easily say goodbye to these values!

So, when you want to get something when making a decision, analyze according to the above classification whether you really need it or these are not natural and natural values ​​imposed on you by the stereotypes of society. Don't think about what others will think, but at the same time be sure that your decision will not harm anyone.

7th technique “Wait”.

When making important and long-term solutions, it is important to get rid of emotions. For example, in relationships with loved ones or if you want to change jobs, but are afraid of change.

Sometimes, to make the right decision, you just have to wait. You know that impulsive desires are often difficult to deal with. At the same time, if you wait a little, the desire may disappear on its own. And what seemed a prime necessity yesterday seems completely unnecessary today. No wonder they say: “I need to sleep with this thought.”

To get rid of emotions, you can use an exercise called “10/10/10”. We need to answer the question “How will I feel about this in 10 hours/10 months/10 years?”

Summary.

You got the answer to the question, how to make a decision when in doubt? And now you have to make your choice. When making a decision it is important:

• turn off emotions;
• listen to intuition;
• ask advice from 2 closest people;
• consider other options, expand the choice;
• evaluate all the PROS and CONS on the issues of Descartes Square;
• assess whether the decision contradicts your basic principles;
• if possible, postpone the decision, wait, “sleep with this thought” using the “Glass of Water” technique.

In all other circumstances, always be confident in yourself and in your dreams, don't give up, be optimistic. Do not think about what others will think, but at the same time, your decision will be correct only when, after making it, you will have peace of mind and you will be sure that you are not harming anyone and are not going against your principles.

Don’t be afraid, make your decision, even if it turns out to be wrong, because “No one stumbles while lying in bed” (Japanese wisdom)!

I wish you inspiration and a lot of strength for all your plans and decisions!

When people share the worst decisions they have made in their lives, they often cite the fact that the choice was made in a fit of instinctive emotions: passion, fear, greed.

Our life would be completely different if Ctrl+Z operated in life, which would cancel decisions made.

But we are not slaves to our mood. Instinctive emotions tend to dull or disappear altogether. Therefore, folk wisdom recommends that when you need to make an important decision, it is better to go to bed. Good advice, by the way. It wouldn't hurt to take note! Although for many decisions, sleep alone is not enough. A special strategy is needed.

One of the effective tools that we would like to offer you is strategy for success at work and in life from Susie Welch(Suzy Welch) - former editor-in-chief of the Harvard Business Review, popular author, television commentator and journalist. It is called 10/10/10 and involves making decisions through the prism of three different time frames:

• How will you feel about it 10 minutes later?
• How will you feel about this decision 10 months from now?
• What will your reaction be to this in 10 years?

By focusing our attention on these deadlines, we distance ourselves some distance from the problem of making an important decision.

Now let's look at the effect of this rule using an example.

Situation: Veronica has a boyfriend, Kirill. They have been dating for 9 months, but their relationship can hardly be called ideal. Veronica claims that Kirill is a wonderful person, and in many ways he is exactly what she has been looking for throughout her life. However, she is very worried that their relationship is not moving forward. She is 30, she wants a family and... She doesn’t have an endless amount of time to develop her relationship with Kirill, who is approaching 40. During these 9 months, she never met Kirill’s daughter from her first marriage, and the cherished “I love you” was never heard in their couple from either side.

The divorce from my wife was terrible. After this, Kirill decided to avoid serious relationships. Moreover, he keeps his daughter out of his personal life. Veronica understands that he is hurt, but she is also offended that such an important part of her loved one’s life is closed to her.

Veronica knows that Kirill does not like to rush into making decisions. But should she then take the step herself and say “I love you” first?

The girl was advised to use the 10/10/10 rule, and this is what came out of it. Veronica was asked to imagine that right now she had to decide whether she would confess her love to Kirill over the weekend or not.

Question 1: How will you feel about this decision 10 minutes later?

Answer:“I think I would be worried, but at the same time proud of myself for taking a risk and saying it first.”

Question 2: How would you feel about your decision if 10 months had passed?

Answer:“I don’t think I’ll regret it 10 months from now. No, I will not. I sincerely want everything to work out. Those who don’t take risks don’t drink champagne!”

Question 3: How will you feel about your decision 10 years later?

Answer:“No matter how Kirill reacts, in 10 years the decision to confess your love first is unlikely to matter. By this time, either we will be happy together, or I will be in a relationship with someone else."

Note that the 10/10/10 rule works! As a result we have quite a simple solution:

Veronica must take the lead. She will be proud of herself if she does this, and sincerely believes that she will not regret what she did, even if nothing works out with Kirill in the end. But without consciously analyzing the situation according to the 10/10/10 rule, making an important decision seemed extremely difficult to her. Short-term emotions—fear, nervousness, and fear of rejection—were distracting and limiting factors.

