How to determine that a person hates you. What should I do if they hate me? What to do if they hate you: advice for different areas of life

On the path of both a creative unit and entire creative battalions, a terrible beast inevitably rises - criticism.

And you won't do anything with her. I painted a picture in red tones - bullfighters came running to poke you with a sharp stick. I replaced red with green - the chopsticks were lowered, but rotten tomatoes were already flying from the other side. And there is no rest for the artist until the end of his days.

An ancient truth has been heard: you can’t please everyone. But to explain point by point what the truth no longer wants to do. Well, that’s why it’s ancient, and we’ll try to figure it out.

1. Here is a nut hanging on a palm tree. He is needed to survive. And under the palm tree there are primates: strong, weak, smart, stupid - different. Naturally, among them there is an alpha male who can climb a tree the fastest. This is his skill. But each of us subconsciously feels that if we climb first, stones will fly. Abandoned by those who remained below. If the male is strong, he will climb, if he is weak, he will fall down.

2. The logic of primates is this: “I can stand below and throw stones until there are no candidates. And then I can deliver my plowshare to the nut.” This attitude towards any resource is ingrained in the blood: “You’re either dead or dead.”

3. Today there is a lot of food, but the palm tree remains. Now it is called “social capital”. The primate learned to be polite and helpful so that those around him would be polite and helpful. The higher the social capital, the more available resources.

4. Modern stone is criticism. Each critical attack breaks off a piece of social capital. As a result, the critic gains more power than the mother, the boss, and the president combined.

5. Social capital affects not only status, but also self-perception. The lower it is, the stronger the reflection: “Am I climbing the wrong palm tree? Will I be able to climb? Perhaps the thrown stones were supposed to teach me something? Do I even need this nut? Should I follow the fashionable trend to gnaw on bark?” The task of critics is to reduce social capital to zero so that a person drops out of the race for a resource: “I’m lying under a palm tree, looking at a nut, everything is fine, everyone is happy.”

6. What to do with all this? We need to change our attitude towards failures, and after this our attitude towards critics will change. The pilots will help us. They say: “Flight is a series of bad decisions, most of which can be corrected.” If we return to earth, this phrase will sound like this: “Only people who are maximally resistant to failure achieve the goals they set for themselves.”

7. “The desire for success” is one of the scams of modern society. Trade manipulation. Nobody teaches: “Before you get the nut, you will suffer all kinds of failures - that is life. And if you can stand it, the nut will be yours.” It's not fashionable, it doesn't sell. There is an endless amount of “Get a nut the first time”, “Seven ways to get a nut without getting off your butt”, “How to get a nut for those over thirty”, “List of primates who got a nut by the age of 25”.

8. This is instilled from childhood. Everyone is trying to look like the nut is already in their pocket. Look successful, not fail-proof. This feeds the beast called “Critic”. Both external and internal. Not feeding a critic means not being afraid of your mistakes, admitting them, discussing them.

9. Success is the result of hundreds of attempts, not one super-thought-out blow. Failure-resistant ones are rare. They are the ones who become opinion leaders, legends, and make scientific and creative breakthroughs. It is they who, in the long term, collect the most nuts. Critics are an expensive attribute of those who fail. They should be proud.

10. In skillful hands, criticism is a tool. It helps you work on mistakes, move towards goals, and learn analytical thinking. It is the fuel and indicator of social growth. You need to accept it, draw conclusions and ask for more.

When everyone hates you, it is very difficult to cope with it. Many people become depressed and despairing when they realize that they are being treated inappropriately. How to change the opinions of others, and what should be done?

Reasons for hatred from others

Very often hatred arises from acquaintances and friends for one simple reason - envy. Of course, many people are envied, especially when everything is going well in their lives, and everything is so bad and unsuccessful for the envious person. In such a situation, there is literally one step from envy to hatred. If others hate a person simply out of envy, you shouldn’t be too upset. Overcoming such obstacles over and over again, a person can achieve what he wants and fulfill all his dreams.

Another reason why human hatred arises is misunderstanding. Very often, creative units are subjected to public pressure, faced with the most ardent manifestations of hatred. If public opinion has such a strong influence, it is worth talking to at least one of those who hate the person. Perhaps such a conversation will help to clarify the reasons for public opinion and find ways to combat it.

Of course, many creative units, on the contrary, try to cause public discontent and hatred with their behavior. The fact is that they consider hatred to be an excellent way of PR. With the help of people's distrust and condemnation, you can attract attention to yourself for a very long time. Many artists, singers and writers actively use this. Just remember that popularity, supported only by public attention, is short-lived. It will be difficult to feed universal hatred for a long time, which means that a person will soon lose the sweet rays of glory.

If you are hated, it seems that everyone around you will be happy about the defeat and failure of a person. This is a huge stress, which is incredibly difficult to cope with. Sometimes, due to public condemnation, a person loses his last shreds of self-respect and ceases to believe in his own strength.

