What to say to a person who has lost a loved one? How to calm a loved one with words during a nervous hysteria

Sometimes support a person in Hard time- means saving his life. IN difficult situation There may be both close and unfamiliar people. Absolutely anyone can provide help and support - moral, physical or material. To do this, you need to know which phrases and actions are the most significant. Timely help and sincere words will help a person return to their previous lifestyle and survive what happened.

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Helping people in difficult situations

There are many situations in a person’s life that require psychological, moral and even physical help. In this case, the presence of people is necessary - relatives, friends, acquaintances or just strangers. The degree of emotional closeness and duration of acquaintance does not matter.

To support a person, it is not necessary to have special education, a sincere desire to help and a sense of tact are enough. After all, correctly chosen and sincere words can change a person’s attitude towards the current situation.

How to learn to trust a man

Shared experience



How to cheer up a guy

Understanding

A person in trouble should know that he is understood. It is very important to have a like-minded person nearby during this period. If the situation is related to the loss of a loved one or a job, remembering a personal example will be the most effective medicine. It is recommended to tell how difficult it was during this period and how successfully everything ended in the end. But you shouldn’t focus on your heroism and quick solution problems. You just need to say that everyone has such problems, and a friend will definitely cope with them too.

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  How to deal with anxiety

  All will pass

  You need to convince the person that you need to wait a little, and it will become much easier. The knowledge that everything will be fine will create an atmosphere of security and peace.

  Guilt

  In difficult times, it is common for a person to blame himself for all troubles. He tries to shift responsibility for actions to which he has nothing to do. In this case, the task of close people is to dissuade the person from this. Try to refute all possible positive outcomes of the situation. If there is still a person’s fault in what happened, you need to try to make amends for it. It is recommended to find words that will help convince a person to ask for forgiveness, which is necessary for his own good.

  Solution

  A direct question about how you can help a person in this situation will be very effective. You can offer your own solutions without waiting for his request. Sincere interest and taking action will make you feel supported by others.

  Under no circumstances should you use the phrases: “forget”, “don’t worry”, “don’t cry”, “it’s even better”. Attempts to “bring him to his senses” with the help of shouting, accusations and sudden movements will lead nowhere. Such “help” can lead to aggravation of the situation.

  How to support the man you love

  Representatives of the stronger sex try to restrain their emotions, so most often they withdraw into themselves. This makes the experience even stronger, and a mental wound brings not only psychological distress, but also physical pain. The girl at this moment should be as attentive and caring as possible, but in no case intrusive.

  If your husband has problems at work, which are accompanied by material losses, it is necessary to say the most important words for a man: “Money cannot in any way affect our relationship. I will always be there." This should be said as calmly as possible, with a smile and tenderness. Excessive emotionality or nervousness will confirm a man’s fears that the relationship is purely mercantile in nature.

  If the problems are related to relationships in the work team or relatives, an assurance that the girl is on the guy’s side would be appropriate. He has no need to reproach himself and feel guilty. The woman he loves completely shares his point of view and will do everything necessary to resolve the situation successfully. It doesn’t hurt to tell the man that he is strong and will definitely cope with problems. Self-esteem will not allow him not to live up to the expectations placed on him. SMS with words of love or poetry during the working day will cheer him up. An example of such a message:

  
  

  Words of support for the woman you love

  To help the woman you love, you should start with affection and tenderness, the essence of the problem does not matter. First of all, you need to hug, kiss and calm her down. The most necessary words at this moment will be: “Calm down, I’m here and I love you. Trust me". Then you can continue hugging, drink tea and wait for complete calm. Only after this is it recommended to calmly understand the situation, making sure to take the side of the woman you love.

  Help should be provided, both moral and physical. You may have to talk to the offenders, sort things out, and take some action. In a word - shift some of the work onto yourself. Feeling a strong man's shoulder and real help, any girl will calm down, no matter how difficult the situation may be. A small gift, a trip to a restaurant or theater will quickly return her to her former life. Phone calls during the day, SMS in the form of words of love and support in prose or poetry will be very appropriate. An example of such a message:

  
  

  How to comfort a sick person

  Support for a sick person can be provided in the form of words and actions. But this is not always possible, since people may be at a distance from each other.

