ambition. Why even ambitious people rarely become successful How to develop ambition in yourself
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Ecology of consciousness. Psychology: "Success" can only truly happen on the inside because it is based on emotions. At its most basic level, success is building a relationship with yourself. Most people live a lie. They deliberately ignore and distract themselves from what they really want deep down in their souls. Many people want something more for themselves. They have dreams and ambitions. However, few of them ever get what they crave.
Success is not external.
It cannot be measured.
"Success" can only truly happen within because it is based on emotions. At the most basic level Success is a relationship with yourself. Most people live a lie. They deliberately ignore and distract themselves from what they really want deep down in their souls.
Many people want something more for themselves. They have dreams and ambitions. However, few of them ever get what they crave.
Being ambitious is not enough.Commitment is more important than ambition. When you are truly committed to something, you will do whatever is necessary to achieve your goal. You will stop doubting and start acting. You will stop being distracted and start learning. You will start building connections. You will start to fail.
You will get what you want if you get rid of the long list of your "ambitions". You will have real achievements that reflect your inner goals and values. Your inner environment will reflect your deepest inner visions and goals.
If you are committed to marriage, you will do everything to make it flourish. If you are committed to what you do, you will change to be able to do the work you desire. You will get rid of the victim mentality and stop complaining about your shortcomings. You will expand the limits of your limitations so that they do not prevent you from moving towards your goal.
Only those people who are truly committed to something will be able to change for the better.
If you don't seek change and don't believe it's possible, then you're not committed to anything except what you currently have and what life randomly throws at you.
The myth of the "I" that cannot be changed
"Become a millionaire not for a million dollars, but for the changes that will happen to you in the process of achieving this goal." — Jim Rohn
Your life is a reflection of you. If you want to change it, you must first of all start with yourself. If you want to change the world, you first need to change yourself.
If you want to become a millionaire, you need to become the kind of person who can achieve this goal. If you want to have a healthy relationship, you must become the person who is able to maintain a healthy relationship.
Our culture is centered on fixed traits and "personality" types. We believe in an unchanging "nature" that is unaffected by the environment in which we live.
We believe that there is something within us that is independent and exists outside of space and time. This is individualism at its purest, and it forces us to believe in some speculative and "true" version of ourselves that cannot change.
For example, I grew up in a rather cruel environment. It took me a lot of time and effort to get rid of the thinking that was formed in me under her direct influence. I wanted to change and deliberately became a completely different person. I am significantly different from who I was ten years ago.
The person I have become is not liked by my friends and relatives from the past. One evening I received a letter from one of my relatives who read my article, which became incredibly popular. He wrote: “Friend, the confidence with which you continue to work and write is commendable. However, I would like to give you one piece of advice: no matter what heights you have achieved, you should always remember who you really are.
These words did not surprise me at all. We have come to believe that people are fixed and unchanging structures.
The truth is that you are always changing. Your brain and even biological data is extremely malleable. New information is constantly being built into your worldview.
If you change any part of the system, you change everything. Thus, over time, under the influence of new experiences, new people who have appeared in your environment, and new knowledge, you become a different person. However, these changes occur gradually and in real time, so they are almost impossible to notice.
However, when you are constantly learning new things, your brain is literally making new connections and rewiring. In a year it will be different, not the same as now. This is especially true when you consciously change your life and your outlook on the world.
Therefore, when you become fully committed to something, you drop all individualistic myths. You are part of a dynamic system that is constantly changing.
When you are committed to something, you stop justifying mediocrity in the name of truth.
You stop lying to yourself about what you want and believe.
You create an environment that facilitates your commitment because you know it has a direct impact on you as a person. You have the ability to choose the influences that shape you, both internally and externally.
When you are not committed to something, you rely on willpower. You remain indecisive. You leave things to chance.
When you are not committed to anything, you live in a constant state of self-hatred and inner conflict.
Only those who are committed to something succeed
Ambition is not respected. Everyone wants to get more out of life.
However, commitment to something is not a common phenomenon. It is a rarity. This is rare because commitment requires, as Thomas Stearns Eliot said, "nothing but everything."
The hardest thing is to let go of the false idea of who you think you are. You have no idea who you are. But what most importantly, your "I" is not fixed and unchanging. Only your individualistic ideas about yourself are constant.
This "true" "I" is your worst enemy. This is an excuse for why you don't develop. This is an excuse for why you are not committed to something bigger and better. It is a chain around your neck that keeps you from getting involved in situations that require you to get better.
As researcher and professor Adam Grant said: “But if truth is the highest value in your life, then there is a danger that you will inhibit your own development ... Be true to yourself, but not so much as to prevent your true self from developing.”
Final Thoughts
If you are truly committed to something, you will create circumstances that support your commitment. You will even let go of the things you once loved.