The reasons for universal hatred may lie in the wrong behavior of the person himself. For example, he may often tell lies or cause alienation due to his desire to prove his intellectual abilities. Many people are too clever, tell lies and mislead everyone around them, and because of this they are really hated and tried in every possible way to discredit them. Before accusing everyone around you of being biased, you should understand yourself, try to analyze your character and your behavior. What to do if everyone hates you, and because of this it is difficult to find friends and even a job? In such a situation, you should study in detail the features and nuances of your behavior, and also contact a psychologist if the case is completely advanced.

Most often, people can cope with the problem on their own if they have the desire to do so. You shouldn't worry too much about social hatred. It is much more important that in a person’s life there are a couple of people who love him, despite all the mistakes in his behavior. The love of these people is more important than the condemnation and hatred of millions of others.

What to do if they hate you is an incredibly difficult question. Psychologists are developing a lot of programs with the help of which a person can become the favorite of any team. Before starting to implement this or that program, it is worth using the simplest method to combat universal hatred. This method is called “looking from the outside.”

All you need to do is make an appointment with the person who has always been rude and hateful. In a restrained tone, it is worth asking him what the mistakes of behavior are, whether it is possible to find the reasons for universal hatred. If such a problem arose at work, you can get the opinion of several team members. If there is a specific reason for universal hatred, they will definitely name it. This could be a lie in which a person was caught, arrogant behavior, and so on. If team members do not name one specific problem and speak in general terms, then their hatred may consist of elementary envy. Nothing can be done here. They usually envy the best, those who succeed in all spheres of life. If the reason for universal hatred lies precisely in envy, then we need to rejoice!

What to do if you are hated at school or university? If the dislike of peers concerns only the curriculum, then the reason for the hatred may again be envy. Most often, those students who are hated are the ones who always do well in their studies and are the favorites of the teachers. Of course, they often don’t like those students who often jump out of their seats and become clever. Here it is important to begin to control yourself and answer only when a person is completely confident in the answer.

Quite often, school or student groups do not like students who put themselves above others, try to be responsible for everyone, and so on. You need to restrain yourself in such situations, be guided by the principle that all students are in equal positions and should have equal chances of answering. Here it is also better to talk with the entire team and find out their opinion about the current problem. If you approach a problem situation rationally, you can overcome all difficulties and become the soul of the team.

What to do if they hate you but don’t say anything to your face. Very often in a team they are embarrassed to say in person about their unfriendly attitude. However, this is felt in behavior, in spreading rumors behind one’s back, and so on. Of course, it can be very difficult to tolerate such behavior, and it is better for a person to immediately deal with the problem. Perhaps he once accidentally uttered an unflattering phrase or somehow joked incorrectly, and now, because of this, everyone is prejudiced against him. Having dealt with the situation, you will be able to correctly and correctly resolve it in your favor. Perhaps there was a misunderstanding among the team members, which gave rise to hatred.

Sometimes a person feels hatred and prejudice from a group of friends. Perhaps they suddenly begin to communicate with a narrow circle of acquaintances, without inviting the person to general parties and events. The company may also start spreading unflattering rumors, which will only prove their hatred. In this situation, you should think not about how to regain the company's favor, but rather about whether such people are needed by the person. When people, after a few moments of friendship, begin to hate you, this indicates their low personal qualities. Despite all the mistakes in life, friends should understand and support each other. This is the same reliable, vital rear that should not fail in any circumstances. If friends suddenly begin to hate someone, it means that the person does not need such friends. It is better to find a company where a person will always be supported and understood.

Sometimes general condemnation is caused by mistakes in your personal life. For example, if a girl starts cheating on her boyfriend and his friends find out about it, she may face universal condemnation. The girl must either come to terms with this state of affairs and not pay attention to it, or try to explain herself. Sometimes it is very difficult to cope with temptation and give up cheating. If it was a momentary mistake, then friends must understand and forgive each other. If the previous relationship did not suit the person much, then this could become an objective reason for betrayal. Having explained things to acquaintances and friends, a person will resolve the problem in his favor and show his own adult attitude towards life.

When everyone around you hates you, it seems that finding a job or organizing your personal life is simply impossible. Often, universal hatred is only a product of a person’s low self-esteem. Due to life problems or a bad childhood, a person believes that he is not worthy of a better attitude towards himself. Moreover, he thinks that everyone around him condemns him, considers him a worthless worker and an uninteresting interlocutor. As a result, self-esteem slides even lower, and all the people around seem to specifically treat the person with skepticism and deliberate hatred.

Of course, these are just stupid prejudices. They can't just hate everyone around them. Most likely, a person screws himself up because of unnecessary complexes and far-fetched shortcomings. To cope with such a specific attitude, you need to consult a psychologist. He will tell you how to overcome the problem and regain love for yourself. When a person loves himself, and people around him begin to treat him better. In such a person you feel confidence and good spirits, he is independent and free, you want to communicate with him. A psychologist will definitely suggest ways to combat low self-esteem. There are many options here, from self-impact on self-esteem to professional intervention.