  Good words

  The most valuable way to help a suffering person is through words of encouragement. To calm the patient, you can:

  • Speak words about love. They must be repeated sincerely, with genuine participation. By voicing the phrase: “I love you very much and will always be there,” you can calm the person and create an atmosphere of security.
  • To compliment. Sick people are very vulnerable, so they listen to every word and gesture of those around them. Notes on the most minor changes in appearance in better side will sound like compliments. Even if these changes do not exist, it is recommended to mention their presence. A sick person is unable to perceive reality objectively. In the case of oncology, this will give the sufferer hope for a miracle; in the case of a severe non-fatal illness, it will speed up recovery.
  • Praise. A sick person should be praised for every little thing, even for eating a spoon or a sip of water. A positive attitude will contribute to a speedy recovery or relief of the patient’s condition.
  • Maintain at a distance. It would be appropriate phone call or conversation on Skype. It is very important for the patient to hear a familiar voice and see a familiar face. Further actions will constant SMS, written poems, sent pictures and all those things that the patient likes. But the most significant phrase will be: “I’m already on my way.”
  • Talk about abstract topics. It is worth moving away from boring topics and giving preference to light and cheerful ones. We must try to remember interesting story, joke, tell funny news. You can try to discuss neutral topics: a book you read, a movie, a recipe - anything that interests the patient at least a little.

  Forbidden words

  Some phrases can harm a sick person. You should not talk about the following topics:

  • Disease. You should not discuss symptoms, look for their confirmation, or give similar examples from the lives of people you know. The only exceptions can be happy cases of successful healing.
  • Friends' reaction. A sick person does not necessarily need to know what reaction his illness has caused in others. If anyone is moved by this, let him visit him personally (do not notify him in advance, since the visit may be disrupted and the patient will be disappointed). A smart solution would be to simply say hi and share news about someone you know.
  • Personal impression. There is absolutely no need to tell what reaction the illness caused in the helping person or nearby relatives. Trying to demonstrate your compassion, you can upset the patient even more, since he has become the culprit of the worries and continues to torment his loved ones with his situation.
  • Distance. If the terrible news about the disease loved one overtook him far from him, the best solution will immediately hit the road. It is necessary to inform about this. Resolution of issues, negotiations with superiors regarding departure and other problems should remain secret. The patient should not know about matters that may be more important than him. If it is not possible to come, then you can refer to the lack of tickets, bad weather and other factors. Here a lie will be to your salvation, since waiting can prolong the patient’s life.
  • A pity. If the disease is fatal, the pity of loved ones will constantly remind you of this, causing Bad mood and deterioration of health. If the disease is not so serious, then there is a risk of its complications, since the patient will think that something is not being told to him. Sometimes the patient may have a reluctance to recover, since constant pity causes addiction and even feigning.

  Helpful Actions

  Correct actions towards the patient contribute to recovery or can alleviate the course of the disease:

  • Care. Some patients need ongoing care because they can't do anything on their own. But even if a person does not need intensive care, attention and care will only benefit him. It would be appropriate to simply offer to lie down and make tea. Good help would be cleaning the apartment or preparing dinner. The main thing is to correctly assess the situation and help only if necessary. You should not forcibly remove the patient from his usual duties by persistently sending him to rest. Sometimes it's enough just to be there and allow you to take care of yourself. This will allow the sick person to forget about his illness for a while and feel needed.
  • Abstraction. It is useful to distract the patient from medical procedures and conversations about pills. If a person has the opportunity to move, it is necessary to persuade him to take a walk fresh air. You can visit some events, exhibitions, museums, creative evenings, etc. A changed appearance should not be a hindrance, main task will convince the patient that now positive emotions are much more important than the perceptions of others.

  Condolences after the passing of a loved one

  The irreparable loss of loved ones causes severe suffering, with which a person without outside help can't cope. In order to provide the necessary support in a timely manner, it is recommended to familiarize yourself with the main phases of the emotional state in this situation:

  • Shock. May last from a few minutes to several weeks. The inability to perceive reality is accompanied by a lack of control over emotions. Attacks may be accompanied by a violent manifestation of grief or complete inaction with stony calm and detachment. The person does not eat anything, does not sleep, does not talk and hardly moves. At this moment he needs psychological help. A reasonable decision would be to leave him alone, not to impose your care, not to try to force feed or drink, or start a conversation with him. You just need to be there, hug, take your hand. It is important to closely monitor the reaction. Do not start conversations on the topic: “if only we had known earlier, we had time, etc.” It is no longer possible to return anything, so you should not provoke feelings of guilt. There is no need to talk about the deceased in the present tense, to remember his torment. It is not recommended to make plans for the future: “everything is ahead, you will still have time, you will find more, life goes on...”. It would be much better to help with organizing the funeral, cleaning, and cooking.
  • Experience. This period ends after two months. At this time, the person is a little slow, has poor orientation, almost cannot concentrate, from every extra words or gesture may make you cry. The feeling of a lump in the throat and sad memories prevent you from falling asleep, and there is no appetite. Memories of the deceased cause feelings of guilt, idealization of the image of the deceased or aggression towards him. During this period you can support a person kind words about the deceased. Such behavior will confirm a positive attitude towards the deceased person and will become the basis for a common feeling about his death. There is no need to give examples of other people who have experienced even greater grief. This will be perceived as tactless and disrespectful. Walking, simple activities, and a simple release of emotions in the form of joint tears will be very effective. If a person wants to be alone, do not disturb him. At the same time, you need to constantly be in touch, call or write messages.
  • Awareness. This phase tends to end a year after the loss. A person may still suffer, but he already realizes the irreversibility of the situation. He gradually returns to his usual routine, and is able to concentrate on work or everyday problems. Attacks of unbearable mental pain are becoming less frequent. During this period he had almost returned to ordinary life, but the bitterness of loss is still present. Therefore, it is necessary to unobtrusively introduce him to new types of activities and recreation. This needs to be done as tactfully as possible. You should control your words and be understanding of possible deviations from his usual behavior.
  • Recovery. A person fully recovers a year and a half after the loss. Acute pain is replaced by quiet sadness. Memories are not always accompanied by tears; it becomes possible to control emotions. A person tries to take care of loved ones who are living today, but he still needs the help of a true friend.

  If the described phases are delayed in time or do not take place, it is necessary to urgently seek help from specialists. This condition is dangerous and can cause serious illness.

  How to avoid becoming a victim

  Sincere help has its own nuances. You need to help, but within reasonable limits:

  • You need to help only if there is a sincere desire.
  • In case of severe grief, you need to objectively assess your strength. If there are not enough of them, you should involve friends or specialists.
  • Reserve your right to personal space, do not become a hostage to the situation.
  • Do not allow yourself to be manipulated at the slightest refusal to fulfill a request.
  • Do not sacrifice your interests, work, family happiness for the sake of reassuring a friend.
  • When moral or material aid is taking too long, you need to tactfully talk to the person, explain that everything possible has already been done to overcome the difficult situation.

  Timely assistance and a feeling of sincere compassion will help return a person to his former life.

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Who among us hasn’t had a hard time at least once in our lives?

There are moments after which we we despair and become hysterical.

In this case, it is important to have a person nearby who is ready to listen and support.

How to calm someone down?

Hysterical

How to calm down crying man? At times when a person has, you can resort to some measures that will help cope with this condition.

Depressed

It is very difficult to communicate with a person suffering from. After all, this is not just something that will last for several days, this condition can last for months.

All you can do for a person is just to be there all the time, to go through this difficult path together.

Remember that you need help after the end of the “acute phase” when a person feels better and gradually returns to life.

Be there all the time.

Even if it seems to you that the person does not need it and he does not understand at all that you are nearby.

Help him. You will have to gather all your patience, refrain from any advice, a patient with depression absolutely does not need it.

Bring more light into his room, bring fresh flowers. Try cooking him his favorite food. Let him know that he is not alone and that he should not be afraid to be alone. Say nice things to him more often. Show more affection, hug him.

The main thing is to be sincere. Say only what you feel, don’t prevaricate. After all, the patient can understand this, and this will worsen his recovery.

What lifts a girl's mood? Find out about this from ours.

In anger

There are 4 main ways to help calm an angry person:

A person whose relative dies

How to calm a person who has lost a loved one? If you don’t and don’t know how to behave in such a situation, then it would be best to bring a person who has experienced this.

But the meeting should be organized unobtrusively. Tell them carefully that there is a person with the same problem, and he will be able to help.

If a person is a believer, then you can turn to a priest for help. Help from a psychologist won't hurt either.

If you knew the deceased, then remember him together. If you have shared memories, now is the time to talk about them. Remember only positive moments that brought you joy. And, of course, you only need to say good things.

Well, the most important thing: you just need to be there.

Be there and listen. Listen a lot. You should not console and force to rejoice.

A person who has lost a loved one will cry and suffer, and will repeat the same thing over and over again. But you just need to listen to him.

Help with housework and other chores. Important during this difficult period just be there all the time. A person should feel supported. This will be the best consolation.

Beloved

It is important for a loved one to know that you are nearby and ready to support him. Find out the reason why he is upset, hug him. The main thing is to let him speak out.