Unlike most people who want more for themselves but never get it, you will evolve. You will change and do what at the moment seems impossible to you, because your current "I" and worldview are extremely limited. Your views, like yourself, will change.
Will you succeed?
Will you be honest enough with yourself to develop?
Or will you continue to live the lie? Will you continue to refer to some imaginary version of yourself that you must be true to? published . If you have any questions on this topic, ask them to specialists and readers of our project .
Ambition is not a bad word. Rightly directed ambition can be the motivation for a successful life.
Ambition has a bad reputation. A trait that helps people achieve success sometimes turns life into a game where victory is not about reaching the goal, but about beating the opponent. However, the right direction of ambition brings great results.
“On average, ambitious people get higher levels of education and income, build more prestigious careers and are generally more satisfied with their lives, according to surveys,” says Neel Burton, psychiatrist and author of Heaven and Hell: The Psychology of Emotions. (Heaven and Hell: The Psychology of the Emotions). "Many of their greatest achievements are direct or by-products of their ambitions."
The key is to follow only healthy ambition: “People with a high level of healthy ambition are those who have the understanding and the power to control the blind power of ambition, shaping it to fit their interests and ideals,” says Burton. “To curb them so that they burn without burning the people themselves or those around them.”
Almost anyone can become properly ambitious with the right internal and external incentives, argues Jason Ma, author of Young Leaders 3.0: Stories, Insights, and Tips for the Next Generation of Successful People. Tips for Next-Generation Achievers. Here is a list of six things you can do to curb your ambition and focus on competitive success:
1. Ambitious people set goals but don't share them.
Ambitious people are goal-oriented and always aiming for the next achievement, but healthy ambition means you don't have to tell everyone about your goals, says entrepreneur Derek Sivers in a 2010 TED Talk: "Keep your goals to yourself." ".
Psychologists have found that by telling someone about your goals, you reduce the likelihood of their implementation. Sievers explained, “Every time you set a goal, there are certain steps that need to be taken, work that needs to be done to achieve it. Ideally, you won't be satisfied until you complete it. However, when you tell someone about your goal, and those people recognize it, what happens is that the brain is deceived into thinking that the goal has already been achieved. And then, because you already feel satisfied with the completed task, you become less motivated to do the necessary hard work. Psychologists call this the term “social reality.”
2. Ambitious people are willing to take risks.
According to Neil Burton, ambition makes people take risks, provoking situations in which they experience fear and anxiety. “Some people deal with fear better than others. And this happens, perhaps because through dedication or motivation they can reduce this fear, he says. “Ambitious people act purposefully, while leaving themselves the opportunity to explore, experiment and discover new things.”
“Don't be surprised if a breakthrough comes after a well-managed crisis,” adds Ma, who runs ThreeEQ, a teen and adult education company. “Ambition is the attitude of innovators and reformers.”
3. Ambitious people are open to new ways of thinking.
Ambitious people break the established groupthink, they are open to new ways.
“Talk to and learn from people who are different from you,” Ma suggests. “Be prepared to engage in dialogue with acquaintances and even some strangers as you may discover interesting opportunities.”
Burton says that ambition gives people resources: "They make us grow, often in unexpected ways," he explains.
4. Ambitious people are focused on execution.
Often people spend most of their time honing their skills and exploring solutions or opportunities. Although it would be wise to develop a strategy and stick to it, without deviating from an important vision or result that you want to achieve. Ambitious people put the main emphasis on the action itself.
“The performer is the person who does the work itself,” says Ma. - If your performance is lame, then everything else loses its value.
5. Ambitious people don't compete with other people.
Ma says that your main competitor should be yourself. “Avoid the trap of comparing yourself to others and measuring success only in terms of what you are capable of achieving,” he says. - Nothing can beat hard work with focus and passion. Expand your options."
6. Ambitious people surround themselves with other ambitious people.
Finally, Ma suggests using the "power of unity": teaming up with other equally ambitious and successful people.
“Entrepreneur Jim Rohn said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Find role models. Befriend mentors and learn from them. Make friends with people who are smarter than you and more successful in the areas you are interested in.”
The reflections reflected in this article were inspired by a client who recently turned to me for psychological help. This is a 19-year-old guy, outwardly he behaved with me politely, reservedly and slightly arrogantly, however, a strong tension and “frozenness” were read internally. The problem he addressed was the lack of friends and the inability to build interpersonal relationships. From his story about himself, it became clear to me that he is an extremely demanding young man with himself and those around him, who has an overestimated level of ambition. How ambition is formed, what ambitions are and how they affect a person will be discussed below.
What is ambition?
- this is the level of a person's aspiration, the height of the goals set for himself, as well as the firmness in achieving results - professional, family, material and others. If a person does not strive to conquer peaks and is content with little, then we can say that he has little ambition or is not at all ambitious. If a person is inclined to build grandiose plans and reach various peaks, then such a person is considered ambitious or even possessing unhealthy claims. Ambition thus indicates the status a person desires and the magnitude of his goals. A person's ambitions are very closely related to his level.