Sometimes a person thinks that any mistake he makes becomes a reason for hatred from others, although no one even pays attention to it. This is also a product of low self-esteem, which should be addressed immediately. If a person is so insecure, he will never be happy in the future. That is why, for the sake of your own happiness and well-being, you need to start an active fight against your own complexes and cockroaches now.

Quite often people are tortured by hatred and basic indifference. By the way, living with indifference is much more difficult, because it seems that a person is unworthy of any reaction, whether positive or negative. It is important here to draw boundaries and boundaries between hatred and indifference. If everyone around is indifferent to a person, then this is even more difficult, because people, most likely, do not experience absolutely any emotions. If a person does not evoke any emotions in those around him, then it means that he is boring, uninteresting, passive. It is almost impossible to cope with such a reaction from others. It is much easier to fight hatred, even in its most extreme situations. That is why there is no need to despair at manifestations of universal hatred. There are a huge number of ways to combat general dislike. A person can qualitatively solve all the problems associated with hatred in a team and become the soul of the company. He just needs to make a little effort and regain public trust and love.

Generalizations and conclusions

It is sometimes easier to win back the favor of a crowd than one person. If you want everyone around you to stop hating you and suddenly love you, it’s worth putting at least some effort into it. For example, you can work on your behavior, think about the mistakes that were made. Sometimes a person himself does not notice how he begins to introduce himself incorrectly. He speaks too pretentiously, lies too openly and tells everyone about it.

You can restore everyone's goodwill with the help of basic psychological advice. In most cases, they very effectively fight against the dislike of society. Psychologists advise listing on a piece of paper your possible shortcomings that may cause public dislike. Next, it’s worth analyzing them and deciding how to deal with them.

You can also ask advice from others, find out why they have dislike and condemnation. It is possible that prejudice can be overcome, but to do this you need to work on your character. The main thing to remember is that there are no insurmountable problems, especially for those people who want to develop and change.

Dealing with hatred is not at all difficult, unlike general indifference. By making at least a minimum of effort and working on his character, a person can change his own destiny for the better.

No one is spared from problems that often arise due to the fault of other people. But when this happens too often, even love can turn into hate. It doesn’t matter whether it is justified or not, it is important what to do when this terrible feeling becomes an integral part of life, destroying it to the ground.

How does hatred arise?

Nothing destroys life more than hatred of another, oneself or the world around us. It fills everything, because this feeling is so strong that others simply fade in front of it. And that is why it is so difficult to deal with it, because when it occurs, it is like a powerful fire that cannot be extinguished with a simple bucket of water, for this you will need a whole tank. And the whole point is that it arises from the backlog of negativity that a person mindlessly accumulates inside himself all his life.

It seems to us that if we do not respond to offenders or do it in a cultural way, so that others do not think badly of us and say that we are bad, then all the negativity that was poured on us will simply be forgotten and disappear. But this is not true at all. It’s just that our psyche is designed in such a way that it helps us forget the bad so that we can survive, only it does not disappear anywhere and is waiting in the wings.

And at that moment, when something similar happens from the bad things that have already been experienced, all the negativity that has not been experienced, comprehended and released immediately emerges from the depths of memory. It's like old clothes that are stored in a closet, from where they constantly fall out as soon as they try to put another pair of old trousers in there. And if there are too many of these things, they will overwhelm you so much that you won’t be able to breathe.

Therefore, psychologists unanimously urge not to brush aside your feelings, not to try to always be calm and balanced, cultured and well-mannered. Any emotions require release and comprehension. In order not to clutter the soul, they need to be accepted, experienced and released, and not put aside in a far corner so that they quietly rot and poison everything around. All the same, the moment will come when you need to free yourself from them, since they simply will not allow you to live normally. And it is not surprising that a mass thrown into distant and dark corners, consisting of various negative emotions, constantly restrained by willpower, turns into something unpredictable, deadly and corroding from the inside, such as hatred.

So remember, the emergence of hatred is much easier to prevent than to fight it. And to do this, you need to get rid of it even when the first shoots of this feeling arise, at the moment when resentment and the desire to destroy the offender, to cause him the same pain as he does to you, instantly arises in your soul in response to someone’s actions.

This can be done if you train yourself to respond to any provocations, insults and threats, either immediately, depending on what reaction someone has, or after some time, after realizing that the person has offended and caused pain. And it doesn’t matter whether he did it intentionally or on purpose, having become accustomed to testing the strength of those who failed to put him in his place in time.

It is important to understand that rage, resentment and anger arise solely from the pain we feel from someone's words, actions or behavior. Because he behaves badly or incorrectly in our opinion. We experience such strong emotions when we feel danger and threat, and our instincts at this moment try to protect us. They don’t care whether the threat comes from physical or moral pressure.

And if a person suppresses the subconscious desire to protect himself, he does not get rid of the feelings that have arisen, directing them to the one who poses a threat, but locks them inside, thereby creating a breeding ground for the development of hatred, which, having reached a critical mass, will later simply sweep away from the path all attitudes, rules of decency and attempts to convince oneself that wishing harm to another is ugly, bad and fraught with problems.