Listen carefully to him, he needs to know that you are really interested in his problems, and not just pretending to be. Therefore, periodically repeating that you understand him.

Women or girls

Women tend to be more emotional than men. There are several ways to help them cope with hysteria.

How to calm a girl down if she's crying?

You don’t have to immediately find out the reason, you just need to come up and hug.

Stroke him on the head, kiss him tenderly and hold him close. Gently ask her what happened.

Under no circumstances should you laugh at her tears or the reason why she is crying, even if it seems frivolous to you. Show her your care and understanding.

Tell her only nice words. You can do something romantic or make an unexpected surprise.

How to calm your wife down?

Stay calm and reserved, no need to shout or try to prove anything.

During the period of hysteria, try to stay alone with your wife.

Try to talk, ask a distracting question, and then ask her what happened. Give her a big hug and only say nice things to her.

How to calm a girl down at a distance, for example, on VK? It is much more difficult to calm a girl from a distance; if possible, call her, she should speak out, and you will console her nice words, show her your support.

If this is not possible, then write to her on VK and ask her to talk about the problems. Also write her words of encouragement.

How to calm down a girl who was dumped by her boyfriend?

First of all, make her go outside, you can go to some cafe or just into nature.

She will benefit from being around people rather than sitting in her room crying.

Don't leave her alone with your bad thoughts, distract her with something. But under no circumstances should you introduce her to someone right away, this will cause unpleasant associations and will not lead to anything good.

You shouldn’t say the phrase “You’ll find better,” it usually doesn’t help. Forget about alcohol, it will only make the situation worse; after drinking, her feelings will come over her and she may call her ex.

How to reassure a friend who has separated from her husband? You need to be prepared for a huge flow of tears. The main thing is to listen and support. Bring lots of sweets, nothing like chocolate.

Make her go out for a walk. During a walk, you need to distract your friend with some topics.

We can remember together funny stories that happened to you during your friendship. You can go shopping together or have a spa break.

Men or guy

It is believed that men are less emotional than women. But this is not entirely true. They just hide all their emotions deep inside. And this should not be done.

How to calm your husband down?

You need to remain calm and positive, you should not sit next to your husband and start crying, such behavior will only make things worse for him.

Feed him delicious and favorite food. You can have a romantic evening.

Listen carefully, offer words of encouragement, and give him a big hug. If a man demands that you leave him alone, then do it. But if he doesn't tell you anything, then be there.

How to calm a guy down when he's angry? You shouldn’t tell him something right away, first you need to listen to him. There is no need to try to calm him down or tell him not to be angry.

It's better to give it time to cool down. When the anger passes, distract him from his problems with a delicious dinner and moving the topic in a different direction.

How to calm a guy down when he's feeling bad? There is no need to try to extract from him the reasons why he feels bad. It's better to hug and hug tightly. The moment will come when he himself will tell. Feed the guy delicious food and offer to watch some together.

How to calm a friend down? Be a good listener. Let him know that his problems are interesting to you. Do everything to make your friend feel comfortable. Under no circumstances tell him that his problems are not so terrible, that there are worse things.

Don't give unnecessary advice, if a friend asks him, then only say what you think is necessary.

How to calm my son down? Express all your motherly love to him. Do not intrude with your questions, express understanding. Feed your son his favorite dish and tell him that everything will work out and everything will be fine.

What words can you use to calm a man down?

It is important for a man to know that you support him.

Tell him the following phrases:“You are strong”, “I know you can handle it”, “You will succeed”, “I will always be there and will always support you”, “You can rely on me”, “If something goes wrong, it’s okay , Everything will be alright".

Every person has problems better times. It is important that he has people who ready to help at any time. After all, support is so simple, and from time to time, we all need it.

How to properly support a loved one:

People usually feel lost when their loved ones experience grief.
It is difficult to understand how to support your beloved man, girlfriend or sister in this situation.

To understand this problem, you don't need to be a brilliant psychologist.

Keep in touch

When we learn about the tragedy of a loved one, we are not always able to find the strength to call. At such moments it often seems that we have nothing to say. The situation is aggravated by the fact that a person may not make contact. He pretends like everything is fine.
Remember that men often hide their emotions. Many women are also accustomed to remaining silent about problems because they are afraid that they will be found guilty.

If a tragedy happened to a friend, contact should be maintained at least once every few days. This is especially important in situations where girls suffer from domestic violence or toxic relationships. In our society, it is customary to “not wash dirty linen in public,” so appreciate the trust placed in you if she was able to talk about the problem.