In a positive sense, the concept of "ambition" correlates with success and self-confidence, as well as with a sense of purpose, due to the knowledge of one's own strengths and weaknesses, and the real chances of achieving the desired goals. However, ambitiousness can also be negative when a person achieves his goals at any cost, ignores the feelings of others, has a highly inflated self-esteem, little correlated with the real capabilities of the person himself.
What are the ambitions
In terms of magnitude, ambitions are divided into overestimated, adequate and underestimated.
Inflated ambition
A person with a high level of ambition tends to set unattainable goals for himself, without relying on his financial, intellectual, or temporary capabilities. Such a person behaves arrogantly, overly exaggerates his real achievements. It is not surprising that he has few friends and people around who would sympathize with him. He knows little about his strengths and weaknesses, has an inflated self-esteem and a very high level of internal tension, constantly pushing him forward, forcing him to ignore the people around him and the real arrangement of things. To face defeat is unbearable for such a person.
Adequate ambition
A person with an adequate level of ambition is able to set realistic goals for himself, strive to achieve them, acting gradually, adequately assessing his chances and focusing on the people around him. This is a smart, intelligent person who maintains a balance between the goals set and the means to achieve them. Healthy ambitions provide personal self-development and self-realization, steady forward movement, gradual overcoming of obstacles.
Low ambition
A person with a low level of ambition, as a rule, is content with little and does not strive for something more. When faced with difficulties and obstacles, he stops, does not strive to overcome them. Such people tend to consider their achievements as chance, a lucky coincidence, and not their own efforts or talent. They have absolutely no motivation to strive forward, develop, improve their lives.
By spheres of life, ambitions can be professional, family, financial, political, sports and many others. Let's consider some.
Professional ambitions
They are typical for people who seek to build a career, hold a high position, have a large number of people subordinate to them. This type of ambition is inherent in the owners of holdings and enterprises. The other side is inflated professional ambitions, characterized by workaholism.
Family ambition
Characteristic for people who come first: the search for the second "ideal" half, the birth of children, harmonious and open family relationships, where everyone is friends and supports each other. The other side of the coin is overstated family ambitions, characterized by excessively stringent requirements for one's spouse and children, which can lead to numerous conflicts and family breakdown.
Financial ambitions
This is the desire to have as much money as possible. This desire, for sure, is close to many of us. However, the desire to have a stable income, to be financially independent should be distinguished from an obsessive desire to get rich (remember Scrooge McDuck), when financially ambitious people become greedy, stingy and very pragmatic.
How are ambitions formed?
According to psychologists, ambition is not an innate personality trait, but is formed at an early age. The height of the ambitions of an adult is largely determined by the characteristics of family education.
Inflated ambitions in a child are formed in a family where he is constantly praised exaggeratedly, even for all sorts of little things. The child is told that he is very capable and talented, while these statements are not based on real results and success. The child is overly pampered and indulged in all his whims. As a result, he gets used to easy achievements and considers himself a genius! The inability to adequately assess one’s capabilities will echo in adulthood: a collision with setbacks and failures, a lack of visible achievements and praise will lead to irritability, tension, increased resentment (“I am so talented, but they don’t notice me: they don’t raise my salary, they don’t promote me in positions, do not want to be friends ... "). In fact, finding a common language with such a person can be very problematic - the surrounding people rarely "hold out" to the level of "His Majesty."
In contrast to this type of family upbringing, low ambition is characteristic of a child who was constantly criticized and condemned in childhood. Any of his aspirations and desires were not taken seriously, ignored, not noticed. He did not find support from his parents, and his failures (for which he was punished) were noticed rather than achievements and successes. It is not surprising that an adult is completely incapable of striving for something and does not see any value in it.
Adequate ambitions are formed in a child whose parents adequately assess his successes, support him in his desires and help him overcome difficulties. Healthy ambition is maintained in children through professional activities. The child learns to set goals for himself, to achieve them, and thanks to the competitive moment, to strive for victory and learn to deal adequately with defeats.
The main signs of a person with adequate ambitions:
- Ability to set achievable, realistic goals;
- Belief in yourself, your abilities;
- Adequate exactingness to oneself and to the people around;
- The ability to respond flexibly when faced with difficulties, change their behavior in accordance with new circumstances, continuing to move towards the goal;
- Inner desire, energy, passion that move a person forward;
- Continuous professional and personal development and improvement;
- The ability to clearly feel one's true desires, to distinguish one's needs from those imposed;
- The presence of stable boundaries and the ability to stand up for oneself;
- The ability to think positively.
- A real assessment of their capabilities, talents, abilities.