Because hatred is hidden grievances that you failed to protect yourself, defend your interests, and allowed someone to humiliate you and cause pain. People don't try to understand what caused this. Instead, they try to pretend that everything is normal, believing that such self-neglect is justified by the fact that if they dare to defend themselves, they will suffer even more. After all, most often those who offend are those who feel their power over others: bosses, men, parents, friends or girlfriends who are sure that nothing will happen to them for this, strangers.

That is why hatred so easily poisons human souls. She has a place to roam, since resentment and pain do not disappear anywhere, since they are not returned to the one who gave birth to them, fearing that they will be fired, abandoned, judged, laughed at, considered bad or rejected. Only in this case, fears are fears, but the soul demands protection of its living space, honor and dignity, and collapse occurs. On the one hand, it’s scary to fight back, but on the other, rage bursts from your chest, wanting to find a way out. And not finding it, it disappears into the depths of the soul, where over time it accumulates so much that it easily transforms into a desire for revenge, no matter who.

His target can be the person himself who failed to defend himself, the one who is weaker, in order to take it out on him for others, because this is not so scary. Or the entire world around us, which is easy to criticize and throw mud at, because people simply won’t think that someone’s grumbling and dissatisfaction, which doesn’t seem to concern them, actually poisons their lives.

True, such a state of mind eats up the person himself, preventing him from moving forward and enjoying life. In attempts to protect himself from even greater pain, to please his fears, not to show his true attitude towards some comrades (what if they say hysterical or sick), a person sinks more and more into the abyss of helplessness, which only helps to cultivate hatred and obscures everything else that is really important and necessary.

Photo: what to do if you hate

What to do if you hate

• It is possible to get rid of any feeling that interferes with your life when you have found the source that feeds it. Having eliminated the cause, it is much easier to cope with the consequences. In addition, this will allow you to forget once and for all about what tormented you and did not allow you to breathe deeply. When a person is struggling with the consequences of any disease, he feels relief only for a while, but until the cause of the disease is eliminated, it will not disappear anywhere, it will only subside for a while. And then, if you don’t deal with it completely, it will stop disappearing altogether, even for a while. Likewise, with negative feelings, without understanding the source, it will not be possible to solve the problem.
• Think about why this person or this situation is hateful. Remember everything that preceded this, when you realized that you hate, what was the impetus for its emergence. Try to look at it with different eyes.
• Be sure to learn to find the weak points of such rude people who suffer from low self-esteem, remember that they are always afraid of force, both physical and moral, and put them in their place. It doesn't matter whether you do it right away or after some time. After all, people react differently to what is happening, and if one instantly feels that they are trying to humiliate, trample or use him, another may understand this after some time. You have been hurt and it is your right to respond to it at any time and in any form. True, it is better if you simply say that such behavior, words, questions or actions are unpleasant to you and in the future you would not want this to happen to you.

• To get rid of hatred, it is worth thinking about whether hatred itself and the person who provoked it are really worthy of your time, your energy and the strength that you will spend on it. Is it really better to give up your own achievements in order to waste time and health, continuing to feel hatred for someone who is already deprived of reason and conscience, because of which he already has a bad life in the world, or this, most likely, will happen soon.

Photo: what to do if you hate

Anyone who is used to taking care of himself, loves himself and values ​​his time and health, will never waste time on such a useless and harmful feeling as hatred. Of course, he experiences pain and disappointment, he is offended and unpleasant, but he has learned to immediately talk about it, and not accumulate all this negativity so that it turns into hatred that will destroy his life. Don't allow yourself to tolerate what makes you uncomfortable, and you will be able to deal with any negative feeling, leaving it to someone who dares to hurt other people.

What to do if everyone hates you?

Hello! My name is Sveta, I'm 15 years old.
It so happened that my childhood, and in general at the moment, my life did not work out. I'm generally a loner.
I have an older brother, his name is Sasha (we are 1 year apart). He. "favorite" of the family. Every time his parents forgive him for any mistake, rejoice at all his achievements, pay more attention to him, pamper him. With me, everything is different. It happens more than once, my parents beat me for an absurd deuce, or for a comment about my behavior When I succeeded in something (really, truly succeeded) - my mother and stepfather would close their eyes, mutter, “oh yeah,” and supposedly everything was fine. My mother basically hates me, my stepfather is completely indifferent, he will sit in front of the TV and ask how things are going. my brother has zero for me. When I feel bad, my parents don’t care either.
At school there are, and have not been often, terrible insults directed at me. Sometimes they even hit me. I never had a best friend or any friends at all. Recently a seemingly sweet girl came to our school. On the first day we had a nice conversation, she even gave me a treat. But the next morning, coming to school, this... sweet girl" and my classmates mocked me. They tripped me up, insulted me, and teased me.
Everyone around me hates me. This leads to various depressions and crying at night. Although you can’t even cry normally, it’s as if your mother immediately knocks on the radiator. don’t disturb your sleep." Of course, I’m in a terrible situation, however, I’m not so stupid as to despair of suicide. Although recently I ran away from home, for about 5 days. I went to the dacha. Just so that my beloved parents would at least show maternal and paternal instincts and would simply try to contact me. There were no calls (everything is fine with the connection). After I arrived everything was as usual. They thought I was with a boy. And they began to hate me even more, saying that I ran away to someone without collecting my things. There was hysteria.
All this was reflected in my studies. I only got A's in visual arts - fine arts.
I didn’t really want to contact anyone. And I don’t believe at all that you can help me and get me out of this state. However, I have no one to cry to. Help as much as you can.