Moral support is great, but often it is not enough. Many people lose the ability to think adequately in stressful situation so they don't ask for help. Observe your friend’s behavior, think about how you can make his life easier.

If your boyfriend or girlfriend recently lost a relative, they will definitely need to organize a funeral.

If they are seriously ill, find out about everyone possible methods treatment. Take on responsibilities that they may not be able to afford now.

Do your best to distract the victim. Persuade a friend to go for a walk in the park, buy tickets to the theater or concert. Choose an entertainment program that can completely capture his attention. Remember about appropriateness: you should not show a romantic comedy to a friend who has just broken up with her boyfriend. Otherwise, tears cannot be avoided, although sometimes they are needed.

Music can solve most human problems, if not all - a still from the movie “At least once in a lifetime”

arrow_left Music can solve most human problems, if not all - a still from the movie “At least once in a lifetime”

There is such an amazing quality as empathy. Not all men and women have it, but you can develop this “super ability” in yourself. If we talk in simple words, empathy implies the ability to put oneself in the place of another, to feel him emotional condition. Tell him what you would like to hear in a similar situation.

Make sure that the person is willing to listen to your recommendations, and only then express an opinion. Consider your words, let them not be too harsh. At the same time, the idea must be formulated clearly and unambiguously, otherwise you will only confuse your interlocutor.

Even if the problems of a friend or beloved man seem trivial to you, you do not need to report it. Everyone is different, and invalidating other people's feelings has nothing to do with being supportive.

It is very important that you have a trusting relationship with this person.

If you have not encountered such problems, try to avoid cliched phrases. Deep down, we all understand that life changes, pain passes, and one day it will get better. But such remarks irritate people who have recently experienced grief. They don't want this relief in the future, they want relief from pain now. In addition, people often blame themselves for what happened. In such cases, they may subconsciously seek punishment and refuse to be happy in the future.

Never mention "more" serious problems” that other people are facing right now. When under stress, men do not want to hear about the starving children of Africa and the terminally ill; they need attention himself. We all experience grief differently, and sometimes it takes longer.

Don’t forget that we subconsciously reflect the emotions of our interlocutors, like a mirror. You will have to stay strong to support your loved one. Even if you want to cry and complain about life, do it in his absence. Phrases and sighs filled with hopelessness will only prolong the process of healing mental wounds. And if you believe in the best, no matter what, one day this will be passed on to your friend.

Sometimes a simple walk by the lake can support you better than any words.

arrow_left Sometimes a simple walk by the lake can support you better than any words.

Sometimes you just need to be there. Distract the attention of your dear man or woman with a pleasant conversation, come up with some kind of surprise for them. Look together new series favorite TV series, go to some memorable place. The person should feel supported, even if you do not discuss the problem.

At the same time, you can’t be too intrusive. When people have troubles, they often want to be alone with themselves. Respect other people's personal space, know how to let go right moment. You don't need to take control of your friend's life, otherwise it could end badly.

Remember that at a certain stage of grief, men (and often women) can become more aggressive than usual. They will get angry over trifles and take out their anger on innocent people. Try to be understanding and forgive, but don’t allow yourself to be humiliated. Gently remind them that you are not the cause of their suffering.

A man, a woman and a dog are a win-win combination for dealing with stress, isn’t it?

arrow_left A man, a woman and a dog are a win-win combination for dealing with stress, isn’t it?

You need to provide support constantly, even if the person already feels much better. You shouldn’t sacrifice your resources for this, but sincere conversations and encouragement have never harmed anyone. Plus, you will feel better about yourself by helping others. Do not ignore the successes of friends and relatives, encourage their achievements.

Of course, you won’t be able to learn to follow all the recommendations right away. Remember that we are all different. Perhaps it is for your man that there is a special method consolation. Act as your intuition tells you, show kindness and understanding towards your loved ones. In this case, the support will not go unnoticed.

Which ones are not worth it? the site will tell you how to provide moral support to a person in a difficult situation.

Grief is a human reaction that occurs as a result of some kind of loss, for example, after the death of a loved one.