What happened to Veronica after that, you are probably wondering. She still said “I love you” first. In addition, she tried to do everything to change the situation and stop feeling in limbo. Kirill did not confess his love to her. But progress was evident: he became closer to Veronica. The girl believes that he loves her, that he just needs a little more time to overcome his own and admit that the feelings are reciprocated. In her opinion, the chances that they will be together reach 80%.

Eventually

The 10/10/10 rule helps you win the emotional game. The feelings that you are experiencing now, at this moment, seem intense and sharp, and the future, on the contrary, is vague. Therefore, emotions experienced in the present are always in the foreground.

The 10/10/10 strategy forces you to change your perspective: consider a moment in the future (for example, in 10 months) from the same point that you look at in the present.

This technique puts your short-term emotions into perspective. This is not to say that you should ignore them. Often they even help you get what you want in a given situation. But you shouldn't let your emotions get the better of you.

It is necessary to remember the contrast of emotions not only in life, but also at work. For example, if you deliberately avoid having a serious conversation with your boss, you are allowing your emotions to get the better of you. If you imagine the possibility of having a conversation, then after 10 minutes you will be just as nervous, but after 10 months, will you be glad that you decided to have this conversation? Will you breathe a sigh of relief? Or will you feel proud?

What if you want to reward the work of an excellent employee and are going to offer him a promotion: will you doubt the correctness of your decision after 10 minutes, will you regret what you did 10 months later (what if other employees feel left out), and will it Does the promotion make any difference to your business 10 years from now?

As you can see, short-term emotions are not always harmful. The 10/10/10 rule suggests that looking at emotions in the long term is not the only correct way. It only proves that the short-term feelings you experience cannot be at the head of the table when you make important and responsible decisions.

How often do we think: “If only we knew where to fall...”. How sometimes we regret unused opportunities or wrong actions. Everyone would like to know and understand how to make the right decision that would lead along the right path to the intended goal. However, we sometimes forget about the most important things. About what is ours

personality is in constant development. Solving new problems, facing unusual and unusual circumstances, we change. This means that goals, values, and priorities also do not stand still. They change with us. That is why the question of how to make the right decision is better posed for the “here and now”, and not looking ahead, and even more so

The author had the opportunity to talk with many people who sometimes found themselves at difficult crossroads in life. And this is what is typical for those who gave the impression of a self-confident, accomplished person - they did not regret the past! Not even if I had to change my way of life, country, or field of activity many times. They didn’t revel in self-pity if they had to lose all their property and start all over again. Therefore, in order to understand how to make the right decision, you need to clearly understand: a lot depends on us, but not everything. What seems right at a certain moment may turn out to be a mistake. That's why more

Most of all, inflexible people who suffer from failures find it difficult to adapt and act according to circumstances. But our path is not always smooth and spacious. Therefore, the first piece of advice is to relieve yourself of the burden of excessive responsibility. A person is designed in such a way that in any situation he can find both joy and disappointment. Even if you have achieved your "goal", it may always seem that "the palace is too small and the molasses is too sweet."

So, which one you won't regret? First of all, try to trust fate and intuition. Very often we hesitate and doubt if there is some difference, for example, between reason and feelings, between desires and duty. But this situation is also an incentive for development. And intuition, which we often underestimate or drown out, is what helps us make the right decision. You should not think that this is something supernatural, a “voice from above.” It’s more likely that your subconscious processes the situation in its own way. Our elementary, physiological reactions often tell us where we will feel good and where we won’t feel so good. For example, if you are looking for new job, listen to your intuition. If a conversation with your future boss puts you in a positive mood, this is a good start. But if the building itself, the atmosphere reigning there, appearance and the way the staff communicate is stressful and depressing, if you don't feel comfortable in a given place - perhaps this is a warning.

How to make the right decision in your personal life? The advice is the same. Don't try to reason, plan, think in lofty categories. Just feel the situation, immerse yourself in your feelings. The first minutes often decide how communication with this or that person will turn out. And if we are comfortable, we feel safe, this means this relationship has a future. And vice versa, if we find it difficult to find common topics, if we are constrained, but, for example, the thought has stuck in our minds that this is an excellent game, try to trust our intuition. We live with the person, and not with his status, money or position in society.

Another technique will tell you how to learn to make the right decisions. This method can be called “look into the future.” The point is to try to imagine the possible development of events in as much detail as possible,

which will follow your choice. Are you offered a job, but you don't know whether to take it? Imagine yourself in this place in as much detail and color as possible in a year, two, five. What does your typical working day look like, how do you dress, how do you relax? Do you enjoy coming into the office or do you try to come up with excuses to avoid appearing there as little as possible? By imagining this, you subconsciously prepare yourself to make a decision.

And perhaps the most famous and effective method- “sleep” with the problem. By asking yourself a question in the evening before going to bed, in the morning you will receive a ready answer. The subconscious or intuition will do all the work for you. Sometimes a conversation with a disinterested stranger helps. By speaking out loud all your arguments and doubts, you thereby come to a decision. Good luck to you!