First of all, I want to support you and say that your parents are wrong to do this to you. I understand that this will not change them in any way, but you can very well blame them for your problems.

Even though you're only 15, it seems like it's time to grow up and treat yourself and the actions of others like adults. That is, do not blame other people for treating you badly, but ask yourself: “What am I doing to be treated this way?” I’ll try to explain using the example of your letter to us: the essence of your message is that you are turning to us for help, but you don’t believe that they can help here. And this turns people off; you are unlikely to receive many letters. It’s the same in life: you seem to want communication, but you don’t trust people, one way or another letting them understand this. After all, they react aggressively to you for a reason; it means that some of your behavior causes this aggression in them. It's about reasons. What to do about it?

Essentially, you are right. No one but you can help yourself. The only thing a psychologist can do is support you, give you confidence that changes are possible and that this is a lot of work on yourself. We need to change our attitude towards people, despite the fact that the family environment is not conducive to trust and openness. It is best to look for free psychological training for teenagers and learn to communicate with peers in a new way. People can be completely different: friendly, open and kind. Then when you believe in them and in turn become like that. I wish you success and all the best! Sincerely. Yulia Arkadyevna

It should be pretty obvious when someone hates you, right? But before you enter into a real conflict, make sure that someone's hatred is sincere. These steps will help you determine if someone hates you.

Steps

Think back to the last social event you attended with this person and ask yourself the following questions: “Did he say anything rude, disparaging, or demeaning to me?” “Was he irritated by the fact that I was talking to him?” “Does he feel more contempt for me than mercy?” If you answered “yes” to all of these questions, then this person probably hates you, but read on to be one hundred percent sure. Relationships are rarely simple.

Notice how he behaves. If he feels comfortable and comfortable only in your surroundings, then there is a chance that he does not feel contempt for you. For some reason, he is probably simply ashamed to openly communicate with you in the company of his friends. Test his behavior in different environments. Perhaps there is no hatred as such; rather, he is biased and imaginary towards you.

Does he act up a lot? If he treats you well one day and badly the next, and other people treat you without respect when they are in a bad mood, then this person is simply capricious, and he has chosen you as an easy target for expressing his flirtatiousness .

Are you an intentional victim? Don't become a victim. Unless you did something bad to this person, there is no reason in the world why you deserve punishment from him. Therefore, address him directly and loudly in front of everyone else next time. Don’t take a defensive posture, act fragile: “Why does it seem like that to you? This dress belonged to my mother, she died exactly a year ago.” After this, even if he hates you, no one around him will share his point of view in the future. If you have somehow offended this person, then approach him and ask for forgiveness. Nothing will happen to you if you admit your mistake. If you can't be friends, then at least agree not to treat each other badly.

• Don't try to please everyone. You will always have friends and family, but not everyone will like you, and not everyone will like you.
• Don't let him influence you badly due to hatred or anything else.
• Make sure this person really hates you before you do anything.
• Don't create drama.

Warnings

• Don't pay too much attention to him. If he hates you, then even so, perhaps he is simply not worthy of your friendship.
• Don't start arguing for no particular reason. If possible, avoid any confrontation.
• Don't let anyone's hatred encroach on the peace of your heart. Forgive and forget.

Misanthropy is slow suicide.

(Friedrich Schiller)

Hatred is a strong feeling of dislike for another person, oneself, dissatisfaction with life or circumstances. People are capable of hating both their own body and the entire world around them. The most powerful and destructive feeling is hatred of one’s own kind.

Sometimes hatred arises at one moment as a result of some actions or statements of another person, sometimes anger accumulates for years, eventually turning into a burning, irresistible feeling that is almost impossible to cope with.

Hatred is a destructive feeling. It gives people a lot of energy, which cannot be directed towards anything positive. Hatred craves ruins and scorched earth, the grief of others.
Hatred primarily harms the one who hates. The hater is exposed to its destructive effects. Many illnesses, both physical and mental, are caused by this terrible feeling.

Judge for yourself, huge negative energy literally bursts inside you at the sight of the object of your anger or even the mention of it. At the same time, you most often cannot show your emotions in all their intensity, you have to restrain yourself. Where does the energy go? That's right, it penetrates inside, destroying everything in its path.

Feeling that it is impossible to live like this anymore, people begin to think about how to stop hating. Hatred will not go away on its own; this must be firmly understood. To cure hatred you need to work for a long time, every day, every hour. If you are a believer, turning to God and confessing will help.