4 stages of grief

A person experiencing grief goes through 4 stages:

• Shock phase. Lasts from a few seconds to several weeks. It is characterized by disbelief in everything that is happening, insensibility, low mobility with periods of hyperactivity, loss of appetite, problems with sleep.
• Suffering phase. Lasts from 6 to 7 weeks. Characterized by weakened attention, inability to concentrate, memory and sleep disturbances. The person also experiences constant anxiety, a desire to be alone, and lethargy. Stomach pain and a feeling of a lump in the throat may occur. If a person experiences the death of a loved one, then during this period he may idealize the deceased or, on the contrary, experience anger, rage, irritation or guilt towards him.
• Acceptance phase ends a year after the loss of a loved one. Characterized by restoration of sleep and appetite, the ability to plan your activities taking into account the loss. Sometimes a person still continues to suffer, but attacks occur less and less often.
• Recovery phase begins after a year and a half, grief gives way to sadness and a person begins to relate to the loss more calmly.

Is it necessary to console a person? Undoubtedly yes. If the victim is not given help, this can lead to infectious diseases, heart diseases, alcoholism, accidents, and depression. Psychological help is priceless, so support your loved one as best you can. Interact with him, communicate. Even if it seems to you that the person is not listening to you or is not paying attention, do not worry. The time will come when he will remember you with gratitude.

Should you console strangers? If you feel enough moral strength and desire to help, do it. If a person doesn’t push you away, doesn’t run away, doesn’t scream, then you’re doing everything right. If you are not sure that you can comfort the victim, find someone who can do it.

Is there a difference in consoling people you know and people you don't know? Actually, no. The only difference is that you know one person more, another less. Once again, if you feel empowered, then help. Stay close, talk, involve general activities. Don't be greedy for help, it is never superfluous.

So, let's look at the methods psychological support in the two most difficult stages of grief.

Shock phase

Your behavior:

• Don't leave the person alone.
• Touch the victim unobtrusively. You can take your hand, put your hand on your shoulder, pat your loved ones on the head, or hug. Monitor the victim's reaction. Does he accept your touch or does he push away? If it pushes you away, don’t impose yourself, but don’t leave.
• Make sure that the person being consoled rests more and does not forget about meals.
• Keep the victim occupied with simple activities, such as some funeral work.
• Listen actively. A person may say strange things, repeat himself, lose the thread of the story, and keep returning to emotional experiences. Avoid advice and recommendations. Listen carefully, ask clarifying questions, talk about how you understand him. Help the victim simply talk through his experiences and pain - he will immediately feel better.

Your words:

• Talk about the past in the past tense.
• If you know the deceased, tell him something good about him.

You can't say:

• “You can’t recover from such a loss,” “Only time heals,” “You are strong, be strong.” These phrases can cause additional suffering to a person and increase his loneliness.
• “Everything is God’s will” (helps only deeply religious people), “I’m tired of it,” “He will be better there,” “Forget about it.” Such phrases can greatly hurt the victim, since they sound like a hint to reason with their feelings, not to experience them, or even completely forget about their grief.
• “You are young, beautiful, you will get married/have a child.” Such phrases can cause irritation. A person experiences a loss in the present, he has not yet recovered from it. And they tell him to dream.
• “If only the ambulance had arrived on time,” “If only the doctors had paid more attention to her,” “If only I hadn’t let him in.” These phrases are empty and do not carry any benefit. Firstly, history does not tolerate the subjunctive mood, and secondly, such expressions only intensify the bitterness of loss.

Suffering phase

Your behavior:

• In this phase, the victim can already be given the opportunity to be alone from time to time.
• Let's give it to the victim more water. He should drink up to 2 liters per day.
• Organize for him physical activity. For example, take him for a walk, keep him busy physical work around the house.
• If the victim wants to cry, do not stop him from doing so. Help him cry. Don't hold back your emotions - cry with him.
• If he shows anger, don’t interfere.

Your words:

How to comfort a person: the right words

• If your ward wants to talk about the deceased, bring the conversation to the area of ​​​​feelings: “You are very sad/lonely”, “You are very confused”, “You cannot describe your feelings.” Tell me how you feel.
• Tell me that this suffering will not last forever. And loss is not a punishment, but a part of life.
• Do not avoid talking about the deceased if there are people in the room who are extremely worried about this loss. Tactfully avoiding these topics hurts more than mentioning the tragedy.

You can't say:

• “Stop crying, pull yourself together”, “Stop suffering, everything is over” - this is tactless and harmful to psychological health.
• “And someone has it worse than you.” Such topics can help in situations of divorce, separation, but not the death of a loved one. You cannot compare one person's grief with another's. Conversations that involve comparison can give the person the impression that you don't care about their feelings.

There is no point in telling the victim: “If you need help, contact/call me” or asking him “How can I help you?” A person experiencing grief may simply not have the strength to pick up the phone, call and ask for help. He may also forget about your offer.