How many of the qualities listed above have you found in yourself? If more than five - congratulations! We can say about you that you are a person with adequate ambitions and healthy claims!
Do I need to fight ambition?
To answer this question, try to analyze your ambitions first. Evaluate how adequate they are, correspond to your capabilities and potential. If your ambitions are quite real and "healthy" - no need to fight them! Your ambitions are your engine, your resource that supports you on the way to your goals. And it doesn’t matter what the people around you think about this - perhaps they are just for you!
However, if you admitted to yourself that in many ways you fall short of your own claims, it is simply necessary to correct the level of ambition! The main thing is to realize that inflated ambitions rather interfere with a normal life than help move forward. Indeed, overly inflated ambitions create discomfort for the person himself and his environment, cause a lot of internal tension, make a person a hostage to his own goals and aspirations. A person falls into a trap: on the one hand, moving towards the goal causes him a lot of negative experiences, requires wear and tear, makes him give up simple pleasures and a comfortable life. But as soon as a person gives up this goal, he feels like a complete failure, he is faced with no less difficult experiences that do not allow him to stop and abandon this manic idea of achievement.
Reducing the overestimated level of ambition can be quite difficult. Indeed, in this case, a person needs to admit to himself that he is not as talented and brilliant as he used to consider himself. Very rarely, such people turn to psychologists for help with the problem of high ambitions. More often they come with secondary problems - lack of friends, inability to build interpersonal relationships, poor socialization, etc.
If you find that your ambitions are underestimated - you stop yourself excessively, although you are capable of great achievements, then you just need to raise the level of your ambitions! Try to understand what is holding you back? Perhaps it is the fear of falling, or the inability to take responsibility, or low self-esteem ... If you cannot cope with your own limitations on your own, make an appointment with a psychologist.
In conclusion, I would like to note that an adequate level of ambition stimulates human activity, an overestimated one creates too much tension, an underestimated one hinders the achievement of goals and moving forward. Thus, having healthy ambitions is quite beneficial. But you should not get hung up only on achievements, because in the pursuit of new heights, you can miss something very important.
With care for you, gestalt therapist
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How often do you wonder if you have a chance to be as successful as one of your friends or one of those popular people on Instagram or YouTube? Are you smart enough to get what you really want? Will you succeed? All this is the biggest obstacle to becoming an ambitious businessman. Remember, no one and nothing will help you succeed until you do the following: Lazy people have a problem with wanting to achieve multiple goals at once, so they fail early on in the journey to success. Big goals are great, but only for those who are willing to work 24/7 to achieve those goals. If you're not one of those, it's best to focus on one goal at a time to make it more achievable. Write down your goals and the steps to achieve them day by day. For example, you want your dream, but you were rejected after your last job interview. Think about your mistakes one day, think about what you need to improve on the second day, try to fix it on the third day, and you will definitely get what you want. If you keep telling yourself that you will never achieve anything, that you are not hardworking or persistent when it comes to challenging enough tasks, you will never become an ambitious businessman. Negative self-talk can destroy your self-esteem and lead you on a path of suffering. When you have negative thoughts, try to turn them into positive ones. You have a list of your goals and you feel like you are ready to start achieving them, but there are a lot of excuses that can suddenly pop into your head. Lazy people love to make excuses, so breaking at least one excuse is a painful process. If you are waiting for the right time to start on the path to achieving your goal, then I want to disappoint you - there is no right time, day, week, month or year. Take action today, because tomorrow may be too late. The path to success is filled with mistakes, failures, disappointments, stresses and problems. If you give up on your goal, you may spend the rest of your life regretting it. The ambitious and enterprising do not run away from the problems they face, they solve them. Small problems left unresolved can turn into big ones. Mess in the house? Mess in the workplace? Dirty car? Dirty mind? Hey, how are you going to get what you want? Don't you think it's time to finally put things in order? In your free time, all you do is lie in front of the TV? Sell it. Addicted to your iPhone? Sell it and buy yourself an inexpensive phone that only has texts and calls. Remove distractions from your life, get rid of the clutter and start achieving your goal with a clean house and a clear mind. Whether it's your parents, employer, or friends, don't let them dictate your decisions. Unfortunately, sometimes our loved ones are the ones who spread negativity, doubt and discouragement. Some of their words might make sense, but try to rely on your own opinion. The more people, the more opinions. You cannot please everyone. You have to get out of your comfort zone in order to grow and get what you want. The more you learn, the more experience you gain. The more experience you have, the easier it will be to reach your goals.1. Don't create a big list of goals you want to achieve.
2. Control your internal dialogue
Positive self-talk is a great motivator and will direct your energy in the right direction.3. Stop waiting for the right time
4. Solve problems
5. Clean up all areas of your life
6. Don't Let Others Dictate Your Major Life Goals
7. Expand your horizons