Often people think that stop hating they can only if the hated person dies. But this rarely brings relief. Having learned that the person for whom they grew hatred and cherished them for dear years has died, they relax and realize that they even feel sorry for him. The grievances seem small and insignificant. And then a person has, after spending half his life in hatred, to spend the second half tormented by a feeling of guilt.

Meanwhile, having spent a lot of time hatching plans for revenge or simply constantly thinking about the object of hatred, from this very object, the hater simply loses the meaning in life. No matter how scary it sounds, this really happens.
Therefore, if you experience such feelings, you need to try with all your might from him, stop hating.

Without claiming the laurels of a specialist psychologist, I still want to give some advice, or rather, even indicate the direction in which you should try to move. At one time, this method helped me too.

How to stop hating. Step One: Find the Reason

Hatred cannot arise out of nowhere, although sometimes when asked why we hate a person, we can answer that we are annoyed by his very presence on earth, we hate him simply because he exists.

In fact, there is a reason for hatred and it is extremely specific. Another thing is that it can be completely insignificant, and over time we can even forget about it. But the anger will remain. Often it is the understanding of the insignificance of the reason that helps a person stop hating.

Maybe the person you hate said or did something that made you angry and led to complete rejection. Or maybe you hate your boss who pesters you every day with nagging. Or is it a relative of your husband or friend (whom you cannot refuse to meet) who behaves completely unacceptable to you? Find out the reason and it will be easier for you to take the next step.

How to stop hating. Step two: put yourself in his shoes

The other person, as surprising as it may sound, may not even be aware of your hatred. He may do something without knowing how it affects you. Moreover, those around you are not even aware of your attitude towards him. Why would they suspect something was wrong if you are overly kind and attentive to the object of your hatred? It is the hated person who causes us increased attention and the desire to be pleasant. After all, our goal is to hide our feelings and not allow emotions to break through.

As a result, we get what we get. All you need to do is talk to this person, ask him to change his behavior, think about his statements. How many internal conflicts were resolved in this way!

But it also happens that, putting yourself in his place, you understand that he does nasty things, in your understanding, only out of a desire to annoy you. He is well aware of your feelings and makes you angry so that he can enjoy the manifestation of your emotions or watch with pleasure your attempts to suppress them in yourself.

Why is he doing this? Yes, simply because he likes it. Apparently there are some reasons, most often complexes, that prevent him from establishing normal contacts with people, or attracting attention to his person in some other way.

Maybe you hate the person who did a bad thing. Think about why the person did or is doing this. Did he do something terrible? What would you do in his place? Do you think you could have done the same in a similar situation? Maybe you will understand that an unsightly act is simply a manifestation of the weakness of that person.

So I bring you to the next step.

How to stop hating. Step Three: Try to Forgive

As we have seen, nasty actions and words are most often caused by the fact that a person is weak and follows his own weakness. No matter how insidious he may look, this is most often a weakness.

It is this thought that should help you forgive him and calm down. It’s easy to say: “Forgive!”, but how to do this if you hate with all your heart? If the mere thought of this person tightens the stomach, it is impossible to eat or sleep, and yet thoughts constantly revolve around the object of hatred.

There is one simple exercise that can help you. The main idea is that every person has a soul. She is innocent and beautiful, like a child. So imagine this person in the form of a small child. It may be difficult, but at this stage you should not feel any contradiction. After all, the object of your anger was once really a baby, he had a loving mom and dad, he was naive and touching.

Imagine that this child continues to live inside this person. He is scared and unhappy, he closes his eyes every time the “master” says nasty things to you or provokes you. Have pity, let him know in your voice, intonation, that you know about him, feel sorry for him, and are ready to support him.

This doesn't mean that when an unpleasant person appears, you should approach him, knock on his chest and say something like, “Hey, kid, I know you're there.” No, just talk to the person as you would talk to a child. Don’t be fooled by provocations, take pity on his little pure soul instead of hating him.

To many, this exercise may seem stupid and useless. That is until you try. I used this technique on myself at one time. The hatred for the man was so strong that I even began to treat his relatives badly because they tolerated him and even managed to love him.

The object of my hatred harmed me, said nasty things, did dirty tricks. Moreover, he didn’t even enjoy his victories, he didn’t care, he just believed that he had the right to do this, well, simply because he didn’t like me.

Only after understanding the situation, highlighting specific reasons, finding out what exactly supports my hatred and trying to understand why he behaves this way, I saw what reasons he had (albeit unfair, but understandable), I understood why he does this (simply because other methods are not available to him, as he is the easiest to do). I was able to forgive him for his own imperfections, stupid complexes, I was even able to regret it.

The process was slow, it was quite difficult, but I tried to perceive the person as a kind of experimental object, to distract myself from my hostility at least for a while. Then I was able to see the baby in him and talk only to him.

As a result, we have had peaceful relations for the last few years. The man stopped plotting and saying nasty things and even treats me with some warmth. I didn’t love him with all my soul, it’s simply impossible, but I perceive him normally, without anger or hostility, and I don’t grit my teeth when he comes to my house.