To prevent this from happening, come and sit with him. As soon as the grief subsides a little, take him for a walk, take him to the store or to the cinema. Sometimes this has to be done by force. Don't be afraid to seem intrusive. Time will pass, and he will appreciate your help.

How to support someone if you are far away?

Call him. If he doesn't answer, leave a message on the answering machine, write an SMS or email e-mail. Express your condolences, communicate your feelings, share memories that characterize the deceased from the brightest sides.

Remember that helping a person overcome grief is necessary, especially if this is a person close to you. In addition, this will help not only him to cope with the loss. If the loss also affected you, by helping another, you yourself will be able to experience grief more easily, with less damage to your own mental state. And this will also save you from feelings of guilt - you won’t reproach yourself for the fact that you could have helped, but didn’t, brushing aside other people’s troubles and problems.

If your friend recently broke up with his girlfriend, or your friend recently broke up with her boyfriend and he or she is deeply depressed, or your close friend is trying to lose weight without success, you should do everything in your power to provide moral support! You can become a real support for your friends when they really need it.

Steps

Support a friend when their life circumstances change

1. Contact a friend. When you learn that one of your friends is going through a crisis, whether it be a divorce or breakup, illness or death of a loved one, contact your friend as soon as possible. People who find themselves in difficult or crisis situation, as a rule, feel lonely.

   • If your friend is far from you, call him, send him an email, or write a message.
   • You don't need to say what you know about the situation. Just be there, comfort and provide all possible assistance to someone who is struggling with the hardships of life.
   • Visit your friend in person, warning him in advance about your visit. This is especially important if your friend is sick and stays home.

2. Listen without judging. When it’s difficult for a person, he wants to talk it out. Of course, you may have your own view on this issue, but there is no need to share it unless asked to do so.

   • By focusing on your friend's problem, you can help him get on the road to recovery.
   • You can ask if your friend needs your advice, but don't be surprised if the answer is no.

3. Offer practical help. Instead of offering advice, give physical assistance. This is very important for those who are struggling to cope difficult situation. Even small little things can make a difference.

   • Help your friend cope with household chores, for example, go to the grocery store, clean up the house, walk the dog. As a rule, a person who finds himself in difficult circumstances does not want to do such things at all.

4. Let your friend deal with their emotions when they are ready. The emotions that a person faced with difficulties (illness, death of a loved one, divorce or breakup) may experience are usually wave-like. Today your friend may have good mood, and tomorrow may experience pain and sadness.

   • Never say: “I thought you were fine, what happened?”, or “Aren’t you sad too much?”
   • Try to cope with your emotions. Of course, you also experience strong emotions when you care for a person who has experienced grief. Don't think about yourself in such circumstances. Think about your friend. Make sure he can talk openly with you about his feelings.

5. Offer your support. Make sure your friend knows you are there and ready to help them. Of course, it is good if someone else provides support to the person in need, but be among those who are willing to be there.

   • Tell your friend that he is not a burden to you. Tell him: “Call me any time you feel bad! I want to help you cope with this difficult situation."
   • This is especially important when it comes to divorce or relationship breakdown. Tell your friend that he can call you whenever he has time. desire call your ex.

6. Encourage your friend to keep his needs in mind. When someone is going through a difficult time life situation As a rule, personal needs fade into the background. This is why people who are battling a serious illness or grieving the death of a loved one tend to forget to eat, stop worrying about their appearance, and rarely leave the house.

   • Remind them to shower and exercise. The best way to do this is to invite a friend to take a walk together, or drink a cup of coffee together. Your friend will have to put in a little effort to get his appearance in order.
   • If you want your friend to eat, bring ready-made food with you so that he does not have to cook or wash the dishes himself. Or you can invite a friend to eat at a cafe (if he is ready for this).

7. Don't take power over your friend's life. While you may have good intentions, when it comes to getting help, try not to overdo it. When a person experiences divorce, illness, or the death of a loved one, they may experience a feeling of powerlessness.

   • When proposing to a friend, let him choose and decide. Don't just take your friend to lunch, ask him where he wants to have dinner or lunch. Allowing him to make decisions, even small ones, allows him to feel important and powerful.
   • Don't spend a lot of money on your friend. If you spend a lot of money on a friend, he will feel like he is indebted to you. In addition, by doing this you will make your friend feel that he is unable to take care of himself.

8. Take care of yourself. If your close friend is facing difficulties, most likely you will also experience negative emotions from this. This is especially true if you have experienced something similar to what your friend has experienced.

   • Set boundaries. Even if you want to help your friend, make sure that your life doesn't start revolving only around him.
   • Identify what behaviors and situations trigger you to take action. If you are dealing with a friend who recently left an abusive and violent home, and you have had similar problems in the past, help your friend, but be mindful of your feelings.

9. Continue to help. People tend to be very caring in the beginning, but over time they become unhelpful. Make sure you don't do this. Your friend needs to know that they can call you if they need it and that you are willing to be there when needed.

   Support a friend who is depressed

   1. Identify symptoms of depression. A person may not always be depressed; he may simply be going through a difficult period in life. However, if your friend has symptoms of depression, it may be worth taking a closer look at their condition.

      • Does your friend feel constantly depressed, anxious, or irritable? Does he experience a feeling of hopelessness or despair (everything is bad, life is terrible)?
      • Does your friend feel guilty, worthless, or helpless? Does he experience constant fatigue? Does he have difficulty concentrating, is it difficult for him to remember something, or make a decision?
      • Does your friend suffer from insomnia, or does he sleep a lot? Has your friend lost weight or gained weight lately? Has he become restless and irritable?
      • Does your friend think or mention death or suicide? Has he attempted suicide? Your friend may think the world will be a better place without him in it.

   2. Understand his pain, but don't dwell on it. Remember that pain, feelings of hopelessness and helplessness are real. Try to understand what feelings your friend is going through and try to help.

      • People with depression may react to distractions. Don't make it too obvious. If you are walking, for example, pay attention to a beautiful sunset, or the color of the sky.
      • Constantly bringing up negative feelings can actually make your friend feel worse by keeping them in that state all the time.

   3. Don't take everything to heart. When someone is depressed, they find it difficult to communicate with other people.

      • A depressed person may say something hurtful or unpleasant. Remember that your friend is acting this way because he is depressed.
      • This does not mean that you should react calmly to hurtful words. If your friend is behaving in an abusive manner towards you, he may need help from a therapist. It is unlikely that you yourself will be able to help your friend; he needs qualified help.

   4. Don't underestimate the seriousness of depression. Depression is often associated with a chemical imbalance in the brain. It's much more than just sadness or unhappiness. A depressed person feels hopeless and depressed.

      • Never say “come to your senses” or think that he will feel better if he “does yoga”, “loses weight”, “takes a walk”, etc. Your friend will feel worse because he will feel guilty.

   5. Offer help. A depressed person cannot cope homework, it is difficult for him to wash dishes, clean the house and do other household chores. Help him, it will make his condition easier.

      • People who struggle with depression spend most of their energy fighting their negative emotions. Therefore, they have no energy left to perform household chores.
      • Bring dinner, or offer to clean up the house. Ask if the dog needs to be walked.

   6. Be a compassionate listener. Depression is not something you can simply fix. Just listen instead of giving out a lot of advice or expressing your opinion about the situation.

      • You can start a conversation like this: “I've been worried about you lately” or “You've been feeling really depressed lately.”
      • If your friend won't talk, you can ask a few questions to help him: "What's the reason you're not feeling well?" or “When did you start feeling depressed?”
      • You can say, “You are not alone, I am with you,” “I will take care of you, I want to help you through this difficult time,” or “You are very important to me. Your life has great importance for me".

   7. Remember that you are not a therapist. Even if you are an experienced therapist, you should not practice on your friend, especially if you are not at work. Being with and listening to someone who is depressed means taking responsibility for their mental state.

      • If your friend constantly calls you in the middle of the night while you're sleeping, talks about suicide, and has been feeling depressed for months or years, he should get qualified assistance psychotherapist.

   8. Encourage your friend to seek professional help. While you may be supportive of your friend, you may not be able to give him the professional help he needs for his case. It may not be easy for you to talk to your friend about this, but it is extremely important to improve your friend's condition.

      • Ask a friend if he would like professional help.
      • Recommend a good doctor if you know a good specialist.

   9. Know that depression can come and go. Depression is not something that comes once and then more people won't experience this once she takes a little medicine (it's not chickenpox). This can be a lifelong struggle, even if your friend is on the necessary medication.

      • Don't leave your friend. People suffering from depression experience loneliness and may feel like they are going crazy. By supporting your friend, you can make his condition easier.

   10. Set boundaries. Your friend is important to you, and you want to do everything in your power to make him feel better. However, do not forget about your needs and wants.

       • Take care of yourself. Take breaks from interacting with the depressed person. Spend time with people who don't need your support.
       • Remember, if your friend doesn't communicate, the relationship will become one-sided. Don't let this happen in your relationship.