I don’t claim that this method is a panacea, but in not too advanced cases, with your strong desire, of course, it can work. I really hope it helps someone stop hating, and there will be one less hater in the world.

If you cannot cope with yourself, and your hatred is so great that you cannot tame it for a while in order to at least analyze the situation impartially, it is probably better to turn to a specialist.

Alexandra Panyutina
Women's magazine JustLady

What to do if they hate you? Do you consider yourself a bad person? This means that it is quite natural that everyone will hate you. Why be surprised? You deserve it - you'll get it! Do you consider yourself a good person? Many even openly and completely sincerely tell you the same thing? Wonderful! But be prepared for the fact that even those who sincerely consider you a ray of light in this corrupt and embittered world will experience hatred towards you.

• The thing is that even the saints and the kindest people in history always had “well-wishers” who hated them with fierce hatred.

No matter how much you improve yourself, grow personally and spiritually, there will always be those who do not appreciate your efforts and efforts in this direction, wanting with all their might to expose you and prove that you are definitely not who you are trying to pretend to be. So is it really possible to do nothing then and plunge headlong into all the serious things? Not certainly in that way.

WHAT TO DO IF SOMEONE HATES?

1. The more evil you do to others, the harder it will hit you, in one form or another, personally, on you, your children, grandchildren... You may not believe it, but for thousands of years people have repeatedly been convinced of the truth of this statement. After all, it’s unlikely that you, being in your right mind, would ask the question “why does everyone hate me” if you knew perfectly well that you were bringing nothing but evil to others. Conclusion: change yourself - then you will save yourself and your descendants from many of the problems that you caused.

But what to do when you really try to bring light and goodness to the world, but they do everything to ensure that you have little success with it? You can’t beat them down for the fact that they are simply used to hating someone, it doesn’t matter - with or without reason... Change all ill-wishers? Perhaps, just don’t overestimate your strengths, since it will be incredibly difficult to do this, and all this energy could be used much more effectively for personal success.

• There are 2 options for behavior. The only question is which one to choose as optimal in each individual case.

2. Not everyone is on the same path...

If you carefully analyze your immediate environment, you will most likely find that you are clearly not on the same path with all of them. Some “friends” simply don’t like you, while others outright hate you or can’t stand you.

What's the point of trying to pretend that you like them and you don't notice "anything"? Politely in your surroundings, you will certainly feel some inexplicable lightness in your soul and heart. After all, it is much easier to create and create when you do not feel constant discomfort when communicating with some “well-wishers” who are frankly irritated by your successes.

3. If, for various reasons, it is not possible to do this in the foreseeable future, then, as far as possible, become as insensitive and thick-skinned as possible to the “important”. The majority, in this case, is a gray mass of slackers, onlookers and losers, some of whom hate you or dislike you, but with whom you get to somehow interact. If you can’t quickly transform them into a minority, then at least weaken their not very constructive influence on yourself.

Do you have a goal, a wonderful dream? So, go to it boldly, not paying attention to the angry hiss of those for whom it is clearly in their throats and, even more so, to whom it definitely will not add happiness when you reach it. Will they be upset about this? Their problems!

• It is important to know one pattern: when someone hates you, he or she causes the greatest damage to themselves, in the form of gradually weakening health, provided that you yourself are not involved in this.

Hello everyone, readers of my blog!

The mood went downhill - I decided to try myself here. I will write and share my opinion about the famous statement of Mourinho " If you love, That You-good, If you hate, That You-best!"

Probably 99 percent of the people reading this now have not achieved what Mourinho achieved. And this is not an insult, but a fact. In my opinion, Mourinho is the BEST coach in the history of football. This scoundrel who is Hated has achieved everything he can. He knows how to take pressure off players and transfer it to himself. He can change the formation right during the game and play closed football, and then open up and completely finish off the opponent. In short, if you play against Chelsea tactically, it is very, very difficult to beat this team. But we will talk about his psychology and perhaps we will reach our goal - to understand what is going on in the head of this genius.

Judging by his biography, we can say that he literally proved this statement throughout his career. At first he just lifted clubs and won trophies with him, but now he does the same thing, making statements that make many people boil. They start to hate him. I asked people who support Manchester United, Liverpool, Arsenal. They just consider him a terrible coach and tactician. But they're just funny! I won't say how many trophies Jose won and why they shouldn't say that. Please note that he seems to be deliberately, and in some places he is, to arouse hatred among others. This is an insane coach and I can't stop praising him.

After finishing his playing career, Mourinho began coaching, first joining the coaching staff of various Portuguese clubs (working most under the leadership of Bobby Robson). He himself comes from a football background. He is the son of football goalkeeper Felix Mourinho. Throughout the history of his coaching career, he coached 12 different teams. Not bad huh? And it’s easy to guess that more than half of these clubs are incredibly grateful to him.

The winning percentage of teams under his leadership is 67 percent.

What was I leading to? I call on all fans of Arsenal, Liverpool, Manchester United, MS, etc. understand and stop writing some nonsense about Mournya. You don't make him angry in any way, he just enjoys it.

Guys, write your opinions. Don't judge strictly - I wrote it in a hurry after watching old Porto matches. If it comes in, I’ll write every day. Thank you.

Mourinho on himself: “I like to challenge myself. When I started working with Porto, they had not won anything for many years. When he moved to Chelsea, he had not won the league for 50 years. Inter have not won the Champions League for 45 years. Challenges like these give me motivation...

And the most important thing is that you simply don’t understand why everything is happening this way, why out of most people they chose you, as it seems to you, as a scapegoat. Before you understand what to do when you are hated at work, understand yourself, find the reasons why you are treated so negatively. There may be a large number of them.

"There's a plug in every barrel".

This expression is usually used when a person cannot listen, listen and constantly strives to correct the words of the speaker, and such a person will always have something to answer to all the words of the speaker. Usually such a reason is very significant, especially if such a phenomenon occurs at work. If you are one of them, then it should become clear to you why they hate you so much at work. You will always have your own opinion, because none of your many colleagues is more erudite than you. Only you are confident in what you say, and most importantly, that your words should always be or are correct and true. Everything you do is necessarily the most important and important, and that only you have the honor of doing the most responsible work at work. Therefore, no one has the right to contradict you, much less give you the floor, which leads to constant interruption on your part, even if it concerns such a trivial topic as a scarlet rose, it will still be a beautiful and red flower.

"Lonely and proud bird".

It’s easier for you to be alone in your free time, drink tea, have breakfast or lunch, you just like to spend your free time from work in peace and quiet. And in order to invite you to any event, in order to participate in it, and so that you have to do something unusual for you there, you need to put in a lot of effort, persuading you and giving examples of how it can be interesting there. What can I say, it’s even difficult for you to simply be the first to speak, to start a conversation on some interesting topic at work.

"Workaholism is not a good trait at all".

You're so busy with your work that you can't take an extra minute to just talk about anything with your colleagues. But you have so much of it that you don’t even know how to cope with it in order to start a new one, which may not be related to you. You meticulously and categorically honestly try to complete it one hundred percent, that sometimes you don’t leave yourself time just to go out for a minute to get some fresh air, even into the corridor, not to mention simply ventilating the room in which you sit strictly all day from the beginning to the end of the work schedule. It’s okay if it’s before the end of the working day, but often you just stay up until late in the evening. Of course, no one but you can do your work as efficiently as possible, which is absolutely not typical for your colleagues to do either; they are just waiting for the work to be completed as soon as possible. It doesn’t even occur to you to think about what to do if your colleagues hate you, because you simply have no time!

"Keeping secrets is not about you! ".

If it happened that one of your employees confided in you something that he did not want to divulge to other colleagues, and you, not considering it so important, simply “tattled” about it to almost all your colleagues. Typically, such a character trait as excessive talkativeness is generally not welcomed in everyday life; it is one of the main reasons why a person is hated. Learn to be the person to whom they want to trust secrets, without doubting for a minute that you will never, ever, blab out the secrets and mysteries entrusted only to you.

"You have your own opinion on everything".

You don’t value the opinion of another colleague; you will definitely challenge it. Even if someone from your work company put forward their opinion on any occasion that happened, giving worthy examples and evidence. You will still get involved in the conversation, and naturally, interrupting your colleague, you will begin to tell him that he is deeply mistaken, that he is far from right. At the same time, you may be underestimating the self-esteem of your interlocutor, because telling a person that he is wrong is, to put it mildly, not entirely good. Every person has an opinion on this or that fact of what happened, because it is not for nothing that it is said that all people are different, and therefore so are their thoughts.

"You can't clean up after yourself".

Even if this concerns forgotten documents or folders left on someone else’s desk that you folded when you were looking for the document you needed, going through and taking out all these folders. At the same time, saying that you will definitely clean everything up later. Agree that it was, to put it mildly, unpleasant for you to unexpectedly discover a mountain of incomprehensible documents on your desk, and also for yours or your colleague. This may also apply to unwashed dishes, from which it is not difficult to guess who is the owner of all this stuff, even in a common kitchen place, be it a table or a cabinet, not to mention someone else’s workplace.

"They say about you that you are an inveterate sycophant".

About someone like you, you can also say that not everything is right in your head, since you are always funny and cheerful when it comes to the words of your superiors, which can sometimes be difficult to understand where is humor and where are just words. Of course, because for you, everything that the management says is the most important, important, correct and interesting, and especially funny when said with fun. It’s your not always appropriate laughter that irritates all your colleagues, and that may be why they hate you so much. What’s even worse is that you’re always trying to praise your bosses, saying how strict and responsible they are, etc., despite the fact that many people simply can’t stand them.

"Real loudspeaker".

What's funny is that you just don't notice it or don't want to notice it. You often have to talk on the phone, be it at work, conversations that are part of your duties, be it chatting with a friend or relatives. And you do it loud enough that you can hear all the details of the conversation through the wall.

So get it right and then maybe no one will hate you anymore.